"Old Fashioned" or "Traditional" gender roles
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If I saw an ad where a guy wanted a woman with "traditional" or "old-fashioned" values I'd think he wanted a servant he could have sex with without paying. I'd also consider "trditional" to be more of a big into church, anti-gay, Republican stance as well. If I saw an ad where the woman wanted a "traditional" or "old fashioned" relationship I'd think she was lazy, didn't want to work, and wanted to be taken care of without having to get a job. Same bit for the "traditional" part. Neiter would appeal to me at all and I'd consider it a big time turn off and a red flag.
That said, hubby and I are in a sort of "old fashioned" marriage. He works outside the home. I've been a SAHM for 15 years. Our youngest will be 12 tomorrow. I still don't work outside the home. But I do work from home doing taxes and financial advising. My job is very part time the 2nd half of the year and pretty close to full time from Jan-June. But I'm home all day. I do most of the cleaning (more so when my work load is light) and almost all of the cooking. Kid1 (almost 15) mows the yard and takes out the trash. I try to not have much of anything for hubby to do around the house. However, when we were dating, we knew we wanted one of us to be the at home parent when the kids were small but figured that person would go back to work when the kids were in school full time. By then we realized that would just mean extra work for both of us, daycare in summer and over school breaks, etc. So I continued to stay home. As they got older we realized there are a lot of potential problems with latch-key teens and both of us had siblings who got into a lot of trouble during those hours between them coming home from school and our parents coming home from work. So I'm still home. It works for us but it's because our roles evolved into this and not because he ordered me to be a housewife or because I refused to work.
So because you "evolved" into being a SAHM, it's ok, but if a woman knows from the get-go that she definitely wants to stay home and take care of her family, she's lazy.
:huh:0 -
I think it's funny how many women assume that a guy with 'traditional' values expects her to stay home and be Mrs. Cleaver. I have many traditional values, it's how I was raised...but, if you want to work...great! If you don't and we can afford it...great! If you don't, and we can't afford it...great (we'll figure it out...together)! If we are out to dinner, I will most often relay your order to the wait staff...it might seem silly, but it's a sign of my caring and respect, not a sign that you're incapable (think of it as me 'serving' you by doing it for you...rather than me 'dominating' you by not letting you do it). The same for opening doors...walking on the traffic side of the sidewalk (as I said before), driving the truck/car, etc. When you're with me, your safety, and happiness are my responsibility. If we were walking through a parking lot after a night out, and there was a group of men standing at the tailgate of a truck, I would switch you to the opposite side and instinctively give myself enough room as we went around them to react to any negative situation.
Again, you are my responsibility.
That's what 'traditional' is all about. Does this mean you can't take care of yourself? No. Does it mean that my way of showing you how I feel is to make sure that you don't have to do any single solitary thing I can do for you? Yes.
Except dishes of course...but only because I hate dishes, worse than cleaning toilets to be honest.
=p
More seriously though...once we're 'together' (even prior to living together, if we're committed)...and have determined that the world won't be facing either of us alone, things even out a bit as far as relaxing financially, and sharing responsibilities. Of course both of our money (no matter who makes more) is 'ours'. Any major purchase I make will be cleared, or any purchase period depending on how our financial situation sits. Decisions regarding any children...including mine or your current children, should be made together. If I love you enough to live with you, you bet I trust you enough to help me raise my children, anything less would simply be insulting to you...and that would never happen.
The list goes on...but I want to make sure that I get across that NONE of these behaviors are designed, intended...or in any other way performed in order to make you LESS than what you are. Your intelligence, resourcefulness, and all of the other things that make you special are WHY I do them (why we're together), not something I'm trying to suppress in order to make myself seem more or better. The fact that you...as special as you are...have chosen to be with me, is what makes me more, and better. Making you feel special, and doing what I can for you...is the least I can do to return that feeling.
I hope that makes sense.0 -
The man has to kill the bugs...
^^^ this!!! and pays on the first date
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The man has to kill the bugs...
I used a .22 caliber pistol once - not popular with the ladies in the house.0 -
Okay since this was brought up, my husband works full time. I stay home and clean, cook and take care of the children. When he comes home, I generally have supper ready, house presentable and most of my homework done because I am a college student online. I fetch whatever he needs: drinks food and whatever else after he comes home. While he is at work, I work on my homework and pick up the house. This includes the laundry, ironing, and putting away. We have two children that are in the home as well. However, my husband believes that I do nothing all day long and that I should be doing 8 hours of something other than homework. Yeah he is one of those.0
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If I saw that I'd assume:
-The man is the main breadwinner, especially when there are children involved. As in not necessarily that the woman doesn't work at all, but that it's unlikely there will be daycare/babysitting apart from a few hours a week maybe.
