Being bashed on for being 23 and pregnant!! :(

BigDreamer3

My advice is STAY IN SCHOOL. I got pregnant at 20 as a junior in college. It was very difficult, parents didn't talk to me, had to get two side jobs, etc. I ended up taking night classes and working on the weekends so I could be with my daughter during the day. It all worked out. My parents fell in love with my daughter and it really changed my life for the better. I'm not sure how your school works, but I was able to get student loans for being a single mother. It is important to stay in school so you can support yourself and your child and be a good example for you child. Good luck!

michelleepotter

First off, congratulations! This is the start of something wonderful for you; I just know it!

I gave birth to my first child just before my 21st birthday. Like you, I wasn't married, and the pregnancy was unintended. My son's father was also very supportive - in fact, he was thrilled! He already had two children from his first marriage, who I was already helping him raise, and he'd been trying to talk me into getting married for a few months, LOL. We waited until after our son was born, but we did get married, and had four more children. (Counting my step-children, who I have raised as my own, I had 5 kids before I was 24. But we wanted a large family. :-) ) We're celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary this year, and we're very happy!

Initially, my family was very upset with me. They had "big plans" for me, but honestly, they weren't *my* plans. I always dreamed of being a SAHM, and thanks to my wonderful husband working his butt off, I have been able to realize that dream. Things have not always been perfect. We've been poor, gone through hard times, and I have a (pre-existing) anxiety disorder, but we've made it through. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

nryan360

Ignore all those who are trying to push you down- when someone is beating on you it is most helpful to remember they are mad about something in their own life (9 time out of 10) and instead of working on themselves- they tear someone else down. I wish you the best of luck with your pregancy and schooling- if you really want to make it through school, and be a great mommy I am positive that you have the ability, the heart, the mind, and the spirit to do so.

BOLO4Hagtha

Sorry to hear that your family is not as supportive. You are in a stable relationship with education and that is more than well off in comparison to all the 15/16yrs old that you see pregnant on MTV. 23 is no that young. Had I not moved to the US when I was 11, I probably would be having kids at 23 too. Focus on being healthy and take it one day at a time. As far as school and work is concerned, look into night classes so that you may work during the day. Good luck with everything.

Yolanda1604

I was 20 when I got pregnant. My entire family lived in Michigan and I was in Kentucky. My boyfriend and I were both in our first semester of senior year in undergrad when I had her. Everyone tried to talk me into an abortion, but I decided that I couldn't go through with it. Neither one of us had a full time job. We were very worried. Once the baby came, everyone was supportive. I was able to finish undergrad on time. My boyfriend actually finished his degree a semester early. We both got our masters (I actually have two masters) and now I am working on my PhD with a 4 year old. We were able to buy a house when our daughter was 1. My boyfriend and I got married last year and our relationship is stronger than ever. Our closest family is about 5 hours away, so at times it can be challenging especially with my changing schedule. I still have to balance school, work, research, and parenting. I missed out on a lot of trips abroad (I had actually planned on going to grad school in the UK before I found out I was pregnant) and I don't hang out with my friends as much as I used to. I lost a lot of relationships after I had our daughter. I also had to give up a lot of things. The crazy thing is that I didn't mind. The trade off is nothing compared to the joy of being a parent. Since my little girl came into my life, I am happier than I have ever been. The point is that we I it. And I am sure that you can do it too, no matter how your family feels about the situation.

Good luck to you!

The_Great_Ambino

I got pregnant with my daughter when i was 18. When i found out i was pregnant i was homeless and ended up staying that way for 6 months living couch to couch or even "camping" if it wasn't raining. My daughters father is an alcoholic and he wasn't very supportive though the pregnancy as far as financially or even emotionally. He was in and out of jail and actully went to jail in Nov. 2010 and is still there. Needless to say i have done everything myself. When i was 6mo pregnant i got a job roommated with a friend and have been on a roller coaster of getting a job losing a job trying to go to school yadda yadda. My daughter is now almost 2 and a half I am in school I have a job and my struggle is finally paying off. It took my wonderful aunt and uncle to reach out and help me. I have always had a lot of pride so never asked for help, but i was finally so tired and at what i feel like was my rock bottom. I moved away from all the friends that are my family and started completely over. I don't think you will have as much to fear as you think. Your partner is on board and that is going to help so much. I don't think any one could really be a parent 100% alone.

darrenlees

23 is not young to have a baby, congratulations and ignore jealous people!

clover5

Congratulations! You are a healthy young adult woman - the perfect age for being pregnant.

sassyshook

Dont worry what people say! Its hard I will tell you that but you'll be just fine. I was 18 when I got pregnant, just graduated from high school and had just became a full time employ with a company. Things happened fast for me but, you know what I wouldn't change it for nothing in the world!!!

