Being bashed on for being 23 and pregnant!! :(

dhadha18

A baby is a Blessing from God.. I'm married for one and a half years and still no baby.. If only I can turn back time, I will try to have a baby at early age of 20. I have regrets why I not tried to have a baby at that early age. I always pray for that wonderful blessing to come, I envy you of having one.. That's ok dear.. evrything will be okay....

BeautyQueen90

I had my son at 17 and my daughter at 19 also go married at 19 im 22 now and I'm doing fine. Your life is what you make of it 23 is fine your not to young.

budhandy

Why on earth are there people saying yay for the baby but it would have been better for you to be married first? Does being married make all the difference to the way a child is raised? :huh:

IT doesnt. I was married to my ex and got divorced before my first was born. She had custody, she put him thru hell and I got custoday at the age of 3. Luckly I have a wife now that is awesome and is helping me but marriage dont mean ****. It only takes one good parent to raise a kid right be it man or woman. Just my imo

annabanana02

You do what you have to do for you and that baby! I dont think 23 is too young! I got pregnant when I was 19, and like yours was not planned and didnt have a job! My family also at the time thought I was crazy and didntn speak to me for a while ( they also hated my daughters father), which I later came to understand why. you do what you have to do for you and that baby, and your family will come around. But dont get married just because you are pregnant. My parents always raised me to not have a kid out of wedlock, however that is orobably the best thing I did ( was to not get married)- ky faughters father was very controlling and abusive, and is now in jail for nmany many years for things unrelated to my daughter. My babygirl is 10 and I couldnt imagine not having her in myu life. yes ideally I wouldnt have had a kid when I was 20 but you know I believe everything happens for a reason, and I wouldnt be the person I am today if it wasnt for her and all the struggles I went throiugh

Kenzietea2

It is no one's choice but your own. And wow, you're 23 years old not 16 (although I applaud any teen moms that made it through!) Once your family meets the little one I am sure you will start to receive more support from your family. I am also pregnant at 22 but have a great support system from my husband and family, so I feel extremely blessed. If you want to add me for support, I would be more than happy to try and give you tips and help you along the way
I am pretty sure of one thing, you will not regret the child. You might have some struggles along the way but you'll make it! Good luck and congrats on being pregnant, you will soon find it is a wonderful experience.

youngmum

I'm 23 and have a 3 year old, it's totally do-able & enjoyable, don't give in to the feeling that you can't do it or that you are too young because if you can imagine what a good mother would do then you are able to do that no matter what your situation is.

Over time you start to see the benefits of having a child younger including:
- having energy to play with your kids
- being there for a longer time, so you hopefully will get to meet and be involved in the lives of your grandkids and great grandkids
- you appreciate what impact it will have on your career in the future and you build up your life to accomodate for how you are going to be as a parent, rather than building up a non-child-friendly career or getting thrown off track by having kids when in that crucial time period in your career that most women get pregnant in (ie 30).
- you are more motivated knowing you are a role model
- being able to relate to more people, because children are one of the most popular small talk topics and most adults have children in their lives they like to talk about

I think the best thing for you to do is to find some other young mothers (in your community as well as on here), because there are heaps of us living awesome lives and being good mothers to our kids. We have children who are well adjusted and have all their needs met, who are happy and outgoing and positive. We also do things like study and work and have friends and other interests. Stereotypes or views people have about what you might be like as a young mother are irrelevant. You know who you are and what you will be like as a mother and as a person. Just get on with it.

In terms of judgment from others, unfortunately this is not something that only happens to younger mothers. It happens to almost every mother. If you had aborted, you would have been judged very harshly by some people. If you adopted the child out to another family you would also be judged for abandoning that child. If you had waited until you were married and financially secure and everything, you would have been judged very harshly as well for the increased medical risks associated with being say 30 compared to 23 and for prioritising your life over the health of your children or your ability to be active in your grandchildren's lives. And going on from here, no matter what you do, you will be judged by some people. You can stay at home with your child and be accused of being lazy (not true). You can go and work and do your best in that field and be accused of being selfish (not true). Basically, whatever you do, there will be people who will criticise it. My best advice is to just do it anyway. Live how YOU think you should be, not how someone else thinks you ought to. Stay true to what feels right, and do as good a job as you can.

