Whaddya mean by "I'm proud of you?"
Replies
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Sad part is we're all answering to someone who can't handle a compliment....the reality is there was no good answer (or good enough)....you could say "hey good job" and the reaction will be "really? is that all you have to say?"....or you could say "I'm proud of you" and it infers that "oh, so you're my parents and I'm like your kid now"....but either way you strike me as someone who can't handle a compliment...so here goes.....you did work.....you appear to weigh less...I hope knowing that feels good \m/
OP I could care less about your goal-achievement success ratio. How's that?0 -
On the other hand.... when someone tells me they are proud of me, I am certain they are mocking me or just trying to make me feel better... so please know that I am taking my own advice. Im not offended by it... but I do feel as though it's given out like a pity cookie.
ohhhhh you deadlifted 70 pounds, that's so cute Im so pwoud of yooooo *bops nose*
fml
Thing is, you arent on my friends list, but i HAVE admired your before and after pics...its kind of pride by association.. I am proud of you...i know the struggle...ive known it for a long time...and i know how proud i feel of myself.0 -
OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)
I do love when people notice I have lost weight, if they say "you look great!" (and I don't hear the silent "cuz you sure were looking mighty fat and disgusting before" - hey I looked at that body in the mirror every day!!), that does give me a boost to keep on keeping on.
I really never heard "I'm proud of you" as "I'm happy for you", so I do thank all of you who pointed that out. So many of your comments made me laugh out loud and realize I really did get my knickers in a twist over this, but that is easier to do now that they are too big and there is so much extra room for them to get twisted around!!
Let's face it, weight loss/gain is a sensitive and personal subject, and sometimes people just say something that for whatever reason hits the uber-sensitive button. Thanks everyone for helping me get a different perspective!!0 -
Sometimes "Im proud of you" is the best response to seeing the results of someone's hard work. Because they know that if they had done what youve done, they'd definitely be proud of themselves.
I dont know why you feel the need to be offended by people seeing your success, especially in church where you're supposed to be building each other up. If you got a better attitude, I'd be proud of you
winner0 -
OP - I think I know where you are coming from. However, if it is the compliment itself that makes you feel bad and not the unfortunate, inappropriate use of "proud", then there might be something within you to look at.
I used to feel really bad when people told me I looked good when I lost weight. The reason was that I immediately started thinking how they didn't appreciate/like/love/accept/approve of me before. It is a hurdle I had to overcome myself. They are commenting on what they believe is something that makes you happy. It is not a value judgement on your "former" self - as I used to see it.
Not saying this is what's happening here, but it is something that happens to people who make big changes in their lives.0 -
I hate it when people tell me they're proud of me. What a drag.
31lbs lost?
I'm SO proud of you!!!!:flowerforyou:
and 18 lbs lost...I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
and now I need to go to work so my boss will be proud of ME!
Oh my!
All these people being proud of each other...WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO???0 -
Those who are saying they are proud of you, who don't now your daily struggles, what do they know what to be proud of???
For losing weight?
For becoming healthier?
I guess maybe I have issues too :sad: , parent issues that is. Being called a fat a** my whole life (I weighed 109 at 7 mos pregnant!) then that person saying they are proud of me almost makes me sick to my stomach to hear. Like the OP just said, maybe it is more of who it is coming from.0 -
OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)
I do love when people notice I have lost weight, if they say "you look great!" (and I don't hear the silent "cuz you sure were looking mighty fat and disgusting before" - hey I looked at that body in the mirror every day!!), that does give me a boost to keep on keeping on.
I really never heard "I'm proud of you" as "I'm happy for you", so I do thank all of you who pointed that out. So many of your comments made me laugh out loud and realize I really did get my knickers in a twist over this, but that is easier to do now that they are too big and there is so much extra room for them to get twisted around!!
Let's face it, weight loss/gain is a sensitive and personal subject, and sometimes people just say something that for whatever reason hits the uber-sensitive button. Thanks everyone for helping me get a different perspective!!
