Can I have a male friend even if I have a boyfriend?

mischa_12
mischa_12 Posts: 126 Member
in Chit-Chat
So today I met a really cool and funny guy on the bus who I would love to be friends with, the problem is I think my boyfriend would go crazy if I asked him about it.
I'm recently new to this city and I don't know anyone besides me boyfriend, it can get quite lonely sometimes. I don't want to cause arguments in our relationship so would it be best for me to ignore the funny cool guy on the bus and not respond to his email to hang out?
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Replies

  • directorj
    directorj Posts: 537 Member
    I honestly don't see a problem and your boyfriend shouldn't worry about it. I encourage my g/f to have male friends and I'm trusting she's not going to do anything, but in exchange she also needs to be aware I can hang out with female acquaintances too.
  • RMuske
    RMuske Posts: 271 Member
    You should take your boyfriend to meet him the first time you hang out so he can get to know him and see that everything is ok. Plus he should trust you and your judgement. Just don't keep anything a secret from him. Should be fine.
  • seventwenty
    seventwenty Posts: 565 Member
    If you have to ask, no. You're too immature.

    Other ladies, yes. Yes you may.

    EDIT: Forgot to add, if your BF has a problem with you having male friends, he is not allowed to have ANY friends, as he is too immature and controlling.
  • parkermegan
    parkermegan Posts: 167
    I wouldn't. My husband wouldn't have a problem with me talking to another man, but as far as having a "friendship" with a man and going out with them, hanging out, etc he wouldn't like it, so I would do it. I think that's part of a good relationship is respecting each others feelings! Good luck!
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    You should take your boyfriend to meet him the first time you hang out so he can get to know him and see that everything is ok. Plus he should trust you and your judgement. Just don't keep anything a secret from him. Should be fine.

    This.

    To be honest though...the person to ask isn't here on MFP. It's your boyfriend. Some guys are ok with it...some guys aren't. Our judgment isn't going to be right or wrong...it's just going to give you ammunition for the argument you get into if he disagrees with YOUR judgment.

    For me, it's a case by case thing. More relationships are split up by 'friends' than anyone else. I've never dated someone that one 'friend' or another (hers, or mine), hasn't tried to get with. So as a guy, again...I judge it by the person. The fact that YOU want a friendship, doesn't mean the other guy is only wanting a friendship...and believe me, the slightest wedge they can work, they will.

    So in the end, it's going to be up to you. You'll have to talk to him, and if he doesn't say yes...you'll have to either be ok with his decision...or choose the new friend over him if you're not. There's not a lot of other options, because if he's not into it...making him change his mind probably isn't going to happen...and it'll be the beginning of the end anyhow, for all the arguments you'll get in over it :(.
  • Drenched_N_Motivation
    Drenched_N_Motivation Posts: 1,004 Member
    So today I met a really cool and funny guy on the bus who I would love to be friends with, the problem is I think my boyfriend would go crazy if I asked him about it.
    I'm recently new to this city and I don't know anyone besides me boyfriend, it can get quite lonely sometimes. I don't want to cause arguments in our relationship so would it be best for me to ignore the funny cool guy on the bus and not respond to his email to hang out?



    It all depends on if you are attracted to him. Thats what it really boils down to.
  • Jersey_Devil
    Jersey_Devil Posts: 4,142 Member
    depends.... but if you have to ask...then it seems unlikely.
  • _Triple_S_
    _Triple_S_ Posts: 214 Member
    You should take your boyfriend to meet him the first time you hang out so he can get to know him and see that everything is ok. Plus he should trust you and your judgement. Just don't keep anything a secret from him. Should be fine.

    This.

    To be honest though...the person to ask isn't here on MFP. It's your boyfriend. Some guys are ok with it...some guys aren't. Our judgment isn't going to be right or wrong...it's just going to give you ammunition for the argument you get into if he disagrees with YOUR judgment.

    For me, it's a case by case thing. More relationships are split up by 'friends' than anyone else. I've never dated someone that one 'friend' or another (hers, or mine), hasn't tried to get with. So as a guy, again...I judge it by the person. The fact that YOU want a friendship, doesn't mean the other guy is only wanting a friendship...and believe me, the slightest wedge they can work, they will.

    So in the end, it's going to be up to you. You'll have to talk to him, and if he doesn't say yes...you'll have to either be ok with his decision...or choose the new friend over him if you're not. There's not a lot of other options, because if he's not into it...making him change his mind probably isn't going to happen...and it'll be the beginning of the end anyhow, for all the arguments you'll get in over it :(.

