Can I have a male friend even if I have a boyfriend?

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Replies

  • BazAbroad
    BazAbroad Posts: 248
    some people can pull this off some can't,
    My best friend is a girl, and we have been best friends since childhood.
    I get on better with girls than I do with blokes, apart from the Gym I have no interest in sport, , well, doing, but not watching ...
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.

    I did understand...you're saying that we can't reliably judge the guys intentions, just based on him being a guy, anymore than we could judge that the OP would cry at a chick flick. They're both people.

    I'm saying I don't agree. We can reliably 'assume' that either of the above is true...and use it to help us make a better overall decision. The only thing that them both being people makes them deserving of...is complete and total respect.

    But I will happily agree to disagree with you. You're reasonable and trying to make an intelligent point, which I respect.
  • spoonful
    spoonful Posts: 200 Member
    I would say it's okay but not very fair to your boyfriend. If he is aware that you are with your friend he would naturally wonder why you did not want to be with him. He would be subjected to unnecessary stress and concern too. I would not inflict that on my partner.

    When I am with someone, any spare time I have I want to spend with her for the most part. I have enough guy friends to be able to do without a female friend. You might want to ask yourself if there is an attraction other than simple friendship there.
  • MasonMelissa
    MasonMelissa Posts: 525 Member
    You should take your boyfriend to meet him the first time you hang out so he can get to know him and see that everything is ok. Plus he should trust you and your judgement. Just don't keep anything a secret from him. Should be fine.

    This.

    To be honest though...the person to ask isn't here on MFP. It's your boyfriend. Some guys are ok with it...some guys aren't. Our judgment isn't going to be right or wrong...it's just going to give you ammunition for the argument you get into if he disagrees with YOUR judgment.



    For me, it's a case by case thing. More relationships are split up by 'friends' than anyone else. I've never dated someone that one 'friend' or another (hers, or mine), hasn't tried to get with. So as a guy, again...I judge it by the person. The fact that YOU want a friendship, doesn't mean the other guy is only wanting a friendship...and believe me, the slightest wedge they can work, they will.

    So in the end, it's going to be up to you. You'll have to talk to him, and if he doesn't say yes...you'll have to either be ok with his decision...or choose the new friend over him if you're not. There's not a lot of other options, because if he's not into it...making him change his mind probably isn't going to happen...and it'll be the beginning of the end anyhow, for all the arguments you'll get in over it :(.

    Cris you are always so full of wisdom. I always like your responses





    I know that My husband and I have no problem with each other having friends that are the opsite sex. My husband has many friends of the opsite sex and i am friends with 75% of them. I personaly chooce not to have any guy friends but that is my choice. I agree you need to sit down and have that conversation with your boyfriend.

    hope it works out!!!
  • mrsnathanandrew
    mrsnathanandrew Posts: 631 Member
    You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.

    I did understand...you're saying that we can't reliably judge the guys intentions, just based on him being a guy, anymore than we could judge that the OP would cry at a chick flick. They're both people.

    I'm saying I don't agree. We can reliably 'assume' that either of the above is true...and use it to help us make a better overall decision. The only thing that them both being people makes them deserving of...is complete and total respect.

    But I will happily agree to disagree with you. You're reasonable and trying to make an intelligent point, which I respect.

    I'm a girl and I don't cry at a chick flick. I don't even like chick flicks. I'm more of a Star Wars/Star Trek/LOTR type
  • atjays
    atjays Posts: 797 Member
    From some experience, you really NEED friends in a new city like that. If you BF doesn't like it tell him to grow up and find some confidence. Because someday when you two aren't together and you're left all by yourself because he wouldn't allow you to have friends you're going to be absolutely miserable. Make friends, regardless of their gender, be faithful to your bf of course, but don't be some beaten down girl who lets her bf decide who she can talk to.
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    If your boyfriend has a problem with it then perhaps you should invest some time rethinking your relationship with B/F. Seems like you might be having a problem with it.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.

    I did understand...you're saying that we can't reliably judge the guys intentions, just based on him being a guy, anymore than we could judge that the OP would cry at a chick flick. They're both people.