I love that you posted this! Nice to see that you don't take yourself too seriously
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They are basically giving you a "pat on the back" and saying GOOD JOB! Why would you complain about that? lol0
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Hell, I would LOVE for someone to be proud of ME!0
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Okay, so it's an idiomatic use of the word "proud," but any English teacher who doesn't recognize that the story of the English language is a story of evolution should probably have their credentials reexamined. If someone came up to you and said "You look terrific!" would you accept the compliment? Or would you nastily remind them that the origin of the word "terrific" is the Latin "terrificus," meaning frightening, therefore what they just said was actually an insult? If so, you could probably benefit from some therapy.0
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I hate it when people tell me they're proud of me. What a drag.
31lbs lost?
I'm SO proud of you!!!!:flowerforyou:
and 18 lbs lost...I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
and now I need to go to work so my boss will be proud of ME!
*Sigh* You guys are too much.... I'm so proud that you're proud!0 -
OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)
I do love when people notice I have lost weight, if they say "you look great!" (and I don't hear the silent "cuz you sure were looking mighty fat and disgusting before" - hey I looked at that body in the mirror every day!!), that does give me a boost to keep on keeping on.
I really never heard "I'm proud of you" as "I'm happy for you", so I do thank all of you who pointed that out. So many of your comments made me laugh out loud and realize I really did get my knickers in a twist over this, but that is easier to do now that they are too big and there is so much extra room for them to get twisted around!!
Let's face it, weight loss/gain is a sensitive and personal subject, and sometimes people just say something that for whatever reason hits the uber-sensitive button. Thanks everyone for helping me get a different perspective!!
I just want to say I absolutely love your response. It's introspective and mature, and I applaud. :flowerforyou:0 -
I hate it when people tell me they're proud of me. What a drag.
31lbs lost?
I'm SO proud of you!!!!:flowerforyou:
and 18 lbs lost...I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!
and now I need to go to work so my boss will be proud of ME!
Oh my!
All these people being proud of each other...WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO???
It's a scary world out there... all this pride floating around...0 -
OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)
I do love when people notice I have lost weight, if they say "you look great!" (and I don't hear the silent "cuz you sure were looking mighty fat and disgusting before" - hey I looked at that body in the mirror every day!!), that does give me a boost to keep on keeping on.
I really never heard "I'm proud of you" as "I'm happy for you", so I do thank all of you who pointed that out. So many of your comments made me laugh out loud and realize I really did get my knickers in a twist over this, but that is easier to do now that they are too big and there is so much extra room for them to get twisted around!!
Let's face it, weight loss/gain is a sensitive and personal subject, and sometimes people just say something that for whatever reason hits the uber-sensitive button. Thanks everyone for helping me get a different perspective!!
I have to congratulate you for being able to take feedback. A lot of people would get offended by others not "getting" their point of view. You rock! Happy weight loss!0 -
\\WOW.of all the things to complain about:frown:
Maybe they are intelligent enough to know how hard it is to accomplish what you have done.
They are trying to be supportive and you are whining about their choice of words. Its just an expression.
I expect a bunch of PMs from you ALL saying you are PROUD of ME for losing 40 pounds and kicking *kitten*.
I welcome it.
I'm proud of you, JULES2B!0 -
On the other hand.... when someone tells me they are proud of me, I am certain they are mocking me or just trying to make me feel better... so please know that I am taking my own advice. Im not offended by it... but I do feel as though it's given out like a pity cookie.
ohhhhh you deadlifted 70 pounds, that's so cute Im so pwoud of yooooo *bops nose*
fml
Thing is, you arent on my friends list, but i HAVE admired your before and after pics...its kind of pride by association.. I am proud of you...i know the struggle...ive known it for a long time...and i know how proud i feel of myself.
Im proud for you too! I see you everywhere. You are always either inspiring, snarky, funny or informative with a twist. So you naturally help other people be proud of themselves :drinker: 0 -
OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)
...
I love that you posted this! Nice to see that you don't take yourself too seriously
Agreed. It's good you can shake off a little dog-piling OP!0 -
I am so sorry, but i don't get it? you are upset that someone, that is trying to be kind, says I'm Proud of you?.... now if they said" You lost weight?, ABOUT TIME"
then you have a complaint...
sorry, but it just seems so petty0 -
Maybe proud is a good and self-less persons trait that would show itself in a less well adjusted person as jealousy
.... so the latter can't quite relate to it!?0 -
Maybe proud is a good and self-less persons trait that would show itself in a less well adjusted person as jealousy
.... so the latter can't quite relate to it!?
i like this.
