Is it ok for a woman..........
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it seems odd to me. but what are they talking about anyways?? I dont even talk to my husband that long on the phone, about anything. I would just dig a bit deeper by saying "so i notice you talk to "blah blah" a lot. Whats up with that? What yall talking about?"0
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Before assuming the worst, I would find out if the guy is a good friend and maybe going through some tough times (like a divorce or death in the family) and needs a friend. If not, then I would have to say no way, not ok.0
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The only time I've ever spent that long on the phone with a man is when I was interested in him, in "that" way.
THIS^^^^^
I haven't spent more than 3 minutes on the phone with anyone in 20 years.0 -
if it was me and my partner - would def say no it is not okay....!!!! it is more than okay to have friends of the opposite sex but not 3 hour phone calls and late night texting friends.... just saying!!!! it's too close... tell her your unhappy about be straight up!!!!
if it bothers you be honest!!!0 -
I'm a fairly liberal person; I think that a woman or a man is entitled to have friends of the gender to which they are attracted, sometimes even exes... but man, what she is doing is not okay. That is WAY too much time spent, even by phone, with another guy (especially if he's straight). I agree that it's emotional cheating. Even if the dude is gay, or even if she spent that much time talking to her female friends, I would still be concerned that she's sharing more personal details of her life with them than with you (also not healthy, as relationships go). I would keep copies of your phone records, if I were you.
In my view, if you are in a serious relationship, your closest confidante should be your partner, with family (blood relations) and people who in no way have a sexual orientation compatible with yours second. While I personally refuse to give up my friendships with long-time male friends (I have some going back to junior high, and also some exes have become long-time friends), I believe that certain ground rules should be followed, out of respect for one's significant other. They are:
-Occasional phone calls only. Like maybe a half hour every couple of weeks or something, tops.
-A fair amount of time can be spent with such friends, if in a wider social group gathering to which my S.O. is readily invited. There should be nothing I have to say to these male friends that I can't say in front of the one I love. As for my exes, any talk about past intimacies is a no-no. I will not tolerate them dragging up ancient history, because we no longer have that kind of relationship, and it would likely be hurtful to my S.O.
-No one-on-one meetings with these male friends, except for maybe a chance meeting out in public that turns into coffee, and/or I haven't seen them in a really long time.
I think that would give me plenty of time to maintain such friendships, while still not giving any rational man a reason to worry. I would expect the same to apply to my S.O. and any of his female friends/exes.0 -
Wait wait wait...she's been friends with him for 14 years? Knock it off dude...if she hasn't boned him yet she's not going to now.
And about your "gal friends"....how many of them have you known for 14 years? I'll tell you right now I would never stop talking to someone I've known that long just because my wife said so. I have female friends I've known for that long. There's also no question about my intention with them. The only person I want anything beyond friendship with is my wife and she knows it.
FUDGE this ^..this is just an excuse for her to continue to talk to him..dude don't listen to this.... yeah she's know him for 14 years but knowing of him or actual in her life knowing him day to day are two different things...if anything she is emotionally cheating on you and it's up to you to decide if you can live with that...not fulfilling her emotionally that is.
Are you serious? If you had a good friend for 14 years and your husband wanted you to stop talking to that person you'd be fine with that? I call bullsh!t.0 -
My advice: less time with D and D and more time with the wifey.0
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That made me laugh.
Anyway "letting" you hang out with your buddies to role play D&D isn't the same as talking to some chick for hours.
Don't assume the worst, but try to really figure out what's going on between the two.
Most of my friends are guys, but the only time we talk is online while playing Diablo...0 -
Wait wait wait...she's been friends with him for 14 years? Knock it off dude...if she hasn't boned him yet she's not going to now.
And about your "gal friends"....how many of them have you known for 14 years? I'll tell you right now I would never stop talking to someone I've known that long just because my wife said so. I have female friends I've known for that long. There's also no question about my intention with them. The only person I want anything beyond friendship with is my wife and she knows it.
FUDGE this ^..this is just an excuse for her to continue to talk to him..dude don't listen to this.... yeah she's know him for 14 years but knowing of him or actual in her life knowing him day to day are two different things...if anything she is emotionally cheating on you and it's up to you to decide if you can live with that...not fulfilling her emotionally that is.
