Need Advice- My daughter needs to lose weight!

beebee0925

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noirnatural

I would not force her, but make sure she has the information and the tools needed to get healthy.

don't bring junk food in the house, no juice or sodas...buy water and crystal light, popcorn, fruit and Popsicle...don't make it seem like its a diet, just the way things are going to be your new lifestyle...also I would cook but if your like me and don't really like to cook just make sure she has healthy options

and I really love the idea of inviting her for a walk with you...slowly but surely as she see the change in you it will encourage her and the new habits you establish will make it easy for her

SistaHope

Sweet Mama; I hear you!! But listen to me, PLEASE. I'm a mom of 4 (2 boys, 2 girls) and I totally GET what you're saying, but I'm going to give you a hard word: The best thing you can do for your daughter is to simply BE an honest representation of what you want HER to be!!! (if I could underline, bold, italics that statement I would!) Oh, how I wished I'd grasped this truth when my oldest was 16!!! She's 26 now; and I have great relationships with my daughters, but the real truth is that I was doing the worrying over HER that I should have been doing over MYSELF. And since then, it has taken ALL my focus to concentrate on getting ME fit, and healthy, and weight down (yay, it's happening!) Be honest with YOURself first, and be legitimate!! Your daughter is 16, she is her own woman! Just like you. She has to OWN this decision. You're not going to do it. Drop it. Let it go. Focus on YOU and your own health and your own good goals for becoming a better person~that will take all your time, and your emotional energy. Leave her alone (pray for her, hope for her; but no anxiety or stressing allowed!!!) If you do this, I can nearly guarantee you, she WILL come around~and it will be so much better because she would have made that decision herself, and own her own health! She will surprise you. It may take longer than you're happy with but hang in there!!!

sarahp86

I agree with some people but as being overweight and having a mother who is trying to "support" me, I know she means well but it's so annoying!!! I know I have to lose weight but if someone you're close to keeps saying it to you it's very frustrating.

My mam doesn't nag me, I'm 26 years old and live away from home but the fact that my weight keeps coming up makes me feel down about myself, and then all I want to do is eat, it's a vicious circle.

Don't remove the junk food, she will get it somewhere else. Don't unplug tv's, computers etc. she will use them somewhere else.

You can't force someone to lose weight and even gentle encouragement from a parent can seem like nagging.

So maybe you could have someone else like a cousin, sibling or friend approach her and say that they're training for something and want an exercise partner. Maybe find out which of her friends are in sports groups and have a quiet word in their parents ear about them getting your daughter to join.

I know you mean the best and deep down she does too but she'll only see it as an attack on her and her weight and feel you're not proud of her. Tread carefully

dmpizza

My teen son doesn't want to do anything besides look at screens either.
He has developmental issues so it is even more touchy sometimes.

He would go with me to the gym with me and just sit in a machine for a half hour. It made me furious.

I keep hoping that he will mature into wanting to do other things. It is easier to get him to mow the lawn and do some chores than it used to be, however it is harder to get him to do outdoorsy sorts of things that my wife and I truly love.
Sorry I couldn't give you a better response.

livinaloha4eva

Sweet Mama; I hear you!! But listen to me, PLEASE. I'm a mom of 4 (2 boys, 2 girls) and I totally GET what you're saying, but I'm going to give you a hard word: The best thing you can do for your daughter is to simply BE an honest representation of what you want HER to be!!! (if I could underline, bold, italics that statement I would!) Oh, how I wished I'd grasped this truth when my oldest was 16!!! She's 26 now; and I have great relationships with my daughters, but the real truth is that I was doing the worrying over HER that I should have been doing over MYSELF. And since then, it has taken ALL my focus to concentrate on getting ME fit, and healthy, and weight down (yay, it's happening!) Be honest with YOURself first, and be legitimate!! Your daughter is 16, she is her own woman! Just like you. She has to OWN this decision. You're not going to do it. Drop it. Let it go. Focus on YOU and your own health and your own good goals for becoming a better person~that will take all your time, and your emotional energy. Leave her alone (pray for her, hope for her; but no anxiety or stressing allowed!!!) If you do this, I can nearly guarantee you, she WILL come around~and it will be so much better because she would have made that decision herself, and own her own health! She will surprise you. It may take longer than you're happy with but hang in there!!!

