Can I have a male friend even if I have a boyfriend?

Options
1…678911

Replies

  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    Options
    So today I met a really cool and funny guy on the bus who I would love to be friends with, the problem is I think my boyfriend would go crazy if I asked him about it.
    I'm recently new to this city and I don't know anyone besides me boyfriend, it can get quite lonely sometimes. I don't want to cause arguments in our relationship so would it be best for me to ignore the funny cool guy on the bus and not respond to his email to hang out?


    Let's get REAL! In today's world we all want to believe that WE are Mature, Honest and Faithful enough to have relationships with the Opposite Sex (OR Sex that one is Naturally Attracted to.) We call all types of things (NOT Cheating) like cyber relationships... The Key to all of this is ATTRACTION, HONESTY and what I call BRAZENNESS!

    HERE'S a REAL Story: My Best Friend (female/Candi) and her partner (female/Elle) had been together for 5 years. Elle had "friends" she had known for a few years but not really that close. One "friend" (Wells) was Attracted to Elle but held it under-cover. The door was open when she (WELLS) saw that Candi and Elle were having some problems.;(Wells) began to single Elle out for special treatment/attention, like getting movie passes and asking Elle to go the movies, having dinners together, going to university functions... they began conversing and keeping up with each other on Twitter and Facebook and IM. My friend (Candi) THOUGHT it was OK, she thought it was harmless, but I knew better. I could tell that Wells had always been ATTRACTED to Elle and that she (WELLS) was just waiting for the right time to make a move (THE BRAZEN FACTOR.) That "Closeness" that Wells MANIPULATED with Elle eventually drove the final wedge between Elle and Candi. NOW, Elle and Wells are a couple (I DOUBT if it will last/).

    THIS is just an example of what people are willing to DO to get something (someone) that belongs to someone else that they covet...if even for a short time. SOME People are Very Brazen and jealous, and ARE willing to "lay in the cut" for what belongs to someone else...it's almost like a Game to them. BUT, the other partner (Friend) is also to blame. If You are TRULY HONEST, you should know/feel that there IS an attraction with You and this new guy. I can tell that there is an attraction JUST by the way you describe him. And I GUARANTEE that he is BRAZEN enough to "slow walk" you down as soon as he "smells" any problem between You and your boy friend...In Fact, YOU will be running to him (the new guy) telling him all the problems you and your boy friend are having, and new guy will be listening with empathy (just like Elle and Wells.) THIS stuff is NOT New, we hear of it all the time, heck, songs are written about it "Friends become Lovers" (who belonged to someone else! first .)
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    Options
    NOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S ILLEGAL, DUH. -________- If my boyfriend had a problem with me hanging with my guy friends I would be like uhh hell to the no.... I don't care if he hangs with (non-slutty) girls so why should he care when I hang with my friends, who happen to be almost all guys? :x Pffff.

    How do you know if they're slutty or not? Because even the sluttiest girls can look like saints. I would know, I went to catholic school. :laugh:
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Options
    NOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S ILLEGAL, DUH. -________- If my boyfriend had a problem with me hanging with my guy friends I would be like uhh hell to the no.... I don't care if he hangs with (non-slutty) girls so why should he care when I hang with my friends, who happen to be almost all guys? :x Pffff.

    How do you know if they're slutty or not? Because even the sluttiest girls can look like saints. I would know, I went to catholic school. :laugh:

    Oh man...you had to go and say that didn't you?!

    /sigh
  • SpydrMnky27
    SpydrMnky27 Posts: 381 Member
    Options
    This is not a friend she's had before she got with her boyfriend. This is a random funny cool guy she met on a bus. She's lonely in a new city. C'mon now.
  • ImNotThatBob
    ImNotThatBob Posts: 371 Member
    Options
    Most guys are only looking for one thing. If the funny guy is gay then it is ok... If he is straight, then eventually he will want more than to be your friend....

    Maybe he's just using you to get close to your boyfriend.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Options
    Most guys are only looking for one thing. If the funny guy is gay then it is ok... If he is straight, then eventually he will want more than to be your friend....

    Maybe he's just using you to get close to your boyfriend.

