Being bashed on for being 23 and pregnant!! :(

hikezilla

33 years ago we got married. I was 19, she was 22...within three years we had two children. Today the kids are married and between them we have six grand children. We struggled in the beginning because we were kids and didn't know dookie from Apple Butter...but we toughed it out, got educated, she stayed home and played mom, and I worked myself like a rented mule. It was worth every minute of it.

Basically we made our kids, our lives...right up to the day they moved out and got on their own. We love being empty nesters as much as we love being grandparents....and of course we think our children are the greatest.

Hang in there kiddo, the fun is only about to begin. I hope your BF can hack it....a lot of modern boys can't.

Jen32285

I had 2 babies by 23. I wasn't married. It was hard, but you do what it takes to get by. Luckily I was living with the kid's dad when our second was born.

computerchick

I'm not REAL sure, so you should check into this, but I do believe there are financial aid packages available to single parents. Apply for whatever grants you can find. Don't quit going to school. Having kids is wonderful, but looking back now, I wish I would have had my career goals either well on their way or at least figured out. I struggled through my 20s (had my daughter when I was 27) along with my then husband (her dad). I spent my 30s paying off the debt from my 20s, but somehow managed to go back to college and finish up my degree before she got into 2nd grade. Thank goodness because that's when the homework marathon sessions started. My daughter is now 19 and in college. Some of her friends have kids and are still going to school but I'm pretty sure it's through federal grants. Also, having a kid is a HUGE tax advantage. I know that's not the kind of support you are looking at right now, but believe me, come tax season next year...you'll appreciate it. Good luck!!

kimtpa1417

I was 22 when I had my son, not married and just moved out on my own. My son just turned 11 yesterday and is the best thing that has ever happen to me. You will make it. You will be a great mom. And there is assistance. I recommend staying in school. It will benefit you and the baby

LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo

First of all to all who says 23 is not young or old, I disagree & find it offensive. What you are all trying to say is that she isn't alone & that there are a lot of younger mothers out there but definitely 23 IS STILL YOUNG. I'm already 33 & yet still single without a child & definitely don't consider myself old.

To the OP, I'm so sorry you have to undergo that pain of being rejected by your family. Although my case is different but I was also rejected by my grandfather & so I know how it feels to be one. Nobody does it worse than your own family. Just hang in there & perhaps talk to your friends or someone that you can confide on.

dsckrc

i had my first daughter at 23 and my second at 26 - BOTH WERE PLANNED. i wanted to start my family while i was young and i don't regret a single day of it. you can do it. parenting is hard whether you have enough money, time or support. just believe in yourself girl and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Nikstergirl

Honey, don't let this get you down. You have plenty of time to make plans before the baby comes. I got married at 22 and was pregnant and had my son while I was 23. You're NOT too young, and you have a bright future. Is it going to be tough? Sure! Motherhood IS tough! Trust me, my sons are 13 and 16 now and it's not a picnic everyday. As long as a baby has love and enough to eat and a warm safe place to live it will be JUST fine. Material things are just things... but I hope your boyfriend steps up and is involved in every way. Of course it would be better if you were married so you could count on his support and have his benefits, but if that's not where you are right now, just finish school and make a plan for the future. Maybe a part-time job would help in the meantime? Whatever, just take care of you and the blessing you're carrying. That's the most important job you could ever have!

agriffitts85

well dont feel bad at all about being 23 and being pregnant. think of it this way at least you finished high school first. me personally i graduated high school early and had my first kid at 20 years old and had my fourth child at 25, im 27years old now and im not going to lie four kids is a struggle, but im doing it. i am fully disabled from being injured while doing in home care while pregnant, so i have to live on a fixed income, i dont get subsidized housing or nothing i pay full price for rent, and three of my kids are in diapers as well so it is hard. but i wouldnt change any part of being a parent. just keep the people are you who will support you through this, i say good luck to you and good for you for embarking on this miricle. children are a blessing and they are such a joy no matter how stressful things get. especially when they start talking and they just come out of the blue with things that make your heart melt, and make it feel all better when you think there is no other way.... if you want feel free to add me i will support you through this journey... good luck keep your head up

BrittanyAppleby

I was 18 when I got pregnant, had my son when I was 19 but turned 20 that same year. I was scared! The day he was born was the best day of my life, I love him more than life itself.

Don't let people bring you down just because you're 23 & pregnant! 23 is not old at all, shoot I'm going to be 23 this year! You will be fine & congrats on the pregnancy!

starcatcher1975

Congratulations!!

My mom was 15 when she had me. My dad was 18. They didn't have much of anything but they did they best they could at the time with what they had and I believe I turned out just great!

I had my second kid 2 months before I turned 24. Again, we don't always have the best of everything, but I completed an LPN program, worked full time, coached their baseball little league teams, and spent plenty of time with them. Now, they are 12 and 14 and I've managed to go back to school, get my undergrad in accounting and finance, and I'm completing my masters of accountancy program (1 more year yay), go to their sports games and band concerts, and spend time with them. And I have done it on my own since before the youngest one was 1.