Im proud of you. If I was a less adjusted person, I'd be jealous. But Im not. SO Im happy for you.
yeah i like how that fits. Im keeping this, hope you dont mind.0 -
I have friends, and then I have a group of close friends (these friend I have had for about 10 years and they are all awesome) my close friends know about my goals and my efforts. They support and encourage me, one of them is even my trainer who takes 8+ hours out of his week to train me free of charge. These friends share in my joys and disappointments (not just in weight loss.)0
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OP here.... WOW!! Thank you ALL for your responses - truly, you made me think more about this and examine more closely why this has bugged me, and basically it is looking at the relationship with the particular persons who have said it. It definitely goes deeper than the surface of my initial post, and I need to think about that (or maybe stop thinking about it, as many of your stated, reading too much into it....). When it comes from these few people, it does come across as a backhanded compliment for various reasons. (Their faces swim before me as I write this.)
I do love when people notice I have lost weight, if they say "you look great!" (and I don't hear the silent "cuz you sure were looking mighty fat and disgusting before" - hey I looked at that body in the mirror every day!!), that does give me a boost to keep on keeping on.
I really never heard "I'm proud of you" as "I'm happy for you", so I do thank all of you who pointed that out. So many of your comments made me laugh out loud and realize I really did get my knickers in a twist over this, but that is easier to do now that they are too big and there is so much extra room for them to get twisted around!!
Let's face it, weight loss/gain is a sensitive and personal subject, and sometimes people just say something that for whatever reason hits the uber-sensitive button. Thanks everyone for helping me get a different perspective!!
To me, when someone actually takes the time to stop and say, "I am so proud of you!" it just means that they recognized how much hard work and effort that I put into my achievement, and they are being supportive and encouraging. I love, love, love it when someone tells me that!
However, if it came from someone who I knew was insincere, snarky it two faced, I would just say thank you, smile, and walk away. But most people who take the time to say it, really mean it. Weight loss is so difficult, and most people really ARE proud of someone when they work so hard to get healthy. Plus, I say it to most of my MFP friends when they reach their goals, and I refuse to even consider it to be an insult. 0 -
This is what I mean when I say I am proud of someone:
It seems a shame to have to sneak to get to the truth.To make the truth such a dirty old nasty thing.You gotta sneak to get to the truth, the truth is condemned.The truth is in the gas chamber.The truth has been in your stockyards.Your slaughterhouses.The truth has been in your reservations, building your railroads, emtying your garbage.The truth is in your ghettos.In your jails.In your young love,not in your courts or congress where the old set judgement on the young.What the hell do the old know about the young?They put a picture of old George on the dollar and tell you that he's your father, worship him.Look at the madness that goes on, you can't prove anything that happened yesterday.Now is the only thing that's real.Everyday, every reality is a new reality.Every new reality is a new horizon,a brand new experience of living.I got a note last night from a friend of mine.He writes in this note that he's afraid of what he might have to do in order to save his reality, as i save mine.You can't prove anything.There's nothing to prove.Every man judges himself.He knows what he is. You know what you are, as i know what i am,we all know what we are.Nobody can stand in judgement, they can play like they're standing in judgement.They can play like they stand in judgement and take you off and control the masses, with your human body.They can lock you up in penitentiaries and cages and put you in crosses like they did in the past,but it doesn't amount to anything. What they're doing is, they're only persecuting a reflection of themselves. They're persecuting what they can't stand to look at in themselves,the truth.
excuse me, miss. i think you have a little something on your forehead there.
