Being bashed on for being 23 and pregnant!! :(

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  • arizonaladybug
    arizonaladybug Posts: 91 Member
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    I just had my child at 25 and I was so scared about being a mom and how I would pay for things. I am married but I make way more money than my husband.. I dont know how to explain it but you will make it work and theres alot of programs out there to help people struggling like WICC your parents should be happy for you. Not everything happens like a perfect fairy tale. I dont know what dream world they are living in!
    Congratulations!
  • belladonnablue
    belladonnablue Posts: 24
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    I was a year older than you when I got pregnant. Similar story, too -- unmarried, but with a supportive boyfriend, and I was working very part-time while going to school. I had a rough pregnancy and had to quit working except 1 or 2 days a week, and quit working entirely not long after the baby was born. Boyfriend had to support us.

    Getting started with babies at 23 isn't "too young" -- you're really the only one that can decide if you're too young or old for kids. You can be 40 and still not be ready, or you can be ready at 19. Your dissenters may be more concerned about financial stability or your unmarried status. (To which I say, re: the "you can't have kids if you're not married!!1!", poo poo on you.)

    Re: the financial situation, though, I'm not gonna lie. It's freaking hard. I have not gone back to work and my daughter's almost 2 now, and we've been surviving off my boyfriend's wages, but he barely makes above minimum wage. But we agreed that having our daughter be with a parent around the clock is the most important thing, and we've never argued about that. He also encourages me to continue going to school, and I am. But I am taking much, much slower than I would if we didn't have a baby.

    So, yes, you guys can get by raising a family on one person's wages. You CAN continue going to school. It will be hard, hard, hard, and you will make a lot of sacrifices and use up any goodwill you have coming to you from friends and family.

    We had to move cities when we couldn't afford to stay where we were, and we have a lot of bills we are not in a place we can pay yet. We have to plan out grocery shopping to the dollar and we were on food stamps for about the first year after the baby. I haven't had medical insurance since I was pregnant. But we are slowly doing better. We are fed, our daughter's healthy (and does have insurance through my boyfriend) and we're keeping the lights on.

    Not saying this to scare you -- we don't regret having our daughter for an instant -- but as someone who was in a similar situation, letting you know how tough it can be. But there are resources out there to take advantage of, and we had very, very little family support, too.
  • RichardCMolloy
    RichardCMolloy Posts: 130 Member
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    Having a child at 23 has it's upside too. When you're my age, your child will be grown up so you will be able to go out with out trying to find a sitter :)

    Just love your child & do your best.
  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
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    Dont let others judge you!!!

    You are not a "young" Mom per definition! You are a perfectly fine age! Seriously.
  • micervera
    micervera Posts: 114 Member
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    I had just graduated high school when I found out I was pregnant & the father was still in high school when I was pregnant. I found a part time job & I lived with my mom. After he was born I took a full time job cause the father decided he didn't want to be around. I didn't get a chance to go back to school. I've been lucky though. I found a really good job, got me through the door of where I work now & now I'm a very good situation for not having college education. However it was still a struggle & that's what being a parent is, doing what's best for your children. I understand about the money thing so the best advice I can give you is while you go to school, find a part time job that will work with your schedule & start saving. I got hand me downs from friends & family. Some churches will have find cribs, blankets & clothes for you too. Check into state insurance cause you will need that to cover birthing costs for your & the baby. Congratulations and good luck on your journey.
  • scmcgee
    scmcgee Posts: 165
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    You can do this!!! I was 24 when I got pregnant and was not married. My BF was in third year of college and I had been a nurse for 1 year :smile: We got married in February (not the summer wedding I had always planned, but plans change). My oldest son is 18 and my husband and I have been together for 20 years (married for 19 years). It was stressful in the beginning but it worked out.

    Finish your school you are in right now!!! Save up money and buy baby stuff secondhand. You don't need a lot of fancy stuff for the baby - just you!!
  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
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    Agh, just posting again because this made me kinda angry.

    You are old enough to decide for yourself. You have a partner whom you love (presumably) and who is willing to take responsibility. That's the most important thing. Everything else will fall into place eventually, but just keep in mind that this is LIFE happening to you right now. If you spend longer on your education, if you have to cut back and budget for a while, you'll figure all of that stuff out together with your boyfriend.

    Don't be afraid. You are more than capable of doing this, and you shouldn't let anyone tell you differently.

    Moreover, your family will LOVE your child, or else stand to lose a great deal. They are the ones who need a reality check. Not you.
  • trhjrh06
    trhjrh06 Posts: 2,272 Member
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    23 is not that young. I married my high school sweetheart at the age of 19 and we had our daughter 2yrs later. So I was 21yrs old. Our daughter was planned but that doesn't make it any different. Really all that matters is that you and your boyfriend are happy and on the same page.
    Good luck!
  • leilanieann
    leilanieann Posts: 5 Member
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    Right now the sky feels like its falling, but its not I promise. All things are possible finish school while you are pregnant even if you have to make sacrifices. ( you will be making them the rest of your life now anyway :)) Once the baby gets here your family will forget they were upset, you will bounce back fast because you are 23 and you will be able to find a job with your new education status behind you. Good luck and I wish you and your family the best.:flowerforyou:
  • ishtar13
    ishtar13 Posts: 528 Member
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    I was 25 when I had my daughter, and single and the guy was not supportive.

