Being bashed on for being 23 and pregnant!! :(

starcatcher1975

You are unmarried and unemployed, you SHOULD be worried!

Work your *kitten* off please so my tax money doesn't have to go to feeding your kid (which is YOUR job).

BTW, I got unexpectedly pregnant with twins at 25. Immediately married his *kitten* and he went to the Army so we could take care of our own responsibilities. It's never easy, but work hard and be self reliant and you'll do ok.

This is rude on so many levels...I didn't see anything in her original post about asking anyone to support her children. And luckily you had a guy that was willing to marry you and go into the army. Many people don't have that option. Once *some* guys find out they're going to be a father they are never heard from or seen again. Also, you say your husband works but not you, so would you really be supporting her child?

And I could say something about my tax money supporting your family since your husband is in the army but I am very supportive of our military and I honestly believe they don't get paid enough for all the sacrifices, services, and work they provide. So congratulations on having things work out for you and thank you to your husband for the service he provides our country.

Please remember getting married isn't always an option or even the right choice for everyone. And by her going to school and getting an education, she will (hopefully) be able to provide better for her child in the future.

yustick

I was 20 and unmarried when I had my first child. Her father and I got married two years later and I had our 2nd child when I was 23. Getting pregnant forced us to start being responsible and improve our lives and in the long run we were better for it.

This August will be our 20th anniversary and we are very happy.

I wish you the best and hope your family wakes up and supports your decision.

jcriscuolo

I know I am in the minority but 23 is too young. There are some beautiful success stories here. And I would never bash anyone for getting into that situation. It's hard enough trying to figure out your way through the world, decide on a career, etc. When a kid comes along, that becomes your main focus in life and it should be. I agree with many of the comments saying kids are the best thing that can happen in your life. But there is so much to see and do before adding that level of responsibility.
One positive is that you will still be young when your kids grow up and move out. Then you can see and do the things that you may not have been able to do now.

Good luck and enjoy your baby because 18 years passes in a blink then they are out (sometimes). Cherish every moment.

BTW - we had ours when I was 31 and my wife was 30.

JellyJaks

I had 2 babies by the time I was 24. I'd like to think I'm a pretty decent mother LOL Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something hun. Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences I've had in life. It's also one of the most frustrating but that's another story entirely

FixItDuck

Sorry your family are being unsupportive. I hope that when they get used to the idea, they will be there for you.

Can't really comment on your age - I was 31 when I had my first and copped some criticism from extended family about leaving it so long. It doesn't matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks you are doing it wrong; try not to let it get to you.

Wishing you a healthy pregnancy with a happy, healthy baby, who makes you proud to be his or her mummy!

taylmarie

I was pregnant at the same age. My fiance (now my husband) and I were pretty scared only because we just hadn't planned to get pregnant so young. I was also still in school and my husband was in the NAVY and being deployed.

To make a long story short, I finished my degree through distance learning from a New York State University. There are MANY options for education these days. Don't stress it. If you want to look through distance learning look at the accredited state schools where you live. I know Arizona State and some Cal State schools offer online programs. I don't know where you live but check out programs.

We knew we wanted kids in the future so we decided we had been blessed early, we postponed the wedding, tightened our budget and everything worked out. We got married when our son was a year, we own a home, I have a great job and my hubby is in med school.

Don't worry, you are fine This is exciting news! Even if a bit scary.

rstein18

23, is not too young! I was married at 20 and had my daughter at 22 and my son at 25. They are my everything, and i wouldnt have changed having them when I did. I dont think its easy at any age.
Congratulations!!!

shellebelle87

Why on earth are there people saying yay for the baby but it would have been better for you to be married first? Does being married make all the difference to the way a child is raised? :huh:

guamSUPERgirl90

I have 4 kids and im only gonna be 22 on the 31st. dont feel bad! be positive! It will all work out. prove others that you CAN do it.
Being young and having kids is a blessing. Your probably not settled financially but you'll be able to raise your kids and watch them grow longer.

ps not married yet. lol.

miami_mimi

being a mom is a blessing! do not let others influence you in a negative manner. Make decicions that benefit you and your future family. I was pregnant at 24 and yes it was scary as ****! my hubby and I had just gotten married and financially speaking we were not ready at all! Here I am at 30, our son wil turn 6 this summer and I would not trade this experience for anything in this world.