    I'm saying I don't agree. We can reliably 'assume' that either of the above is true...and use it to help us make a better overall decision. The only thing that them both being people makes them deserving of...is complete and total respect.

    But I will happily agree to disagree with you. You're reasonable and trying to make an intelligent point, which I respect.

    I'm a girl and I don't cry at a chick flick. I don't even like chick flicks. I'm more of a Star Wars/Star Trek/LOTR type

    It was an exaggerated example girl =p. There are far more women with 'tomboyish' tendencies, than men with less than masculine tendencies. Not to say there are none...but the ratio is definitely different.
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
    I found it very difficult to hang out with my male friends (MOST of my friends are men..) when I was in a relationship. My ex was very, very jealous and always accused me of doing something wrong. It was such a stressor. :(
  • PNOIZE
    PNOIZE Posts: 44
    every relationships starts with a friendship. only difference is some stay as "friends" and some grow into something more. thats just the way things are. no one is certain of who they are going to end up with. it's a gamble. good example would be brad/gelina. it also depends on the person if they have self control. did we not learn anything fro the Jerry springer show and Maury Povich show??? hehehehe!
  • iwantahealthierme13
    iwantahealthierme13 Posts: 337 Member
    You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.

    I did understand...you're saying that we can't reliably judge the guys intentions, just based on him being a guy, anymore than we could judge that the OP would cry at a chick flick. They're both people.

    I'm saying I don't agree. We can reliably 'assume' that either of the above is true...and use it to help us make a better overall decision. The only thing that them both being people makes them deserving of...is complete and total respect.

    But I will happily agree to disagree with you. You're reasonable and trying to make an intelligent point, which I respect.

    I'm a girl and I don't cry at a chick flick. I don't even like chick flicks. I'm more of a Star Wars/Star Trek/LOTR type

    This! (minus Star Wars/Trek)
    Chick flicks are too stupid
    I like drama but don't like chick flicks
    I prefer the stereotypical "for men"/action/special effects movies and sci fi.

    "Assume" makes an a** of U and me
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    From some experience, you really NEED friends in a new city like that. If you BF doesn't like it tell him to grow up and find some confidence. Because someday when you two aren't together and you're left all by yourself because he wouldn't allow you to have friends you're going to be absolutely miserable. Make friends, regardless of their gender, be faithful to your bf of course, but don't be some beaten down girl who lets her bf decide who she can talk to.

    So if you're going to prepare for a future break up, why not do it now and save yourself the stress?
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.

    I did understand...you're saying that we can't reliably judge the guys intentions, just based on him being a guy, anymore than we could judge that the OP would cry at a chick flick. They're both people.

    I'm saying I don't agree. We can reliably 'assume' that either of the above is true...and use it to help us make a better overall decision. The only thing that them both being people makes them deserving of...is complete and total respect.

    But I will happily agree to disagree with you. You're reasonable and trying to make an intelligent point, which I respect.

    I'm a girl and I don't cry at a chick flick. I don't even like chick flicks. I'm more of a Star Wars/Star Trek/LOTR type

    This! (minus Star Wars/Trek)
    Chick flicks are too stupid
    I like drama but don't like chick flicks
    I prefer the stereotypical "for men"/action/special effects movies and sci fi.

    "Assume" makes an a** of U and me

    Really? So if I assume that stepping out in front of a car will get me damaged...I'd be an *kitten*? How about closing my eyes and walking across a street with my ears plugged? Could I assume there is a high level risk involved, even if it's not a busy street? Would that make me an *kitten*?

