Whaddya mean by "I'm proud of you?"

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  • MyFeistyEvolution
    MyFeistyEvolution Posts: 1,015 Member
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    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!

    LOL exactly what I was just thinking.
  • MonicaT1972
    MonicaT1972 Posts: 512
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    I totally get you on that. I'm the same way, I just want to hear "good job" and "you look great" I'm proud of me and my husband is proud of me, I only need to hear that from him and myself!!!
  • theresmynapkin
    theresmynapkin Posts: 183 Member
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    Personally, when someone says they're proud of me, I take it as them being inspired by me, and maybe a little envious :p revel in the fact that people are excited for you and wishing you well :)
  • TexanThom
    TexanThom Posts: 778
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    I don't know why this bugs me... But now that I have lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, there are people who say stuff to me like "You've lost weight? I'm so proud of you!" WTH exactly does that mean??? What did they have to do with it?? They know nothing about the how's or why's involved in either my journey into obesity or my journey out of it.... They are not the least bit involved in my day-to-day struggle to make better choices, they have not been cheerleaders in my corner keeping me motivated, sharing NSV moments. They might be "friends" but this part of my life, they are not a part of. Why the heck should they have any sense of pride about my success thus far?? The next one who says this just might get called out on it, which should be interesting because these comments usually seem to take place in the foyer of my church between services....

    Anyone on MFP who says "I'm proud of you!" - well, that I accept! My MFPeeps have been here with me cheering me on and celebrating each lb lost and each minute of exercise (and I hope I do the same for them), and I have a small handful of RL friends who share this very personal journey with me and give me encouragement and support. They can be proud of me, they have been a part of the success. But when I reach that goal weight and celebrate, the fringe element that wants to be "proud of me" for no reason, well they will not be invited to partake of the victory rice cake!!

    (end vent/thanks for listening....)


    Fine...I am ashamed of you. Get over it.
  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
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    maybe you should relax and be grateful that people care enough to say anything at all.
  • Atarahh
    Atarahh Posts: 485 Member
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    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!

    HA!
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    This is why, even when I have had a role in someone's achievements (like students I have worked with extensively), I am always careful to say "you should be proud of yourself," "you have real reason to be proud of yourself," or something else that focuses on what the person has done.
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
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    From now on, my standard greeting for *anyone* I see in person will be "I am proud of you and your journey."

    ^^^ I think this is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. I'm proud of you for undertaking this journey of joy and enlightenment, and I look forward to hearing your motivational words in person someday, maybe. We've all had our share of struggles in our lives, regardless of our journey, and to have a perfect stranger acknowledge that everyone has struggles and they recognize mine, even for a brief instant, would be a truly joyful and beautiful moment.

    Of course, the historical record of people who have tried hard to be really nice to strangers and encourage others to do the same isn't really all that good. Some guy got nailed to a tree about 2,000 years ago for it, and things obviously haven't improved all that much. We're just a species that rejects things that seem strange or alien, and it's a sad testament that courtesy is seen as so alien to our base nature.

    But good luck to you! And I'm proud to have anonymously interacted with you for a moment. It's made my day a little more joyful.

    Those who know me know I'm usually a pretty sarcastic prick. That does not apply to this post.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    I think you perhaps don't understand what it is to be proud.

    For me - my best friend got a job as a firefighter - I was proud of him. when he got promoted to watch manager I was proud of him.

    When my ex passed her masters degree, I was proud of her.

    I didn't help my friend to become a firefighter or get promoted. I didn't help my ex get her degree. They did it all on their own.

    It doesn't mean I'm not proud of what they have achieved.

    Quite frankly if you throw that back in their faces then you are a douche. In fact - for posting this at all I already judge you as that. I think you just need to rethink what you have written.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,267 Member
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    i started a new topic "I'm PROUD of you!"

    i havent told people that enough.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,267 Member
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    Im proud of ya sounds alot better than
    Hey! youre not a fat *kitten* anymore!

    :heart: :heart: :heart:
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
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    I totally get you on that. I'm the same way, I just want to hear "good job" and "you look great" I'm proud of me and my husband is proud of me, I only need to hear that from him and myself!!!