Enjoy your pregnancy and everything will fall into place, focus on school, graduate and follow your dreams!

dhadha18

A baby is a Blessing from God.. I'm married for one and a half years and still no baby.. If only I can turn back time, I will try to have a baby at early age of 20. I have regrets why I not tried to have a baby at that early age. I always pray for that wonderful blessing to come, I envy you of having one.. That's ok dear.. evrything will be okay....

BeautyQueen90

I had my son at 17 and my daughter at 19 also go married at 19 im 22 now and I'm doing fine. Your life is what you make of it 23 is fine your not to young.

budhandy

Why on earth are there people saying yay for the baby but it would have been better for you to be married first? Does being married make all the difference to the way a child is raised? :huh:

IT doesnt. I was married to my ex and got divorced before my first was born. She had custody, she put him thru hell and I got custoday at the age of 3. Luckly I have a wife now that is awesome and is helping me but marriage dont mean ****. It only takes one good parent to raise a kid right be it man or woman. Just my imo

annabanana02

You do what you have to do for you and that baby! I dont think 23 is too young! I got pregnant when I was 19, and like yours was not planned and didnt have a job! My family also at the time thought I was crazy and didntn speak to me for a while ( they also hated my daughters father), which I later came to understand why. you do what you have to do for you and that baby, and your family will come around. But dont get married just because you are pregnant. My parents always raised me to not have a kid out of wedlock, however that is orobably the best thing I did ( was to not get married)- ky faughters father was very controlling and abusive, and is now in jail for nmany many years for things unrelated to my daughter. My babygirl is 10 and I couldnt imagine not having her in myu life. yes ideally I wouldnt have had a kid when I was 20 but you know I believe everything happens for a reason, and I wouldnt be the person I am today if it wasnt for her and all the struggles I went throiugh

Kenzietea2

It is no one's choice but your own. And wow, you're 23 years old not 16 (although I applaud any teen moms that made it through!) Once your family meets the little one I am sure you will start to receive more support from your family. I am also pregnant at 22 but have a great support system from my husband and family, so I feel extremely blessed. If you want to add me for support, I would be more than happy to try and give you tips and help you along the way
I am pretty sure of one thing, you will not regret the child. You might have some struggles along the way but you'll make it! Good luck and congrats on being pregnant, you will soon find it is a wonderful experience.

youngmum

I'm 23 and have a 3 year old, it's totally do-able & enjoyable, don't give in to the feeling that you can't do it or that you are too young because if you can imagine what a good mother would do then you are able to do that no matter what your situation is.

Over time you start to see the benefits of having a child younger including:
- having energy to play with your kids
- being there for a longer time, so you hopefully will get to meet and be involved in the lives of your grandkids and great grandkids
- you appreciate what impact it will have on your career in the future and you build up your life to accomodate for how you are going to be as a parent, rather than building up a non-child-friendly career or getting thrown off track by having kids when in that crucial time period in your career that most women get pregnant in (ie 30).
- you are more motivated knowing you are a role model
- being able to relate to more people, because children are one of the most popular small talk topics and most adults have children in their lives they like to talk about

I think the best thing for you to do is to find some other young mothers (in your community as well as on here), because there are heaps of us living awesome lives and being good mothers to our kids. We have children who are well adjusted and have all their needs met, who are happy and outgoing and positive. We also do things like study and work and have friends and other interests. Stereotypes or views people have about what you might be like as a young mother are irrelevant. You know who you are and what you will be like as a mother and as a person. Just get on with it.

