Can I have a male friend even if I have a boyfriend?

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  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    I guess I look at people like this. We are all humans. Women never had the choice to be a women. Men never had the choice to be men. Why judge someone because they have a penis or a vagina? Thats out of everyones control. As is race, sexuality, and all injustices to human kind that were just because of the cards dealt. Instead of "Men are men and women are women" why can't it be People are people?. (Which FYI, was from Depeche Mode's People are poeple).

    I don't give any care towards politics or any of that stuff. I'm am a very logical thinker. I am progressive thinker as well. When you state "men are men, women are women" could not the same sentiment been used during times in which interracial relationships during the 50's. "Blacks are with blacks, whites are with whites". I'm glad I'm younger, and a lot of the past generations will die out with their outdated thought processes. Its why mortality is important.

    Why prejudge this guy for just being a guy? We know nothing about him other than he's a guy. So its not about the guy, its about guys in general. It's completely sexist.

    You're still not getting it. Black MEN, are men. Black WOMEN, are women. Gender isn't something that is anywhere near the same as race, religion, or any of the other things that you listed.

    Try as you might my friend, you will never have a period. You will never give birth. You will never hold on to body fat because you MAY someday need to give birth. The chemical/hormonal makeup of your body...including your brain AND THUS EMOTIONS...barring medical issues, is nowhere near the same as a womans. Your thoughts are different. Your feelings are different. Your needs, emotionally...are different. It's not something that's within our control...JUST like you said, but that makes it all the more important to recognize. You were built to procreate, it's hardwired into your brain. While, as a higher being we have some control of this (some far, far less than others)...the urges, need, and ability is still there.

    We AREN'T THE SAME my friend. And I'm not trying to be condescending (text sucks for this)...but if you can't understand this after reading the above...there's not a lot of point in talking it through any more.
  • juliesummers
    juliesummers Posts: 738 Member
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    I've been with my boyfriend for almost four years now, and all of my friends are guys.
    As long as you're not f*cking this new guy, I don't see the problem at all. You're allowed to be friends with whomever you'd like, as long as they really are just friends.
  • naiils
    naiils Posts: 20
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    Sounds very suspicious to me.. You claim you just met this guy 'today' on the bus & ALREADY he's 'emailing' you wanting to hang out! You clearly had no compunction in handing your personal details over to a complete stranger. Does 'funny guy' know about you boyfriend & if so, did he INCLUDE your boyfriend in his invite to hang out? If the answer is NO to either of these then you already KNOW that your boyfriend won't approve & rightly so.
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    Also another fyi that's the oldest trick in the book. You meet a new guy and go "Oh sorry we can't go on a date I have a boyfriend!" the guy goes "Oh no it's fine I just want to be friends cause you're such a cool person! Lets just go out for some friendly drinks!" :laugh:

    Okay okay, it probably happens a lot more smoother than that but you get my drift
  • LelliAmi
    LelliAmi Posts: 327 Member
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    Of course you can have male friends while having a bf!!!! If you can't, then you're dating a very insecure and wrong guy for you.
  • mzfiyaa
    mzfiyaa Posts: 94 Member
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    I think its ok to have a guy friend just make sure he knows u have a man....n ask ur man how he feels
  • danielleharvey2009
    danielleharvey2009 Posts: 25 Member
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    I think you can. My boyfriend's been cheated on many times before and I know he has a fear that I'll cheat on him. But he trusts me enough to bring up his feelings if he feels at all down about it. We're very open with each other (I do get jealous when he chats with girls I think are prettier than me as well), but because we're so open, we're careful not to do anything the other would be uncomfortable with (keeping secrets or going out late at night without saying where sort of things).
    Bring up your feelings and lay everything out on the table, and if he's still not ok with you having male friends, then it may be time to leave him. Do you really want to spend your life with someone that will control who you can and can't hang out with?
    Again, be open about it and hopefully everything will work out :)
  • victoria4321
    victoria4321 Posts: 1,719 Member
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    I think you can. My boyfriend's been cheated on many times before and I know he has a fear that I'll cheat on him. But he trusts me enough to bring up his feelings if he feels at all down about it. We're very open with each other (I do get jealous when he chats with girls I think are prettier than me as well), but because we're so open, we're careful not to do anything the other would be uncomfortable with (keeping secrets or going out late at night without saying where sort of things).
    Bring up your feelings and lay everything out on the table, and if he's still not ok with you having male friends, then it may be time to leave him. Do you really want to spend your life with someone that will control who you can and can't hang out with?
    Again, be open about it and hopefully everything will work out :)

    It's not about have no male friends ever. It's more like you shouldn't have any male friends who isn't friends with him too.
  • placeboaddiction
    placeboaddiction Posts: 451 Member
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    <deleted, didn't reply right>
  • placeboaddiction
    placeboaddiction Posts: 451 Member
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    You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.

    <edit. **** it. I quit. Site isn't replying for me all the sudden. Don't care to invest anymore as to why>
  • BazAbroad
    BazAbroad Posts: 248
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    some people can pull this off some can't,
    My best friend is a girl, and we have been best friends since childhood.
    I get on better with girls than I do with blokes, apart from the Gym I have no interest in sport, , well, doing, but not watching ...
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.

