Can I have a male friend even if I have a boyfriend?
Replies
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do you really want a boyfriend who would limit your potential circle of friends by half?
hubby has female friends, I have male friends, it's not a big deal. most of them are married too.
key point that you just made.
If he had a bunch of hot young single lady friends you'd probably have an issue.
One thing I'm wondering about, are those who generally lump themselves into the "there are issues with co-ed friendships" socially conservative and those who generally lump themselves into the "males and females can easily have co-ed friendships" socially liberal?
Observant, and probably somewhat accurate.
I omitted the first part of your statement, because, simply...it was neither.
Awww... this narrowminded brah thinks he has all the answers and yet wants to say things like "we're all different" and "you've never met ladies today," b/c this brah with his uterus knows all about being a woman....
If you only had a clue what a fool of yourself you made by calling me 'narrow minded' (you don't know a thing about me 'brah')...and completely misquoting everything I said, you'd shut up and let the people who actually AREN'T narrow minded speak...while you learned something.
haha sure brah. I can learn something about how women think... from a dude...0 -
You should take your boyfriend to meet him the first time you hang out so he can get to know him and see that everything is ok. Plus he should trust you and your judgement. Just don't keep anything a secret from him. Should be fine.
This.
To be honest though...the person to ask isn't here on MFP. It's your boyfriend. Some guys are ok with it...some guys aren't. Our judgment isn't going to be right or wrong...it's just going to give you ammunition for the argument you get into if he disagrees with YOUR judgment.
For me, it's a case by case thing. More relationships are split up by 'friends' than anyone else. I've never dated someone that one 'friend' or another (hers, or mine), hasn't tried to get with. So as a guy, again...I judge it by the person. The fact that YOU want a friendship, doesn't mean the other guy is only wanting a friendship...and believe me, the slightest wedge they can work, they will.
So in the end, it's going to be up to you. You'll have to talk to him, and if he doesn't say yes...you'll have to either be ok with his decision...or choose the new friend over him if you're not. There's not a lot of other options, because if he's not into it...making him change his mind probably isn't going to happen...and it'll be the beginning of the end anyhow, for all the arguments you'll get in over it
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^^ this is the truth!! great post !0 -
Point is....She met this guy on the bus. That conversation must've been pretty "interesting", because they've already exchanged contact info. Obviously she's thinking about the guy...and he already basically asked her out. She's thinking about it..but needs to find a way to convince her boyfriend that he's just a "funny".."happy" guy, even though she's thinkin "damn..he's cute and we get along sooooo well..we click!!"
Not a good idea. Seriously......you're into this guy..and you know you are. Be honest.0 -
DITTO!!!0
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I didn't say it was wrong, just ridiculous.
Cause this is better than wrong lol??
:flowerforyou:
See my previous post regarding your prerogative on male/female friends. The one you shot down was just more pushy than the rest.
*sigh*
I just don't see the difference between a guy/girl being friends and a guy/guy, girl/girl being friends and hanging out. My moms best friend is a guy and they've been friends for a little over 20 years, he's married, my moms married, they get together and talk, and it's no big deal. Just how I see it.
And it 'can' happen...it's just not the most likely scenario, you know?
That's why I've said case by case...but to be honest, I'd rather be with someone who also had a realistic outlook on the odds...so that it just never became an issue.0 -
Point is....She met this guy on the bus. That conversation must've been pretty "interesting", because they've already exchanged contact info. Obviously she's thinking about the guy...and he already basically asked her out. She's thinking about it..but needs to find a way to convince her boyfriend that he's just a "funny".."happy" guy, even though she's thinkin "damn..he's cute and we get along sooooo well..we click!!"
Not a good idea. Seriously......you're into this guy..and you know you are. Be honest.
^^ This ^^0 -
do you really want a boyfriend who would limit your potential circle of friends by half?
hubby has female friends, I have male friends, it's not a big deal. most of them are married too.
key point that you just made.
If he had a bunch of hot young single lady friends you'd probably have an issue.
What is this, middle aged turned middle school? Maybe, just maybe, people can have smoking hot friends and, gasp, be okay with being JUST FRIENDS.
