Whaddya mean by "I'm proud of you?"

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  • zoodalia
    zoodalia Posts: 294
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    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!

    This.
  • Heyman09
    Heyman09 Posts: 184
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    Maybe they should just say "I'm happy for you"

    I like that!!!! Or even just "Good Job" I know what you mean. Sometimes I have family members who would tell me that I was fine and then when they noticed that I lost weight said that they were proud of me....I can't help but think how fat they thought I was.....Then again my family is not one for telling the truth all the time.
  • medaglia_06
    medaglia_06 Posts: 282 Member
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    I only get the "I'm proud of you" from my fiancé. Meaning he's proud of me for sticking to it (I've done it a few times in the past and lasted maybe a week each time). I'm down over 20 lbs this time :happy: But I can't see anyone else saying this to me, you're right it doesn't make sense if it isn't someone close to you and knows what you have been through to get to where you are.
  • stringsNlinks
    stringsNlinks Posts: 293 Member
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    SERIOUSLY? You need to look at a compliment more positively. If it needs to be explained, your overall outlook on people sucks.

    Im just being striaght forward.

    ditto!
    just smile, be kind & gracious! A lot easier to live this way...just saying
  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
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    I am not sure what you expect. Would you rather people don't say a word to you about it? Have you ever thought maybe you don't know their personal journey. Maybe they do know what a challenge it can be to lose and maintain.. Maybe they have been??

    I think you need to take a moment and open your mind and heart. Put yourself in their shoes. The fact that people say anything to you at all is NICE and thoughtful.

    What I take away from your post is that you feel - because they weren't your personal cheerleader or support means they don't have a right to compliment you or be proud of your accomplishments.
  • DanOhh
    DanOhh Posts: 1,806 Member
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    I think you're more angered by English semantics. If people would say "I'm proud for you" maybe that would be more appropriate.
  • mistylovesmusic
    mistylovesmusic Posts: 147
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    I tell my kids I'm proud of them for cleaning their rooms when I didn't help them clean it. I didn't cheer them on just mostly yell at them for taking forever and not doing it.

    Would you prefer people didn't say anything at all? Take the compliment and walk away with pride in your accomplishments.
  • StaceyL76
    StaceyL76 Posts: 711 Member
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    Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.

    And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!

    Yes this!
  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
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    I don't think people mean to take credit for your hard work by saying that. They are just choosing their words poorly. What they probably mean to say is that they are happy for you and they don't even realize how it is coming across. I would take it as encouragement and not so literally.
  • 42kgirl
    42kgirl Posts: 692 Member
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    Unwad your panties and accept it for the compliment it's intended to be. I am proud of my friends for their accomplishments.
  • NewChristina
    NewChristina Posts: 250 Member
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    If I ever told someone I was proud of them, what I meant was I wish I could have done it myself. If they did it it means they were in a better place than me and were able to accomplish it. I would be proud because they did it! Because I like that person and am happy for their success.
    Take everything in the kindest possible way.

    Agreed. It's like congratulating someone on any type of success. Passing a test for example: I would compliment them or say I'm proud of them for passing that test. I wouldn't mean it to be condescending or trying to take credit for helping them.

    I am also proud of you for losing your weight and I don't know you. (I.E.: I am very happy for your success and I hope I can be as strong and dedicated as you in losing my weight.)
  • mruntidy
    mruntidy Posts: 1,015 Member
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    I think I can see what you mean but the people ( I would hope) are still happy for you even if they don't get chance to comment daily. To me get chance is the key phrase because of time distances I sometimes don't see one of my American or Australian friends for a while unless they pop up so I make sure to comment especially on weight loss. Those little ones are a big motivator for me and sometimes a pat on the back is all I need, BUT I think your point has made me realise I need to do more than this and get a bit more active where I can when life doesn't get in the way. :smile:
  • JigglyPig
    JigglyPig Posts: 231 Member
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    I don't think saying, "I'm proud of you" is a person expressing his/her sense of pride in your accomplishments as their own. It's not that they are proud of THEMSELVES for having helped. They are proud that YOU achieved this. Being proud of someone doesn't imply any sense of ownership at all, the way I see it. I see it as "I am happy that you did this" or "I am impressed with your work." Not "I am proud because I'VE accomplished something by you losing weight."