Good luck! AND congratulations!!!!! This is exciting news, don't forget it. There's a baby in you! You are the most powerful creature on the planet right now because you are making life inside you!!!!

jjnt007

I married at 20 and had my daughter when I was 23, Children need love and a safe environment. When I was young we were quite poor but my Mom would take my old jeans and buy iron on decals from fabric stores. My friends always wanted to know where they could buy those cute jeans with heart and daisy patches but I always said that my Mom designed them. She would buy a pack of boys colored undershirts and sew lace on the sleeves and bottom of the shirt add a pocket that was a different color material and I had a one of a kind top. Your baby does not need fancy clothes or gifts for the first few years. Since your school is just a few months try to eat out less make crock pot meals, study hard, see your doctor and be happy with your decision. As women we want everyone to be happy around us but this is your decision.

CeeRawr89

I was 18 turning 19 when I got pregnant. I was bashed by one person, the father's mother. She said very bluntly "Why doesn't she have an abortion?!" and I yelled (he was on *my* phone with his mommy) MURDER IS NOT AN OPTION!
That shut her up, and then she went all crazy claiming the baby wasn't his and I was a wh*re and all this other unspeakable stuff.
So she ordered a paternity test, and of course I have nothing to hide, did it on my newborn baby, boy did I hate her for that (among a million other reasons why I hate her) and of course results came in and she was eating her words.
I know what it is like to be bashed for being pregnant so young. My baby is now 27 months old and the smartest little girl ever and she makes my world go round.
Don't listen to those who are getting down on you, I know it's hard to push it all aside, just think of you and your little bean

YennaBean

I had my daughter at 17, my son at 22. I got married at 22. I'm 23 now, and everything is GREAT! I'm in school, doing everything I need to do. You may think it'll be really difficult but it doesn't have to be. I mean, it's hard work but it's not impossible! Don't let anyone make you feel like you're making a bad choice having a baby. I fooled just about everyone who had something negative to say about me having my beautiful babies. Lol.

You don't need to live your life the way others feel is right. Because in all reality they feel your choices aren't good for THEM. Don't worry about what anyone else wants but you. I've lost friends and family member over that topic alone, you can't please everyone! You and the bun in the oven are the only things that matter from here on out. It's a crazy ride but trust me it's totally worth it.

Oh and don't worry about getting married to raise your baby, so many people think that's what you HAVE to do. My mom and dad were married before me and my 3 brothers were born, my dad drank all day long while my mom worked. He didn't do a d**n thing for the 4 of us. That marriage license didn't make my dad step up. And I'm not exaggerating either. He did literally nothing. So don't think you need a husband to make a wonderful life for the baby. (I'm not saying the father of your baby is bad or anything, don't get me wrong. I just want to put out there that some people might judge you for not getting married which is lame....)

2011Bride

i wouldnt worry about what others think hun,
So long as you're happy and have some support then thats all that matters.
Might i add i had my 1st baby at 19 and by the age of 22 i had 3 children,
Now aged almost 27 my children are 4,6,and 7 and i am married to their daddy.

here is why they are my world xx
http://i731.photobucket.com/albums/ww320/mummy_halls/kids-1-1.jpg

alicepoppyh

My Mum was 23 when she had me and I was her THIRD! Can't plan everything in life! She has been a wonderful Mum and while money may not have been great we never wanted for anything. You're very brave and you're going to do great. I hope your family come around soon because it will be their loss. x

rml_16

I know I am in the minority but 23 is too young. There are some beautiful success stories here. And I would never bash anyone for getting into that situation. It's hard enough trying to figure out your way through the world, decide on a career, etc. When a kid comes along, that becomes your main focus in life and it should be. I agree with many of the comments saying kids are the best thing that can happen in your life. But there is so much to see and do before adding that level of responsibility.
One positive is that you will still be young when your kids grow up and move out. Then you can see and do the things that you may not have been able to do now.

Good luck and enjoy your baby because 18 years passes in a blink then they are out (sometimes). Cherish every moment.

BTW - we had ours when I was 31 and my wife was 30.

What good does it do to tell her she's too young? It's done. She's pregnant.

And, for the record, a HUGE reason infertility is on the rise is that women are starting families in their 30s instead of their 20s. A woman's fertility drops drastically at age 27 and goes down after that. Women are, biologically, supposed to have children when they're young.

Is it ideal to have a baby when you are just starting college and just quit your job? Certainly not. But it's doable.

