Whaddya mean by "I'm proud of you?"
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If I ever told someone I was proud of them, what I meant was I wish I could have done it myself. If they did it it means they were in a better place than me and were able to accomplish it. I would be proud because they did it! Because I like that person and am happy for their success.
Take everything in the kindest possible way.
Agreed. It's like congratulating someone on any type of success. Passing a test for example: I would compliment them or say I'm proud of them for passing that test. I wouldn't mean it to be condescending or trying to take credit for helping them.
I am also proud of you for losing your weight and I don't know you. (I.E.: I am very happy for your success and I hope I can be as strong and dedicated as you in losing my weight.)0 -
I think I can see what you mean but the people ( I would hope) are still happy for you even if they don't get chance to comment daily. To me get chance is the key phrase because of time distances I sometimes don't see one of my American or Australian friends for a while unless they pop up so I make sure to comment especially on weight loss. Those little ones are a big motivator for me and sometimes a pat on the back is all I need, BUT I think your point has made me realise I need to do more than this and get a bit more active where I can when life doesn't get in the way.
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I don't think saying, "I'm proud of you" is a person expressing his/her sense of pride in your accomplishments as their own. It's not that they are proud of THEMSELVES for having helped. They are proud that YOU achieved this. Being proud of someone doesn't imply any sense of ownership at all, the way I see it. I see it as "I am happy that you did this" or "I am impressed with your work." Not "I am proud because I'VE accomplished something by you losing weight."
Maybe they really are using the word incorrectly. You're probably right. Proud is probably the wrong word. They shouldn't take pride in what YOU'VE done, and I doubt they do. I bet they are using the word in a loose manner and meant to say happy or impressed or something like that.
So yes, I'm sure technically "pride" or "proud" is the wrong word when you look at the definition. But I would consider the fact that most people use it to mean "happy."
Don't worry. These people aren't trying to steal your thunder or make you feel that they did the hard work and not you. They are simply trying to compliment your weight loss. Smile!! Just say thanks for being impressed with me!
Great job on your weight loss. I think you can let go of the semantics of this all though. Just enjoy the compliments (even if people are using incorrect English or whatever).
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Jeez, just let someone give you a compliment. No, they may not have had a hand in your accomplishments, but that doesn't mean they can't be happy for you.0
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overthinking, accept compliment, walk away.
Seriously. So basically, nobody can win with you. Why on earth are you going to get your panties in a wad because someone is trying to say something nice to you? Maybe you should examine the whys of that a little further.0 -
like this.
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Jesus Christ just say thanks and take the compliment.0
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I understand how you feel. I personally have made a big point to never tell someone I'm proud of them because I didn't want to imply that I was taking any credit for their actions. But then a very intelligent former English teacher explained to me the idiomatic nature of the usage of proud in the sense that is bothering you.
Saying to someone that "I'm proud of you," isn't trying to take credit in any sense at all. It is merely a saying that they are happy for you and that you should be proud of your accomplishment. It isn't what the sentence means if you analyze each individual word but when they go together in that order they mean something different.
Silly English but it is what it is.
Accept it for what they mean and be proud of your accomplishments and thankful to those who have helped.0 -
Maybe what they mean is "I'm proud to know someone who has obviously worked hard for their accomplishment" and "You have my admiration"
These are your friends/family, right? Not enemies or strangers?0 -
I don't know why this bugs me... But now that I have lost enough weight for it to be noticeable, there are people who say stuff to me like "You've lost weight? I'm so proud of you!" WTH exactly does that mean??? What did they have to do with it?? They know nothing about the how's or why's involved in either my journey into obesity or my journey out of it.... They are not the least bit involved in my day-to-day struggle to make better choices, they have not been cheerleaders in my corner keeping me motivated, sharing NSV moments. They might be "friends" but this part of my life, they are not a part of. Why the heck should they have any sense of pride about my success thus far?? The next one who says this just might get called out on it, which should be interesting because these comments usually seem to take place in the foyer of my church between services....
Anyone on MFP who says "I'm proud of you!" - well, that I accept! My MFPeeps have been here with me cheering me on and celebrating each lb lost and each minute of exercise (and I hope I do the same for them), and I have a small handful of RL friends who share this very personal journey with me and give me encouragement and support. They can be proud of me, they have been a part of the success. But when I reach that goal weight and celebrate, the fringe element that wants to be "proud of me" for no reason, well they will not be invited to partake of the victory rice cake!!
(end vent/thanks for listening....)
#****girlssay
If your this rattled by a harmless compliment, how will you handle a back handed compliment? (everyone knows atleast one person who is an expert at these).0 -
I'm confused, nothing new for me LOL. When a friend in Ohio lost 50 pounds I was so proud of her. I had nothing to do with the journey she took, I was proud of her that she had the strength to keep with it. When I tell someone I'm proud of them, the pride is about them. It has nothing to do with me. IT IS ABOUT THEM AND THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENT.0
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Maybe they should just say "I'm happy for you"
This is probably more along the lines of what they mean but you come across as angry about them having an opinion in any regard. Yeah, overthinking and over reacting a little, in my opinion but... to each his own. I am just happy that anyone cares really.0 -
I empathize with your frustration - it's happened to me too. But, it's good to step back from the emotion a bit and realize that the intensity you feel on this issue is extreme like a wild fire, not safe and not controlled. Part of the journey to excess weight loss and moving down the BMI scale from (in my case) morbid obesity to obesity and soon just overweight is dealing with all of these extreme emotions inside of us, emotions brought on mostly from the unhappy realization that we cannot control everyone else.