-The woman does the majority of the household chores / cleaning.
-The man is the protector/provider.
-Man opens doors, pull seat out for the woman, general chivalry.
It can vary though IMO from extreme (no working at all for the woman, man doesn't involve himself much if any in the general household running and raising kids, woman is completely dependant on him financially) to fairly relaxed but still holding traditions (childcare placed of higher importance than being a career woman, man pays for dates etc)0 -
Okay since this was brought up, my husband works full time. I stay home and clean, cook and take care of the children. When he comes home, I generally have supper ready, house presentable and most of my homework done because I am a college student online. I fetch whatever he needs: drinks food and whatever else after he comes home. While he is at work, I work on my homework and pick up the house. This includes the laundry, ironing, and putting away. We have two children that are in the home as well. However, my husband believes that I do nothing all day long and that I should be doing 8 hours of something other than homework. Yeah he is one of those.
That sucks...and I'm sorry. When my boys mom and I were together...she did many of the same things for me when I got home (I worked from 4am until sometimes later than 4pm usually, 5-6 days a week). However, I also did all of the same things for her. She did an excellent job keeping the house clean, and taking care of the kids. I know that that is work...regardless of whether it's the same kind or difficulty of work that I was doing. Our time together after I got home, was relaxation and appreciation time for both of us...not time for her to let me relax and be appreciated because I worked so hard all day.0 -
Wow...in reading all these responses I can't help but wonder where I fall in terms of traditional v.s more modern values. I think one of my biggest issues with my last relationship was that there was no sharing in the chores, and responsibilities of running a household. We both work full time, we both are tired when we get home, and damned if I'm going to do all the work in the house too!
Some of our best moments were when we did things together, like cooking a meal together for each other, doing yardwork together and horsing around.
I've worked since the age of 15 plus got myself a nice education to boot. I don't think there will be a time in my life where I'd choose the more traditional role and stay home, but I can definitly understand how that dynamic works for many couples, even in today's society.
Very interesting topic though
Edited for spelling >.<0 -
Old fashioned...
The man is the provider, handles all the finances, drives, takes care of the lawn, takes out the trash, kills varmints & fixes anything that's broken.
The woman does everything else.0 -
That sucks...and I'm sorry. When my boys mom and I were together...she did many of the same things for me when I got home (I worked from 4am until sometimes later than 4pm usually, 5-6 days a week). However, I also did all of the same things for her. She did an excellent job keeping the house clean, and taking care of the kids. I know that that is work...regardless of whether it's the same kind or difficulty of work that I was doing. Our time together after I got home, was relaxation and appreciation time for both of us...not time for her to let me relax and be appreciated because I worked so hard all day.
Do you teach classes on how to treat a lady? You should It might save a relationship or 2...it took me leaving for my ex-husband to realize how badly he was treating me and the kids and even then, it took at least another 6 months for it to completely sink in. 0 -
That sucks...and I'm sorry. When my boys mom and I were together...she did many of the same things for me when I got home (I worked from 4am until sometimes later than 4pm usually, 5-6 days a week). However, I also did all of the same things for her. She did an excellent job keeping the house clean, and taking care of the kids. I know that that is work...regardless of whether it's the same kind or difficulty of work that I was doing. Our time together after I got home, was relaxation and appreciation time for both of us...not time for her to let me relax and be appreciated because I worked so hard all day.
Do you teach classes on how to treat a lady? You should It might save a relationship or 2...it took me leaving for my ex-husband to realize how badly he was treating me and the kids and even then, it took at least another 6 months for it to completely sink in.
Lol...no classes, I wouldn't trust myself =p.
See, I've got the feeling I'm completely hopelessly broken in some way I can't comprehend, because after all the women that say 'Oh wow...you're incredible!!'...I have to say to myself that if that were true, I wouldn't be single lol.0 -
Wow, so many people have this wrong, or at least a warped view of it. A "role" is talking about a role within the household, it goes way beyond opening doors and pulling out chairs.