One thing I'm wondering about, are those who generally lump themselves into the "there are issues with co-ed friendships" socially conservative and those who generally lump themselves into the "males and females can easily have co-ed friendships" socially liberal?
Maybe the men I've hung out with are different than the ones you know. I know from a guys stand point that men don't have any interest in just being friends with any women unless they have to. In all other scenarios the guy is probably into the girl. Not to make men sound like cave men but its just the case around 94.7% of the time (Yes, I made up that statistic. Most statistics are false anyway!)
Any guy who even slightly likes you will take the bait when its presented. I know so many women who are pissed at their bf so they go hang out with their best guy buddy who is so sweet and always listens to them. Next thing you know the story goes like "so then i had a few drinks and we kissed. It totally didn't mean anything and I regret it!!" Right.
Lol and guys please be honest with this one. Do you really have any interest in listening to a girl complain about her boyfriend to you unless you're just waiting for that relationship to end?0 -
Point is....She met this guy on the bus. That conversation must've been pretty "interesting", because they've already exchanged contact info. Obviously she's thinking about the guy...and he already basically asked her out. She's thinking about it..but needs to find a way to convince her boyfriend that he's just a "funny".."happy" guy, even though she's thinkin "damn..he's cute and we get along sooooo well..we click!!"
Not a good idea. Seriously......you're into this guy..and you know you are. Be honest.
Can a person be *into* someone and not be interested? I know I've been *into* people because they just have this happy, positive vibe that I would like to emulate but I'm not sexually attracted. Who wants to be around downers and depressed people all day? Meeting someone one time on a bus is a little premature to say "we get along well & click"...0 -
I guess I look at people like this. We are all humans. Women never had the choice to be a women. Men never had the choice to be men. Why judge someone because they have a penis or a vagina? Thats out of everyones control. As is race, sexuality, and all injustices to human kind that were just because of the cards dealt. Instead of "Men are men and women are women" why can't it be People are people?. (Which FYI, was from Depeche Mode's People are poeple).
I don't give any care towards politics or any of that stuff. I'm am a very logical thinker. I am progressive thinker as well. When you state "men are men, women are women" could not the same sentiment been used during times in which interracial relationships during the 50's. "Blacks are with blacks, whites are with whites". I'm glad I'm younger, and a lot of the past generations will die out with their outdated thought processes. Its why mortality is important.
Why prejudge this guy for just being a guy? We know nothing about him other than he's a guy. So its not about the guy, its about guys in general. It's completely sexist.0 -
Personally, I don't think you can make any new male friends unless its in a forced situation. Such as a friend of a friend, a coworker, classmate, etc where as no attraction started, but you had to spend a lot of time together and eventually built a friendship. Aside from a new mutual friendship, anything else could possibly cause a problem in your relationship.
The only reason I believe this is most adults already have friends after a certain point in their lives. I don't know many people my age who go out to make new friends just to be friends. Usually one person is interested in the other person and that's never healthy for your relationship.
From my experience, I've never had any male friends who weren't eventually interested in me unless they were gay. (self admitted gay btw, not that I'm thinking "omg he doesn't like me he must be gay!@!~!@ ). I'm not sure about girls but I've had many guys tell me they don't even bother talking to a girl if they're not somewhat into them. Most guys I know don't have any interest in making new girl buddies. Also, if they claim to just want to be your friend it probably isn't true. Some guys will settle for the friendship in hopes that years later you'll finally be interested in them romantically. After that it only takes a few tiny bumps in your relationship for your new friend" to start looking good.
I agree with you 100%, but they're just going to tell you you're stereotyping men. What's funny, is I AM a man, and I KNOW many men...and have known MANY more in my 37 years of life...and you've pretty much hit it on the head.
Can a man be just friends with an attractive woman?
Yes.
if she gives him the slightest crack...would he take it?
Almost invariably, yes.
Do you know the best way to avoid cheating? Because here's the thing...no matter how loyal you are, how honest, how loving, how ANYTHING, you're also human, and people slip, make mistakes, get put in compromising situations...the list goes on. But to the question. The ONLY way to 100% avoid cheating, is to not put yourself in a place where you have to make that choice.