Asil02

I am so sorry that so many people have been bashing you; however, you've got lots of support on here. You have to just let those that are so against you be who they are and take care of yourself and your baby at this point. It's hard when your family acts like that. I know very well how that is. I have been a single mom since 1994. I didn't think I would be able to do it, but I persevered and have an incredible daughter now. Hang in there and feel free to add me as a friend. I will be more than glad to be a shoulder to lean on and an ear to bend should you need it.

wilkerson

i was 22 when i had my son, it may seem scary but things have a way of working out. you can do it. there is help out there for pregnant woman i would deff get check into it. best wishes and stay strong, you will do fine

mes1119

I'm 23 and it seems like everyone is getting married or pregnant or has two kids.

TBH, it drives me nuts. I have a boyfriend but I definitely want to wait until I'm 30. I know things happen, but I am about to graduate college and I'd like to get my Masters and have some form of a career and stability before I bring a child into the world.

I have seen SO many people my age struggle with children because they had them too early and before they could afford it. Most of these people also have completely destroyed relationships. Almost none of them are stable on their own or have educations.

I want to enjoy my youth without having a little rugrat running around. Don't get me wrong, I love kids, I even work with them. I just don't want to have one with me at all times yet.

Sorry for the negativity, it is just what I have seen.

Dragonwolf

Not going to read through everything, so sorry if I missed something.

I just wanted to say that I was 22 when I had my son. I had also just lost my job shortly before I found out. It was around the time the economy started taking a nosedive, so between that and being pregnant, I had trouble finding and keeping jobs until after he was born. We're now doing rather well.

Hang in there, do what you can, and just worry about your own stuff. As it's commonly said "haters' gonna hate". Let those people be mad if they want. Find the people that are supportive and keep them around.

Also, if you're in the US, take a look into WIC (Women, Infants, and Children). It's an assistance program to help ensure low income mothers and babies get proper nutrition, so they'll help with things like formula, milk, diapers and other necessity items.

jodismith23

Congratulations!!! NEVER, NEVER, NEVER let anyone tell you that you are too young to succeed at being a mom. Your youth will be an asset to you as a mother. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, 23 is the perfect age to be a mother. I wish you the best in your pregnancy and your future as a mom! Your child will be lucky to have you!

NavaGirl35

I had my first baby at 22.....as long as your supportive boyfriend is there for you and the baby....than be it....at least your going back to school and doing something for yourself.... Be happy and don’t listen to the others....

temsabi

the thing is, i am unemployed now.. but JUST started going back to school. I am scared I won't make it but I know I would NEVER go through abortion.

There is never a perfect time to start a family. Either you don't work enough or work too much. There's too little money or so much money that you're worried about just bringing freeloaders into the world. You're too young or you're too old or the relationship between the parents isn't just right...

You know what? **it happens. Even if things were PERFECT right now (which they never are. For anyone.) there's no telling what tomorrow will bring. The fact of the matter is all we have is the moment, and at the moment you're pregnant and training for a great career. And until you have that career, you're going to make ends meet because all caring parents do. It's amazing what we're able to provide once young, innocent lives are involved.

My parents started out on welfare and now they own three properties and close to $1 million in assets. All four of their kids made it through university, are healthy, happy, and are starting families of their own. And they too started their family at the age of 23. Don't let the nay-sayers mess with your head. You'll do great because you care about doing great.

mariaperry

me and my husband have been together for almost 20 yrs and married for 16 yrs. we had our first child when i was 19 and our second when i was 21, we were married when i was 20 yrs old, we do not regret making the choices that we did, dont let anyone bring you down, as long as you and your bf are confident that you are making the right decision than everything will work out.

_LilPowerHouse

closed!!!!!!

jannalynne07

Being a "single" mom (of course not single, but unmarried) you can quailfy for LOTS of financial aid and pell grants, etc. in order to help with college costs. Granted you might not be able to do a full-time course load with a newborn/child, but there are lots of colleges that offer a part time alternative for getting your degree. Good luck! Hope this helps!