In terms of judgment from others, unfortunately this is not something that only happens to younger mothers. It happens to almost every mother. If you had aborted, you would have been judged very harshly by some people. If you adopted the child out to another family you would also be judged for abandoning that child. If you had waited until you were married and financially secure and everything, you would have been judged very harshly as well for the increased medical risks associated with being say 30 compared to 23 and for prioritising your life over the health of your children or your ability to be active in your grandchildren's lives. And going on from here, no matter what you do, you will be judged by some people. You can stay at home with your child and be accused of being lazy (not true). You can go and work and do your best in that field and be accused of being selfish (not true). Basically, whatever you do, there will be people who will criticise it. My best advice is to just do it anyway. Live how YOU think you should be, not how someone else thinks you ought to. Stay true to what feels right, and do as good a job as you can.

Good luck! AND congratulations!!!!! This is exciting news, don't forget it. There's a baby in you! You are the most powerful creature on the planet right now because you are making life inside you!!!!

jjnt007

I married at 20 and had my daughter when I was 23, Children need love and a safe environment. When I was young we were quite poor but my Mom would take my old jeans and buy iron on decals from fabric stores. My friends always wanted to know where they could buy those cute jeans with heart and daisy patches but I always said that my Mom designed them. She would buy a pack of boys colored undershirts and sew lace on the sleeves and bottom of the shirt add a pocket that was a different color material and I had a one of a kind top. Your baby does not need fancy clothes or gifts for the first few years. Since your school is just a few months try to eat out less make crock pot meals, study hard, see your doctor and be happy with your decision. As women we want everyone to be happy around us but this is your decision.

CeeRawr89

I was 18 turning 19 when I got pregnant. I was bashed by one person, the father's mother. She said very bluntly "Why doesn't she have an abortion?!" and I yelled (he was on *my* phone with his mommy) MURDER IS NOT AN OPTION!
That shut her up, and then she went all crazy claiming the baby wasn't his and I was a wh*re and all this other unspeakable stuff.
So she ordered a paternity test, and of course I have nothing to hide, did it on my newborn baby, boy did I hate her for that (among a million other reasons why I hate her) and of course results came in and she was eating her words.
I know what it is like to be bashed for being pregnant so young. My baby is now 27 months old and the smartest little girl ever and she makes my world go round.
Don't listen to those who are getting down on you, I know it's hard to push it all aside, just think of you and your little bean

YennaBean

I had my daughter at 17, my son at 22. I got married at 22. I'm 23 now, and everything is GREAT! I'm in school, doing everything I need to do. You may think it'll be really difficult but it doesn't have to be. I mean, it's hard work but it's not impossible! Don't let anyone make you feel like you're making a bad choice having a baby. I fooled just about everyone who had something negative to say about me having my beautiful babies. Lol.

You don't need to live your life the way others feel is right. Because in all reality they feel your choices aren't good for THEM. Don't worry about what anyone else wants but you. I've lost friends and family member over that topic alone, you can't please everyone! You and the bun in the oven are the only things that matter from here on out. It's a crazy ride but trust me it's totally worth it.

Oh and don't worry about getting married to raise your baby, so many people think that's what you HAVE to do. My mom and dad were married before me and my 3 brothers were born, my dad drank all day long while my mom worked. He didn't do a d**n thing for the 4 of us. That marriage license didn't make my dad step up. And I'm not exaggerating either. He did literally nothing. So don't think you need a husband to make a wonderful life for the baby. (I'm not saying the father of your baby is bad or anything, don't get me wrong. I just want to put out there that some people might judge you for not getting married which is lame....)

2011Bride

i wouldnt worry about what others think hun,
So long as you're happy and have some support then thats all that matters.
Might i add i had my 1st baby at 19 and by the age of 22 i had 3 children,
Now aged almost 27 my children are 4,6,and 7 and i am married to their daddy.

here is why they are my world xx
http://i731.photobucket.com/albums/ww320/mummy_halls/kids-1-1.jpg