    She's 16 now, a junior in high school with a good GPA, looking at colleges, responsible, with a job, a black belt in taekwondo. . .

    She's just a fabulous kid.

    There were some hard times, but overall, yeah, it's been good.
  • leeshamecham
    leeshamecham Posts: 3
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    Hi Lauren!

    I'm 22 and on my 3rd year of marriage. I don't have any children yet but I believe with all my heart you are doing the right thing, and I know I don't know you but I am proud of you!. I don't believe in abortion either, and I believe you are being very courageous. I also think with some time you're family will come around. If they love you as much as they say they do they will eventually come around.
    Lauren I also believe that God never gives us more than we can handle. I truly believe that he will provide for you and your baby. I know it's scarey right now but you're not alone, and kudos to your boyfriend for staying by your side. Lauren I will be praying for you and for your family :smile: I truly believe that everything will work out hun. Chin up your a strong young woman! :)
  • HealthyHappy120
    HealthyHappy120 Posts: 262
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    I think 23 is perfectly fine!!! And good on you for being against abortion :D I wish you so much good luck and don't sweat it :) most of my old friends had their babies at 18....true story! Please just enjoy the process dear
  • skohl83
    skohl83 Posts: 23
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    I was 22 and single when I had my twins....they have been the biggest blessing in my life, and I don't think I would be as successful and motivated today if it wasn't for them.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    My mom had 3 kids by the age of 22 (I am a twin) and she went to college when she could while I was growing up plus working too. It looks like I will have my future kids in my 30's because I met my husband when I was 23, married at 24, and is now financially ready by 29 (I will be 30 in January).
  • Crazy4Healthy
    Crazy4Healthy Posts: 626 Member
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    I was 16 with my first, 19 with my second and 30 with my last. I have one grandchild and another on the way. I'm currently 44.

    I really think how you handle this comes down to the type of person you are. Some people allow others to tell them they can't do something while others will go out of their way to prove them wrong. You sound like the latter and you will do just fine. Just stay on the path you are on and don't let anyone tell you that you can't make this work. Being young certainly has it's advantages and I can speak from both sides since I did it young and older. :) Honestly, both have their positives and negatives, you just do what you can and try to be the best you can be. That is all you can do.

    Having a child this young also has a tendency to motivate a person to excel and do better in their own lives so they can provide more for their children. In my opinion.

    Best of luck to you..... you can do this. :)

    Ooops, I'm 42, not sure how I managed to get my own age wrong. Apparently been a long day. LOL
  • jules0516
    jules0516 Posts: 158
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    Stay strong..I was married at 20, first child at 22-second one at 27...been married 14 years..everyone is different and everyone loves to voice their opinions. You can do it-yes you need money to raise a child-but mostly you need LOVE..Try not to stress or worry about what others think..Enjoy! (My kids are now 12 and 6..)

    BTW- I don't think anyone is ever "financially" ready for kids-if that were true, either you are mega rich or no one would ever have kids. IMO only.
  • katismiles
    katismiles Posts: 96 Member
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    My friend just had her baby and she's only 18. Her parents are helping her raise the child. On the bright side, you are no longer in high school. Don't let other bring you down.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
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    You sound like an amazing and strong woman. My mom had me when she was only 19 and she did an incredible job raising me. Honestly, I love having a young mom because she's cool and all my friends love her! :laugh: She has been a better and more responsible mother to me than I can say for a lot of my friends' moms who had their kids at older ages. I think it depends a lot more on maturity than actual age. Stay strong and responsible and you'll be just fine! Good luck and congratulations :smile:
  • rjo921
    rjo921 Posts: 130
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    Only you know what is best for you.....not your family...not your friends....you. I commend you for standing up to them. And it does not appear that you are going into this blindly...you realize what is ahead of you and how difficult it can be. However, being a parent is difficult no matter what your age is.

    Right now you need to take care of yourself and your baby. Do everything you can to enjoy this experience....hearing the heartbeat for the first time....feeling it kick....start connecting yourself with your child. That is what's most important....not what others think.

    Be well. Take care. :flowerforyou:
  • Dannysmommy2006
    Dannysmommy2006 Posts: 5
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    I was 19 when I gave birth and turned 20 a month later. I had only been with my son's father for a few months but we moved in together and made it work. I was working at the time, though my boyfriend was not but he got a job and we would put a little bit of money aside. My family was a bit disappointed in me, but they came around once they saw the sonogram pictures. My son is now 5, almost 6 and is absolutely amazing. There were tons of sacrifices that I made but I look at my son and I know it was worth it. I managed to get my Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice, even though my sons father and I split soon before our son's first birthday. He now lives in a different city so in essence, I am doing it alone and have been for almost 5 years. Its tough, I wont lie. But when your child smiles or even just looks at you, it is worth it. There were some things that I had to go through as a person, and I know if I didnt have my son, I wouldnt have made it through. Just enjoy being pregnant, sleep while you can, and if your family decides to come around and talk to you GREAT! If not, don't worry. You are creating a family of your own. Don't worry or stress even though I know its hard. Just think in a few months you will be holding a baby, YOUR CHILD, in your arms and the world will change and suddenly the only thing that matters is that baby :)

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