Being bashed on for being 23 and pregnant!! :(

Rhea30

So I recently just found out that I am pregnant. I do not believe in abortion, and I am for sure willing to own up to my responsiblity. My boyfriend is very supportive as well, although the thing is.. I recently just left my job to go back to school, it is hard finding another job these days. I know no matter what I will strive to be the best mom I can be, I may be very "young" to alot of people, but I would love to hear any stories from young mothers who are holding up strong with their child today, and who has made it. Please.. I need the support....


I'm worried about being unemployed.. my bf is working, I am going to a ROP program for school which is about a 6-8 month program for medical assisting / billing & coding, I cannot afford going to another school right now.. I hope I can make it, I know it will be a struggle but I also know it'll be worth it.

As long you're caring and you're trying to create a better future for yourself which it seems then that's what matters. I don't have any kids but I'm sure it can be tough for any first time mom no matter what age. ROP programs are pretty good for being a trade school compared to alot of trade schools out there (and the cost is right!). I had a couple of friends who got hired from them, they were actually hired while doing their work experience portion for the program so when you start your work experience do the best you can since you never know where it might lead

kitkatwag

HOney I was on my second child at that age. I married at 18 and had a total of 4 kiddos. I also was going to school with both of my last ones. Delivered and went back to take my finals. I was doing homework in my recovery room lol. It can be done. I hate that you dont have your family support, but you and your bf can make great parents if that is what you put your mind to!!!

barbaradilisio

While it might not be an ideal situation, there isn't much that you can do now right? You'll figure out a way to get through it. To all the people that think you won't, prove them wrong. I'm sure you will do great.

Dtho5159

Oh boy your family would hate me LOL.I was 20 when I lost my job in June of 2004, got married 2 weeks later, got pregnant with my 1st baby a month after that and had my 2nd and last baby at 23. I just decided to be a SAHM and we went from there.. Id sit down with your boyfriend and discuss it with him.

mdsjmom98

I had my first child the day after I turned 24. I wouldn't trade a thing!! I have two fabulous kids, and even with all the struggles, I wouldn't change a thing. Good luck!

JoolieW68

I was 22 and living with my boyfriend when I found out I was pregnant (who eventually became my ex-husband). After we split up (when my son was 1 1/2) I went back to school to finish my degree, and when he was 3 I started dating my current husband - and will be celebrating 15 years this June.

Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. The only one that can hold you back is YOU. The h3ll with anyone who is not supportive.

MommaKit79

the thing is, i am unemployed now.. but JUST started going back to school. I am scared I won't make it but I know I would NEVER go through abortion.

Your kids turn into your motivation! Just remember whatever you have to do, you will do for your family! It will be a lot and at some point, you will probably feel the desire to give up but, push through that and in the end, you will see it will all be worth it!!

My BFF from HS had her first at 18, 2nd at 19 right after she was married, lost her husband when the 2nd was not even a month old...she is now re- mairred, 13 yrs later, and has 4 boys and she makes it everyday! Anyone can do anything you put your mind to.

Again, when it comes to moving forward, you are the only person who can keep you down! Keep striving to be your best and you will persevere through it all!!

GOOD LUCK and a very big CONGRATS!!! MOtherhood is the best thing in the world you can do!! :-)

Jenni0101

I'm 23 now but I got pregnant at 18, had my daughter when I was 19. I was alone, scared and people were extremely rude and condescending. I was miserable.

One day I called my mom and she told me that I wasn't the first woman to deal with a tough situation and I won't be the last so I should pick my lip up off the floor and stand up for myself. Not what you would expect from your mother right? Lol that's just how she is.

I taught myself to show people how they were allowed to treat me and to go after what I wanted and what my daughter needed. It was so hard, so lonely and beyond scary. I encountered a ton of jerks and learned to ignore them or tell them where to shove it.

Eventually I enrolled in the college of commerce at the University two years ago and on my first day met my future husband. He loves my daughter like his own and she calls him dad. We will be married this July and in September I'll be starting my 3rd year in commerce and looking forward to more children and a bigger home and all the good things that come with hard work and perseverance.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are not capable of handling what god has put before you

kitkatkmt

I'll be 30 this summer, and had my son last September - I was already 29. If things had gone according to my "plan," I would've been younger - somewhere around your age. But then I wouldn't have the fabulous husband and son that I now have!! Amazing how things work out, isn't it?
I agree with the poster that said it's likely you're being "bashed on" because you're not married - some of the older generation gets stuck on the PC order of things. But the times are changing, and things are being done differently than they were back then.
Congratulations to you, and best of luck!!