Period. ANY other scenario, there is a chance. 1/100? 1/1000? 1/1000000? It's still a chance, and the more you like, care for, enjoy the company of...insert whatever term you use for good friends here...the more likely it can be.Posting from my phone so I'm going to keep this short...but its seriously no surprise I'm single.
Good thing I'm ok with that...because with all this talk of dysfunctional relationships and controlling *kitten*...I'm amazed my parents, grandparents, and great grandparents marriages have lasted between 34yrs and climbing...and over 70yrs.
Thank god those days are gone. No seriously. Nostalgic feelings aside, how many dysfunctional relationships went on for decades because a obtaining a divorce was a huge social taboo?
precisely...and not only was getting a divorce an issue, women were socially isolated and even more so, economically unable to even entertain the idea of leaving the relationship even if they wanted to.
You've clearly never met many women from those days. Yes, what you've said did happen. No...it wasn't the norm. I'm not going to drag in the whole feminist deal here...but the things you've said there...make people like my grandmother (who lived in that time, had contemporaries in that time, and is far better qualified to judge than you or I), laugh her Keds off.
Perhaps where I come from it was the norm? Small town, large families...15, 16, 17 kids. Women were not getting out of relationships like they can today. The options were simply not available to them....and yes, some of the relationships were dysfunctional on top of that.0 -
if u know your boyfriend isnt going to like it then maybe u should go with your instinct , you know him better than we do0
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Does the new male friend know you have a boyfriend? Most of my friends are male but I knew and was friends with all of them before I met my fiancé. I think as long as you're being honest and this guy knows you're taken and just wants to be friends too, there isn't anything wrong with it. To be honest, I'd probably only hang out with him if I brought my boyfriend along. Since you're new to the town maybe you could arrange a sort of group outing where you bring your boyfriend and the new guy brings a friend or two along. That way you can make new friends and your boyfriend shouldn't get worried!0
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I guess I look at people like this. We are all humans. Women never had the choice to be a women. Men never had the choice to be men. Why judge someone because they have a penis or a vagina? Thats out of everyones control.
Yes! Every male was a female before he became male, biology of the fetus!0 -
Point is....She met this guy on the bus. That conversation must've been pretty "interesting", because they've already exchanged contact info. Obviously she's thinking about the guy...and he already basically asked her out. She's thinking about it..but needs to find a way to convince her boyfriend that he's just a "funny".."happy" guy, even though she's thinkin "damn..he's cute and we get along sooooo well..we click!!"
Not a good idea. Seriously......you're into this guy..and you know you are. Be honest.
This0 -
do you really want a boyfriend who would limit your potential circle of friends by half?
hubby has female friends, I have male friends, it's not a big deal. most of them are married too.
key point that you just made.
If he had a bunch of hot young single lady friends you'd probably have an issue.
What is this, middle aged turned middle school? Maybe, just maybe, people can have smoking hot friends and, gasp, be okay with being JUST FRIENDS.
One thing I'm wondering about, are those who generally lump themselves into the "there are issues with co-ed friendships" socially conservative and those who generally lump themselves into the "males and females can easily have co-ed friendships" socially liberal?
Maybe the men I've hung out with are different than the ones you know. I know from a guys stand point that men don't have any interest in just being friends with any women unless they have to. In all other scenarios the guy is probably into the girl. Not to make men sound like cave men but its just the case around 94.7% of the time (Yes, I made up that statistic. Most statistics are false anyway!)
Any guy who even slightly likes you will take the bait when its presented. I know so many women who are pissed at their bf so they go hang out with their best guy buddy who is so sweet and always listens to them. Next thing you know the story goes like "so then i had a few drinks and we kissed. It totally didn't mean anything and I regret it!!" Right.
Lol and guys please be honest with this one. Do you really have any interest in listening to a girl complain about her boyfriend to you unless you're just waiting for that relationship to end?
I'm going to be honest, and it's going to sound shallow...but if she's attractive...and I'm single, usually no (this is difficult to explain). The only thing is that I genuinely like to help people...so there's some leeway there. I hold relationships in very high regard also...so I'm NEVER going to be the guy that breaks it up. But again...the point is that if it does break...yeah.