Yes, it's hard, it can be aggravating, I want to pull my hair out many days, but I wouldn't trade having them for anything in the world. You can do it and don't let anyone tell you any different. Do what's right for you because bottom line is no one has to live your life but you so really, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Good luck and congratulations!!

finallyFIT_ForMe

I had my daughter at 18; she is almost 12 now and though it was tough I don't regret it. It's all about loving your child, being a good/present mother, and doing your best to support the child. If you really want this you WILL make it.

bm99

You are unmarried and unemployed, you SHOULD be worried!

Work your *kitten* off please so my tax money doesn't have to go to feeding your kid (which is YOUR job).

BTW, I got unexpectedly pregnant with twins at 25. Immediately married his *kitten* and he went to the Army so we could take care of our own responsibilities. It's never easy, but work hard and be self reliant and you'll do ok.

rldickin08

Can your boyfriend possibly handle the financial part until you are able to bring in some income? Babies are expensive, but there are ways to keep to cheaper, not everyone needs brand new top of the line stuff. There are organizations out there can assist. Is your family upset about your age or more you situation (IE: not married/not finically stable)?

ahawks98

Lauren, I applaud you for standing strong by your principles and deciding to keep your baby. I was barely 23 (my daughter was born a week after my birthday) when I had my first child, and even though I was married it was still hard but I would not change the blessings that came with that beautiful baby for anything! She is now 28 (you do the math) and continues to be an amazing blessing in my life. The people around you will come to terms with the facts and if they don't is their problem and not yours.

Please continue to be strong and I can assure you that those who respect and love you will support you and the ones who are not worth keeping will walk away and you are much better off with out them.

Keep up your post, I'd like to know how you are doing

shadowkitty22

I'm currently 29 and my lovely little 5 and a half year old daughter was born exactly 5 days before my 24th birthday. So I too was 23 and pregnant. My husband and I got married a few months before she was born (we had already been engaged before I got pregnant so it's not like it was a big deal). Only my mom had issues with it at first and she actually told me to consider giving my baby up for adoption! She only said it out of love and concern for me because she didn't want to see me go through the same struggles that she did by having me at 24. She never claimed that I was stupid for being pregnant at that age though since otherwise she'd be a hypocrite because she was pregnant at 23 as well (she just happened to turn 24 a few months before I was born). But now that my daughter is here, she's very grateful that I didn't take her advice and give her up for adoption. In fact, I'm pretty sure my mother has completely forgotten that she even suggested the adoption option.

But yeah, 29, married with two kids, SAHM and my husband is in the Army. I'm not going to lie and say that life is easy because it's not. Money has pretty much always been tight but we've finally gotten better about how we spend it and pay off our debts. Once we get all of our excess debts paid off (and probably me eventually a job) I know that life will be easier.

I know that you would really like to have the support of your family but if they don't want to give it to you right now then screw them. Just stick with your boyfriend and anyone else who loves and supports you because that's what you need right now, a bunch of positive people.

Best of luck to you in your pregnancy. Remember to eat smaller more frequent meals to help with nausea, nap when you can, drink plenty of water, exercise and if you don't like the taste of ginger ale to help with morning sickness that a nice iced chai tea is a great substitute. Haha

feather314

I was barely 21 when I had my daughter (turned 21 at the end of Feb and she was born in April). Was it an ideal situation? No but sometimes you gotta roll with what you've got. I must admit that we (my boyfriend and I) were very lucky and had extremely supportive families. I went back to work when she was 4 months old (my boyfriend worked the whole time). My mother and his parents took turns in watching our daughter until we were able to put her into daycare. We lived with my boyfriend's parents for a year before we decided to purchase our own home.

We FINALLY got married in 2004. I always say that we did it backwards - baby, house, then wedding.

Our daughter just turned 13 and we also have a 3 year old boy - yeah we took a bit of a break in between the kids. We've been together for 14 years now and married for nearly 8.

My point? You need to what works for you. Don't listen to people telling you you should do this or you should do that. You're an adult. You know what needs to be done. You know that you need to be the best mother YOU can be.

Hang in there and enjoy the ride - there's nothing else like it in the world. :-)

itsjustdawn

the thing is, i am unemployed now.. but JUST started going back to school. I am scared I won't make it but I know I would NEVER go through abortion.

Can you find something small to do on the side?

bethieannie

I had twins at 19, as scared as I was at first, I have loved it! Being a young parent has it's benefits. IMO as you get older you get more set in your ways, when you are young it is easier to go with the flow. Also I have found that I have more energy for my kids than many of my friends who had kids later.

Good luck and best wishes!

dhoffman5

I had my 4th at your age...I'm 50, I have 5 girls-1 boy..and 14 grandkids...my youngest just joined the USAF I was meant to be a Mom. And I love every minute of it:) Not everyones "Right time" is right for everyone. Follow your heart.

NavyKnightAh13

I'm 23, and had mine and my husband's child in Jan (we have been together for almost four years in aug, and tied the knot last Sept, we had been planning on our wedding for two years). I applaud you for going to school, I'm still in school so i know how it is difficult. My hubby also works, and while i work for the local newspaper and write on high school sports, i am still looking for another job where it will be full time.