    Yes, assumptions can make you a fool sometimes...but I'm sorry, if you don't think ahead, and use your knowledge, and past experience to help you judge the best course...I'm very surprised you've made it this far in life.
  • Phoenix24601
    Phoenix24601 Posts: 620 Member
    If I even had to question if my fiance would be ok with it then I just wouldn't do it. Someone that I have met for maybe half an hour is not worth causing a possible wedge between the man that I am planning on spending the rest of my life with. I have guy friends from pre-fiance but those dwindled as my relationship grew. This was not because my wonderful guy was controlling or jealous but more so because I didn't even want the slightest possibility of something coming between the two of us. I believe that you can be friends with the opposite gender but I also believe that it can be a mine field. It all comes down to what your priorities are. Best of luck!
  • MindyG150
    MindyG150 Posts: 1,296 Member
    The rule of thumb is: If you can introduce him to your husband your fine...if you keep him a secret...it's a lie!
  • NU2U
    NU2U Posts: 659 Member
    From some experience, you really NEED friends in a new city like that. If you BF doesn't like it tell him to grow up and find some confidence. Because someday when you two aren't together and you're left all by yourself because he wouldn't allow you to have friends you're going to be absolutely miserable. Make friends, regardless of their gender, be faithful to your bf of course, but don't be some beaten down girl who lets her bf decide who she can talk to.
    s


    Lol..if she DOES say to her bf " grow up and get some confidence. You can't tell me

    who I can/can't be friends with!!"

    Chances are they WON'T be together much longer. She won't be alone and miserable though...she'll be off screwin the guy from the bus (who's now thinkin "Yesssss..I am
    soooo glad she bought that whole 'I just wanna be friends' line")
  • bellyake3
    bellyake3 Posts: 135 Member
    If you have to ask, no. You're too immature.

    Other ladies, yes. Yes you may.

    EDIT: Forgot to add, if your BF has a problem with you having male friends, he is not allowed to have ANY friends, as he is too immature and controlling.

    diddo...if you have to ask then no. things will happen intentional or not...skip the guilt and just don't do it.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.

    I did understand...you're saying that we can't reliably judge the guys intentions, just based on him being a guy, anymore than we could judge that the OP would cry at a chick flick. They're both people.

    I'm saying I don't agree. We can reliably 'assume' that either of the above is true...and use it to help us make a better overall decision. The only thing that them both being people makes them deserving of...is complete and total respect.

    But I will happily agree to disagree with you. You're reasonable and trying to make an intelligent point, which I respect.

    I'm a girl and I don't cry at a chick flick. I don't even like chick flicks. I'm more of a Star Wars/Star Trek/LOTR type

    It was an exaggerated example girl =p. There are far more women with 'tomboyish' tendencies, than men with less than masculine tendencies. Not to say there are none...but the ratio is definitely different.

    Yup I grew up a big tomboy (I blame all the brothers and boys I grew up with) and I still managed to have tons of girlfriends. I save the video games and action flicks for the bf's though :smile:
  • iwantahealthierme13
    iwantahealthierme13 Posts: 337 Member
    From some experience, you really NEED friends in a new city like that. If you BF doesn't like it tell him to grow up and find some confidence. Because someday when you two aren't together and you're left all by yourself because he wouldn't allow you to have friends you're going to be absolutely miserable. Make friends, regardless of their gender, be faithful to your bf of course, but don't be some beaten down girl who lets her bf decide who she can talk to.

    So if you're going to prepare for a future break up, why not do it now and save yourself the stress?

    What you highlighted makes sense because if someone is going to control their partner's life, the person being controlled would most likely not stay if they're smart.
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
    I don't want to cause arguments in our relationship so would it be best for me to ignore the funny cool guy on the bus and not respond to his email to hang out?

    So you exchanged emails then? Well... I guess you've made your move on some level then. It sounds as if you've already given him your email... and that you're considering not letting your boyfriend know about him.

    I think this speaks volumes.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
    From some experience, you really NEED friends in a new city like that. If you BF doesn't like it tell him to grow up and find some confidence. Because someday when you two aren't together and you're left all by yourself because he wouldn't allow you to have friends you're going to be absolutely miserable. Make friends, regardless of their gender, be faithful to your bf of course, but don't be some beaten down girl who lets her bf decide who she can talk to.

    So if you're going to prepare for a future break up, why not do it now and save yourself the stress?

    What you highlighted makes sense because if someone is going to control their partner's life, the person being controlled would most likely not stay if they're smart.

    So if you feel controlled from the beginning why even invest any time and energy into the relationship at all?

