Asking for money instead of gifts

WaterBunnie

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago of a mature couple who were merging 2 homes together so had no need of anything housey so they asked people for travel vouchers so that they could go on honeymoon with them. I thought that was a really nice way of contributing towards their celebrations and to my mind so much better than buying something they would never get any benefit from.

tinacc1

We always give money instead of gifts , it just makes sense, especially if they've been living together for a while.
But just last week, I had an invitation with "Greenback" written right above the wedding info!

beckylawrence70

Looks fine to me and not inappropriate at all, I'd rather get cash and I'd rather give cash too........just easier......

thingal12

I love people who are happy with money, I know it will be used. Can't tell you how many times I bought a gift card and found out it was lost or never used. :grumble: I usually always give a monetary gift, unless I know that person well enough to get the perfect gift. My best friend never gets money, but rather a very heartfelt, usually engraved meaningful gift. If I know the person I give the gift of money to really well, I enclose a note saying, you can return this if you find it is the wrong size or color, I add a winky face. Graduates seem to really enjoy that. :laugh:

So I don't see an issue. If I'm giving a gift I would rather it be something they really want, money ensures this.

Same here! (w/the gift cards being lost)

korsicash

At least it is cutesy. With that said I was once sent an invitation to a baby shower and inside the invite was the gift they chose for me to purchase. It was a stroller way out of my price range. Needless to say I did not go as I could not afford the gift chosen for me to purchase. That is crass. I feel gently putting out the word is okay but including in an invite what you would like is tacky.

Erisad

My friends did this for their wedding. It made it much easier on me, considering I bought them stuff for the bridal shower. I'll most likely do this for my wedding too. I've asked for cash instead of gifts for Christmas and my birthday for all 4 years of college. My family got sick of it really fast and bought me gifts anyway. Oh well, worth a try! XD

bltrexler

For my friends bridal shower and wedding they asked for cash to help make their dream of homeownership come true. I was also stunned by the request. I did give cash for bridal shower but am giving a gift for the wedding.

Krissy366

I'm going to my cousins wedding in a couple of weeks, and got a card with the exact same message on!

I don't have a problem with it myself, I'd rather get a gift,

And that's my issue with it. Right there. You'd rather buy them a gift, but their request (demand) has guilted you into giving something you'd prefer not to give. Even if in the end it works out fine, and you are glad that they are able to buy something they need/want, you have acted contrary to what you wanted to do because they have inappropriately told you what to get them, when a gift is a gesture on the part of the giver, not an entitlement on the part of the receiver.

Further - the request for cash puts people on a limited budget in a really poor position. If Aunt Mildred wants to get the couple a really nice gift she can shop around for a great price, use coupons, find a sale, use a store gift card that she has and get a $50 item for half price. But I (sadly) know many couples that would turn their noses up at and belittle a $25 cash gift. Afterall, they *gasp* paid $150 a plate for Mildred to eat - what a cheapskate! It's kind of pathetic that so many people think that getting married means they get to rake in the dough. And so many people spend beyond their means to foster that idea and give couples money or gifts outside of what they are comfortable with just to save face. It's wonderful when one's family and friends are generous (and can afford to be) in their gifting in celebration of marriage, but seems like some couples just have weddings for the loot. God forbid a guest just show up and celebrate and give a card, or a small amount of money - well, let the trash talking begin.

Krissy366

Looks fine to me and not inappropriate at all, I'd rather get cash and I'd rather give cash too........just easier......

But it's not about whether it's ok to want cash, or whether it's ok to give cash. It's about whether or not it's ok for the potential recipient to request (without being asked first) cash. It's totally separate from what people's preferences are. It's simply an etiquette question as to whether or not it's appropriate to ask for cash. As etiquette states that it's not appropriate to request gifts at all within the invitation, it is also not appropriate to say that you want cash.

annemw82

Some people like giving gifts. Some people prefer to give cash. When my husband and I got married last year we put together a small registry at target for the gift givers and also put together a honeymoon fund at depositagift.com for the money givers and just had links to both on our wedding website. People gave what the wanted and it worked out great for us.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I don't think there is ANY problem giving money. I know most people want money for their weddings - so I give money. Unless they specifically ask for money (especially with the excuse "we have everything we need") and then I'm kind of inclined to give them nothing aside from a card expressing my well wishes.

Wedding gifts aren't supposed to help you pay off debt you've already incurred or to finance a honeymoon. Wedding gifts are to help a new couple set up their household, if the household is already set up - it's inappropriate to ask for ANYTHING, including money.

By the time my husband and I married - we'd lived a combined 20 years on our own. We had 2 of most everything, we didn't register for anything and got mostly money. It was a nice surprise, as we expected nothing.

See how that works? Don't expect things and get more than you imagined. It seems like people are too greedy to realize by not asking or politely demanding, they will probably get what they want anyway.

odusgolp

I find it incredibly tacky.

sleibo87

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sleibo87

sorry computers being stupid

sleibo87

I'm going to my cousins wedding in a couple of weeks, and got a card with the exact same message on!

