Is it ok for a woman..........

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  • jenbk2
    jenbk2 Posts: 623 Member
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    My neighbor was like this with the calls and texts. she was cheating on her husband- they are now getting divorced. Does she let you read the texts?
  • AriesGrl
    AriesGrl Posts: 174 Member
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    :ohwell:
  • BananaCat83
    BananaCat83 Posts: 77 Member
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    I'm married, and while my hubby and I each have plenty of friends of the opposite sex, I wouldn't feel comfortable with him talking to one of them on the phone for 3hrs at a time on a regular basis! Maybe once if he/I hadn't talked to that person in forever, but what is there to talk about for that long on a regular basis? I don't even think I couldn't talk to my husband on the phone for 3 hours, lol.
    Texting...whatever, because people text all the time and who cares what time it is (but then again I work nights and DH is a bartender so we're not on "normal" time).
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
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    D&D??

    are-you-a-wizard-meme_1.jpg
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    You're leaving out a lot of info. Who is this guy to her? Are they coworkers, met at the gym, long time friends, best friends, relatives or family friends? If she's known the guy a long time (whether longer than you or just as/shorter) then I can't say I would be concerned. If it's someone she's known less than a year, then you might want to get to know this dude before you pass judgment.

    However, rule #1 for relationships: if it's enough to bother you, it's enough to mention to your partner. If you are genuinely uncomfortable with her talking to him that much, sit her down and talk to her about it, tell her how it makes you feel but at the same time don't accuse her of anything. Make "I" statements. If she doesn't want to talk about it or gets defensive maybe try a marriage counselor, a neutral environment where you can resolve any disputes you two might have.

    I'd also suggest you ask yourself just exactly why you don't like it. Is it because it's taking time away from "we" time? Is it jealousy/hurt? It helps to know so you can explain more clearly to your wife. If she's never given you reason to distrust her, give her the benefit of the doubt. She's your wife, you married her for some reason and you obviously had enough trust in her.

    That aside, I really get bothered by people who come in and say "you can't have different sex friendships once you're hitched" whether from personal experience or not. You can. If we couldn't then chances are every married person ever would be having so many affairs we'd make Hollywood pale in comparison.
  • PayneAS
    PayneAS Posts: 669 Member
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    Is it ok for a woman to talk on the phone to a guy for three hours if she is married? and talk to him for an hour here and an hour there and txt him at 1030 at night? Is it being unsupportive to be uncomfortable with that and saying how you feel about it?

    Is it normal behavior even when she is talking to a girl? Does she leave the room or make sure you aren't around when she is talking to this person? Is this person she is talking/texting going through a rough time? Are they close friends? How long have they known each other?

    Personally I text people until midnight and yes that includes guys. My husband knows and doesn't care and he is free to pick up my phone and read what I've texted any time he wants. There are a couple of guys that I will talk to at any hour and for as long as I please because they are close friends and I've known them for years. Again, my husband has no problem with it. I don't hide it from him. It would be different if I was hiding messages, leaving the room when they called, and constantly in contact with them without being close friends.

    Finally, it isn't being unsupportive if you tell your wife you are uncomfortable with it. But do take the above things into consideration. She isn't necessarily trying to conduct an affair, she may be helping a friend with a problem. Hopefully she can explain what is going on so that you aren't uncomfortable with the situation anymore. Don't be confrontational about it, just approach her in a "Hey, this is making me a bit uncomfortable" kind of way. If you try to confront her about it, she may get defensive and the whole conversation will go downhill from there.

    Disclaimer, I haven't read the other 4 pages of this thread so my above questions may have been answered.
  • cmeade20
    cmeade20 Posts: 1,238 Member
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    I don't even like talking my boyfriend that many hours on the phone let alone just a good friend. I don't think you are wrong in being suspicious.Also theres a big difference between going to hang with the guys once every other weekend and gabbing with another person 3 hours a day in my opinion
  • donjoe1024
    donjoe1024 Posts: 30
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    SHe has told me to meet him and has invited him to her oldest sons grad party. next weekend I am not sure how to react to him. there will be like 70 people there I think. Hmmmmm
  • dorkusmalorkus
    dorkusmalorkus Posts: 61
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    its not appropriate. thats one thing ive learned with my marriage. things may be platonic, but even then, when its making you uncomfortable, she needs to address the situation and fix it or compromise with you. otherwise you guys dont have the same level of respect. yes she may let you play with your buds but the simple fact is, youre straight. youre hanging out with other men. shes straight, but chatting endlessly to a guy. the situation isnt comparable and not right for her to be shoving in your face. its not respectful on either hers or this other dudes end to be doing this.
  • Tashia_HH
    Tashia_HH Posts: 99 Member
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    Yeah, she's trippin. Nip it right now.
  • TK266
    TK266 Posts: 3,689 Member
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    hey, wait a minute. I didn't notice any woman products on your sink counter. Are you just yanking our chain?


