Whaddya mean by "I'm proud of you?"

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  • HealthyLivingKathy
    HealthyLivingKathy Posts: 204 Member
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    I'm confused, nothing new for me LOL. When a friend in Ohio lost 50 pounds I was so proud of her. I had nothing to do with the journey she took, I was proud of her that she had the strength to keep with it. When I tell someone I'm proud of them, the pride is about them. It has nothing to do with me. IT IS ABOUT THEM AND THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENT.
  • Heaven71
    Heaven71 Posts: 706 Member
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    Maybe they should just say "I'm happy for you"

    This is probably more along the lines of what they mean but you come across as angry about them having an opinion in any regard. Yeah, overthinking and over reacting a little, in my opinion but... to each his own. I am just happy that anyone cares really.
  • LastSixtySix
    LastSixtySix Posts: 352 Member
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    I empathize with your frustration - it's happened to me too. But, it's good to step back from the emotion a bit and realize that the intensity you feel on this issue is extreme like a wild fire, not safe and not controlled. Part of the journey to excess weight loss and moving down the BMI scale from (in my case) morbid obesity to obesity and soon just overweight is dealing with all of these extreme emotions inside of us, emotions brought on mostly from the unhappy realization that we cannot control everyone else.

    I'd ask you to step back a bit and reevaluate this particular grievance which is directed at the actions and expressions of "other people." Who can you really control? In my experience, there is only one person I can control - me. Everyone else is allowed to stumble through this life like me, as best they can and imperfectly. I just hope that when they touch me imperfectly I can respond with grace and humor so that I can help them through a little better and perhaps, just perhaps if I'm fortunate, I can make a better friend in the journey.

    -Debra
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,267 Member
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    WOW.of all the things to complain about:frown:

    Maybe they are intelligent enough to know how hard it is to accomplish what you have done.

    They are trying to be supportive and you are whining about their choice of words. Its just an expression.

    I expect a bunch of PMs from you ALL saying you are PROUD of ME for losing 40 pounds and kicking *kitten*.

    I welcome it.
  • trijoe
    trijoe Posts: 729 Member
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    My two cents:

    Often, when people say, "I'm proud OF you", what they really mean is, "I'm proud FOR you." But it's not part of our daily talk. Nobody says "I'm proud for you." It sounds weird being said, and being head. So people just say "I'm proud OF you" and don't necessarily realize the distinction when they say it.

    Past that. I think for the most part, whether or not they've gone through it, people tend to realize that slimming down, losing weight, changing lifestyles etc is a really difficult undertaking. And success at this endeavor is worth positive acknowledgement. Oh sure, the people pissing you off may not realize that to you their positive comments are actually backhanded on some level. Still, they recognize and realize that there's this easily noticeable part of your life where you're achieving and succeeding. And we as people just like to recognize our fellow peoples' achievements and successes.

    Maybe there's something you can say to them (nicely...) to let them know a better way to express themselves?

    My two cents.
  • Amy_Lynn74
    Amy_Lynn74 Posts: 134 Member
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    I have friends that have told me that they are proud of me and I have never even thought to take offense to it. They are proud of my accomplishment. Even if they haven't been there on a daily basis people in general know that losing weight isn't an easy thing to do. Maybe you are being too sensitive. They are just trying to tell you "NICE JOB"!! Why can't you just take it as a compliment and enjoy it! :flowerforyou:
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,267 Member
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    like this.

    proud-of-you-i-am-thumb.jpg

    :heart:
  • sktllmdrhmz
    sktllmdrhmz Posts: 2,073 Member
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    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!

    Quoted for agreement.
  • wolfi622
    wolfi622 Posts: 206
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    Yeah, it's an innocent complement. IMO, they are using the word correctly:

    Proud [praʊd]
    adj
    1. (foll by of, an infinitive, or a clause) pleased or satisfied, as with oneself, one's possessions, achievements, etc, or with another person, his or her achievements, qualities, etc.
  • Thomasm198
    Thomasm198 Posts: 3,189 Member
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    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!

    Quoting this because it's 100% true.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
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    What the hell? They're proud OF YOU, they're not taking pride in your success. Those are two different things.

    Maybe you should make people you know a booklet of what is acceptable to say and what isn't.

    I know I'm just simply happy when someone notices my weight loss. I don't bother with semantics.
  • faithstephenson
    faithstephenson Posts: 280 Member
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    I saw some family this weekend that I haven't seen in a while. My uncle, in particular, hasn't seen me since July of last year. I don't normally post my weightloss stuff on Facebook, because I figure, they don't want to be hearing it all the time. But I hit a couple big milestones lately that I chose to share there. When I got to the park, one of the first things my aunt said to me was that I was my uncle's hero! The look in his eyes as he told me how proud he was of me was humbling. And it let me have a conversation with him that I don't often get to have. He didn't have any part of my journey, as far as the work goes, but he loves me and is proud of me. I'm gonna take that as it was meant.
  • HOSED49
    HOSED49 Posts: 665 Member
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    Im proud of ya sounds alot better than
    Hey! youre not a fat *kitten* anymore!
  • julieh391
    julieh391 Posts: 683 Member
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    I see nothing negative about someone being "proud of me." If I do something that other people recognize as hard work, and they give me any kind of compliment, I'll take it! I've had a lot of people tell me they are proud of me for several things in my life. I have never interpreted that as them taking a speck of credit for my efforts. I think you should relax and enjoy how far you've come. Obviously nobody thinks they did it for you.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
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    WOW!
    IT MEANS THEY ARE PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS!
    They are proud of you. At least when you were fat they didn't say, "you disgust me...".
  • DaBossLady24
    DaBossLady24 Posts: 556 Member
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    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!

    This. I'm not sure what the problem is. Weight loss is almost universally known to be difficult, so if you've lost weight it's because you've put effort into it and stuck with it. Ergo, your effort is commendable and your progress is evident and that's a great thing and I'm proud of you because not everyone can do that. Not sure why this is a problem. Take a damn compliment.

    ^^ All of this.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    Wow, just wow.


    So how can people compliment you? Why on earth can't people be proud of you?

    I can't believe some people.
  • InnerFatGirl
    InnerFatGirl Posts: 2,687 Member
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    I agree, you can only be proud of yourself and perhaps your children. So maybe they mean "I'm impresssed with you" or "You should be proud of yourself". Probably they just don't know the meaning of proud, exactly.

    Urm, since when?

    So, being a stranger to someone means you can't be proud of them?

    Wow, I'll take note *rolls eyes*
  • terri0527
    terri0527 Posts: 678 Member
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    I must say take the compliment and move on, and seriously? you would make a scene in the church foyer?:noway:
  • cspong
    cspong Posts: 260 Member
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    This is a compliment I rarely pull out, but when I say it, I mean exactly what I say. I'm proud of you.

    It takes determination and hard work to lose weight and I would be proud of someone close to me putting in the work to acheive it. Just like I would be proud of my sister graduating a high end university or someone acheiving something difficult to acheive.

    I don't think any offense should be taken when someone says they're proud of you :/

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