I had guy friends and my hubby made it known he was uncomfortable with it so i dropped them out of respect for him. He's been pulling the same **** your girl is pulling and passing it off like they are just friends..FUDGE that..I demanded him to cease and desist but they work together and far away..the trust is gone and once that goes there is no relationship..at least for me..just found out last week there was more to my husbands "friendship" story...still a little upset..sorry.... but i know what your going through..
And for the record...in that situation the trust isn't "gone"...it was never there in the first place. Telling someone to drop their friends just because they have the opposite anatomy is about the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard and it's the complete opposite of having trust in someone.0 -
WOw this post has really grown I want to thank everyone for their comments on both sides it has helped me to figure it out more so for myself so I thank each and everyone of you Hugs to you all. This has been a good therapy session so far and all the comments will continue to help thanks0
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My neighbor was like this with the calls and texts. she was cheating on her husband- they are now getting divorced. Does she let you read the texts?0
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:ohwell:0
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I'm married, and while my hubby and I each have plenty of friends of the opposite sex, I wouldn't feel comfortable with him talking to one of them on the phone for 3hrs at a time on a regular basis! Maybe once if he/I hadn't talked to that person in forever, but what is there to talk about for that long on a regular basis? I don't even think I couldn't talk to my husband on the phone for 3 hours, lol.
Texting...whatever, because people text all the time and who cares what time it is (but then again I work nights and DH is a bartender so we're not on "normal" time).0 -
D&D??
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You're leaving out a lot of info. Who is this guy to her? Are they coworkers, met at the gym, long time friends, best friends, relatives or family friends? If she's known the guy a long time (whether longer than you or just as/shorter) then I can't say I would be concerned. If it's someone she's known less than a year, then you might want to get to know this dude before you pass judgment.
However, rule #1 for relationships: if it's enough to bother you, it's enough to mention to your partner. If you are genuinely uncomfortable with her talking to him that much, sit her down and talk to her about it, tell her how it makes you feel but at the same time don't accuse her of anything. Make "I" statements. If she doesn't want to talk about it or gets defensive maybe try a marriage counselor, a neutral environment where you can resolve any disputes you two might have.
I'd also suggest you ask yourself just exactly why you don't like it. Is it because it's taking time away from "we" time? Is it jealousy/hurt? It helps to know so you can explain more clearly to your wife. If she's never given you reason to distrust her, give her the benefit of the doubt. She's your wife, you married her for some reason and you obviously had enough trust in her.
That aside, I really get bothered by people who come in and say "you can't have different sex friendships once you're hitched" whether from personal experience or not. You can. If we couldn't then chances are every married person ever would be having so many affairs we'd make Hollywood pale in comparison.0 -
Is it ok for a woman to talk on the phone to a guy for three hours if she is married? and talk to him for an hour here and an hour there and txt him at 1030 at night? Is it being unsupportive to be uncomfortable with that and saying how you feel about it?
Is it normal behavior even when she is talking to a girl? Does she leave the room or make sure you aren't around when she is talking to this person? Is this person she is talking/texting going through a rough time? Are they close friends? How long have they known each other?
Personally I text people until midnight and yes that includes guys. My husband knows and doesn't care and he is free to pick up my phone and read what I've texted any time he wants. There are a couple of guys that I will talk to at any hour and for as long as I please because they are close friends and I've known them for years. Again, my husband has no problem with it. I don't hide it from him. It would be different if I was hiding messages, leaving the room when they called, and constantly in contact with them without being close friends.
Finally, it isn't being unsupportive if you tell your wife you are uncomfortable with it. But do take the above things into consideration. She isn't necessarily trying to conduct an affair, she may be helping a friend with a problem. Hopefully she can explain what is going on so that you aren't uncomfortable with the situation anymore. Don't be confrontational about it, just approach her in a "Hey, this is making me a bit uncomfortable" kind of way. If you try to confront her about it, she may get defensive and the whole conversation will go downhill from there.
Disclaimer, I haven't read the other 4 pages of this thread so my above questions may have been answered.0 -
I don't even like talking my boyfriend that many hours on the phone let alone just a good friend. I don't think you are wrong in being suspicious.Also theres a big difference between going to hang with the guys once every other weekend and gabbing with another person 3 hours a day in my opinion0
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SHe has told me to meet him and has invited him to her oldest sons grad party. next weekend I am not sure how to react to him. there will be like 70 people there I think. Hmmmmm0
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its not appropriate. thats one thing ive learned with my marriage. things may be platonic, but even then, when its making you uncomfortable, she needs to address the situation and fix it or compromise with you. otherwise you guys dont have the same level of respect. yes she may let you play with your buds but the simple fact is, youre straight. youre hanging out with other men. shes straight, but chatting endlessly to a guy. the situation isnt comparable and not right for her to be shoving in your face. its not respectful on either hers or this other dudes end to be doing this.0
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Yeah, she's trippin. Nip it right now.0
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hey, wait a minute. I didn't notice any woman products on your sink counter. Are you just yanking our chain?