shellicious777

Your story sounds like my daughter 4 1/2 yrs ago and she was 19. I had my first child at 19 also. Whats done is done and I commend you for not killing the baby. We were angry with our daughter too but that's normal for parents. Our Grandson is the most amazing little boy in the world and I wouldn't change things if I could. I did however take him for the entire time day and night while our daughter went through school to become an MA. She just got her degree in March and is working for a cardiologist. She loves her job! Sounds like your head is on straight. Your parents will come around. Don't be too angry with them, they love you! Congratulations!!!
Michelle

hlandry6

Never been pregnant before but I honestly believe you will be fine..I have seen WAYYY younger. Babies are a precious gift from God.

mummymichelle

I got pregnant at 19 and had my son at 20. I went back to college when he was 8 months old and I'm starting my degree in September. I got some funny looks when I was pregnant from people because I was young but I don't think age matters to be honest. If you're a good mum and you try your best, pay your bills, have a roof over your head for your baby and have a supportive baby daddy what more do you need? Young mums aren't necessarily bad mums, some young mums are amazing mums, some aren't that great, but then again some older mums are useless and some are good. As long as you're happy with the decision you made and stick to it then good for you being a mum is the hardest thing in the world but also the most rewarding I might not have a ton of money or be able to put my boy in designer clothes but he's the happiest little boy in the world, he's always smiling and he gets so much love and attention. Good luck! xx

jdelot

the thing is, i am unemployed now.. but JUST started going back to school. I am scared I won't make it but I know I would NEVER go through abortion.

I haven't read the entire thread, but have you considered adoption?

katejenkins1

I was married at 23 nd found out shortly I was pregnant with twins. They were born at 26 weeks, putting my age still at 23.

EVERYONE has an opinion, but the only one that matters is yours. Good luck and enjoy!

taunto

Maybe in the modern world sense its too young but I come from a culture where getting married and having kids at 18-19 is norm.

Age doesn't make a mother, a mother makes a mother. Every parent, no matter how old or young makes mistakes and its just a part of being a parent. But you should try to be a good parent, raise kids with good ethics and morals and thats all. You TRY to give them the best of everything but obviously you can't always give them everything, you just do what you can.

Also, congratulations on the baby. I hope your family comes around

theoneandonlybrookie

I was in a very similar situation. In 2002, I was in my first semester of graduate school and only five months into a relationship when I got pregnant... with TWINS. I was 22 years old.

I went on to deliver those beautiful babies in the summer of 2003, got married shortly after, and received my MLS on time in 2004. I've been married for 9 years and we have another daughter together who is almost 3.

You can do this, and you will never for a second regret it. :-)

mom2scc

wow i dont think it to young at all. im 25 have two kids, had my at 22 and my second at 23 so no bashing from me. good luck!

azsuzi

the thing is, i am unemployed now.. but JUST started going back to school. I am scared I won't make it but I know I would NEVER go through abortion.

You said the program you enrolled in is 6 - 8 months? The courses will be over by the time you deliver and then you can focus on being a mom! You'll do fine!

MyOwnSunshine

You can do it! It's hard, but certainly do-able. All you hear when you become unexpectedly pregnant are all the negatives, but motherhood is such a joy and a blessing. You'll be fine.

And regarding age -- I got pregnant (surprise) when I was 36, and everyone bashed on me about being too old. LOL There's just no winning with haters.

You'll solve the problems that come up -- that's what moms do. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. Being a mother is such an amazing thing! It will give your life new meaning and purpose and will strengthen you in ways you never imagined.

Daydreams406

No worries! You will be just fine! I was just out of high school when I got pregnant with my son. I was 17 years old when I got pregnant, and I was 18 when I gave birth to him.
I still stuck to my plan of going to college. I took a full load of college courses, and I went while pregnant. I had to take some time when I had my son, due to health issues, I had pre-eclampsia and I was put on bed rest and had to quit my job, but I begged my Dr's to let me continue to go to my classes. I had to stay an extra week in the hospital after I gave birth, but I did finish all my courses and passed every one of them.
I was a single mom. I did get my bachelors degree 4 years later.
My son is 18 now, and he will be graduating from high school in two weeks. He will be attending college away from home in the fall. Life is as it should be

TeachTheGirl

I was 24 when I had my son. 28 when I had my daughter. I live half way across the world from my family and my husband is supporting us on one job AND he's in school. We have a comfortable life.

kadins_momma07

Age isn't any great measure of maturity.

MATURITY is the measure of maturity.

Everyone's different.

Totally agree!! There are horrible parents at all ages. All you can do is do the best you can and don't worry about the craziness everyone else is talking

BAMFMeredith

I was 21 when I got pregnant. I graduated college at the end of my first trimester, and have a fantastic career and a pretty awesome 5 year old now!