no, try again. it's still there.0 -
This is what I mean when I say I am proud of someone:
It seems a shame to have to sneak to get to the truth.To make the truth such a dirty old nasty thing.You gotta sneak to get to the truth, the truth is condemned.The truth is in the gas chamber.The truth has been in your stockyards.Your slaughterhouses.The truth has been in your reservations, building your railroads, emtying your garbage.The truth is in your ghettos.In your jails.In your young love,not in your courts or congress where the old set judgement on the young.What the hell do the old know about the young?They put a picture of old George on the dollar and tell you that he's your father, worship him.Look at the madness that goes on, you can't prove anything that happened yesterday.Now is the only thing that's real.Everyday, every reality is a new reality.Every new reality is a new horizon,a brand new experience of living.I got a note last night from a friend of mine.He writes in this note that he's afraid of what he might have to do in order to save his reality, as i save mine.You can't prove anything.There's nothing to prove.Every man judges himself.He knows what he is. You know what you are, as i know what i am,we all know what we are.Nobody can stand in judgement, they can play like they're standing in judgement.They can play like they stand in judgement and take you off and control the masses, with your human body.They can lock you up in penitentiaries and cages and put you in crosses like they did in the past,but it doesn't amount to anything. What they're doing is, they're only persecuting a reflection of themselves. They're persecuting what they can't stand to look at in themselves,the truth.
excuse me, miss. i think you have a little something on your forehead there.
no, try again. it's still there.
I can't judge any of you. I have no malice against you and no ribbons for you. But I think that it is high time that you all start looking at yourselves, and judging the lie that you live in.0 -
I use the term loosely but always with good intention. When I say I'm proud of you, what I mean is, I see you have been working on something that takes effort. It can be weight loss, it can be getting through a tough day, it can have variations of meanings. I like to say it in my way as an awknowledgement of someone's accompiishments. I used it often when my children are growing up and as adults they have shared that it made them feel good to recognized no matter what it was.0
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Yeah, it's an innocent complement. IMO, they are using the word correctly:
Proud [praʊd]
adj
1. (foll by of, an infinitive, or a clause) pleased or satisfied, as with oneself, one's possessions, achievements, etc, or with another person, his or her achievements, qualities, etc.
^^^^^^^^^^This^^^^^^^^^^^^
I tell people I am proud of them. I am acknowledging that they have accomplished something that is not easy to do and I am not saying or implying I had anything to do with it or I would say I am proud of us, we did a great job.
It is sad that you are not happy that someone else is acknowledging your hard work and instead you are getting wrapped up in the fact you do not like the way they worded it. You are missing out on the joy this can bring you by focusing on your pet peeve instead of someone trying to show you they see you and recognize the positive changes.0 -
You know, they might be pround FOR you!!! They may not know you or what you've been through, but they know how hard it is to lose weight, especially when it's to a point you can really see it, and they are proud for you.
I know that even though I don't know people, when I hear that they have been so successful at losing weight and doing a great job at it, I am really happy/proud for/of them... Just take it for the complement it's supposed to be. At least they are noticing... 0 -
I dont want to live on this planet anymore0
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This is what I mean when I say I am proud of someone:
It seems a shame to have to sneak to get to the truth.To make the truth such a dirty old nasty thing.You gotta sneak to get to the truth, the truth is condemned.The truth is in the gas chamber.The truth has been in your stockyards.Your slaughterhouses.The truth has been in your reservations, building your railroads, emtying your garbage.The truth is in your ghettos.In your jails.In your young love,not in your courts or congress where the old set judgement on the young.What the hell do the old know about the young?They put a picture of old George on the dollar and tell you that he's your father, worship him.Look at the madness that goes on, you can't prove anything that happened yesterday.Now is the only thing that's real.Everyday, every reality is a new reality.Every new reality is a new horizon,a brand new experience of living.I got a note last night from a friend of mine.He writes in this note that he's afraid of what he might have to do in order to save his reality, as i save mine.You can't prove anything.There's nothing to prove.Every man judges himself.He knows what he is. You know what you are, as i know what i am,we all know what we are.Nobody can stand in judgement, they can play like they're standing in judgement.They can play like they stand in judgement and take you off and control the masses, with your human body.They can lock you up in penitentiaries and cages and put you in crosses like they did in the past,but it doesn't amount to anything. What they're doing is, they're only persecuting a reflection of themselves. They're persecuting what they can't stand to look at in themselves,the truth.
I don't get how quoting a Charles Manson passage has any relevance to being proud of someone....0
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