Is it ok for a woman..........

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  • Samiwhereareyou
    Samiwhereareyou Posts: 281 Member
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    I am also in a relationship with a gamer and I tell him he can go do whatever with the guys because im not worried about him cheating. He is loyal and sweet and my best friend we going to get married when i finish school. I have a male friend who recently moved to the east coast and we skype and face time each other all the time and talk for hours. Its not physical I have no desire to ever cheat on my boyfriend ever with anyone but i do have a few guy friend who i talk with. I also spend hours talking to my sisters in reno and hollywood we dont see each other and i miss then dearly. my boyfriend is in the room sometimes when i am skyping and he has full acess to my email and i let him read my txt messages and i am allowed the same. I dont ever check I know on tuesday nights hes playing magic and sometimes out till 7 in the morning he also kayaks and is gone for weeks. Im never worried hes cheating on me. Do you trust your wife?? Has she ever given you any reason to doubt her?? Talk to her be open with her and dont worry so much ask if you can read her txts I bet they say things like wow you really drank that much beer damn dude slow your roll. :) If you love her and she loves you there is nothing to worry about.
  • WickedGarden
    WickedGarden Posts: 944 Member
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    I find it interesting when a gal posts a question "Can a girl have male friends?" and people say yes...but then if she's married, suddenly the answer is 'no'

    I happen to get along better with men than I do with women. I have zero close female friends. If I happen to meet a guy that I have no interest in hooking up with, I have to automatically nix them as a friend if I happen to also be married?

    That is f'ed up.

    I believe some/most if not all people can have platonic friendships whether the friend is male or female. Honestly, I believe that couples SHOULD spend time apart doing their 'own' things with other friends. I'd go bonkers if I couldn't hang out and do things with different people. I find it boring if i do the same things with the same people ALL THE TIME.

    OP, if wifey has had this friend for 14 years, you have no place to tell her she can no longer be friends with him, you can tell her that you feel uneasy about the time they spend together, but if you push it, you may risk pushing her out of the marriage, that is my honest opinion.
  • BriskisGrl
    BriskisGrl Posts: 461
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    hmmmmmm not sure.. Friends for 14 years I see nothing wrong with it having a convo an hour here or there.. They've been in each others lives for a long time. Does this male have a significant other??? Is she aware of how often they talk and or text?? Does yours leave the room when they they are talking if you are around?? Unless she is acting differently I wouldn't be looking, but if it makes you uncomfortable talk to her.

    I do agree that letting you hand out with male friends is not the same thing.
  • monicamk1975
    monicamk1975 Posts: 298 Member
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    My husband wouldn't be okay with it, and I wouldn't be okay with it if the roles were reversed. You said she doesn't want you doing it but she does it? That's because she knows its wrong.
  • lukeout007
    lukeout007 Posts: 1,247 Member
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    For the record....3 hours a night on the phone with ANYONE male or female is a lot. Hell...my wife used to spend that long on the phone with her parents (and they lived 10-15 min away) every single night and it caused fights several times.
  • Jules2Be
    Jules2Be Posts: 2,267 Member
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    I think it depends on context. With just the information given, I would have a chat with her.
    Make sure you upgrade your armor class first, though!

    good idea.
  • vade43113
    vade43113 Posts: 836 Member
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    No adult play Dungeons and Dragons. That's just...well...odd! But, to each his/her own.

    HAHA

    And what is the difference, in that and watching foodball or any sport? Or playing video games... the only difference would be your using your mind even greater.

    Tabletop game; imagination, interaction, reaction, book keeping, memorization, and reading
    Video games is reaction base.... largely,
    Sports or watching tv... nothing... oh, the Dallas cheerleaders look hot this season.. :noway: lame...