I'd ask you to step back a bit and reevaluate this particular grievance which is directed at the actions and expressions of "other people." Who can you really control? In my experience, there is only one person I can control - me. Everyone else is allowed to stumble through this life like me, as best they can and imperfectly. I just hope that when they touch me imperfectly I can respond with grace and humor so that I can help them through a little better and perhaps, just perhaps if I'm fortunate, I can make a better friend in the journey.
-Debra0 -
WOW.of all the things to complain about:frown:
Maybe they are intelligent enough to know how hard it is to accomplish what you have done.
They are trying to be supportive and you are whining about their choice of words. Its just an expression.
I expect a bunch of PMs from you ALL saying you are PROUD of ME for losing 40 pounds and kicking *kitten*.
I welcome it.0 -
My two cents:
Often, when people say, "I'm proud OF you", what they really mean is, "I'm proud FOR you." But it's not part of our daily talk. Nobody says "I'm proud for you." It sounds weird being said, and being head. So people just say "I'm proud OF you" and don't necessarily realize the distinction when they say it.
Past that. I think for the most part, whether or not they've gone through it, people tend to realize that slimming down, losing weight, changing lifestyles etc is a really difficult undertaking. And success at this endeavor is worth positive acknowledgement. Oh sure, the people pissing you off may not realize that to you their positive comments are actually backhanded on some level. Still, they recognize and realize that there's this easily noticeable part of your life where you're achieving and succeeding. And we as people just like to recognize our fellow peoples' achievements and successes.
Maybe there's something you can say to them (nicely...) to let them know a better way to express themselves?
My two cents.0 -
I have friends that have told me that they are proud of me and I have never even thought to take offense to it. They are proud of my accomplishment. Even if they haven't been there on a daily basis people in general know that losing weight isn't an easy thing to do. Maybe you are being too sensitive. They are just trying to tell you "NICE JOB"!! Why can't you just take it as a compliment and enjoy it! :flowerforyou:0
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like this.
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Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.
And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!
Quoted for agreement.0 -
Yeah, it's an innocent complement. IMO, they are using the word correctly:
Proud [praʊd]
adj
1. (foll by of, an infinitive, or a clause) pleased or satisfied, as with oneself, one's possessions, achievements, etc, or with another person, his or her achievements, qualities, etc.0 -
Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.
And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!
Quoting this because it's 100% true.0 -
What the hell? They're proud OF YOU, they're not taking pride in your success. Those are two different things.
Maybe you should make people you know a booklet of what is acceptable to say and what isn't.
I know I'm just simply happy when someone notices my weight loss. I don't bother with semantics.0 -
I saw some family this weekend that I haven't seen in a while. My uncle, in particular, hasn't seen me since July of last year. I don't normally post my weightloss stuff on Facebook, because I figure, they don't want to be hearing it all the time. But I hit a couple big milestones lately that I chose to share there. When I got to the park, one of the first things my aunt said to me was that I was my uncle's hero! The look in his eyes as he told me how proud he was of me was humbling. And it let me have a conversation with him that I don't often get to have. He didn't have any part of my journey, as far as the work goes, but he loves me and is proud of me. I'm gonna take that as it was meant.0
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Im proud of ya sounds alot better than
Hey! youre not a fat *kitten* anymore!0 -
I see nothing negative about someone being "proud of me." If I do something that other people recognize as hard work, and they give me any kind of compliment, I'll take it! I've had a lot of people tell me they are proud of me for several things in my life. I have never interpreted that as them taking a speck of credit for my efforts. I think you should relax and enjoy how far you've come. Obviously nobody thinks they did it for you.0
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WOW!
IT MEANS THEY ARE PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS!
They are proud of you. At least when you were fat they didn't say, "you disgust me...".0 -
Between this and the "backhanded compliment" post I'm starting to wonder if it's possible to compliment a friend's weight loss without it being taken as an insult.
And then on the other side of the coin you have all the "I've lost 20 pounds and no one's said a word" posts... well yeah... people are afraid to!
This. I'm not sure what the problem is. Weight loss is almost universally known to be difficult, so if you've lost weight it's because you've put effort into it and stuck with it. Ergo, your effort is commendable and your progress is evident and that's a great thing and I'm proud of you because not everyone can do that. Not sure why this is a problem. Take a damn compliment.
^^ All of this.0 -
Wow, just wow.
So how can people compliment you? Why on earth can't people be proud of you?
I can't believe some people.0 -
I agree, you can only be proud of yourself and perhaps your children. So maybe they mean "I'm impresssed with you" or "You should be proud of yourself". Probably they just don't know the meaning of proud, exactly.
Urm, since when?
So, being a stranger to someone means you can't be proud of them?
Wow, I'll take note *rolls eyes*0 -
I must say take the compliment and move on, and seriously? you would make a scene in the church foyer?:noway:0
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This is a compliment I rarely pull out, but when I say it, I mean exactly what I say. I'm proud of you.
It takes determination and hard work to lose weight and I would be proud of someone close to me putting in the work to acheive it. Just like I would be proud of my sister graduating a high end university or someone acheiving something difficult to acheive.
I don't think any offense should be taken when someone says they're proud of you
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