Traditional or old fashioned roles refer to the times when the man would go to work all day and bring home the bacon. The woman would stay home to take care of the kids, cook, clean, and have dinner ready when the man gets home. The man would be the provider and the women would be the nurturer.0 -
That sucks...and I'm sorry. When my boys mom and I were together...she did many of the same things for me when I got home (I worked from 4am until sometimes later than 4pm usually, 5-6 days a week). However, I also did all of the same things for her. She did an excellent job keeping the house clean, and taking care of the kids. I know that that is work...regardless of whether it's the same kind or difficulty of work that I was doing. Our time together after I got home, was relaxation and appreciation time for both of us...not time for her to let me relax and be appreciated because I worked so hard all day.
Do you teach classes on how to treat a lady? You should It might save a relationship or 2...it took me leaving for my ex-husband to realize how badly he was treating me and the kids and even then, it took at least another 6 months for it to completely sink in.
Lol...no classes, I wouldn't trust myself =p.
See, I've got the feeling I'm completely hopelessly broken in some way I can't comprehend, because after all the women that say 'Oh wow...you're incredible!!'...I have to say to myself that if that were true, I wouldn't be single lol.
It's not you...it's us & I apologize on behalf of my gender, LOL 0 -
I think it really depends on the situation
I dont do any of the trash..hubby does
I have never mowed a lawn..hubby does.
I do ALL the cooking.
I do ALL the finances..(I am the sugar mama)
It works great for us..cause I am of East Indian decent..so i do fall into that traditional role..and he is from Pennsylvania coal mining family values0 -
The man has to kill the bugs...
Uh oh - not in my house :noway:
not in my house either. If my husband sees a spider he screams like a girl and runs away.0 -
Feminism took a wrong turn when women tried to be the SAME as men. Equal doesn't mean identical. Women and men have naturally different roles obviously, and while there are some exceptions, men like women who are feminine and women like men who are manly. How they define those characteristics differs, but there are some constants. I don't know many women who like a guy that cries every time he sees a baby. And I don't know many men who like women that have farting contests.
Well said!
I agree with this as well... I don't see any men having babies either...
Personally, I do have traditional role tendancies... but that's just because I do it better.. I'm better at the planning of meals... I'm better at the cleaning... and just taking care of our overall health and wellness... whereas, my husband is better at taking care of the yard, the vehicles, and the finances. We both work 40 hours a week and we still do things together and alone. It's all about balance and being a partner and doing what works for you... regardless of what the roles are.0 -
That sucks...and I'm sorry. When my boys mom and I were together...she did many of the same things for me when I got home (I worked from 4am until sometimes later than 4pm usually, 5-6 days a week). However, I also did all of the same things for her. She did an excellent job keeping the house clean, and taking care of the kids. I know that that is work...regardless of whether it's the same kind or difficulty of work that I was doing. Our time together after I got home, was relaxation and appreciation time for both of us...not time for her to let me relax and be appreciated because I worked so hard all day.
Do you teach classes on how to treat a lady? You should It might save a relationship or 2...it took me leaving for my ex-husband to realize how badly he was treating me and the kids and even then, it took at least another 6 months for it to completely sink in.
Lol...no classes, I wouldn't trust myself =p.
See, I've got the feeling I'm completely hopelessly broken in some way I can't comprehend, because after all the women that say 'Oh wow...you're incredible!!'...I have to say to myself that if that were true, I wouldn't be single lol.
It's not you...it's us & I apologize on behalf of my gender, LOL
Careful young lady! Or you'll quickly feel the wrath of the MFP chapter of the United Feminazi Coalition for setting women's rights back 50yrs with that statement!
I do appreciate you taking the target off my back for awhile though. 0 -
Wow, so many people have this wrong, or at least a warped view of it. A "role" is talking about a role within the household, it goes way beyond opening doors and pulling out chairs.
Traditional or old fashioned roles refer to the times when the man would go to work all day and bring home the bacon. The woman would stay home to take care of the kids, cook, clean, and have dinner ready when the man gets home. The man would be the provider and the women would be the nurturer.
Sometimes, that sounds like such a great idea.... for me anyway...0 -
In my house... the woman does the plumbing, drywall, painting, carpentry, landscaping/yardwork and taking care of the cats. Because I'm really good at handyman stuff and enjoy it, and he's not and doesn't.
The man and woman share duties on cooking, cleaning, and taking care of the dog. Currently, the man has a job and the woman doesn't :frown: so I take most of those other duties, too.0 -
If I saw someone go out of their way to write that on a dating site, what it would mean to me is that they're possibly close-minded, homophobic, probably a bit sexist, and that I don't care to write to them.
Well, that's a bigotted way of dealing with it... you wouldn't even ask what their version of "traditional" is... because as we can see, it's open to interpretation here... It's really like defining "normal".0
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