Whaddya mean by "I'm proud of you?"

JustLindaLou
JustLindaLou Posts: 376 Member
in Motivation and Support
I don't know why this bugs me... But now that I have lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, there are people who say stuff to me like "You've lost weight? I'm so proud of you!" WTH exactly does that mean??? What did they have to do with it?? They know nothing about the how's or why's involved in either my journey into obesity or my journey out of it.... They are not the least bit involved in my day-to-day struggle to make better choices, they have not been cheerleaders in my corner keeping me motivated, sharing NSV moments. They might be "friends" but this part of my life, they are not a part of. Why the heck should they have any sense of pride about my success thus far?? The next one who says this just might get called out on it, which should be interesting because these comments usually seem to take place in the foyer of my church between services....

Anyone on MFP who says "I'm proud of you!" - well, that I accept! My MFPeeps have been here with me cheering me on and celebrating each lb lost and each minute of exercise (and I hope I do the same for them), and I have a small handful of RL friends who share this very personal journey with me and give me encouragement and support. They can be proud of me, they have been a part of the success. But when I reach that goal weight and celebrate, the fringe element that wants to be "proud of me" for no reason, well they will not be invited to partake of the victory rice cake!!

(end vent/thanks for listening....)
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Replies

  • mommyred35
    mommyred35 Posts: 275 Member
    Maybe they should just say "I'm happy for you"
  • cmayfield3
    cmayfield3 Posts: 176 Member
    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
    Can't other people's expressions of well-wishing and admiration of accomplishment be just that, and not some offensive thing that folks have to rant about?

    Why not just take the expression of admiration and support with a little courtesy rather than bashing the few people left who are actually thing to be polite, even if they are a little clumsy about it?
  • amysj303
    amysj303 Posts: 5,086 Member
    I agree, you can only be proud of yourself and perhaps your children. So maybe they mean "I'm impresssed with you" or "You should be proud of yourself". Probably they just don't know the meaning of proud, exactly.
  • frosty73
    frosty73 Posts: 424 Member
    Whoa.... take a step back and breathe! I think you are reading too much into it. I've said "I'm proud of you" to people I don't know very well on MFP, even if I haven't been talking them out of every cookie or woo-hooing over every piece of broccoli they ate. I think losing weight is a "gray area" like when someone dies.... what do you say to that person? Some people have a natural ability to say the right thing, others of us just muddle through as best they can. And have you ever accidentally blurted out, "You cut your hair!" when you notice someone's hair looks TERRIBLE, and then you don't know what to say! (Hopefully you don't look terrible when you lose weight, but you know what I mean!) People are goofy. Take it in good grace, smile and say "Thank you!" and then move on.
  • kimberly702
    kimberly702 Posts: 369 Member
    I really don't see how by saying "I'm proud of you" means they helped you along the way. Usually I'm REALLY proud if my kids accomplish something on their OWN (always proud of them though... this was just an example). It's not like they're sayin' "you're welcome". They're happy for you and your accomplishments.
  • honeysprinkles
    honeysprinkles Posts: 1,757 Member
    I really think you're thinking too much into it. And you might end up insulting someone who is honestly just trying to compliment your hard work.
  • 12skipafew99100
    12skipafew99100 Posts: 1,669 Member
    If I ever told someone I was proud of them, what I meant was I wish I could have done it myself. If they did it it means they were in a better place than me and were able to accomplish it. I would be proud because they did it! Because I like that person and am happy for their success.
    Take everything in the kindest possible way.
  • garita93
    garita93 Posts: 267 Member
    This just made me realize why it bugs me too, when I couldn't really put my finger out it. I know how you feel!

    Edited to say, I am meaning when it is said by someone who you haven't seen you in sometime and as OP said hasn't been a part of your "journey", I agree, "I am happy for you" would be better suited.
  • deadstarsunburn
    deadstarsunburn Posts: 1,337 Member
    People have said it to me.
    I take it as meaning they are impressed with what I've done and are happy for me. That's usually how I mean it when I say it.
    I highly doubt they mean they are literally proud of you in the same way as they are proud when their child graduates college.

    Also, I agree with the others above, just take the compliment they mean it in the kindest way possible and as a compliment not trying to take your credit. I would never consider it to be anyone but that person to be recognized for their own weight loss.
  • Cheveliar
    Cheveliar Posts: 12 Member
    I don't know you, but I'm proud of you because I do know your struggle as you so noted with your other MFP peeps. I think other people are saying it because they can see it and they want to be encouraging. It's just semantics. Look at it as a compliment and keep doing your thing!!! People notice change and you are changing, totally for the better!
  • 75Juniper
    75Juniper Posts: 376
    I don't know why this bugs me... But now that I have lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, there are people who say stuff to me like "You've lost weight? I'm so proud of you!" WTH exactly does that mean??? What did they have to do with it?? They know nothing about the how's or why's involved in either my journey into obesity or my journey out of it.... They are not the least bit involved in my day-to-day struggle to make better choices, they have not been cheerleaders in my corner keeping me motivated, sharing NSV moments. They might be "friends" but this part of my life, they are not a part of. Why the heck should they have any sense of pride about my success thus far?? The next one who says this just might get called out on it, which should be interesting because these comments usually seem to take place in the foyer of my church between services....