    Cris you are always so full of wisdom. I always like your responses
  • aproc
    aproc Posts: 1,033 Member
    Depends on your boyfriend. If your really concerned about it that much then it's probably a bad idea. My bf doesn't care about me hanging with a guy. He encourages me to make friends whether they are male or female. And all of his friends are female basically and it doesn't bother me.
    Or you could ask yourself, would it bother you if he made a female friend and started hanging out?
  • dinosnopro
    dinosnopro Posts: 2,177 Member
    make it a threesome
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    No, you may not. :angry:
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
    If it's that big of a deal to your boyfriend, he shouldn't be your boyfriend.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,238 Member
    Whatever happens dont put yourself in a situation where you are alone with him...
  • Jorra
    Jorra Posts: 3,338 Member
    If you have to ask, no. You're too immature.

    Other ladies, yes. Yes you may.

    EDIT: Forgot to add, if your BF has a problem with you having male friends, he is not allowed to have ANY friends, as he is too immature and controlling.

    QFT
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
    THAT'S THE SAME THING AS CHEATING!!! DID YOU ASK YOUR BF IF YOU CAN BE FRIENDS? OMG
  • espen19
    espen19 Posts: 3
    Most guys are only looking for one thing. If the funny guy is gay then it is ok... If he is straight, then eventually he will want more than to be your friend....
  • callmeBAM
    callmeBAM Posts: 445 Member
    Prob not the best idea. See if he has a girlfriend or sig other then do something together as couples.
  • gpstrucker
    gpstrucker Posts: 930 Member
    Umm, what do you mean "if I ask him"? You have to get your friends cleared by your boyfriend? WTF?

    My previous girlfriend had it straight. One night we were out at a club and a female friend of mine asked me to dance with her. I looked at my GF to see how she would react. She looked at me and said "As long as you aren't ****ing her it's ok with me".

    That's the way it is supposed to be.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Prob not the best idea. See if he has a girlfriend or sig other then do something together as couples.

    this, but my hubs knows that I have a lot of male friends, I've always been this way and he accepts me for who I am.
  • budhandy
    budhandy Posts: 305 Member
    You should take your boyfriend to meet him the first time you hang out so he can get to know him and see that everything is ok. Plus he should trust you and your judgement. Just don't keep anything a secret from him. Should be fine.

    This.

    To be honest though...the person to ask isn't here on MFP. It's your boyfriend. Some guys are ok with it...some guys aren't. Our judgment isn't going to be right or wrong...it's just going to give you ammunition for the argument you get into if he disagrees with YOUR judgment.

    For me, it's a case by case thing. More relationships are split up by 'friends' than anyone else. I've never dated someone that one 'friend' or another (hers, or mine), hasn't tried to get with. So as a guy, again...I judge it by the person. The fact that YOU want a friendship, doesn't mean the other guy is only wanting a friendship...and believe me, the slightest wedge they can work, they will.

    So in the end, it's going to be up to you. You'll have to talk to him, and if he doesn't say yes...you'll have to either be ok with his decision...or choose the new friend over him if you're not. There's not a lot of other options, because if he's not into it...making him change his mind probably isn't going to happen...and it'll be the beginning of the end anyhow, for all the arguments you'll get in over it :(.

    Cris you are always so full of wisdom. I always like your responses
    chris is a smart guy
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
    Dump your current bf. This other guy seems way cooler! Maybe he'll let you date him for awhile:-)
  • fakeplastictree
    fakeplastictree Posts: 836 Member
    I'd say it should be okay as long as you are okay if he hangs with chicks.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    My boyfriend doesn't mind me having guy friends, but if he did I would definitely understand and respect that. Like said before, it's really something you should discuss with your boyfriend.
  • saraann4
    saraann4 Posts: 1,296 Member
    If your boyfriend can have female friends...and you aren't jealous..sure why not. Make sure you know those females though! Some of them don't care if they are single or not...If you trust your boyfriend, it's all good then.
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
    Pretty sure that any guy chatting up a gal he just met is not thinking "gee, she's so funny, I hope she'll be my friend."
  • gpstrucker
    gpstrucker Posts: 930 Member
    I'd say it should be okay as long as you are okay if he hangs with chicks.

    ^

    Yeah that too.
  • BetterThanExpected
    BetterThanExpected Posts: 104 Member
    Umm, what do you mean "if I ask him"? You have to get your friends cleared by your boyfriend? WTF?

    My previous girlfriend had it straight. One night we were out at a club and a female friend of mine asked me to dance with her. I looked at my GF to see how she would react. She looked at me and said "As long as you aren't ****ing her it's ok with me".

    That's the way it is supposed to be.

    ^I agree with what this guy said
  • BriskisGrl
    BriskisGrl Posts: 461
    If you haven't already stated any of this to the boyfriend and exchange info again not informing him out of courtesy not permission than I wouldn't.. I'm a very open book, and feel that if you couldn't bring it up right away there is a reason you haven't.
  • wbgolden
    wbgolden Posts: 2,066 Member
    Pretty sure that any guy chatting up a gal he just met is not thinking "gee, she's so funny, I hope she'll be my friend."
    yup
  • shady1987dre
    shady1987dre Posts: 186 Member
    All he is doing is waiting to get you. If something goes wrong with your current BF "he'll be there for you".

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