    ^^^ Then tell people what you want them to say before they say it, so you won't be offended by the way they express the compliment.
  • TONYAGOOCH
    TONYAGOOCH Posts: 470 Member
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    You should just asy Thank You and move on. So what if they say "I'm Proud of you" or "I'm happy for you". It's essentially the same thing just worded differently. Guess they could say "You lost weight? Sorry I didn't notice. " Would that have made you feel any better?
  • mogletdeluxe
    mogletdeluxe Posts: 623 Member
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    A compliment is a verbal gift; it should be accepted as such.
  • ready2tryagain42
    ready2tryagain42 Posts: 202
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    i would accept the compliment. Smile and walk away.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    This is what I mean when I say I am proud of someone:


    It seems a shame to have to sneak to get to the truth.To make the truth such a dirty old nasty thing.You gotta sneak to get to the truth, the truth is condemned.The truth is in the gas chamber.The truth has been in your stockyards.Your slaughterhouses.The truth has been in your reservations, building your railroads, emtying your garbage.The truth is in your ghettos.In your jails.In your young love,not in your courts or congress where the old set judgement on the young.What the hell do the old know about the young?They put a picture of old George on the dollar and tell you that he's your father, worship him.Look at the madness that goes on, you can't prove anything that happened yesterday.Now is the only thing that's real.Everyday, every reality is a new reality.Every new reality is a new horizon,a brand new experience of living.I got a note last night from a friend of mine.He writes in this note that he's afraid of what he might have to do in order to save his reality, as i save mine.You can't prove anything.There's nothing to prove.Every man judges himself.He knows what he is. You know what you are, as i know what i am,we all know what we are.Nobody can stand in judgement, they can play like they're standing in judgement.They can play like they stand in judgement and take you off and control the masses, with your human body.They can lock you up in penitentiaries and cages and put you in crosses like they did in the past,but it doesn't amount to anything. What they're doing is, they're only persecuting a reflection of themselves. They're persecuting what they can't stand to look at in themselves,the truth.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
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    I agree, you can only be proud of yourself and perhaps your children. So maybe they mean "I'm impresssed with you" or "You should be proud of yourself". Probably they just don't know the meaning of proud, exactly.

    Really? I can't be proud of my country, my home, my job? I can't be proud of other peoples accomplishments?
    (getting to be too many damn rules around here...) :grumble:

    Turns out that I can't even be proud of my Grandfathers war record - I had nothing to do with it afterall! :ohwell:

    Lol exactly- being proud isn't about taking some sort of credit for it, it's about saying this is something that makes me proud to know you.
  • irishcanadianwoman
    irishcanadianwoman Posts: 147
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    Maybe they should just say "I'm happy for you"

    Exactly!!!
    Anyway...you should be proud. Maybe they just don't know what else to say and they want to say something positive.
    I'm happy for you too!
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    Sometimes "Im proud of you" is the best response to seeing the results of someone's hard work. Because they know that if they had done what youve done, they'd definitely be proud of themselves.

    I dont know why you feel the need to be offended by people seeing your success, especially in church where you're supposed to be building each other up. If you got a better attitude, I'd be proud of you :)
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    I must say, this makes no sense to me whatsoever. Why must someone be involved in the process to be proud of you? Most everyone knows it's a struggle to lose weight, even those that have never had to. Why is it bad for someone to be proud of you for your accomplishment?

    I tell my friends I'm proud of them when they accomplish something. They usually just say 'thank you'.
    One can only be proud when those accomplishments are attributed to oneself, technically speaking.

    http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/proud

    Definition of PROUD
    1: feeling or showing pride: as
    a : having or displaying excessive self-esteem
    b : much pleased : exultant
    c : having proper self-respect
    2 a : marked by stateliness : magnificent
    b : giving reason for pride : glorious <the proudest moment in her life>
    3 : vigorous, spirited <a proud steed>
    4 chiefly British : raised above a surrounding area <a proud design on a stamp>

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