    Anyone on MFP who says "I'm proud of you!" - well, that I accept! My MFPeeps have been here with me cheering me on and celebrating each lb lost and each minute of exercise (and I hope I do the same for them), and I have a small handful of RL friends who share this very personal journey with me and give me encouragement and support. They can be proud of me, they have been a part of the success. But when I reach that goal weight and celebrate, the fringe element that wants to be "proud of me" for no reason, well they will not be invited to partake of the victory rice cake!!

    (end vent/thanks for listening....)

    When people care about you, they can be proud of you even if they have no hand in your success. For example, when my brother graduated from college, I was proud of him for that, even though I wasn't the one who had to study hard and get good grades. I was proud because I love him and he accomplished something amazing. At least people are trying to be positive and supportive, as opposed to making negative/jealous comments.

    ETA: Be glad that you have people in your life that care and want you to be successful. Many people don't have that.
  • jennifer52484
    jennifer52484 Posts: 888 Member
    They are probably proud of your dedication, because not everyone has that! Just smile and say thank you.
  • Chairless
    Chairless Posts: 583 Member
    overthinking, accept compliment, walk away.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
    SERIOUSLY? You need to look at a compliment more positively. If it needs to be explained, your overall outlook on people sucks.

    Im just being striaght forward.
  • Pollywog39
    Pollywog39 Posts: 1,730 Member
    I, too, think you're looking at this with the wrong intent. The person saying that is proud OF you. They are admiring your accomplishment, they are trying to give you a COMPLIMENT.........they are not taking pride away from you, but GIVING it to you. It's more like saying "I admire what you've done. It's hard to lose weight, and you DID it." They might even take away from it a feeling that "well, look what that person did, maybe I can do that, too!"

    You said you're a church-goer. Have a little more charitable spirit towards those folks who only mean well. Consider the INTENT of those words, and not the actual verbiage, and TAKE PRIDE in what YOU have accomplished.
  • rebecky27
    rebecky27 Posts: 842 Member
    Take it in good grace, smile and say "Thank you!" and then move on.
    ^^ this. Not everyone is good with words. To some, "proud of" = "happy for"
    No need to call someone out when they say it. It'll make you look disgruntled and petty.
  • krclaytor
    krclaytor Posts: 16 Member
    Amen!
  • sofitheteacup
    sofitheteacup Posts: 396 Member
    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!

    This. I'm not sure what the problem is. Weight loss is almost universally known to be difficult, so if you've lost weight it's because you've put effort into it and stuck with it. Ergo, your effort is commendable and your progress is evident and that's a great thing and I'm proud of you because not everyone can do that. Not sure why this is a problem. Take a damn compliment.
  • Karen_ZH
    Karen_ZH Posts: 80 Member
    I think when someone says they are proud of you, they are complimenting you.

    Be graceful, accept it as a compliment and stop overthinking something that was said in the spirit of being positive.
  • zoodalia
    zoodalia Posts: 294
    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!

    This.
  • Heyman09
    Heyman09 Posts: 184
    Maybe they should just say "I'm happy for you"

    I like that!!!! Or even just "Good Job" I know what you mean. Sometimes I have family members who would tell me that I was fine and then when they noticed that I lost weight said that they were proud of me....I can't help but think how fat they thought I was.....Then again my family is not one for telling the truth all the time.
  • medaglia_06
    medaglia_06 Posts: 282 Member
    I only get the "I'm proud of you" from my fiancé. Meaning he's proud of me for sticking to it (I've done it a few times in the past and lasted maybe a week each time). I'm down over 20 lbs this time :happy: But I can't see anyone else saying this to me, you're right it doesn't make sense if it isn't someone close to you and knows what you have been through to get to where you are.
  • stringsNlinks
    stringsNlinks Posts: 293 Member
    SERIOUSLY? You need to look at a compliment more positively. If it needs to be explained, your overall outlook on people sucks.

    Im just being striaght forward.

    ditto!
    just smile, be kind & gracious! A lot easier to live this way...just saying
  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
    I am not sure what you expect. Would you rather people don't say a word to you about it? Have you ever thought maybe you don't know their personal journey. Maybe they do know what a challenge it can be to lose and maintain.. Maybe they have been??

    I think you need to take a moment and open your mind and heart. Put yourself in their shoes. The fact that people say anything to you at all is NICE and thoughtful.

    What I take away from your post is that you feel - because they weren't your personal cheerleader or support means they don't have a right to compliment you or be proud of your accomplishments.
  • DanOhh
    DanOhh Posts: 1,806 Member
    I think you're more angered by English semantics. If people would say "I'm proud for you" maybe that would be more appropriate.
  • mistylovesmusic
    mistylovesmusic Posts: 147
    I tell my kids I'm proud of them for cleaning their rooms when I didn't help them clean it. I didn't cheer them on just mostly yell at them for taking forever and not doing it.

    Would you prefer people didn't say anything at all? Take the compliment and walk away with pride in your accomplishments.
  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!

    Yes this!
  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
    I don't think people mean to take credit for your hard work by saying that. They are just choosing their words poorly. What they probably mean to say is that they are happy for you and they don't even realize how it is coming across. I would take it as encouragement and not so literally.
  • 42kgirl
    42kgirl Posts: 692 Member
    Unwad your panties and accept it for the compliment it's intended to be. I am proud of my friends for their accomplishments.

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