As far as family, both my mom and my mother in law are deceased, and my father still is not supportive of the marriage as well as child. My husband's moms side of the family hasn't accepted our marriage or child (they still see it as an insult because we got married before one of their kids). but my moms side and my hubby's dads side are very supportive. My point: do what works for u, and remember that u are bettering yourself for not only u, but also for your baby.....trust me, you see that little baby and it feels like you have no worries in the world....at least that is how i feel with our little boy......good luck with your pregnancy, keep us updated It isn't working while pregnant, i know, but it can be done, do what works for u!!!!!! Make sure you take care of yourself

starcatcher1975

You are unmarried and unemployed, you SHOULD be worried!

Work your *kitten* off please so my tax money doesn't have to go to feeding your kid (which is YOUR job).

BTW, I got unexpectedly pregnant with twins at 25. Immediately married his *kitten* and he went to the Army so we could take care of our own responsibilities. It's never easy, but work hard and be self reliant and you'll do ok.

This is rude on so many levels...I didn't see anything in her original post about asking anyone to support her children. And luckily you had a guy that was willing to marry you and go into the army. Many people don't have that option. Once *some* guys find out they're going to be a father they are never heard from or seen again. Also, you say your husband works but not you, so would you really be supporting her child?

And I could say something about my tax money supporting your family since your husband is in the army but I am very supportive of our military and I honestly believe they don't get paid enough for all the sacrifices, services, and work they provide. So congratulations on having things work out for you and thank you to your husband for the service he provides our country.

Please remember getting married isn't always an option or even the right choice for everyone. And by her going to school and getting an education, she will (hopefully) be able to provide better for her child in the future.

yustick

I was 20 and unmarried when I had my first child. Her father and I got married two years later and I had our 2nd child when I was 23. Getting pregnant forced us to start being responsible and improve our lives and in the long run we were better for it.

This August will be our 20th anniversary and we are very happy.

I wish you the best and hope your family wakes up and supports your decision.

jcriscuolo

I know I am in the minority but 23 is too young. There are some beautiful success stories here. And I would never bash anyone for getting into that situation. It's hard enough trying to figure out your way through the world, decide on a career, etc. When a kid comes along, that becomes your main focus in life and it should be. I agree with many of the comments saying kids are the best thing that can happen in your life. But there is so much to see and do before adding that level of responsibility.
One positive is that you will still be young when your kids grow up and move out. Then you can see and do the things that you may not have been able to do now.

Good luck and enjoy your baby because 18 years passes in a blink then they are out (sometimes). Cherish every moment.

BTW - we had ours when I was 31 and my wife was 30.

JellyJaks

I had 2 babies by the time I was 24. I'd like to think I'm a pretty decent mother LOL Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something hun. Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences I've had in life. It's also one of the most frustrating but that's another story entirely

FixItDuck

Sorry your family are being unsupportive. I hope that when they get used to the idea, they will be there for you.

Can't really comment on your age - I was 31 when I had my first and copped some criticism from extended family about leaving it so long. It doesn't matter what you do, there will always be someone who thinks you are doing it wrong; try not to let it get to you.

Wishing you a healthy pregnancy with a happy, healthy baby, who makes you proud to be his or her mummy!

taylmarie

I was pregnant at the same age. My fiance (now my husband) and I were pretty scared only because we just hadn't planned to get pregnant so young. I was also still in school and my husband was in the NAVY and being deployed.

To make a long story short, I finished my degree through distance learning from a New York State University. There are MANY options for education these days. Don't stress it. If you want to look through distance learning look at the accredited state schools where you live. I know Arizona State and some Cal State schools offer online programs. I don't know where you live but check out programs.

We knew we wanted kids in the future so we decided we had been blessed early, we postponed the wedding, tightened our budget and everything worked out. We got married when our son was a year, we own a home, I have a great job and my hubby is in med school.

Don't worry, you are fine This is exciting news! Even if a bit scary.

rstein18

23, is not too young! I was married at 20 and had my daughter at 22 and my son at 25. They are my everything, and i wouldnt have changed having them when I did. I dont think its easy at any age.
Congratulations!!!

shellebelle87

Why on earth are there people saying yay for the baby but it would have been better for you to be married first? Does being married make all the difference to the way a child is raised? :huh:

guamSUPERgirl90

I have 4 kids and im only gonna be 22 on the 31st. dont feel bad! be positive! It will all work out. prove others that you CAN do it.
Being young and having kids is a blessing. Your probably not settled financially but you'll be able to raise your kids and watch them grow longer.

ps not married yet. lol.

miami_mimi

being a mom is a blessing! do not let others influence you in a negative manner. Make decicions that benefit you and your future family. I was pregnant at 24 and yes it was scary as ****! my hubby and I had just gotten married and financially speaking we were not ready at all! Here I am at 30, our son wil turn 6 this summer and I would not trade this experience for anything in this world.

Enjoy your pregnancy and everything will fall into place, focus on school, graduate and follow your dreams!