Is it ok for a woman..........

Suezyq47

If she is open with you about the nature of her friendship with this man then there should be no problem. Why can she not have a male friend that she talks to? I think it's ok.

tinytinam

Maybe you need to find out what she is she is getting from talking with this other guy? Everyone needs their friends, but if there is an emotional need that is not being fulfilled within the marriage, then you need to find out what it is and be the one who listens and is there for her. It could be completely harmless but make a good friend of him but also pay more attention to your wife.

jeffrodgers1

Where there is smoke... there is usually fire. Put it this way... while you are out on a quest playing D and D... she may be looking for a little Magi elsewhere....you get the drift?

Look Seriously... if you suspect something is up, talk to her. It is rather uncommon for a woman to spend so long talking to another guy. There has to be a reason. Are you paying her enough attention? She may be lonely and is enjoying the attention on the telephone. She may not be thinking affair. But She also is likely unaware that you are feeling of jealous and find this suspect.

Even though she may not have any intentions... I'd seriously have to question the guys intentions spending so much time calling a married woman. Have you told her how this makes you feel? There are two sides to a relationship. Before it evolves into a festering wound or an affair... talk to her. Find out where its at... what's bothering you and her.

I have many female friends... we do not phone each other late at night, or do anything that could be construed as mischief. We run in groups, we meet in public, our spouses are always welcome. Men and women can be friends. Friends don't cause other friends that kind of grief.

I do have to say that even though I played Dungeons and Dragons as a kid, I find it unusual that you are out slaying dragons instead of home seducing your wife.

Drop_it_Like_Its_Hawt

I might be in the minority here, but I think it really just depends on 1) what they're talking about and 2) if she's considering your feelings in it. Is she flirty with him, beyond a normal platonic friendship? Because if that bothers you, and you've said as much, she should be able to talk this through with you and make compromises (i.e. no middle-of-the-night calling). My hubby and I are D&D gamers occasionally too, and don't tend to be jealous of each other at all - but those few times when our friends are imposing a little too much into our lives (for instance, one that called ALL the time, always at night and always in some kind of crisis), he tells me as much (or I him), and we respect that enough to set some boundaries we can both be comfortable with. If she really doesn't care what you think about it, though - well that's a different problem entirely, and very serious. Respect, communication and trust are crucial to a relationship (at least for mine) - if even one of those goes away, that relationship may be headed right out the door.

Drop_it_Like_Its_Hawt

I also think that maybe you should ask her if your D&D nights out are bothering her - if she feels neglected somehow. She could just be acting that way with him because she feels left out when you head out with friends. Not that it's your fault - you should both be entitled to your own free time - but it's just the fact that she keeps bringing up how she "lets" you go play D&D in reaction to you mentioning the phone calls, that makes me think maybe she's harboring some resentments that just need to be talked out, before it drives you two apart over it.

Granted, that's just going on what little you've said here - I don't know you and could be totally off, but I'm only going off my own experiences being married to a gamer (and often staying home with the kids while he's out playing DM til midnight and then some). Sometimes loneliness happens, you know?

amberleighM04

If you feel there is something wrong with it, then talk with her about it and tell her your misgivings about it. She should be willing to ti curtail the convos with the other guy and if she isn't, then there is something more to the story.

AmberLeighD

You mentioned that she was a "homebody" and didn't like to go out, do you know what she does like? If you two have no interest to connect on, and you aren't there emotionally for her, then she is probably having an emotional affair. Substituting what she is not getting from you with someone else. I'd pretend you were dating again, and find a way to make your wife fall in love with you. Show her the attention, and the appreciation you have for her. Perhaps even try some couple counseling.

I used to be the wife of a gamer (Magic the Gathering). I even learned to play so I could connect with him on some level when he picked up the "habit". As he spent more time out of the house at the "shop" or going out of town for "games" I sought attention (emotionally) elsewhere after feeling abandoned. I sought divorce after he quit his paying job to play "full time". He didn't know me, he didn't know his daughter, and there was no common bond, and he didn't want to try and make a connection, to make our relationship work. (there was other issues as well, he was ex-military and the war really changed him)

While she may even say she doesn't want to do anything outside the house, it may be that she doesn't think you care at all. If she likes pottery, maybe there are some classes that happen on the weekend (so she's not home w/o you there!). Colleges offer great continuing education classes, that are fun. If she likes to cook, or is interested in knitting, there is something for everyone. Figure out what makes her spark, but be there to listen, encourage, and be her FRIEND.

Without communication on both ends... sounds like the boat is going to sink.

GeorgiaOnlyDaughter

Yes it's wrong. I know I couldn't do a thing like that and if my husband wants to see tomorrow he'll never do a thing like that. I mean seriously, something is NOT right about that.

slkehl

It's not okay, and you should have a serious conversation with her about it. Even if it is completely innocent, she should still respect you and put herself in your shoes. Your D&D nights are totally different; her being able to talk to this guy for so long because you play video games doesn't make sense. But, as people have said, ask her about that. Is it a big issue?

I'd read up a little bit on conflict management before going into this. You want to convey that you love and cherish her as your own, and while you don't want to constrain her, you want to feel completely comfortable knowing she is completely yours.

Just don't beat around the bush. My last relationship was damaged because we didn't have big honest conversations about what bothered us, just pointed remarks and excuses.

GeorgiaOnlyDaughter

If she is open with you about the nature of her friendship with this man then there should be no problem. Why can she not have a male friend that she talks to? I think it's ok.

If my husband spent hours on the phone with a woman and texted her late at night we'd have a problem. Friend or not that seems a bit much. A conversation that lasts for hours is one that need to be between a couple.

I would ask her what is she talking about for hours that she can't talk to you (her husband ) about.

nalfavi

Full out NO NO NO. It's not right. My ex did this to me with another chick, and I got dumped about a month later, because what I was "overreacting" to was really a huge red flag that I should have paid attention to.

LeeLough

Ok so in my opinion there is something wrong here. Even if she is just friends with this guy, its inapropriate to speak to another male for that amount of time, unless its family of course. What do they talk about? What could be so important that takes 3 hours? Especially if its week after week, I dont even talk to my closest girlfriends that much. To me it seems like shes "fakely" supporting you hanging out with your guy friends so she has more time to do whatever she wants. And when she says you can do whatever you want "except talk to your old gal friends" that makes her just a hypocrite. Honestly....your a good looking guy and its sounds like your legit about your relationship...dont let yourself be dooped. If you tell her straight out how it makes you feel uncomfortable how she speaks to him so frequently and for such a long period of time she should definatly respect you and your relationship. If she keeps defending herself and not being considerate to your feelings than it just means something else is going on that she doesnt want to let go of. Whether thats just a friendship or more you probably wont ever know but any women who acts like that isnt worth it.