Whaddya mean by "I'm proud of you?"
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I, too, think you're looking at this with the wrong intent. The person saying that is proud OF you. They are admiring your accomplishment, they are trying to give you a COMPLIMENT.........they are not taking pride away from you, but GIVING it to you. It's more like saying "I admire what you've done. It's hard to lose weight, and you DID it." They might even take away from it a feeling that "well, look what that person did, maybe I can do that, too!"
You said you're a church-goer. Have a little more charitable spirit towards those folks who only mean well. Consider the INTENT of those words, and not the actual verbiage, and TAKE PRIDE in what YOU have accomplished.
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Lighten up, Francis!0
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OMG!! People lighten up!!! You do realize you are complaining about the way people COMPLIMENT you!
What do you want people to say? What are you waiting to hear?
Try being a little more gracious, it will take you farther!0 -
I don't know why this bugs me... But now that I have lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, there are people who say stuff to me like "You've lost weight? I'm so proud of you!" WTH exactly does that mean??? What did they have to do with it?? They know nothing about the how's or why's involved in either my journey into obesity or my journey out of it....
Oh crikey I have always been immensely proud of what my Grandfather did during the war, and now I find out that I shouldn't be because I had nothing whatsoever to do with it!
Excuse the appropriate metaphor, but when it comes to complimenting people on their weight loss achievements - IT'S A MINEFIELD!0 -
I think people on MFP have a special ability to take anything as an insult.0
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Perhaps before they were concern about your health and not so good choices and they are proud of the changes you have made for your own good...0
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Oh sure, the people pissing you off may not realize that to you their positive comments are actually backhanded on some level.
Here's the thing... a "backhanded compliment" is saying something halfway nice in order to highlight something not-so-nice to ultimately deride a person. The expression is all about the motive. It's just about impossible for a compliment to be "unintentionally backhanded" as the term refers specifically to the intent.
As adults, we can usually tell when someone genuinely means to compliment us. For some people, words are just not their thing. But "I'm proud of you" has to be one of the most benign comments I've ever heard of someone getting upset over.0 -
I understand what you mean, but I also agree that the "I am proud of you" has evolved to mean "I am happy for you" in everyday language.
I like compliments. What I am about to say does not mean that. However, what you said reminds me of something I feel wholeheartedly...
...You cannot be a part of the big things if you are not a part of the little things...
It may be hard for you to hear someone say they are proud of you after such a big loss when they did not support/help/aware of you with all the little losses.0 -
Im proud of ya sounds alot better than
Hey! youre not a fat *kitten* anymore!
HAHAHA!
So True -
I think the general consensus is Lighten UP!0 -
From now on, my standard greeting for *anyone* I see in person will be "I am proud of you and your journey."
I'm sure I will get a few odd stares at the checkout line, and the majority will need to figure out just what the journey they are on, but in any case I just want to spread the love. Then maybe people will stop being all butthurt about compliments and acknowledgements like this.0 -
Someone took the time out of their day to give you a compliment. They could have said nothing and ignored your success but they wanted to let you know they recognized your hard work. They wanted to motivate you and lift you up. I don't have to be supporting you or there through the nitty gritty to be proud of your accomplishments... I just have to know you. If these people have known you for years even though they may not be close friends they care enough to say something kind and let you know you have impressed them with your hard work.
At the end of the day smile and be confident in yourself. Take a compliment as a compliment. Don't worry about what they *could* be thinking. It doesn't matter, its irrelevant. After all they aren't the ones in your corner. If they think you are doing great and happy for you awesome if they don't ... who cares. Don't bog yourself down with what they *might be thinking* just smile and walk away.0 -
They are not trying to claim credit for your weight loss and they are not trying to irritate you. They are simply trying to acknowledge your accomplishment and while it may not be precisely what you'd prefer to hear, just say "thank you."
If you "go off" on the next person who says this to you, you won't need to worry about it any more. People will most assuredly start to avoid you.0 -
I agree, you can only be proud of yourself and perhaps your children. So maybe they mean "I'm impresssed with you" or "You should be proud of yourself". Probably they just don't know the meaning of proud, exactly.
Really? I can't be proud of my country, my home, my job? I can't be proud of other peoples accomplishments?
(getting to be too many damn rules around here...) :grumble:0 -
Its a compliment. Weight loss can be a very hard journey and people are aware of this so yeah when you lose the weight people are proud of you. You're reading way to far into it.0
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"Oh you lost weight? Why should I give a *kitten*"
Is that better?0 -
I must say, this makes no sense to me whatsoever. Why must someone be involved in the process to be proud of you? Most everyone knows it's a struggle to lose weight, even those that have never had to. Why is it bad for someone to be proud of you for your accomplishment?