My parents were 24 and 25 when I was born. When my mom got pregnant, they lived in a cabin on a farm. The cabin had no running water or electricity and they worked the farm to pay room and board. My father was in grad school. They moved to an apartment, my mom worked temp jobs and my dad drove a school bus and finished his degree and then got a better job. They were even on food stamps for a short time. But since then they have both paid back way more in taxes than they ever took in assistance.

To the OP, if you need some assistance while finishing your education, I say take it. I have a serious problem with people living off the system their entire lives, but I have no issue with helping people get to a place where they don't need it anymore.

Again, good luck to you. I'm sure you will do the best you can and things will work out.

daffodilsoup

I know I am in the minority but 23 is too young. There are some beautiful success stories here. And I would never bash anyone for getting into that situation. It's hard enough trying to figure out your way through the world, decide on a career, etc. When a kid comes along, that becomes your main focus in life and it should be. I agree with many of the comments saying kids are the best thing that can happen in your life. But there is so much to see and do before adding that level of responsibility.
One positive is that you will still be young when your kids grow up and move out. Then you can see and do the things that you may not have been able to do now.

Good luck and enjoy your baby because 18 years passes in a blink then they are out (sometimes). Cherish every moment.

BTW - we had ours when I was 31 and my wife was 30.

What good does it do to tell her she's too young? It's done. She's pregnant.

Just because she's pregnant doesn't mean "it's done" - if she doesn't feel that she is capable of raising a child at 23, which is a young age for motherhood in 2012, then adoption is always an option.

JulieH3art

She said she's keeping the baby, so back off. Just because 23 was too young for you doesn't mean this logic can be applied to such an incredibly personal choice in other people. Don't push your choices on others, especially when they've made theirs. I think it's out of line to tell an adult woman you don't even know what she should or shouldn't do at this point.

TheChocolatePrincess

She said she's keeping the baby, so back off. Just because 23 was too young for you doesn't mean this logic can be applied to such an incredibly personal choice in other people. Don't push your choices on others, especially when they've made theirs. I think it's out of line to tell an adult woman you don't even know what she should or shouldn't do at this point.

Why do people on here get so offended when differing opinions are voiced?

When someone puts themselves out there, then there are going to be people who have varying thoughts about the subject matter.

He wasn't being critical or judgemental, or "pushing his choice on others", he was just expressing a different perspective.

azwaa

I have six kids and don't turn 30 until the December. I also finished my BA with a newborn baby on my lap. Do what is right for you and ignore the rest. Besides, this means you get to still be young when the kid grows up and moves out. I would rather be a young Grandma and be able to enjoy my forties instead of just starting my family.

JulieH3art

She said she's keeping the baby, so back off. Just because 23 was too young for you doesn't mean this logic can be applied to such an incredibly personal choice in other people. Don't push your choices on others, especially when they've made theirs. I think it's out of line to tell an adult woman you don't even know what she should or shouldn't do at this point.

Why do people on here get so offended when differing opinions are voiced?

When someone puts themselves out there, then there are going to be people who have varying thoughts about the subject matter.

He wasn't being critical or judgemental, or "pushing his choice on others", he was just expressing a different perspective.

Time and place. The girl's pregnant and keeping the baby.

If you or anyone else think that that's NOT a good thing, whatever. He/she/you can have their opinion. It's a free world. But voicing it shows the lack of tact and consideration that you can only allow yourself online.

neh310

I had my daughter at 23 (pregnant at 22). My daughter is 14 and I would not give the experience back for anything in this world. My sister was 16 when she got pregnant, and she is an amazing mother. You too will be amazing. Just do the best you can and remember that no one is perfect. Good luck!

tyoung8

Im 22 and I have a two year old! I am doing excellently on my own! Its possible to be an awesome mom at any age. Prove everyone wrong!

GemaG

I choose to have my first child at 23 my second at 26 and it was the best thing I ever did. I love being a young mum. Enjoy every moment of it, they are only little for a short amount of time. Best of luck and I hope your family come round soon xxxxx

Also I had a scan recently that revealed that I have polycistic ovories and if I tried now I might find it very difficult if not impossible to have children. So glad I had mine when I did.

squishycow7

I don't have a baby... but I am 23.

