Is it ok for a woman..........

ccadroz93

I dont know what she means when she says whatever, She states I let you go to the VFW club because you like it, I let you leave every other weekend to play D and D with the guys and she says since she is being supportive of those things I should nt have a problem with who she talks to on the phone because she is a home body and that it should be ok whomever she talks to on the phone.

Sounds like she is trying to rationalize some possibly unacceptable behavior. It's cool that you have freedom to do things you enjoy. My husband and I have such out of sinc schedules that the two of us often do things without each other and we have no problem with it, but if he was talking to some lady that often or visa versa, there would definitely be discussion about it.

When you are gone on your D and D weekends, where is she and what is she doing and with who??

freeli

I'm really surprised so many people think she shouldn't be "allowed" to talk to her guy friend of 14 years! Don't you think she has had plenty of opportunity to have him if she wants him? I mean, it doesn't sound like she is hiding it from you. ...that might cause reason for concern. I'm sure that the 3 hour talks are not EVERYday either. If she sits at home she probably is bored and appreciates the conversation. Does she lock herself in her room so you can't hear her? Don't be insecure! If she is gonna mess around on you she'd be doing it while your out playing D&D anyway and there is nothing you can do about it. You can only be the BEST BF possible and deal with infidelity if it comes. If you try to say "you can't do this" you will only push her away anyhow. Not always easy but thats how I see it

Yupp!

I'm a girl, I've been with my BF for years, one of my best friends ever is male and yes, we talk on the phone for hours. HOURS! and we never had anything going and he is married, and neither my partner or his wife have any problems with us talking for HOURS.

Do you know the guy your wife talks to? - sorry I haven't read all the replies.

Maybe try to play a bit less DD and find something that the both of you can spend more time together, a common new hobby or such? Because maybe she feels a bit neglected and frustrated and that could then be where *****y replies come from?

Whatever it is, I wish you all the best and keep my fingers crossed you can work it out together.

ZoeyRobinson

If you let her know how uncomfortable you are with the situation and she dismisses your feelings you have every right to be upset. You can't tell her who she can and cannot be friends with but maybe you can put some boundaries on her "chat time" with her friend. Like maybe ask her if she would not talk to him after a certain time of night.

beccarockslife

how does she have hours to talk to him? Surely you guys should be doing something together?

sarahmoo12

well ask her how she would feel if it was the other way around, if you are missing spending time with her because she spends hours everyday on the phone tell her im sure she will be happy you want to do things with her ............ Also if she is being sneak about it and not telling you about things when you ask or hiding her phone not letting you see the texts or walking out of the room ect when shes talking to him its not on!

mrob81

Sorry. You have reached the point of no return my man. Even if she isn't physical with this guy, what is happening is at a minimum an "emotional" connection. This is much worse.

Additionally, she has mentally given herself an out for feeling guilty, "you can do whatever you want".

Either a full frontal confrontation is in order, or you get out before your feelings are hurt.

castadiva

I have several close straight male friends with whom I speak on the phone for long periods of time, and text late at night/early in the morning, should the need arise. I've known them all for a decade or more, have no physical interest and no romantic history with them, but they are wonderful friends who have been there for me in good times and bad. Two of them I view as my non-genetic brothers, the other as a very close friend, akin to my closest female friends. I'm not married, but I wouldn't expect to stop speaking to them simply because I was.

I think the thing you have to ask yourself is whether or not your wife is being at all secretive about talking to him? If she's trying to hide the fact, then maybe you have a problem. If she's being open about it, then chances are, she's just talking to a friend and you have nothing to worry about. If the time on the phone has picked up recently, is this friend of hers perhaps going through a difficult time and she is being supportive? Unless you have reason to believe otherwise - secretive behaviour or a history of cheating, for example - I would take your wife at her word when she says they're just friends.

I do have a question though about your wife telling you not to speak to your female friends. Are these genuine platonic female friends,or exes/once-upon-a-time flings? If the former, then you perhaps have a good platform to use when you talk to your wife about her conversations with her male friends - "You know you asked me not to talk to zyx... Why was that? Did it make you uncomfortable/insecure? That's how I feel about your talking to xyz..."

Finally, if she's a homebody and you're off playing D&D a few nights a week and at weekends, you need to make a special effort to do things together on the nights/weekends when you are at home. Watch a film together, make a meal together or order in and spend specific time together as a couple in the environment she likes - don't just let every time you're at home together be part of the normal evening routine, with her doing her thing and you doing yours. Quite apart from the health of your relationship, if you're taking up her time, he won't be!

placebomonkey

depends were they friends before you got together? Ive got more lad mates than girl mates and sometimes I'm like flipping free council to some when there love life goes boobs up .... if its a recent thing though I can see why you would think it was off

mistylovesmusic

Something seems horribly wrong here. Women don't confide in other men when they are married. I don't even spend 3 hours on the phone with my best friend and she's female with lots in common with me. I don't want to say she's having an affair but this type of behavior certainly leads up to it. I know this from experience. I'd try and stop it now before it's too late. Just be careful how you approach it.

After further reading, I see she's known him for 14 years... I would be more concerned if this was a new relationship. The question I would have is, have they taken up talking more often and every day... Good luck!

sarahharmintx

if you wouldn't do the behavior in front of her husband, its wrong.

she's married, no one should mess with that.

This is my belief.

DominicanCharm

I must be straight forward and honest, ''The married lady is up to no good!"

quiescentaureateserpent

You know I cannot say for sure. As I am not there to see the conversations nor to understand your personal relationship dynamics. So i cannot say. I realize that is incredibly helpful.