    Sneaky bastage!
  • Cold_Steel
    Cold_Steel Posts: 897 Member
    Options
    I think it is all just based on each persons preference and perspective.

    My perspective is my wife simply does not make new friendships with straight men. If it is an old friendship then obviously I came into the relationship knowing it is an old friendship and that is perfectly acceptable.

    I couldn't be with a woman who thought it was ok because I don't think it is ok and I would be bothered by it. That is something I looked for in my wife. It was mutually agreeable value that we both shared. It is simply inappropriate to be alone and to spend time and to share emotional bonds with a member of the opposite sex who is not friends with your current significant other and or a long time friend. I have long time friends that are women and I still wouldn't hang out with them alone because it is just not "appropriate" and respectful.

    I see the role of that social interaction between a man and a woman simply to be bonded to your relationship. There is no reason to have an emotional bond with another single or married woman whatsoever there is nothing good that can come of that it has the potential to turn into other feelings. Communication is hard enough in a marriage and to have feelings of rejection because that person is communicating with someone else can cause issues in a relationship that are completely avoidable by simply respecting that relationship.

    There are many relationships that satisfy a persons need to "belong" and those relationships in my opinion have boundaries. It is not a trust issue or any thing else.

    I can guarantee that most people that feel this way are also the ones that do not go tell their guy buddies every thing about their relationships. People seek relationships with certain people all the time, gender is one of those factors. It is just one of those things where I just don't find it appropriate to seek alone time with the opposite sex.

    Now lesbian women, those make the best girl friends for me.... lol
  • NZblue
    NZblue Posts: 147 Member
    Options
    I'm young and married, and I have plenty of male friends, as well as my husband. He works with a lot of females (no males) and I'm totally comfortable with him being friends with females. I would talk to your boyfriend, because having other male friends is healthy. <3 It's all about trust.

    So long as you're not doing anything with them that you wouldn't be comfortable with your boyfriend seeing. =) That's how I think of it, anyway.

    I haven't read all of the posts, just the first couple.
  • future_runner
    future_runner Posts: 136 Member
    Options
    Aren't you the one who's living with a "boyfriend" that takes care of you financially, and you don't want to cook and clean for him and you have separate sleeping arrangements?

    This *has* to be a troll. I'm sorry but this cannot be serious.


    lol omg you're right!! wowwww

    The OP is that girl? Ohhh that's why she hasn't been back
  • PunkyRachel
    PunkyRachel Posts: 1,959 Member
    Options
    it depends on the person, I don't trust guys, so a make a point not to have male friends.

    I think you can have friends of the opposite gender, and it not be romantic
  • future_runner
    future_runner Posts: 136 Member
    Options
    If you want to do something, your boyfriend should support you at it. He should feel totally free to express his opinion about things, but I wouldn't let him tell you who you can & can't spend time with.

    So what if it were your boyfriends feelings that he didn't want you to hang out with this or that guy friend...would you respect that or no? He didn't say you couldn't...just told you how he felt.

    It would depend on why he felt that way. I dated a guy that didn't like me to have my guy friends, or even go out with my girl friends if we might talk to guys, and sometimes got jealous when I hung out with his roommates because "he just didn't like it" I'd never given him a reason not to trust me so I kept being the same person I'd always been despite his irrational feelings. If his feelings had a basis, well this would be a completely different story.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Options
    If you want to do something, your boyfriend should support you at it. He should feel totally free to express his opinion about things, but I wouldn't let him tell you who you can & can't spend time with.

    So what if it were your boyfriends feelings that he didn't want you to hang out with this or that guy friend...would you respect that or no? He didn't say you couldn't...just told you how he felt.

    It would depend on why he felt that way. I dated a guy that didn't like me to have my guy friends, or even go out with my girl friends if we might talk to guys, and sometimes got jealous when I hung out with his roommates because "he just didn't like it" I'd never given him a reason not to trust me so I kept being the same person I'd always been despite his irrational feelings. If his feelings had a basis, well this would be a completely different story.