People are going to judge anyone who is young and pregnant. When I was pregnant, I looked a LOT younger than I was (I still get carded for rated R movies every once in a while, and I'm 27!) and I got some NASTY looks from upper class women in the nicer part of town. It got so frustrating, but I knew deep down I was going to be a great mom, albeit unexpectedly.

My son's father was a piece of crap during the pregnancy, and after, and still is only a father when it's convenient for him. But it doesn't matter. I won't lie and say it's easy. Because it's definitely not easy being a young mom, but it sounds like your boyfriend is very supportive and that's HUGE. It takes some hard work and a real test of your patience, but you can do it! If you're worried about the financial aspect, there is assistance out there for single moms. I know you're not "single" but legally, you are, so you could probably get some temporary government assistance to keep you and your baby healthy and fed while you work toward your goals. I had to use Medicaid for my son and Food Stamps for us for about 6 months when I finally left my son's dad (he wouldn't allow me to have a job, as a means of controlling me) while I was getting on my feet. No shame in needing a little help sometimes.

As for your family not speaking to you, my father was SO ashamed when I told him I was pregnant (he was SUPER religious and suggested I get married immediately), but he came around. Even my son's grandparents on the other side, they didn't speak to us during my entire pregnancy, but once that baby came, they were overjoyed to be grandparents and completely changed their tune..

And finally, congratulations!!

obsidianwings

I had my second child at 22, although my situation was a bit different as we were prepared as it was planned, you will be fine. I'm sure your family will come around, most do, its just a shock at first.

sthomasx7

Don't worry about what others say and VERY important to finish your education! Proud of you for not considering the alternative. A long time ago, I graduated high school, found out I was pregnant, got married and started college all with in 6 months. Took semester off to have the baby, caught up in summer school and finished college with the rest of my class in 4 years. Still married to the same man 30 years later and have had a great flexible career because of my education. I had my first child at 18 and my last one at age 38 (with 3 in between-1 birth and 2 adopted).Now my oldest is 29 and the youngest is 9. I went from being one of youngest moms at the elementary school to being asked if my youngest is my granddaughter :sad: . (Her teacher and some of her classmates' parents went to school with her big brother).

I will admit I had way more energy with the oldest child but working through MFP to get healthier to have the same energy for the younger ones.

It will not always be easy but it will be worth it - the child AND the education. If anyone offers to help, take them up on it. Family/church support is a great help. Good luck.

vballscriscuolo

You can do it girl! I am not a young mom, but I am 23 also. I got married last year (at 22) and ym family thought I was nuts for awhile too, and they know that I'm trying to have a baby as well and also think I'm crazy! So I feel your pain. While I am not pregnant yet, I am in a similar situation.

As for being unemployed, you can't freak about that right now, you need to throw yourself into your schooling and hopefully your boyfriend is willing to start to make a savings for the baby to give you guys a backbone to begin with once the baby comes. you're never alone in this even if things are bad with your family.

Feel free to add me and I'm TOTALLY willing to be a strong support for you

badgranola

I had my son when I was 23. He is 8 years old now. I've been a single mother for 6 years of that time. It isn't easy, but it is totally worth it. I wouldn't trade my experience for the world.

dschavers

I married right out of high school and had my first child at 20 (who is now 25 and having a baby of his own). Age is just a number and if you have a good support group and/or family you will do just fine.
Babies are a lot of work and a lot of joy all rolled up in to one. I wouldn't change mine if I could.......I was young when he was young and I'm still young (45) enough to enjoy and get out with the grand-children he is having and will have in the future. Good luck

jfaure23

You are where I was 9 years ago. I found out I was pregnant in February of my 2nd year of university. I had my beautiful baby boy, and left my boyfriend when my son was 6 months old. I did it on my own while finishing my last two years of university. I was able to get a spot in subsidized daycare during the day, tried to get all my courses to fit in that time, and worked a part time job during the day as well. IT IS HARD, but so absolutely rewarding when you finish for the day and your son looks at you like you are the baddest thing around.

Stick to your own, your friends and family will come around when they see you mean business and it is important to you.

Good for you.

AmberJslimsAWAY

Dood. I had my first when I was 17, 3 weeks before my senior year of High School. I moved out of my parents, into my own place, and finished school. I walked across the stage, just like everyone else, except I had a 10 month old on my hip. Life gets hard, but if you're willing to push through and make it your own, screw what everyone else says... I had my second when I was 20. (By this time I had married the guy lol) And now at 25, I have two AMAZING children. I am single now, and I've done it thus far. My son is one of the smartest in his grade, and I'm the youngest mom.

Fuck what everyone else thinks. Live for you and that baby. Be the best you can be, and no one can judge you.