I've known people younger (and more immature than you seem to be!) who have done just fine, have beautiful babies, are living happily and getting by just fine. I'm sure it's scary, but you can do it. Hopefully your family and others who are judging you will come around to it and be supportive instead of making you feel guilty for something that is ultimately, at this point, out of your control.

good luck, you'll be just fine

StaceyJ2008

I am currently in school and a girl in my class got pregnant, carried all 9 months in my class, had the baby and only missed one class. We only meet one night a week in an advanced college program but still. She did it and she's younger than you are. After the baby came, her boyfriend left her and she's still going strong. Never let anyone make you feel bad. It can be done. You will do great.

jiggs31

I'm 33 and pregnant with my first. My youngest sister was 18 when she had her first baby and now she has 2 at age 25.

OK so she had to give up her dreams of uni for a while and be a mum instead - she can always go back to education when the kids are old enough.

She is a great mum and I'm proud of her. I'm sure you'll be the same x

navstone

I think you are being responsible. I know a girl who is 19 and her 3rd child is 3 months old!!!!!

tyoung8

I had my daughter at 17, my son at 22. I got married at 22. I'm 23 now, and everything is GREAT! I'm in school, doing everything I need to do. You may think it'll be really difficult but it doesn't have to be. I mean, it's hard work but it's not impossible! Don't let anyone make you feel like you're making a bad choice having a baby. I fooled just about everyone who had something negative to say about me having my beautiful babies. Lol.

You don't need to live your life the way others feel is right. Because in all reality they feel your choices aren't good for THEM. Don't worry about what anyone else wants but you. I've lost friends and family member over that topic alone, you can't please everyone! You and the bun in the oven are the only things that matter from here on out. It's a crazy ride but trust me it's totally worth it.

Oh and don't worry about getting married to raise your baby, so many people think that's what you HAVE to do. My mom and dad were married before me and my 3 brothers were born, my dad drank all day long while my mom worked. He didn't do a d**n thing for the 4 of us. That marriage license didn't make my dad step up. And I'm not exaggerating either. He did literally nothing. So don't think you need a husband to make a wonderful life for the baby. (I'm not saying the father of your baby is bad or anything, don't get me wrong. I just want to put out there that some people might judge you for not getting married which is lame....)

Good Advice! Same here. I work full time and go to school full time. I had my daughter at 19 after my feshman year of collage and I am one year away from my bachelors and already have a great paying job. I was determined to prove everyone wrong, and I have. Anyone can as long as your focused.

Grimmerick

She said she's keeping the baby, so back off. Just because 23 was too young for you doesn't mean this logic can be applied to such an incredibly personal choice in other people. Don't push your choices on others, especially when they've made theirs. I think it's out of line to tell an adult woman you don't even know what she should or shouldn't do at this point.

who are you talking to? I am really asking because I don't see anyone pushing a choice on her, just voicing opinions and being supportive at the same time, not telling her what she should do or that she made a bad decision.

steadk

being a mom is wonderful!! And don't listen to others who bash you for being young. I was 23 when i had my precious lil girl and it is the best thing that has ever happened to me. If you wait until you think you're ready, you'll never have kids.. so go on and do your thing, and be the best mom you know how to be add me if you need support

chantalb20

I'm 19 and I have a one year old son. I fell pregnant as soon as i turned 18, and i did get judged, especially as i had no license and was catching the bus/train everywhere. But, you soon forget all of that. When you hold that baby in your arms, it's like everything else ceases to matter. My son IS my life. I'm back at university studying high school teaching again, and it's hard, but it is so worth it and so rewarding. I KNOW that i'm a great mum, and I'm sure you will be too. Oh, and my dad refused to talk to me for awhile after he found out i was pregnant, but as soon as he saw his grandchild, he forgot it all x

BrokenBarbiexoxo

I think as long as you're happy, that's all that matters I know it's hard, because people are so opinionated in life, but you have to do what is right for you, you live your life, no one else! Just ignore them.

My best friend is 24, but when she was 23, she had two children under 3 and was divorced... She got a lot of stick too, but it's life, it doesn't work out how it's meant to!

UsedToBeHusky

I was 21 when I had my oldest. I wasn't married. Boyfriend (who eventually became my ex-husband) was kind of a jerk and didn't really do much to help me out. I struggled like you would not believe. I went through hell and back for my kids (I have 2 now, same dad). I'm a single mom now, but I'm back in school. I have a decent job. I just bought a nice house for me and my kids. Life really is pretty good. And I think my daughters respect me because they have seen me struggle and they know that I never gave up on them. Things will work out in time. Just relax and enjoy becoming a mother. It really is such a joy! :flowerforyou: