Respecting men
Replies
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I lost my wife three years ago in child birth and I miss her terribly. One of the things I miss is how she respected me. She treated me as her hero, but confided all her troubles in me. She respected me enough to listen to mine without judgement and only offered advice when I asked for it. She let me make my mistakes but raised her objections if she thought it was bad for our family. She doctored me but didnt call me stupid when Iabout broke my face getting flung off a bull. But she loved me to. But the respect is what was most important to me.
Really sorry about your wife. She sounds like she was a really nice lady.
Now that is how I tried to be with my ex....but my failing is that I sometimes don't take the lead (by that I mean in a good way - not a condescending you must do it my way)
Unfortunately it wasn't recipricated - he was too independent and preferred things done the way he planned them. I often followed or let things ride knowing there would be consequences...but allowed him to find out the hard way. And I never said I told you so.0 -
I lost my wife three years ago in child birth and I miss her terribly. One of the things I miss is how she respected me. She treated me as her hero, but confided all her troubles in me. She respected me enough to listen to mine without judgement and only offered advice when I asked for it. She let me make my mistakes but raised her objections if she thought it was bad for our family. She doctored me but didnt call me stupid when Iabout broke my face getting flung off a bull. But she loved me to. But the respect is what was most important to me.
First of all, I am so sorry for your loss.
I totally agree with you. My partner ( a man, we're both at a certain age where bf/gf sounds stupid ) and I are lucky to have a partnership like what you had with your wife. Someone else also already mentioned that we as women tend to talk too much and I agree, we do. Sometimes a man just needs to be listened to, not talked at. Sammiches help too lol0 -
Maybe guys would appreciate it if women didn't answer questions on their behalf.
My two cents.
Oh, you're right, the OP was asking strangers on the internet how she could respect them. Wierd. No wonder I misunderstood. :flowerforyou:0 -
Here's my opinion on respecting your man.
Shut up!
We run our mouths too much. Being heard is wonderful and I'm not advocating being a doormat. Sometimes giving them the space they need to BE the man...with no lip and loving support...is the best way to show you honor, respect and trust them.
PREACH!!!!!
She can't. She's gotta shut up now.
Winner. Winner. Chicken. Dinner. Some of these subservient women-esque responses are nauseating.0 -
Maybe guys would appreciate it if women didn't answer questions on their behalf.
My two cents.
Oh, you're right, the OP was asking strangers on the internet how she could respect them. Wierd. No wonder I misunderstood. :flowerforyou:
No I wasn't. I was asking how men like to be shown respect, what makes them feel respected by their partner. I wasn't asking how I myself could respect them.0 -
Here's my opinion on respecting your man.
Shut up!
We run our mouths too much. Being heard is wonderful and I'm not advocating being a doormat. Sometimes giving them the space they need to BE the man...with no lip and loving support...is the best way to show you honor, respect and trust them.
QFT and agreement.Maybe guys would appreciate it if women didn't answer questions on their behalf.
My two cents.
Quoted because this is exactly the problem that #1 addresses. :flowerforyou:0 -
Here's my opinion on respecting your man.
Shut up!
The easiest way I've found to make him feel respected and to follow the rule above is to put something in my mouth besides words. Follow up with a sammich, and I never hear any complaints.0 -
When they say "men want to be respected," what they usually mean is "Males think they DESERVE to be in charge and have the final word."
Well, YEAH...'cause we own everything and make more money for doing the same work!
**gotta leave now...**0 -
My initial thought was it would be about complimenting, encouraging etc and making him feel competent and dare I say it powerful. But I guess it also includes trusting him, respecting his space, and treating him with respect ie honesty, faithfulness etc.
I know this was for men to answer, but I agree with this. When I first started dating my most recent ex, I was always encouraging his goals, complimentary of his choices, and supportive of his needs and desires. I cared about him deeply and respected the man in him. As time went on and I saw more of his personality that I wasn't so fond of, that's when the cliche "nagging" and questioning of his choices came to play. As soon as I recognized I was becoming the type of woman I despise, I knew the respect was gone and I broke up with him immediately. If I lost respect for him, there's no need to continue further. I rather not waste my time or make him feel incompetent. The love was not enough.
So I totally can see why, if the choice was between the two, men prefer respect over love.0 -
Can you love someone you don't respect?
Totally and utterly NO!0 -
Here's my opinion on respecting your man.
Shut up!
We run our mouths too much. Being heard is wonderful and I'm not advocating being a doormat. Sometimes giving them the space they need to BE the man...with no lip and loving support...is the best way to show you honor, respect and trust them.
Sounds kind of doormatty to me.