    I don't think its unreasonably controlling to except my partner to not make any new lady friends without introducing me first. If you think that's controlling then you probably think monogamy is controlling too, which it sort of is.
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
    LOTR :heart:
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    From some experience, you really NEED friends in a new city like that. If you BF doesn't like it tell him to grow up and find some confidence. Because someday when you two aren't together and you're left all by yourself because he wouldn't allow you to have friends you're going to be absolutely miserable. Make friends, regardless of their gender, be faithful to your bf of course, but don't be some beaten down girl who lets her bf decide who she can talk to.

    So if you're going to prepare for a future break up, why not do it now and save yourself the stress?

    What you highlighted makes sense because if someone is going to control their partner's life, the person being controlled would most likely not stay if they're smart.

    You guys keep using control? What part of respecting his feelings if he's unhappy about it, is controlling her? It's still her choice to do so...no control whatsoever. If however, he refuses her the same respect...he should be gone, and hello guy from the bus.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    I don't want to cause arguments in our relationship so would it be best for me to ignore the funny cool guy on the bus and not respond to his email to hang out?

    So you exchanged emails then? Well... I guess you've made your move on some level then. It sounds as if you've already given him your email... and that you're considering not letting your boyfriend know about him.

    I think this speaks volumes.

    Excellent point Jennie.
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
    Aren't you the one who's living with a "boyfriend" that takes care of you financially, and you don't want to cook and clean for him and you have separate sleeping arrangements?

    This *has* to be a troll. I'm sorry but this cannot be serious.
  • Phoenix24601
    Phoenix24601 Posts: 620 Member
    [/quote]

    You guys keep using control? What part of respecting his feelings if he's unhappy about it, is controlling her? It's still her choice to do so...no control whatsoever. If however, he refuses her the same respect...he should be gone, and hello guy from the bus.
    [/quote]

    ^This
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
    Aren't you the one who's living with a "boyfriend" that takes care of you financially, and you don't want to cook and clean for him and you have separate sleeping arrangements?

    This *has* to be a troll. I'm sorry but this cannot be serious.

    Ok...lol, this whole post makes MUCH more sense now. I remember that thread...wow.
  • hbunting86
    hbunting86 Posts: 952 Member
    Is that even a question?

    Haha my best friends are guy friends - and of course I have a boyfriend. Women are great... but seriously, they do your head in after a bit!
  • littlepinkhearts
    littlepinkhearts Posts: 1,055 Member
    From some experience, you really NEED friends in a new city like that. If you BF doesn't like it tell him to grow up and find some confidence. Because someday when you two aren't together and you're left all by yourself because he wouldn't allow you to have friends you're going to be absolutely miserable. Make friends, regardless of their gender, be faithful to your bf of course, but don't be some beaten down girl who lets her bf decide who she can talk to.

    So if you're going to prepare for a future break up, why not do it now and save yourself the stress?

    What you highlighted makes sense because if someone is going to control their partner's life, the person being controlled would most likely not stay if they're smart.

    You guys keep using control? What part of respecting his feelings if he's unhappy about it, is controlling her? It's still her choice to do so...no control whatsoever. If however, he refuses her the same respect...he should be gone, and hello guy from the bus.

    yunno? I was just thinking about how the word "control" is sooooo over-used on the message boards. This is controlling me, that is controlling me...wth? I was in a controlling relationship for over 20 years. Why? I have no real reason other then I wanted my daughter to have a relationship with her dad. He was always good to her and treated her like gold. Me...not so much. But the point being....to have ever thing you do controlled is far different from giving in on the odd little thing here and there. Like wth....pick your priorities for sure and stick with them...but ya gotta give somewhere too no? It must be bedtime for me :P
  • iwantahealthierme13
    iwantahealthierme13 Posts: 337 Member
    You guys keep using control? What part of respecting his feelings if he's unhappy about it, is controlling her? It's still her choice to do so...no control whatsoever. If however, he refuses her the same respect...he should be gone, and hello guy from the bus.

    We don't know how he feels because she hasn't told him, IF she had told him and he said he was uncomfortable with it, that can be respected but if he said "there is no way you're looking at guys, or being around guys, or having guy friends other than me" then it's control, since she's afraid to tell the BF, which she probably is or she wouldn't be posting here for advice then I think it's an issue of control.

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