Is it ok for a woman..........

Samiwhereareyou

I am also in a relationship with a gamer and I tell him he can go do whatever with the guys because im not worried about him cheating. He is loyal and sweet and my best friend we going to get married when i finish school. I have a male friend who recently moved to the east coast and we skype and face time each other all the time and talk for hours. Its not physical I have no desire to ever cheat on my boyfriend ever with anyone but i do have a few guy friend who i talk with. I also spend hours talking to my sisters in reno and hollywood we dont see each other and i miss then dearly. my boyfriend is in the room sometimes when i am skyping and he has full acess to my email and i let him read my txt messages and i am allowed the same. I dont ever check I know on tuesday nights hes playing magic and sometimes out till 7 in the morning he also kayaks and is gone for weeks. Im never worried hes cheating on me. Do you trust your wife?? Has she ever given you any reason to doubt her?? Talk to her be open with her and dont worry so much ask if you can read her txts I bet they say things like wow you really drank that much beer damn dude slow your roll. If you love her and she loves you there is nothing to worry about.

WickedGarden

I find it interesting when a gal posts a question "Can a girl have male friends?" and people say yes...but then if she's married, suddenly the answer is 'no'

I happen to get along better with men than I do with women. I have zero close female friends. If I happen to meet a guy that I have no interest in hooking up with, I have to automatically nix them as a friend if I happen to also be married?

That is f'ed up.

I believe some/most if not all people can have platonic friendships whether the friend is male or female. Honestly, I believe that couples SHOULD spend time apart doing their 'own' things with other friends. I'd go bonkers if I couldn't hang out and do things with different people. I find it boring if i do the same things with the same people ALL THE TIME.

OP, if wifey has had this friend for 14 years, you have no place to tell her she can no longer be friends with him, you can tell her that you feel uneasy about the time they spend together, but if you push it, you may risk pushing her out of the marriage, that is my honest opinion.

BriskisGrl

hmmmmmm not sure.. Friends for 14 years I see nothing wrong with it having a convo an hour here or there.. They've been in each others lives for a long time. Does this male have a significant other??? Is she aware of how often they talk and or text?? Does yours leave the room when they they are talking if you are around?? Unless she is acting differently I wouldn't be looking, but if it makes you uncomfortable talk to her.

I do agree that letting you hand out with male friends is not the same thing.

monicamk1975

My husband wouldn't be okay with it, and I wouldn't be okay with it if the roles were reversed. You said she doesn't want you doing it but she does it? That's because she knows its wrong.

lukeout007

For the record....3 hours a night on the phone with ANYONE male or female is a lot. Hell...my wife used to spend that long on the phone with her parents (and they lived 10-15 min away) every single night and it caused fights several times.

Jules2Be

I think it depends on context. With just the information given, I would have a chat with her.

Make sure you upgrade your armor class first, though!

good idea.

vade43113

No adult play Dungeons and Dragons. That's just...well...odd! But, to each his/her own.

HAHA

And what is the difference, in that and watching foodball or any sport? Or playing video games... the only difference would be your using your mind even greater.

Tabletop game; imagination, interaction, reaction, book keeping, memorization, and reading
Video games is reaction base.... largely,
Sports or watching tv... nothing... oh, the Dallas cheerleaders look hot this season.. :noway: lame...

To the OP, It has been said before, just repeating... Talk to her, you know her more than we do.... I would hope you could tell if she is lying better than us. Or you can ask the guy over for a cook out, along with some old girl friends/workmates.... and watch how they enter act.

Guisma

Hm... does she talk with everyone that much , like family and other friends , or u ? Cos if she does, then maybe shes just a talker... And does it happend all the time ? Is she the same to you as before? - questions u might ask urself

chatipati1

As a woman, I say something is up...sorry if that hurts...

cristaine

How can any human talk that long on the phone anyway?

oO

I don't even ANSWER my phone 95% of the time. lol

That said, the usual answer is: if it bothers you enough to ask other people about it, it isn't ok to YOU. And in your own relationships, it is what you both think (not one or the other) that matters.