I'm her 26 year old and I approve of this message and validate it's truth! I have recently been inspired to get back on track with my health, and I WANT my mom's help now. Why? Because she is living it, she's not just telling me what to do. Haha, mom I bet you didn't think I would see your post ;-)

Sabresgal63

See if there is a gym near you with a pool or a YWCA. Most of them have water aerobics and it makes working out much more fun and pleasant.

noirnatural

Sweet Mama; I hear you!! But listen to me, PLEASE. I'm a mom of 4 (2 boys, 2 girls) and I totally GET what you're saying, but I'm going to give you a hard word: The best thing you can do for your daughter is to simply BE an honest representation of what you want HER to be!!! (if I could underline, bold, italics that statement I would!) Oh, how I wished I'd grasped this truth when my oldest was 16!!! She's 26 now; and I have great relationships with my daughters, but the real truth is that I was doing the worrying over HER that I should have been doing over MYSELF. And since then, it has taken ALL my focus to concentrate on getting ME fit, and healthy, and weight down (yay, it's happening!) Be honest with YOURself first, and be legitimate!! Your daughter is 16, she is her own woman! Just like you. She has to OWN this decision. You're not going to do it. Drop it. Let it go. Focus on YOU and your own health and your own good goals for becoming a better person~that will take all your time, and your emotional energy. Leave her alone (pray for her, hope for her; but no anxiety or stressing allowed!!!) If you do this, I can nearly guarantee you, she WILL come around~and it will be so much better because she would have made that decision herself, and own her own health! She will surprise you. It may take longer than you're happy with but hang in there!!!

I'm her 26 year old and I approve of this message and validate it's truth! I have recently been inspired to get back on track with my health, and I WANT my mom's help now. Why? Because she is living it, she's not just telling me what to do. Haha, mom I bet you didn't think I would see your post ;-)

:bigsmile:

BringingSherriBack

Yeah, this is definitely a tough topic. Props for realizing that if you push the topic she might rebel.

You're doing the right thing in trying to just introduce her to fun activities. Maybe suggest going for a walk together to just talk and catch up? Maybe that's not something I was interested in until later on in life but... I like chatting with my mom on walks. Or maybe if YOU'RE doing workout videos and she's nearby on the computer, maybe one day she'll be interested in joining in, especially if you look like you're having fun.

The MAIN thing you can really do is try to provide her the most healthy foods possible. Whole wheat grains, fruits and veggies, milk and eggs, all that good stuff.

One piece of advice I can give, is to try and reinforce the idea that you are PROUD of her no matter what. As long as she is doing well in school, and being a generally good person, pursuing the things she loves, whatever that may be, you're proud of her. By instituting that positivity, she can look at herself in a positive light, and maybe start to believe that she deserves a better body than what she has now. Sixteen is a tricky age. But don't worry, we all grow up and become adults and she will figure it out. It's just a matter of planting the seed of "YOU ARE WORTH IT."

That's my opinion, anyways.

Best of luck!!!

Edited to add: I'm not a parent... but I am a daughter, so this is from the daughter's perspective, years later. :P

Totally agree with this. I am a parent now and was the overweight child back then. Encourage activity and provide healthy meals and snack options for your daughter and your entire family. Cut out buying junk food for everyone in your household if you haven't already (some parents try to tell one child they can't have chips and cookies while another can because the one child doesn't have a weight problem. I have seen this happen and it can make the problem worse because the child is being treated differently and being singled out.) Try family activities that are active like biking, hiking, walking. Set an example by eating healthy and exercising yourself. Be sure your daughter know she is loved and you are proud of her.

littledumplings

Bump to read later, I was going to ask a similar question about my 11 yr old x

pamelak5

I think it's important to look at the excess weight as a symptom, and not as a disease to be cured. you can't make healthy eating and exercise some unpleasant "medicine" to get rid of the excess weight. The *last* thing you want is to make healthy eating and exercise a chore - as soon as she is no longer accountable to you, she'll stop. "At home i have to get on the elliptical for an hour before I watch TV...so now that I am here in college I can watch all the TV I want!"

Regardless of weight, excess screen time and junk food are harmful.. There is no reason anyone needs to stare at a screen at home for more than an hour a day. If your daughter was thin, I'd give the exact same advice - unplug. There shouldn't be junk food in the house; we don't keep any in ours. Focus on encouraging the correct lifestyle, not reducing her weight - once the lifestyle improves, her weight will reduce.

I hate, hate hate the idea of using exercise as a punishment for being overweight, or treating exercise as a chore to complete before getting to "fun" sedentary activities. That's what my parents did with me and I avoided exercise like the plague for that reason. In my 20s I started exercising for fun and now, the hour I spend at the gym is one of the best parts of my day. Why? It's not a punishment. I am not exercising because I hate my overweight body. I am exercising because I love my body and I want it to be in the best shape possible, and I love pushing limits and seeing what it is capable of doing.

SistaHope

HaHa! Every mom needs a daughter like you. GO WAA1119- Many blessings!! Hang in there!