    So it just making him uncomfortable, wouldn't be enough? And I didn't say any of those other things...so it's not really comparable if you know what I mean. If he said to you that it bugged him, you asked why...and he just said 'I'm not sure...it just does'...what would your response be?
  • 4rgl
    4rgl Posts: 106
    Options
    So today I met a really cool and funny guy on the bus who I would love to be friends with, the problem is I think my boyfriend would go crazy if I asked him about it.

    Wait... you have to ask your bf whether you can have a male friend?
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Options
    So today I met a really cool and funny guy on the bus who I would love to be friends with, the problem is I think my boyfriend would go crazy if I asked him about it.

    Wait... you have to ask your bf whether you can have a male friend?

    Lol.
  • danielleharvey2009
    danielleharvey2009 Posts: 25 Member
    Options
    I'm not entirely sure why people assume men can't keep it in their pants? :S Just saw the comment a few times.
    I just want to make a point that while there are men out there that are "womanizers", there are some that aren't. And that goes for the flip side. I know alot of girls that are "hoes" (excuse the terms I don't want to make it sound vulgar and have super haters hate on me), and alot that aren't.
    For example, I have a girl who can't even count how many guys she's been with while my roomate (girl) waited till her 20s to be with a guy (and they were engaged). I also know a guy that would send vulgar pictures to myself and friends during high school, while my best friend is still a virgin (because he refused nearly every girl as he's waiting for 'the one').
    Point being, when you assume something about the opposite gender you 'make an *kitten* out of you and me' (saying here in Canada, I don't know about anywhere else that poeple are from)
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Options
    This thread is back??

    /facepalm
  • DayumStraightIAmEllie
    DayumStraightIAmEllie Posts: 160 Member
    Options
    Lol i'd love an answer to this....my boyfriend goes crazy any time i mention a guys name!
  • future_runner
    future_runner Posts: 136 Member
    Options
    If you want to do something, your boyfriend should support you at it. He should feel totally free to express his opinion about things, but I wouldn't let him tell you who you can & can't spend time with.

    So what if it were your boyfriends feelings that he didn't want you to hang out with this or that guy friend...would you respect that or no? He didn't say you couldn't...just told you how he felt.

    It would depend on why he felt that way. I dated a guy that didn't like me to have my guy friends, or even go out with my girl friends if we might talk to guys, and sometimes got jealous when I hung out with his roommates because "he just didn't like it" I'd never given him a reason not to trust me so I kept being the same person I'd always been despite his irrational feelings. If his feelings had a basis, well this would be a completely different story.

    So it just making him uncomfortable, wouldn't be enough? And I didn't say any of those other things...so it's not really comparable if you know what I mean. If he said to you that it bugged him, you asked why...and he just said 'I'm not sure...it just does'...what would your response be?

    Just looked back and saw this. I'm not sure what "other things" you mean. "It just does [bother me]" and "I just dont like it" mean the same thing. My response was to continue being the same person I was before I came his girlfriend, a girl that has male friends. He was always invited and we talked several times about how I could make him more comfortable but he didn't a reason for why it made him uncomfortable. It just did.
  • JenS0301
    JenS0301 Posts: 37 Member
    Options
    Up to you, it is YOUR life. What is the problem with having a friend? Your bf should be cool with it. Shouldnt have to "ask" either.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    Options
    I'm not entirely sure why people assume men can't keep it in their pants? :S Just saw the comment a few times.
    I just want to make a point that while there are men out there that are "womanizers", there are some that aren't. And that goes for the flip side. I know alot of girls that are "hoes" (excuse the terms I don't want to make it sound vulgar and have super haters hate on me), and alot that aren't.
    For example, I have a girl who can't even count how many guys she's been with while my roomate (girl) waited till her 20s to be with a guy (and they were engaged). I also know a guy that would send vulgar pictures to myself and friends during high school, while my best friend is still a virgin (because he refused nearly every girl as he's waiting for 'the one').
    Point being, when you assume something about the opposite gender you 'make an *kitten* out of you and me' (saying here in Canada, I don't know about anywhere else that poeple are from)

    It's because men really can't keep it in their pants unless they're not attracted to the woman.

    And so what if she can't count how many she's been with? Maybe she loves to have sex. Just cause she isn't in a long term relationship doesn't mean she needs a lock and key on her vagina.

Categories