But three HOURS? Wow. Hardcore.

UsedToBeHusky

It took me a minute to figure out that you are the husband in this scenario. Honestly, it's a sticky situation for you. I totally understand your jealousy, but at the same time, if you don't trust her it could harm the marriage. The reality is that if she cheats, you really can't stop it from happening. My advice is just to permit her to do what she is going to do but keep your eyes open for other signs. I hope that your concern is unwarranted because if she does cheat then she is a fool!

newfette81

I am also in a relationship with a gamer and I tell him he can go do whatever with the guys because im not worried about him cheating. He is loyal and sweet and my best friend we going to get married when i finish school.

Holy mother of Pearl I could have written this word for word...

SCVSarah

It is NOT ok at all. It's not ok if you are in a committed relationship, marriage or otherwise. I'd ask to see the texts....see if she'll just hand them over. If she doesn't, then she may be hiding something. If she respects and loves you then she will stop after you tell her that it bothers you. Good luck.

And I agree with everyone else, hanging out with your male friends is completely different than what she is doing. If he's gay then it's probably ok, but I know some gay guys that will still hook up with woman.....

BigBrewski

Yikes. When I read this I saw my ex wife. She would spend hours and hours on the phone texting and talking and would say well you play racquetball 2 nights a week. (I played racquetball because she asked me to get gym memberships and then I started to use mine she would never come with me) In any case I got real concerned one month when she sent 20K text messages YES i said 20K yes that is a text every two minutes for 30 days. Of course she said it was her phone messing up resending texts...

For me it is a simple test, does she hang up when you walk in the room? Does she tell you anything about what they talk about? If she isn't hiding anything then I would be ok with it. However, if she is very vauge and hiding the calls you have a problem.

As everyone here said you need to talk to her about it.

markymarrkk

tell her to invite him over and host an orgy with your D & D buddies ! now that's a party !!

focus4fitness

I have male friends from high school and I would think it would be a little strange if I was on the phone all the time for hours on end every day.

And for the people bagging on him for D&D I am sure she probably knew he played that before they got together.

Mctree20

If she leaves the room when she talks to him, then yeah, something's up.

snw_

i guess it all depends on your marriage. it's apparently not open.

when she talks on the phone for hours to this guy - does she do it in front of you?

itgeekwoman

NO! sorry, it just doesn't cut it. I wouldn't sit and chat with a guy for 3 hours and I'd sure as heck not sit around and listen to my husband chat up a girl for 3 hours.

I'd get dressed, go out and well, leave the rest to his imagination.

Beezil

I get pissy if my husband is on the phone with anyone for an hour or more... so yeah, I don't think you're in the wrong for being bothered by this. Not at all.

SingeSange

I would be upset if my husband did that, and I wouldn't do that to my husband.

SPNLuver83

The only time I've ever spent that long on the phone with a man is when I was interested in him, in "that" way.

HeatherNoyes

no it is not ok. Plain and simple.

calalily77

I find it interesting when a gal posts a question "Can a girl have male friends?" and people say yes...but then if she's married, suddenly the answer is 'no'

I happen to get along better with men than I do with women. I have zero close female friends. If I happen to meet a guy that I have no interest in hooking up with, I have to automatically nix them as a friend if I happen to also be married?

That is f'ed up.

I believe some/most if not all people can have platonic friendships whether the friend is male or female. Honestly, I believe that couples SHOULD spend time apart doing their 'own' things with other friends. I'd go bonkers if I couldn't hang out and do things with different people. I find it boring if i do the same things with the same people ALL THE TIME.

OP, if wifey has had this friend for 14 years, you have no place to tell her she can no longer be friends with him, you can tell her that you feel uneasy about the time they spend together, but if you push it, you may risk pushing her out of the marriage, that is my honest opinion.

But she has a place to tell him that he can't have contact with his old female friends? I don't think so. Also I agree that people should have time to themselves, But if that time is spent while you are at home together and you have to go talk to another man, that is not right.