Now to the one that said it was laughable or he thought it was funny that adults played D+D. Well I play vampire the masquerade and I roleplay and enjoy myself. Roleplaying is delving into the imagination and there is nothing wrong with that. Do you watch television? Movies? If so then you are watching actors that play characters and at the end of the day they go home and are themselves.That is exactly what I do when I roleplay.

Now I will say this if she feels that she is a homebody and is texting or talking to someone be they male or female then to me that is a warning sign that she is lonely. Spend time with her and do not just go off with your friends. Sometimes women have this thing that they do. I have done it. I will say oh no it is fine when it is anything but fine. That was when I was younger. Sometimes women want you to be mind readers. Well that does not work. What I would do is cancel the gaming for a while and spend time with her. Go make a lunch in a backpack and a blanket and go have a day with her. Tell her how you feel. Talk to her. You should not have to buy her anything to make her feel better by the way.

SheriHellsBells

Depends on the trust dude.
I have good friends both male and female and i think if im able to have a three hour talk with my female friends on the phone whenever i want then i should be able to do the same with my male friends. If you're good friends, you can chat for *enter appropriate country* about anything and everything lol.
If the same rules dont apply to you if you want to talk to a female friend for over an hour or three lol then obviously theres something to worry about.
People should be less picky and fussy about whos doing what behind eachothers back and be in a stable relationship...which is no way a dig at your or the missus, its just a general comment.
If you're worried, talk to her, and if she goes off on one, ask why.
Dinnae jusge a book by its cover, people

Also...Adults playing Dungeons and Dragons is the mutts nuts and everyone who judges or discriminates should be sorely ashamed of themselves!!!!!!!!! We arent Sheeple. >:(

xx

snoopytwins

I let you do x, y, and z...but I'm going to point out how I "let" you do these things. Not good. That's either being utterly bitter about it or giving her an excuse to make her feel better about her own behavior.

If you are married, and he's been a friend of hers for over 14 years...why are you just now meeting him, if he is that important a friend?

Doesn't sound too great to me from what you've put out there.

weighlossforbaby

It is not right at all and she needs to stop! You have said she told you that you can't talk to your old gal friends but she can talk to an old guy friend? That's seems like a one sided deal to me. She shouldn't be doing this if she's married.

rextcat

its only ok if the other gie is gay. if she dont want you talking to old gal pals she needs to cut it out with the other dudes to. aside from that shes prolly sleeping with him, or is going to.



i 2nd edition:laugh:

ElizabethRoad

It doesn't make any difference what the internet thinks is OK. If 100% of commenters here say it's wrong, what will that prove? What matters is that it's not OK with you, and what her reaction to that is. Either she accepts that, she rejects it, or you compromise. If she rejects it, you have to decide what that means about the future of the relationship.

There aren't rules for relationships. You have to decide them between the two of you.

MissAlexxMarie

Everybody has their own personal opinion about it. If you're ok with it then just go ahead and ignore it. If you're not, which seems like it's going that way, then let her know..she can't respect it..somebody else will! Overall, why do you need to talk to somebody else for 3 hours..don't you have a significant other for that?

dragonbait0126

Wait wait wait...she's been friends with him for 14 years? Knock it off dude...if she hasn't boned him yet she's not going to now.

And about your "gal friends"....how many of them have you known for 14 years? I'll tell you right now I would never stop talking to someone I've known that long just because my wife said so. I have female friends I've known for that long. There's also no question about my intention with them. The only person I want anything beyond friendship with is my wife and she knows it.

^^^^THIS! A million times! I was beginning to wonder if I was the only person who would feel this way. Honestly, this doesn't strike me as being about her talking to a guy for 3 hours as opposed to you not trusting her and looking for a reason to justify that feeling. Has she given you any reason not to trust her? A phone conversation doesn't justify not trusting her unless you overhear something that shouldn't be going on, IMHO. Also, as a married woman, I would NEVER tell my husband who he could and could not talk to or be friends with. If I didn't care for someone, regardless of gendor, I'd tell him but he can be friends with and talk to whomever he wishes simply because I trust him.

estitom

It is possible for a straight man and a straight woman (I'm assuming they both are, don't have time to read through this thread) to be great friends and nothing more. I understand if you're jealous, but try to relax and trust her. The fact that she's talking with him a lot is no proof.

BaDaSsBrUnEtTe

No, theres something very off about that.

Agreed

SoDamnHungry

That sounds shady to me. And especially the fact that she doesn't care you AREN'T ok with it. Even girls don't talk to their girlfriends that much.

ironanimal

Assuming this is your wife you're talking about, in this situation I would probably be very suspicious and/or ticked off. It depends what kind of boundaries you're comfortable with.

BarbWhite09

Not okay at all...

angelicarubi

No not okay at all! And for her to say you can do whatever you want is like telling you i do whatever i want so go on.

Busyboymomx3

I dont know what she means when she says whatever, She states I let you go to the VFW club because you like it, I let you leave every other weekend to play D and D with the guys and she says since she is being supportive of those things I should nt have a problem with who she talks to on the phone because she is a home body and that it should be ok whomever she talks to on the phone.

and what is the "homebody" doing while you're out?

Pacoroban

Wow..GOOD Luck....

EpiGaiaRepens

i think its possible she's talking with him because soemthing is up. Not her cheating on you, but maybe something is in his life that he can talk to her about and not really other people.

HiKaren

I have sat her down and she has said they are good friends and nothing more and they have been friends for 14 years. She has told me I can not talk to my old gal friends and she has said that if they say anything innappropriate she will not talk to him anymore so can I trust what she is saying. I have been through this before with exs and it never ends up right at all. Thanks for the twentysided comment LOL that is hilarious.

Go with your gut feeling. Kinda sounds like she has her set of rules, and you have yours.....

Unknown

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