Why can't I enjoy men looking at me??

yoovie

i've always felt that 90% of what a trainer says is false. now i know it's 100%.

HA

yelpat

Forget the trainer. You've obviously worked hard and it's showing. I know I still have a hard time taking compliments.

autumnpennell

I think you're FINE!!! Your trainer was probably just trying to protect your thinking, because honestly, in situations like this, it is likely that a person leaves their spouse after a huge transformation. But if you are confident in your marriage, love your husband, and he loves you, then I think you are ABSOLUTELY FINE loving your new body. It's natural to want to look good and feel good about it too! Congrats on the weight loss!

ShilohMaier

Could be your trainer just has high moral standards- not anything wrong with that in my opinion. I personally do not like the attention I'm getting now that I'm getting back into shape. Now that I'm married, it makes me downright uncomfortable when guys flirt with me. It used to make me feel good- but now it just makes me feel weird. Compliments I can take, but the overly sexual stuff some guys say is just plain uncomfortable.

SpydrMnky27

What occurred to me was that s/he's afraid that if you feel content in your new body, you'll stop the training sessions, resulting in less income.
Sounds like turf protection to me.

This was my first thought as well.

firedragon064

or his wife cheated on him.

bm99

There is a huge difference between pride and vanity.

I think your trainer is right. You shouldn't be getting your self worth from the fact that men are now willing to have sex with you. It's fine to be flattered and feel good about it, but it sounds like you are taking WAY too much out of a few compliments.

I like to think of it like this: If that person's opinion didn't matter to me when they thought I was a fat slob, why would it matter to me that they think I am hot? My self worth is tied up in so many things other than my physical attractiveness. A compliment can surely make a person's night but you should not base your self esteem on men staring. Don't let it go to your head, men will hump anything that moves.

KellyKAG

Ugh, he sounds like a bit of an *kitten*. Get a female trainer who will high-five you and say YEAH GIRL when you tell her stuff like that!

^^^ This.

lolo406

He was only feeling convicted and trying to cover his own shame of checking you out himself!

turningstar

Wow....men will hump anything that moves?! You aren't around very good men. Shame on you for saying that to her.

Your trainer is a dumbass. You should appreciate your success. Some people let it go to their head, but that doesn't mean you will. If your husband doesn't have a problem with it, neither should you! Good for you girl!

mcourtney09

There is a huge difference between pride and vanity.

I think your trainer is right. You shouldn't be getting your self worth from the fact that men are now willing to have sex with you. It's fine to be flattered and feel good about it, but it sounds like you are taking WAY too much out of a few compliments.

I like to think of it like this: If that person's opinion didn't matter to me when they thought I was a fat slob, why would it matter to me that they think I am hot? My self worth is tied up in so many things other than my physical attractiveness. A compliment can surely make a person's night but you should not base your self esteem on men staring. Don't let it go to your head, men will hump anything that moves.

Yeah I totally wanted to have sex with all the guys that paid me compliments...

And I definitely don't get my self-worth from what men think about my appearance...I KNOW that I am a smart and caring person who does what she thinks is right for the world as much as she can.

How do you know how much I am getting out of it. I said it made me feel good and it made my husband feel good too...

bm99

Your op was like a giddy little girl. That makes it seem like you're taking a few compliments way too seriously and I bet that's what your trainer thought too. Its not healthy.

busyblkgirl

Thank him for his service thus far, then FIRE HIM!!!

Miss_Suzylee

not to be a joy kill-cause i do agree his comments were kind of a-holeish, but i know someone who is a trainer and i often hear how frustrating it is to train people who are obviously in it for the wrong reasons. so while i dont think he should have said anything to you or should have been that blunt about it-maybe it just hit a sore spot with him because he wants you to do it for YOU and not for other people's approval. it would be an over-reaction on his part....but it's an idea. just so you don't think it was entirely about you, perhaps it just comes with the trainer territory.

What are the "wrong" reasons? My reason may be different from yours, but that doesn't make it wrong.

Lol dont get defensive, I was saying from his perspective it may seem as the wrong reason to be motivated.

BigBrewski

So I went out last Friday with my husband and I wore a sexy little dress that 30lbs ago I never would have DREAMED of wearing. My husband was loving how sexy I was looking and apparently some other men in the bars and clubs were too

I got some comments that I LOVED because I never got that attention before in my life....and my husband liked how his HOT wife was getting all those appreciative stares.

Today I was talking to my trainer about it and how it made me feel good and he said it was wrong that I was excited and happy about those remarks and stares and that he doesn't want me to get too full of myself and that I shouldn't be working out so that I get attention from men...I'm married and shouldn't care.