PShep17

Depends who the guy is i suppose. I've got a number of guy mates, some of them my best friends, who I speak to regularly and would never dream of changing that. Saying that, I can understand how a bf might be uncomfortable with this. I think if it's someone she's been friends with for years and nothing has ever happened romantically then it's all good. You cab't really do anything about it. Wouldn't be an issue if it was a girl and that just makes it look like 'girls and guy can't just be friends'

ItsCasey

No female over the age of 14 regularly spends hours talking on the phone to a friend. She's either doing him, or she's planning to do him as soon as possible.

ETA: This is not an issue of "Can men and women be 'just friends?' " Sure, she can have a strictly platonic relationship with a man. But again, I ask you, how many women do you know who talk on the phone to their male friends (or even female friends) for HOURS at a time on a regular basis? I have many male friends, and when I talk to them on the phone, it's for a few minutes. If it's one I haven't spoken to in a while, maybe 15 to 20 minutes, and that is pushing it. Hours? That ain't just a friend. Sorry.

bellyake3

Wait wait wait...she's been friends with him for 14 years? Knock it off dude...if she hasn't boned him yet she's not going to now.

And about your "gal friends"....how many of them have you known for 14 years? I'll tell you right now I would never stop talking to someone I've known that long just because my wife said so. I have female friends I've known for that long. There's also no question about my intention with them. The only person I want anything beyond friendship with is my wife and she knows it.

FUDGE this ^..this is just an excuse for her to continue to talk to him..dude don't listen to this.... yeah she's know him for 14 years but knowing of him or actual in her life knowing him day to day are two different things...if anything she is emotionally cheating on you and it's up to you to decide if you can live with that...not fulfilling her emotionally that is.

I had guy friends and my hubby made it known he was uncomfortable with it so i dropped them out of respect for him. He's been pulling the same **** your girl is pulling and passing it off like they are just friends..FUDGE that..I demanded him to cease and desist but they work together and far away..the trust is gone and once that goes there is no relationship..at least for me..just found out last week there was more to my husbands "friendship" story...still a little upset..sorry.... but i know what your going through..

TK266

You get to play D&D every other weekend!!! That rocks.

Ok my advise is say you heading out to play D&D on weekend, but leave your Monster Manual II behind. In a few hours had back to the house to get the book. Use your Search and Spot skill to see if something is amiss, like she has a guy ion top of her or something.

That is what I would do.








Just kidding, I would never leave a D&D game just to check out of my SO is cheating. that is just crazy talk.

ElviraCross

It would be very wrong in my marriage.

Micahroni84

Is it ok for a woman to talk on the phone to a guy for three hours if she is married? and talk to him for an hour here and an hour there and txt him at 1030 at night? Is it being unsupportive to be uncomfortable with that and saying how you feel about it? I am curious. WHat everyones opinion is on it. Even if she says you can go do whatever and then brings up the fact that she is supportive of me cause she lets me hang with the guys every other weekend at his house playing Dungeons and Dragons, yes I said I am a role player. Please Id like the opinions of everyone. Thanks

If he's gay it's not an issue. But if he's straight than it's inappropriate. I used to be of the mindset that married men and women can maintain appropriate personal relationships with each other BUT through the last 6 years of marriage and life experience I have learned that it's not likely to stay appropriate. I've seen SO MANY marriages fail due to either spouse not understanding the importance of boundaries between friends of the opposite sex. I have male friends but we don't text or talk on the phone and rarely email each other. It's friendly chatting on facebook or if we run in to each other. The same goes for my husband and the women he knows. If we spend time with them, we are both there. It's not a matter of distrust. It's a matter of understanding that marriages have ups and downs and marriages don't stop you from being attracted to others so the risk of running to some one during those times and making a mistake is too high. We agree that if we don't want to be tempted than we don't put ourselves in that position.

Edited to say I notice you say she's known him 14 years but is this amount of talking to him more recent or has she always spent this much time talking to him? There comes a point when if your significant other is talking to some one else more than they are to you and about problems, hopes, goals, that would normally be communicated to you, that you start to wonder why they are with you when there is some one else they would prefer spending their time with emotionally. Even if you take sex out of the equation it's still not very considerate of your relationship.