Here's the caveat...if I'm in a relationship...that all ends, completely, 100%. Any female friend who isn't on board with that...isn't a friend anymore. ALL female friends, will be by default my girlfriend/spouses friends, or they won't be friends anymore. My relationship with a person I'm trying to build a life with...trumps ALL OTHER HUMAN BEINGS ON THIS PLANET...short of my kids, and I wouldn't be with someone who didn't put them first anyhow.0 -
I guess I look at people like this. We are all humans. Women never had the choice to be a women. Men never had the choice to be men. Why judge someone because they have a penis or a vagina? Thats out of everyones control. As is race, sexuality, and all injustices to human kind that were just because of the cards dealt. Instead of "Men are men and women are women" why can't it be People are people?. (Which FYI, was from Depeche Mode's People are poeple).
I don't give any care towards politics or any of that stuff. I'm am a very logical thinker. I am progressive thinker as well. When you state "men are men, women are women" could not the same sentiment been used during times in which interracial relationships during the 50's. "Blacks are with blacks, whites are with whites". I'm glad I'm younger, and a lot of the past generations will die out with their outdated thought processes. Its why mortality is important.
Why prejudge this guy for just being a guy? We know nothing about him other than he's a guy. So its not about the guy, its about guys in general. It's completely sexist.
^^This!!!!!0 -
If you know it is going to cause issues and you don't want issues then I would say no, but I have lots of guy friends, however they were there prior to the relationship. IF you feel you are into this guy though and you don't want to be then I would chalk it up to fun times on the bus.0
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Point is....She met this guy on the bus. That conversation must've been pretty "interesting", because they've already exchanged contact info. Obviously she's thinking about the guy...and he already basically asked her out. She's thinking about it..but needs to find a way to convince her boyfriend that he's just a "funny".."happy" guy, even though she's thinkin "damn..he's cute and we get along sooooo well..we click!!"
Not a good idea. Seriously......you're into this guy..and you know you are. Be honest.
Can a person be *into* someone and not be interested? I know I've been *into* people because they just have this happy, positive vibe that I would like to emulate but I'm not sexually attracted. Who wants to be around downers and depressed people all day? Meeting someone one time on a bus is a little premature to say "we
click"...
Let me put it this way.....
In THIS case.....she's into him, as in INTERESTED. He asked her out..they exchanged contact info..she's debating whether or not she should tell her BOYFRIEND. If it's as "happy happy joy joy" as she CLAIMS.........why hasn't she told her bf?
And why is she searching for answers HERE?0 -
Meh. I don't know. Just depends. Do you feel like he was flirting with you or that he was attracted to you? It seems like every time I become friends with a male he ends up wanting to be more than friends. I have male friends, as in ones that I talk to occasionally, but not any that I actually hang out with on a regular basis one-on-one.0
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do you really want a boyfriend who would limit your potential circle of friends by half?
hubby has female friends, I have male friends, it's not a big deal. most of them are married too.
key point that you just made.
If he had a bunch of hot young single lady friends you'd probably have an issue.
One thing I'm wondering about, are those who generally lump themselves into the "there are issues with co-ed friendships" socially conservative and those who generally lump themselves into the "males and females can easily have co-ed friendships" socially liberal?
Observant, and probably somewhat accurate.
I omitted the first part of your statement, because, simply...it was neither.
Awww... this narrowminded brah thinks he has all the answers and yet wants to say things like "we're all different" and "you've never met ladies today," b/c this brah with his uterus knows all about being a woman....
My uterus agrees with Cris' uterus. :happy:
I have one close guy friend that did not turn into feelings on either side, and he's now married to my sister. All other male friends now are either not very close, or I'm close to both them and their wives. Would i hang out with them alone? No. There simply is no reason to do so. If I see one, I want to see the other, and same with them and my husband. I'm simply not interested in putting myself or those male friends into a situation that could be considered something other than it is.0 -
I guess I look at people like this. We are all humans. Women never had the choice to be a women. Men never had the choice to be men. Why judge someone because they have a penis or a vagina? Thats out of everyones control. As is race, sexuality, and all injustices to human kind that were just because of the cards dealt. Instead of "Men are men and women are women" why can't it be People are people?. (Which FYI, was from Depeche Mode's People are poeple).