I don't have a problem with it myself, I'd rather get a gift,

And that's my issue with it. Right there. You'd rather buy them a gift, but their request (demand) has guilted you into giving something you'd prefer not to give. Even if in the end it works out fine, and you are glad that they are able to buy something they need/want, you have acted contrary to what you wanted to do because they have inappropriately told you what to get them, when a gift is a gesture on the part of the giver, not an entitlement on the part of the receiver.

Further - the request for cash puts people on a limited budget in a really poor position. If Aunt Mildred wants to get the couple a really nice gift she can shop around for a great price, use coupons, find a sale, use a store gift card that she has and get a $50 item for half price. But I (sadly) know many couples that would turn their noses up at and belittle a $25 cash gift. Afterall, they *gasp* paid $150 a plate for Mildred to eat - what a cheapskate! It's kind of pathetic that so many people think that getting married means they get to rake in the dough. And so many people spend beyond their means to foster that idea and give couples money or gifts outside of what they are comfortable with just to save face. It's wonderful when one's family and friends are generous (and can afford to be) in their gifting in celebration of marriage, but seems like some couples just have weddings for the loot. God forbid a guest just show up and celebrate and give a card, or a small amount of money - well, let the trash talking begin.

I agree with this. I personally prefer to GIVE a gift because I try to get really thoughtful about it. I can buy something really nice for $30 and make it super personal, but some may not think a card with $30 is all that great. I mean I had people show up to my wedding without a gift or even a card. It's not that we expected to 'make bank' or anything like that, we just wanted people to celebrate with us, but I think a card is not that hard to do. Most of those people were the younger generations but I mean I would never go to a wedding empty handed.
PS, we did use the honeymoon website for out honeymoon, but weren't expecting it to be so cold on the Island and Kayaking wasn't something we could really do, and I didn't actually know that the website just send you the money till after the register.

I think if you do register its important to do a range of gifts from $10 to whatever, but I went to a wedding where their registry included a Wii and a TV, and nothing really below $50! Not everyone has that type of money and we shouldn't expect people to go to our wedding just for the $$$.

I think by just not registering everywhere, people will get the hint you don't need 'stuff.'
But also remember there will always be someone who doesn't give a check or gift card and you
will get something you don't need and cant return...like the quesadilla maker that hasn't left the box 3 years later lol.

Hope your friend has a wonderful wedding and a happy marriage!

ninakir88

I'm going to my cousins wedding in a couple of weeks, and got a card with the exact same message on!

I don't have a problem with it myself, I'd rather get a gift,

And that's my issue with it. Right there. You'd rather buy them a gift, but their request (demand) has guilted you into giving something you'd prefer not to give. Even if in the end it works out fine, and you are glad that they are able to buy something they need/want, you have acted contrary to what you wanted to do because they have inappropriately told you what to get them, when a gift is a gesture on the part of the giver, not an entitlement on the part of the receiver.

Further - the request for cash puts people on a limited budget in a really poor position. If Aunt Mildred wants to get the couple a really nice gift she can shop around for a great price, use coupons, find a sale, use a store gift card that she has and get a $50 item for half price. But I (sadly) know many couples that would turn their noses up at and belittle a $25 cash gift. Afterall, they *gasp* paid $150 a plate for Mildred to eat - what a cheapskate! It's kind of pathetic that so many people think that getting married means they get to rake in the dough. And so many people spend beyond their means to foster that idea and give couples money or gifts outside of what they are comfortable with just to save face. It's wonderful when one's family and friends are generous (and can afford to be) in their gifting in celebration of marriage, but seems like some couples just have weddings for the loot. God forbid a guest just show up and celebrate and give a card, or a small amount of money - well, let the trash talking begin.

Are you joking about the "rake in the dough" comment?

You do know on average, couples spend 20K on a wedding, right?

Most likely, they aren't "raking in the dough", they just feel lucky if they pay off even half of what they paid for you to be there.

If someone is going to a REALLY nice wedding, with great food and all inclusive drinks all night, if the couple wants cash instead of gifts, the person shouldn't sit there and claim that it's going straight into the couples bank account... because its not.

nwhitley

According to technical etiquette, it's extremely rude and tacky to ask for money... it's better to just not register anywhere. People will get the hint. That being said, in some social circles it's normal to do. BUT technically, that is an etiquette fail.

Agreed. It's always tacky to ask for cash.

musicgirl99

I, personally think it's rude to ask for money. I liked others' ideas of just not registering anywhere or registering at a store that gives cash for returned items or having friends and family pass the word if asked. However, in my culture, (Portuguese), it's the norm to give money anyway and like another poster said, it's usually larger sums (between $70 to $100 per person in your party).

dls06

I place that in the same category as honeymoon registries. "Hey, please pay for us to take a badass vacation so we don't have to pay for it".

That's just my opinion, it's in poor taste. I know people do both (ask for cash and have honeymoon registries) but I don't agree with either.

ETA: spelling fail.

My daughter was going to do this also but the company charges an extra 3% so if you are going to give towards a honeymoon ask if there is a charge before you give them your credit card #!

Laces_0ut

I finally understand. all the people going on about how rude it is to give cash just want to be able regift.