    To the OP, It has been said before, just repeating... Talk to her, you know her more than we do.... I would hope you could tell if she is lying better than us. Or you can ask the guy over for a cook out, along with some old girl friends/workmates.... and watch how they enter act.
  • Guisma
    Guisma Posts: 215
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    Hm... does she talk with everyone that much , like family and other friends , or u ? Cos if she does, then maybe shes just a talker... And does it happend all the time ? Is she the same to you as before? - questions u might ask urself
  • chatipati1
    chatipati1 Posts: 211 Member
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    As a woman, I say something is up...sorry if that hurts...
  • cristaine
    cristaine Posts: 87
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    How can any human talk that long on the phone anyway?

    oO

    I don't even ANSWER my phone 95% of the time. lol

    That said, the usual answer is: if it bothers you enough to ask other people about it, it isn't ok to YOU. And in your own relationships, it is what you both think (not one or the other) that matters.

    But three HOURS? Wow. Hardcore.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    It took me a minute to figure out that you are the husband in this scenario. Honestly, it's a sticky situation for you. I totally understand your jealousy, but at the same time, if you don't trust her it could harm the marriage. The reality is that if she cheats, you really can't stop it from happening. My advice is just to permit her to do what she is going to do but keep your eyes open for other signs. I hope that your concern is unwarranted because if she does cheat then she is a fool!
  • newfette81
    newfette81 Posts: 185
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    I am also in a relationship with a gamer and I tell him he can go do whatever with the guys because im not worried about him cheating. He is loyal and sweet and my best friend we going to get married when i finish school.

    Holy mother of Pearl I could have written this word for word...
  • SCVSarah
    SCVSarah Posts: 231 Member
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    It is NOT ok at all. It's not ok if you are in a committed relationship, marriage or otherwise. I'd ask to see the texts....see if she'll just hand them over. If she doesn't, then she may be hiding something. If she respects and loves you then she will stop after you tell her that it bothers you. Good luck.

    And I agree with everyone else, hanging out with your male friends is completely different than what she is doing. If he's gay then it's probably ok, but I know some gay guys that will still hook up with woman.....
  • BigBrewski
    BigBrewski Posts: 922 Member
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    Yikes. When I read this I saw my ex wife. She would spend hours and hours on the phone texting and talking and would say well you play racquetball 2 nights a week. (I played racquetball because she asked me to get gym memberships and then I started to use mine she would never come with me) In any case I got real concerned one month when she sent 20K text messages YES i said 20K yes that is a text every two minutes for 30 days. Of course she said it was her phone messing up resending texts...

    For me it is a simple test, does she hang up when you walk in the room? Does she tell you anything about what they talk about? If she isn't hiding anything then I would be ok with it. However, if she is very vauge and hiding the calls you have a problem.

    As everyone here said you need to talk to her about it.
  • markymarrkk
    markymarrkk Posts: 495 Member
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    tell her to invite him over and host an orgy with your D & D buddies ! now that's a party !!
  • focus4fitness
    focus4fitness Posts: 551 Member
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    I have male friends from high school and I would think it would be a little strange if I was on the phone all the time for hours on end every day.

    And for the people bagging on him for D&D I am sure she probably knew he played that before they got together.
  • Mctree20
    Mctree20 Posts: 137
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    If she leaves the room when she talks to him, then yeah, something's up.
  • snw_
    snw_ Posts: 237 Member
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    i guess it all depends on your marriage. it's apparently not open.

    when she talks on the phone for hours to this guy - does she do it in front of you?
  • itgeekwoman
    itgeekwoman Posts: 804 Member
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    NO! sorry, it just doesn't cut it. I wouldn't sit and chat with a guy for 3 hours and I'd sure as heck not sit around and listen to my husband chat up a girl for 3 hours.

    I'd get dressed, go out and well, leave the rest to his imagination.
  • Beezil
    Beezil Posts: 1,677 Member
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    I get pissy if my husband is on the phone with anyone for an hour or more... so yeah, I don't think you're in the wrong for being bothered by this. Not at all.

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