    I did understand...you're saying that we can't reliably judge the guys intentions, just based on him being a guy, anymore than we could judge that the OP would cry at a chick flick. They're both people.

    I'm saying I don't agree. We can reliably 'assume' that either of the above is true...and use it to help us make a better overall decision. The only thing that them both being people makes them deserving of...is complete and total respect.

    But I will happily agree to disagree with you. You're reasonable and trying to make an intelligent point, which I respect.
  • spoonful
    spoonful Posts: 200 Member
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    I would say it's okay but not very fair to your boyfriend. If he is aware that you are with your friend he would naturally wonder why you did not want to be with him. He would be subjected to unnecessary stress and concern too. I would not inflict that on my partner.

    When I am with someone, any spare time I have I want to spend with her for the most part. I have enough guy friends to be able to do without a female friend. You might want to ask yourself if there is an attraction other than simple friendship there.
  • MasonMelissa
    MasonMelissa Posts: 525 Member
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    You should take your boyfriend to meet him the first time you hang out so he can get to know him and see that everything is ok. Plus he should trust you and your judgement. Just don't keep anything a secret from him. Should be fine.

    This.

    To be honest though...the person to ask isn't here on MFP. It's your boyfriend. Some guys are ok with it...some guys aren't. Our judgment isn't going to be right or wrong...it's just going to give you ammunition for the argument you get into if he disagrees with YOUR judgment.



    For me, it's a case by case thing. More relationships are split up by 'friends' than anyone else. I've never dated someone that one 'friend' or another (hers, or mine), hasn't tried to get with. So as a guy, again...I judge it by the person. The fact that YOU want a friendship, doesn't mean the other guy is only wanting a friendship...and believe me, the slightest wedge they can work, they will.

    So in the end, it's going to be up to you. You'll have to talk to him, and if he doesn't say yes...you'll have to either be ok with his decision...or choose the new friend over him if you're not. There's not a lot of other options, because if he's not into it...making him change his mind probably isn't going to happen...and it'll be the beginning of the end anyhow, for all the arguments you'll get in over it :(.

    Cris you are always so full of wisdom. I always like your responses





    I know that My husband and I have no problem with each other having friends that are the opsite sex. My husband has many friends of the opsite sex and i am friends with 75% of them. I personaly chooce not to have any guy friends but that is my choice. I agree you need to sit down and have that conversation with your boyfriend.

    hope it works out!!!
  • mrsnathanandrew
    mrsnathanandrew Posts: 631 Member
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    You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.

    I did understand...you're saying that we can't reliably judge the guys intentions, just based on him being a guy, anymore than we could judge that the OP would cry at a chick flick. They're both people.

    I'm saying I don't agree. We can reliably 'assume' that either of the above is true...and use it to help us make a better overall decision. The only thing that them both being people makes them deserving of...is complete and total respect.

    But I will happily agree to disagree with you. You're reasonable and trying to make an intelligent point, which I respect.

    I'm a girl and I don't cry at a chick flick. I don't even like chick flicks. I'm more of a Star Wars/Star Trek/LOTR type
  • atjays
    atjays Posts: 798 Member
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    From some experience, you really NEED friends in a new city like that. If you BF doesn't like it tell him to grow up and find some confidence. Because someday when you two aren't together and you're left all by yourself because he wouldn't allow you to have friends you're going to be absolutely miserable. Make friends, regardless of their gender, be faithful to your bf of course, but don't be some beaten down girl who lets her bf decide who she can talk to.
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
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    If your boyfriend has a problem with it then perhaps you should invest some time rethinking your relationship with B/F. Seems like you might be having a problem with it.
  • crisanderson27
    crisanderson27 Posts: 5,343 Member
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    You are missing the point. You are going literal and reaching for a counter-response. With that said, there is no "winning" here. You aren't going to get it. I understand your points, but you are completely missing my points.

    I did understand...you're saying that we can't reliably judge the guys intentions, just based on him being a guy, anymore than we could judge that the OP would cry at a chick flick. They're both people.

    I'm saying I don't agree. We can reliably 'assume' that either of the above is true...and use it to help us make a better overall decision. The only thing that them both being people makes them deserving of...is complete and total respect.

    But I will happily agree to disagree with you. You're reasonable and trying to make an intelligent point, which I respect.

    I'm a girl and I don't cry at a chick flick. I don't even like chick flicks. I'm more of a Star Wars/Star Trek/LOTR type

    It was an exaggerated example girl =p. There are far more women with 'tomboyish' tendencies, than men with less than masculine tendencies. Not to say there are none...but the ratio is definitely different.
  • Erindipitous
    Erindipitous Posts: 1,234 Member
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    I found it very difficult to hang out with my male friends (MOST of my friends are men..) when I was in a relationship. My ex was very, very jealous and always accused me of doing something wrong. It was such a stressor. :(
  • PNOIZE
    PNOIZE Posts: 44
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    every relationships starts with a friendship. only difference is some stay as "friends" and some grow into something more. thats just the way things are. no one is certain of who they are going to end up with. it's a gamble. good example would be brad/gelina. it also depends on the person if they have self control. did we not learn anything fro the Jerry springer show and Maury Povich show??? hehehehe!

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