Cuz if you fibbed about something important, like playing D&D, I'd be a lite miffed with you. :laugh:0 -
there is such a thing as having an emotional affair, the reason most people cheat is because they feel that they are not having all of their needs met in their current relationship, have you tried asking her what it is she feels she's missing from you that the other guy is fullfilling? You have to be willing to give her what she asks for though, or at least be willing to work on it. I have been happily married for 5 years now and I wouldn't dream of doing that to my husband, or if I was ever tempted I would look at what it is I need from my hubby and talk to him before I would ever do anything like that. Spending that much time together and talking could too easily tread into the unhealthy and inapropriate area. Good luck0
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Hmmm it does sound a bit iffy.. But to be fair, I can chat to my best friend (who is male) for hours and not get bored. And I wouldn't stop talking to him on the phone if I got a boyfriend.0
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D&D??
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:laugh:0 -
I play DnD too.
I DM for a group. It's a great socializing hobby.
Anyway, no. It isn't cool.
I wouldn't be okay with that if my husband was doing it. I don't mind talking or anything because I absolutely trust my man. However, once they begin doing honestly suspicious things, like texting someone that late or chatting with them for hours everyday, that would make me very suspicious.
Being trusting is one thing. Being walked on is another.
Losing the trust of a partner is an awful thing.0 -
No it never ends up right. This is wrong, no two ways about it. I would make it very clear to her that it makes you uncomfortable and that there are consequences if she keeps on doing it.I have sat her down and she has said they are good friends and nothing more and they have been friends for 14 years. She has told me I can not talk to my old gal friends and she has said that if they say anything innappropriate she will not talk to him anymore so can I trust what she is saying. I have been through this before with exs and it never ends up right at all. Thanks for the twentysided comment LOL that is hilarious.0 -
I don't think it sounds right, do you talk to this guy? I have lots of very close guy friends who I regularly hangout with BUT my boyfriend is always welcome to join us (and often does), and visa versa with his chick mates. And neither of us talk much to them day to day and I would have no problem with him seeing my text messages to them.
If they are just buddies why don't you suggest you all hang out sometime, surely your partner wants her hubby and her friends to get on?
This is the bit that gets me about it thought as well "She has told me I can not talk to my old gal friends" double standards much? I would raise this with her definitely - good luck x0 -
Meeting the guy means nothing. If she spends more time talking to him than you then I'll bet she feels like something is lacking in your relationship and is looking elsewhere for whatever it may be. The problem is, even if she isn't cheating right now the closer she gets to this other guy the further she gets from you which eventually will probably end in cheating. Women are hard to please and a crap ton of effort is needed on both ends , aknowledgement of feelings both good and bad and understanding that things will never be perfect are essential.0
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Honestly... I didn't read all the comments on here.. BUT if it were me it would be normal... however ; most of my friends are guys so if I talked to them for 3 hours it would be no more than talking to a girlfriend on the phone for 3 hours. I will add though, I would NEVER ever ask a SO to give up their female friends and I sure wouldn't get pissed if my SO and his friends did something...
Is the whole talking on the phone for 3 hours a new thing or is it something that has been happening since forever? because if it is new I would question it but if its not - you kinda knew what you were getting into when you decided to pursue it. You have every right to tell her how uncomfortable it makes you but I really think you should be talking to her and not on an online forum..0 -
I have sat her down and she has said they are good friends and nothing more and they have been friends for 14 years. She has told me I can not talk to my old gal friends and she has said that if they say anything innappropriate she will not talk to him anymore so can I trust what she is saying. I have been through this before with exs and it never ends up right at all. Thanks for the twentysided comment LOL that is hilarious.
The answer is right there in your own post . . . you've been through this before. Yes, it is possible that they are "just friends" but it's very rare and even more rare that it stays that way! Does she get upset if you read her texts? Does she talk to this friend while your in the same room? Big, big red flags right there!
I don't know of any happily married woman or man of who would dedicate that much time to someone of the opposite sex that is not their spouse. I personally would rather spend time with my husband than any other person - including my girl friends.0
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