I don't give any care towards politics or any of that stuff. I'm am a very logical thinker. I am progressive thinker as well. When you state "men are men, women are women" could not the same sentiment been used during times in which interracial relationships during the 50's. "Blacks are with blacks, whites are with whites". I'm glad I'm younger, and a lot of the past generations will die out with their outdated thought processes. Its why mortality is important.
Why prejudge this guy for just being a guy? We know nothing about him other than he's a guy. So its not about the guy, its about guys in general. It's completely sexist.
You're still not getting it. Black MEN, are men. Black WOMEN, are women. Gender isn't something that is anywhere near the same as race, religion, or any of the other things that you listed.
Try as you might my friend, you will never have a period. You will never give birth. You will never hold on to body fat because you MAY someday need to give birth. The chemical/hormonal makeup of your body...including your brain AND THUS EMOTIONS...barring medical issues, is nowhere near the same as a womans. Your thoughts are different. Your feelings are different. Your needs, emotionally...are different. It's not something that's within our control...JUST like you said, but that makes it all the more important to recognize. You were built to procreate, it's hardwired into your brain. While, as a higher being we have some control of this (some far, far less than others)...the urges, need, and ability is still there.
We AREN'T THE SAME my friend. And I'm not trying to be condescending (text sucks for this)...but if you can't understand this after reading the above...there's not a lot of point in talking it through any more.0 -
I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years now, and all of my friends are guys.
As long as you're not f*cking this new guy, I don't see the problem at all. You're allowed to be friends with whomever you'd like, as long as they really are just friends.0 -
Sounds very suspicious to me.. You claim you just met this guy 'today' on the bus & ALREADY he's 'emailing' you wanting to hang out! You clearly had no compunction in handing your personal details over to a complete stranger. Does 'funny guy' know about you boyfriend & if so, did he INCLUDE your boyfriend in his invite to hang out? If the answer is NO to either of these then you already KNOW that your boyfriend won't approve & rightly so.0
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Also another fyi that's the oldest trick in the book. You meet a new guy and go "Oh sorry we can't go on a date I have a boyfriend!" the guy goes "Oh no it's fine I just want to be friends cause you're such a cool person! Lets just go out for some friendly drinks!" :laugh:
Okay okay, it probably happens a lot more smoother than that but you get my drift0 -
Of course you can have male friends while having a bf!!!! If you can't, then you're dating a very insecure and wrong guy for you.0
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I think its ok to have a guy friend just make sure he knows u have a man....n ask ur man how he feels0
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I think you can. My boyfriend's been cheated on many times before and I know he has a fear that I'll cheat on him. But he trusts me enough to bring up his feelings if he feels at all down about it. We're very open with each other (I do get jealous when he chats with girls I think are prettier than me as well), but because we're so open, we're careful not to do anything the other would be uncomfortable with (keeping secrets or going out late at night without saying where sort of things).
Bring up your feelings and lay everything out on the table, and if he's still not ok with you having male friends, then it may be time to leave him. Do you really want to spend your life with someone that will control who you can and can't hang out with?
Again, be open about it and hopefully everything will work out
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I think you can. My boyfriend's been cheated on many times before and I know he has a fear that I'll cheat on him. But he trusts me enough to bring up his feelings if he feels at all down about it. We're very open with each other (I do get jealous when he chats with girls I think are prettier than me as well), but because we're so open, we're careful not to do anything the other would be uncomfortable with (keeping secrets or going out late at night without saying where sort of things).
Bring up your feelings and lay everything out on the table, and if he's still not ok with you having male friends, then it may be time to leave him. Do you really want to spend your life with someone that will control who you can and can't hang out with?
Again, be open about it and hopefully everything will work out
It's not about have no male friends ever. It's more like you shouldn't have any male friends who isn't friends with him too.0 -
<deleted, didn't reply right>0
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You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.
<edit. **** it. I quit. Site isn't replying for me all the sudden. Don't care to invest anymore as to why>0
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