    Maybe they really are using the word incorrectly. You're probably right. Proud is probably the wrong word. They shouldn't take pride in what YOU'VE done, and I doubt they do. I bet they are using the word in a loose manner and meant to say happy or impressed or something like that.

    So yes, I'm sure technically "pride" or "proud" is the wrong word when you look at the definition. But I would consider the fact that most people use it to mean "happy."

    Don't worry. These people aren't trying to steal your thunder or make you feel that they did the hard work and not you. They are simply trying to compliment your weight loss. Smile!! Just say thanks for being impressed with me!

    Great job on your weight loss. I think you can let go of the semantics of this all though. Just enjoy the compliments (even if people are using incorrect English or whatever).
    (:
  • Expialidojess
    Expialidojess Posts: 588 Member
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    Jeez, just let someone give you a compliment. No, they may not have had a hand in your accomplishments, but that doesn't mean they can't be happy for you.
  • 10acity
    10acity Posts: 798 Member
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    overthinking, accept compliment, walk away.

    Seriously. So basically, nobody can win with you. Why on earth are you going to get your panties in a wad because someone is trying to say something nice to you? Maybe you should examine the whys of that a little further.
  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
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    like this.

    proud-of-you-i-am-thumb.jpg
  • daffodilsoup
    daffodilsoup Posts: 1,972 Member
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    Jesus Christ just say thanks and take the compliment.
  • unknownjae
    unknownjae Posts: 6
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    I understand how you feel. I personally have made a big point to never tell someone I'm proud of them because I didn't want to imply that I was taking any credit for their actions. But then a very intelligent former English teacher explained to me the idiomatic nature of the usage of proud in the sense that is bothering you.

    Saying to someone that "I'm proud of you," isn't trying to take credit in any sense at all. It is merely a saying that they are happy for you and that you should be proud of your accomplishment. It isn't what the sentence means if you analyze each individual word but when they go together in that order they mean something different.

    Silly English but it is what it is.

    Accept it for what they mean and be proud of your accomplishments and thankful to those who have helped.
  • thrld
    thrld Posts: 610 Member
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    Maybe what they mean is "I'm proud to know someone who has obviously worked hard for their accomplishment" and "You have my admiration"


    These are your friends/family, right? Not enemies or strangers?
  • Chris_acc_can
    Chris_acc_can Posts: 83
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    I don't know why this bugs me... But now that I have lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, there are people who say stuff to me like "You've lost weight? I'm so proud of you!" WTH exactly does that mean??? What did they have to do with it?? They know nothing about the how's or why's involved in either my journey into obesity or my journey out of it.... They are not the least bit involved in my day-to-day struggle to make better choices, they have not been cheerleaders in my corner keeping me motivated, sharing NSV moments. They might be "friends" but this part of my life, they are not a part of. Why the heck should they have any sense of pride about my success thus far?? The next one who says this just might get called out on it, which should be interesting because these comments usually seem to take place in the foyer of my church between services....

    Anyone on MFP who says "I'm proud of you!" - well, that I accept! My MFPeeps have been here with me cheering me on and celebrating each lb lost and each minute of exercise (and I hope I do the same for them), and I have a small handful of RL friends who share this very personal journey with me and give me encouragement and support. They can be proud of me, they have been a part of the success. But when I reach that goal weight and celebrate, the fringe element that wants to be "proud of me" for no reason, well they will not be invited to partake of the victory rice cake!!

    (end vent/thanks for listening....)



    #****girlssay

    If your this rattled by a harmless compliment, how will you handle a back handed compliment? (everyone knows atleast one person who is an expert at these).

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