    Cuz if you fibbed about something important, like playing D&D, I'd be a lite miffed with you. :laugh:
  • breeanreyes
    breeanreyes Posts: 228 Member
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    there is such a thing as having an emotional affair, the reason most people cheat is because they feel that they are not having all of their needs met in their current relationship, have you tried asking her what it is she feels she's missing from you that the other guy is fullfilling? You have to be willing to give her what she asks for though, or at least be willing to work on it. I have been happily married for 5 years now and I wouldn't dream of doing that to my husband, or if I was ever tempted I would look at what it is I need from my hubby and talk to him before I would ever do anything like that. Spending that much time together and talking could too easily tread into the unhealthy and inapropriate area. Good luck
  • amymoore12
    amymoore12 Posts: 46 Member
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    Hmmm it does sound a bit iffy.. But to be fair, I can chat to my best friend (who is male) for hours and not get bored. And I wouldn't stop talking to him on the phone if I got a boyfriend.
  • nas24
    nas24 Posts: 880 Member
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    D&D??

    are-you-a-wizard-meme_1.jpg

    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:laugh:
  • Sveid
    Sveid Posts: 37 Member
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    I play DnD too. :D I DM for a group. It's a great socializing hobby.

    Anyway, no. It isn't cool.

    I wouldn't be okay with that if my husband was doing it. I don't mind talking or anything because I absolutely trust my man. However, once they begin doing honestly suspicious things, like texting someone that late or chatting with them for hours everyday, that would make me very suspicious.

    Being trusting is one thing. Being walked on is another.

    Losing the trust of a partner is an awful thing.
  • Sharon009
    Sharon009 Posts: 327 Member
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    I have sat her down and she has said they are good friends and nothing more and they have been friends for 14 years. She has told me I can not talk to my old gal friends and she has said that if they say anything innappropriate she will not talk to him anymore so can I trust what she is saying. I have been through this before with exs and it never ends up right at all. Thanks for the twentysided comment LOL that is hilarious.
    No it never ends up right. This is wrong, no two ways about it. I would make it very clear to her that it makes you uncomfortable and that there are consequences if she keeps on doing it.
  • fromaquasar
    fromaquasar Posts: 811 Member
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    I don't think it sounds right, do you talk to this guy? I have lots of very close guy friends who I regularly hangout with BUT my boyfriend is always welcome to join us (and often does), and visa versa with his chick mates. And neither of us talk much to them day to day and I would have no problem with him seeing my text messages to them.

    If they are just buddies why don't you suggest you all hang out sometime, surely your partner wants her hubby and her friends to get on?

    This is the bit that gets me about it thought as well "She has told me I can not talk to my old gal friends" double standards much? I would raise this with her definitely - good luck x
  • ahsongbird
    ahsongbird Posts: 712 Member
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    Meeting the guy means nothing. If she spends more time talking to him than you then I'll bet she feels like something is lacking in your relationship and is looking elsewhere for whatever it may be. The problem is, even if she isn't cheating right now the closer she gets to this other guy the further she gets from you which eventually will probably end in cheating. Women are hard to please and a crap ton of effort is needed on both ends , aknowledgement of feelings both good and bad and understanding that things will never be perfect are essential.
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
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    Honestly... I didn't read all the comments on here.. BUT if it were me it would be normal... however ; most of my friends are guys so if I talked to them for 3 hours it would be no more than talking to a girlfriend on the phone for 3 hours. I will add though, I would NEVER ever ask a SO to give up their female friends and I sure wouldn't get pissed if my SO and his friends did something...

    Is the whole talking on the phone for 3 hours a new thing or is it something that has been happening since forever? because if it is new I would question it but if its not - you kinda knew what you were getting into when you decided to pursue it. You have every right to tell her how uncomfortable it makes you but I really think you should be talking to her and not on an online forum..
  • ShandiH
    ShandiH Posts: 232 Member
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    I have sat her down and she has said they are good friends and nothing more and they have been friends for 14 years. She has told me I can not talk to my old gal friends and she has said that if they say anything innappropriate she will not talk to him anymore so can I trust what she is saying. I have been through this before with exs and it never ends up right at all. Thanks for the twentysided comment LOL that is hilarious.

    The answer is right there in your own post . . . you've been through this before. Yes, it is possible that they are "just friends" but it's very rare and even more rare that it stays that way! Does she get upset if you read her texts? Does she talk to this friend while your in the same room? Big, big red flags right there!

    I don't know of any happily married woman or man of who would dedicate that much time to someone of the opposite sex that is not their spouse. I personally would rather spend time with my husband than any other person - including my girl friends.

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