I tell my friends I'm proud of them when they accomplish something. They usually just say 'thank you'.0 -
From now on, I'm avoiding conflict like this. Standard answer is now "Oh, you've lost weight? Hadn't noticed? What took you so long faTTAZZZ?"0
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Maybe they just mean they are proud of you because they know how hard it is to lose weight, and you had alot of will power and dedication in order to do it. A person can be proud of anybody it does not have to be just a spouse or child or someone related to them. To be proud of someone who acomplished something that hard is not a bad thing or make the person bad or rude, just be glad she complimented you in the first place if no one ever said a word about your weight loss you probably would have gave up by now, as in if no one noticed why should I do all this hard work. Just take it as a compliment and move on, I on the other had like it when someone says they are proud of me!!!! Hope you have a great day and good luck with your weight loss journey
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One can only be proud when those accomplishments are attributed to oneself, technically speaking.I must say, this makes no sense to me whatsoever. Why must someone be involved in the process to be proud of you? Most everyone knows it's a struggle to lose weight, even those that have never had to. Why is it bad for someone to be proud of you for your accomplishment?
I tell my friends I'm proud of them when they accomplish something. They usually just say 'thank you'.0 -
I agree, you can only be proud of yourself and perhaps your children. So maybe they mean "I'm impresssed with you" or "You should be proud of yourself". Probably they just don't know the meaning of proud, exactly.
Really? I can't be proud of my country, my home, my job? I can't be proud of other peoples accomplishments?
(getting to be too many damn rules around here...) :grumble:
Turns out that I can't even be proud of my Grandfathers war record - I had nothing to do with it afterall! :ohwell:0 -
Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.
And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!
LOL exactly what I was just thinking.0 -
I totally get you on that. I'm the same way, I just want to hear "good job" and "you look great" I'm proud of me and my husband is proud of me, I only need to hear that from him and myself!!!0
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Personally, when someone says they're proud of me, I take it as them being inspired by me, and maybe a little envious
revel in the fact that people are excited for you and wishing you well 0 -
I don't know why this bugs me... But now that I have lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, there are people who say stuff to me like "You've lost weight? I'm so proud of you!" WTH exactly does that mean??? What did they have to do with it?? They know nothing about the how's or why's involved in either my journey into obesity or my journey out of it.... They are not the least bit involved in my day-to-day struggle to make better choices, they have not been cheerleaders in my corner keeping me motivated, sharing NSV moments. They might be "friends" but this part of my life, they are not a part of. Why the heck should they have any sense of pride about my success thus far?? The next one who says this just might get called out on it, which should be interesting because these comments usually seem to take place in the foyer of my church between services....
Anyone on MFP who says "I'm proud of you!" - well, that I accept! My MFPeeps have been here with me cheering me on and celebrating each lb lost and each minute of exercise (and I hope I do the same for them), and I have a small handful of RL friends who share this very personal journey with me and give me encouragement and support. They can be proud of me, they have been a part of the success. But when I reach that goal weight and celebrate, the fringe element that wants to be "proud of me" for no reason, well they will not be invited to partake of the victory rice cake!!
(end vent/thanks for listening....)
Fine...I am ashamed of you. Get over it.0 -
maybe you should relax and be grateful that people care enough to say anything at all.0
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Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.
And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!
HA!0 -
This is why, even when I have had a role in someone's achievements (like students I have worked with extensively), I am always careful to say "you should be proud of yourself," "you have real reason to be proud of yourself," or something else that focuses on what the person has done.0
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From now on, my standard greeting for *anyone* I see in person will be "I am proud of you and your journey."
^^^ I think this is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. I'm proud of you for undertaking this journey of joy and enlightenment, and I look forward to hearing your motivational words in person someday, maybe. We've all had our share of struggles in our lives, regardless of our journey, and to have a perfect stranger acknowledge that everyone has struggles and they recognize mine, even for a brief instant, would be a truly joyful and beautiful moment.
Of course, the historical record of people who have tried hard to be really nice to strangers and encourage others to do the same isn't really all that good. Some guy got nailed to a tree about 2,000 years ago for it, and things obviously haven't improved all that much. We're just a species that rejects things that seem strange or alien, and it's a sad testament that courtesy is seen as so alien to our base nature.
But good luck to you! And I'm proud to have anonymously interacted with you for a moment. It's made my day a little more joyful.
Those who know me know I'm usually a pretty sarcastic prick. That does not apply to this post.0 -
I think you perhaps don't understand what it is to be proud.
For me - my best friend got a job as a firefighter - I was proud of him. when he got promoted to watch manager I was proud of him.
When my ex passed her masters degree, I was proud of her.
I didn't help my friend to become a firefighter or get promoted. I didn't help my ex get her degree. They did it all on their own.
It doesn't mean I'm not proud of what they have achieved.
Quite frankly if you throw that back in their faces then you are a douche. In fact - for posting this at all I already judge you as that. I think you just need to rethink what you have written.0 -
i started a new topic "I'm PROUD of you!"
i havent told people that enough.0
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