I was quite PEED! I was excited because I was getting attention that I had always felt jealous of in college. I'm not acting on anything...I am just feeling good about myself for ONCE in my life.

I had to vent this...but has anyone else received any negative comments about how good you feel about yourself and how you are ENJOYING attention?....aren't we supposed to take pride in what we've worked so hard for??

Your trainer is a dumbass.

BIG dumbass

lalapurple62

my high school gym teacher used to say that to me as i showered

ewwww that is so wrong on so many levels.....hope your not at that school now

FoodieGal09

I'm on the fence here. He could be an a-hole or he could just have been well meaning and it came out completely wrong.
Personally, I would talk to him about it and see how he explains himself. Depending on his answer, you'll know where he was coming from and decide from there.
If it turns out that he's a bit of a pig, but you are comfortable training with him and don't want a new trainer, keep the relationship strictly business and don't bother telling him anything personal.

amy1612

I agree that he was probably just trying to make sure you dont get complacent.

Also though, I think there are a lot of people that feel something is missing until they finally get the body they want, and once they start getting attention they let it go to their head a bit. How many people have spouses that love them an stick by them through years of their partner being/becoming overweight, only to find themselves dumped because their now thin partner decides they can 'do better' or 'want a new start'.

Im not saying in any way theat you're like that, but your trainer is maybe just trying to make sure you dont go down that path.

JanetLM73

Enjoy every complement you hear because you worked hard and you deserve it. Tell your trainer to STFU and enjoy the spotlight!! :happy:

fatfox13

Sod what your trainer says or thinks!!! You have had a positive reaction to all your hard work, so enjoy it, appreciate it and keep going! If something makes you feel good about youself then it cant be bad! Congrats you, i cant wait to lose weight xo:drinker:

p.s as for the posters on here who agree with your trainer....jealous much?? I think so, ignore them

Soapstone

Fire him.

amy1612

Sod what your trainer says or thinks!!! You have had a positive reaction to all your hard work, so enjoy it, appreciate it and keep going! If something makes you feel good about youself then it cant be bad! Congrats you, i cant wait to lose weight xo:drinker:

p.s as for the posters on here who agree with your trainer....jealous much?? I think so, ignore them

Sorry, but THIS^ is the kind of attitude I think your trainer wants you to avoid 'Anyone who disagrees with any of my opnions is just jealous because Im awesome'. Arrogance is not a nice trait and why would anyone be 'jealous' of the attention shes getting. Its not affecting anyone on here, theyre just sharing advice.

Also, yeah, Im sure attention is nice, but the aim of being fit, healthy and looking good isnt to impress men (and Im sure OP that this isnt your aim before you take offence) . Its your body, you dont need men to validate it.

luvinmefirst

Your trainer is a douche bag!! If your hubby is ok with it and your ok with it, screw what everyone else has to say if its negative!

mikeyrp

If I were to give the trainer the befit of the doubt it is possible that he heard "I went out with my husband and got checked out by lots of guys, how hot am I?"

Where as what you said, or at least meant was "I went out with my husband and we noticed together that some guys checking me out. We both felt flattered by the attention and proud of how far I had come with my fitness and weight loss"


You can see how these near identical statements would trigger completely different responses... None the less, I think your trainer was probably out of line.

gcanter

Who cares what your trainer thinks? As long as your hubby is happy and you're happy, thats what matters. You worked hard for it, enjoy it!

BeingWiser

Do what works for YOU! Your the one who has to keep the weight off...

stephieb186

That is insane!! You should feel great about what you have accomplished and enjoy the attention... If you are confident in your relationship with your husband then there are no worries! Some people (your trainer) have been burned and are just insecure... Don't let them bring you down... Strut your stuff! You deserve to!

Bronx_Montgomery

First of all the only person that you should be concerned if they should care is your husband.. Not your trainer. Obviously your husband loves that you are getting the attention and so do you. So who cares. Keep on rocking

BigDaddyRonnie

What I am reading into your post is your trainer does not want you to focus on becoming a "trophy wife" or something similar. It sounds like his philosophy and morals got in the way of your personal success. Maybe what he did was try to tell you to not work out for the wrong reasons. But he said it in a way that shocks me if that is how the conversation went. Obviously you and your husband did not mind the comments. But your trainer probably would have with you or anyone else on his arm.

Hiring a trainer is exactly the same as hiring a doctor, or lawyer, or even a landscaper...they need to be on the same page as you for anything successful to happen. Rather than concern yourself with his negative attitude, search for another trainer to help you into the next stage of your journey. You will be happier because if you don't, each subsequent session with this person will always have you wondering if he approves.

caroliiine86

that's bull**** !! :P can't wait to got men looking at me again ! haha