DeniseNichole76

Don't listen to them nay-sayers (hahahah i cant believe i said that word) LMFAO I had my first baby at 21 (not planned) and a 2nd at 23. Today they are 14 and 12 and I am 36 and LOVING the ages we all are. Such a tight bond, different then I but still a generation apart. You stay happy and healthy! STILL to this day, when I walk with my son who is almost taller then me, i get strange looks, but you know what? it FEELS good. Don't you even listen to negative people. BOO to them.

mrmanmeat

I think it all depends on the situation and financial abilities of those involved.

tilfordj

I just saw this...not sure what anyone before me has said...But I will tell you, I had my first child at 19, my second at 22, then the third at 25....(Yes, same daddy!) They are all very well rounded, college graduated, mature adults in their 20's. I am almost 46 and having the time of my life.......

The younger you are when you have your children, the better.....Congrats to your family and good luck in all you do!

zandrellia

Keep your head on.

I was a single mother at 20 years old and had no job at the time, either. I had just finished up a vocational training program when I found out I was pregnant. My mother didn't approve, either, and expected me to give up my baby. One thing I had to accept was that this was my decision and only I would have to live with it, not my mother. Right now, your family is likely thinking they have your best interests at heart, but don't realize that they are really only thinking about their viewpoint. If you want to keep your baby - keep your baby and don't back down on that decision. If your family loves you and respects you, they'll come to accept your decision. Until that time, don't stress over their opinions.

Other advice:

1) Do NOT quit school! No matter what! Stay in school! You WILL regret giving up this opportunity due to pregnancy later - having this education can only help you be a better mother in the long run. Plus, you'll have to learn now how to balance your life with a child. You can't give up things every time just because you have a child, you've got to learn how to work with that responsibility.

2) Do NOT get married just because you're having a baby. Get married because you love each other, support each other, and want to spend the rest of your lives together. A lot of people make the mistake of "doing the responsible thing" and marrying just because of a baby - which is really unfair to all parties involved. You can be great parents without being married!

3) If you can, find a way to work together with the father of your baby in making this work out for the best. Go put some supplies on layaway (Kmart still has one!) - by some supplies I mean the essentials: a car seat, a crib, a crib mattress, four crib sheets, six burp cloths, a package of size one diapers, a set of bottles, one can of formula (You may want to breast feed, but sometimes it doesn't work out. Having an emergency can for your peace of mind can only help you relax and get into the process better.), and four or five outfits for the baby size 1 month and up. Commit to making small payments to the layaway every paycheck of about $30 AND buy a new package of diapers of the next size up - this will pay off your layaway in good time and also get you both used to about how much you'll be paying each pay period for your new baby. (It'll come to about $50 or more, depending on what you get.)

4) Plan ahead! Get your car seat installed BEFORE the baby is even due - a month out is fine. You can go to the fire station and they will help you to assure that your car seat is secure and that you know how to put it in. Practice putting your car seat in! Prepare a baby bag with basic supplies for you and the baby and put it in the car so that when you go to the hospital to have the baby it is already there. (You'll want one set of pajamas, one set of clothes for you and baby, a couple burp cloths, and a book or two to entertain yourself as well as basic toiletries like a toothbrush and hair brush. If you have long hair you'll want at least one hair tie. Most of your other needs the hospital will meet.) Consider everything! If you have a boy will you want them circumcised? How does daddy feel about it? Can you afford to pay for the procedure? (Some insurances do not cover it now!) Do you want to breast feed? If so, find a support group. Lactation consultants can be your best friend! Do you want to take classes for labor and delivery procedures? Do you need additional support, since your mother is not on board with this yet? Perhaps you could use a doula. Do you want to have pain medication? What if you have complications? Who do you want to be responsible for your baby in that situation? Write all these things out and make a set plan with the father. Knowing in advance how you feel will make the process easier and help you feel in control.

5) Stay healthy! A happy mother makes for a happy baby! Eat well, exercise, practice yoga, and try to stay as stress free as possible.

I was a single mother for nearly 5 years and I can tell you it wasn't always easy, but it was always worth it! If you want more tips or just want to talk feel free to add me!

pdworkman

I was married at 20; at age 23 we had already been through fertility testing and were waiting to adopt. DS was born when I was 26, his bmom was 24, and she already had another. Some people are ready at 20 or younger, some people aren't ready until they're 40. Age does not equal maturity or ability. Only you can evaluate whether you want to raise this baby or choose an alternative like adoption. Hang in there. Breathe and evaluate for yourself.