I don't have an opinion on what 'men' like, since they're not a homogenous category, and generalisations are kind of silly. I'd agree with ironsmasher that love and respect are interdependent. And I think that mutual respect is the name of the game. (I won't respect you if you don't respect me.) Conversation is two way, and mutual, and a respectful exchange is the basis of a healthy relationship. I'm not going to 'shut up' to make someone feel like they're a big man. I don't expect him to 'shut up' either.0 -
Here's my opinion on respecting your man.
Shut up!
The easiest way I've found to make him feel respected and to follow the rule above is to put something in my mouth besides words. Follow up with a sammich, and I never hear any complaints.
Chocolate cake?0 -
Without debating whether or not this is true, I am curious as to HOW men feel respected by their partners ie what can women do to show respect/admiration etc for the man in their life??
Being loyal and everything that flows from that.0 -
Can you love someone you don't respect?
Yes.
Romantic love...No.
Respect is an element of love,it is about caring for them,their feelings,their desires...if you don`t have that you don`t have love.
It means their wishes become more important then yours and you willingly give up yours to give him/her theirs and they do the same in return.0 -
Here's my opinion on respecting your man.
Shut up!
We run our mouths too much. Being heard is wonderful and I'm not advocating being a doormat. Sometimes giving them the space they need to BE the man...with no lip and loving support...is the best way to show you honor, respect and trust them.
PREACH!!!!!
She can't. She's gotta shut up now.
This. My mouth is usually full anyways.0 -
Here's my opinion on respecting your man.
Shut up!
We run our mouths too much. Being heard is wonderful and I'm not advocating being a doormat. Sometimes giving them the space they need to BE the man...with no lip and loving support...is the best way to show you honor, respect and trust them.
Sounds kind of doormatty to me.
I don't have an opinion on what 'men' like, since they're not a homogenous category, and generalisations are kind of silly. I'd agree with ironsmasher that love and respect are interdependent. And I think that mutual respect is the name of the game. (I won't respect you if you don't respect me.) Conversation is two way, and mutual, and a respectful exchange is the basis of a healthy relationship. I'm not going to 'shut up' to make someone feel like they're a big man. I don't expect him to 'shut up' either.
I agree with you what you wrote but think we're approaching this from different angles. Here's where "shut up" comes in. Women tend to say:
But why can't you just...
I TOLD you....
When are you going to...
Why haven't you...
You need to....
Why can't you just...
I just wish you would...
Yap, yap, yappity, yap. I've been there and behaved this way too. Without carrying on forever here's my bottom line. Does your partner have your best interests at heart? Do you trust him to take care of your family or relationship? Do you realize that though he may stumble, when it's all said and done his heart was in the right place? Do you trust him enough to allow him the space he needs to become the man you know he is? Can you offer support to him, even when you're afraid he's making mistakes? Can you be a soft place to fall when he needs it?
Respect is absolutely a two-way street. If I didn't trust that, bottom line, my husband had my family's best interests at heart he wouldn't be my husband. I'm not talking about having a Jerry Springer relationship and letting the fool run you into the ground.
Women are more powerful than they realize. We can create and destroy like no man ever could. We set the bar, not them. We determine the limits of the love and peace in the home, not them. We determine how much or little chaos is allowed to exist within our relationship, not them. We hold all the cards.
A good man who is respected, cherished and trusted will return it fully. And then some.
Never underestimate what a good man who is given the freedom to fully love and care for you can do.
If we're afraid of being quiet and allowing this freedom then we either have our own issues to deal with or we're with the wrong man.
Being quiet does not mean silent. All views, fears, concerns and opinions should be expressed. It just becomes difficult for them to listen thoughtfully to genuine concerns when all day, everyday, it's yap, yap, yappity, yap.
I'm sure my views will still qualify me as doormatty to an extent but I don't mind.
For me, the yappies gave me a sense of control. If I said everything, no stone was left unturned, he knew EXACTLY where I was with things and precisely how I felt about XYZ then somehow, if the ish hit the fan, I wouldn't be so hurt. I could make things work out in the way that made me the least insecure. This is the kind of "shut up" I mean. Water rises to its own level. We set the bar, not them.0 -
Here's my opinion on respecting your man.
Shut up!
We run our mouths too much. Being heard is wonderful and I'm not advocating being a doormat. Sometimes giving them the space they need to BE the man...with no lip and loving support...is the best way to show you honor, respect and trust them.
Sounds kind of doormatty to me.
I don't have an opinion on what 'men' like, since they're not a homogenous category, and generalisations are kind of silly. I'd agree with ironsmasher that love and respect are interdependent. And I think that mutual respect is the name of the game. (I won't respect you if you don't respect me.) Conversation is two way, and mutual, and a respectful exchange is the basis of a healthy relationship. I'm not going to 'shut up' to make someone feel like they're a big man. I don't expect him to 'shut up' either.
I agree with you what you wrote but think we're approaching this from different angles. Here's where "shut up" come in. Women tend to say:
But why can't you just...
I TOLD you....
When are you going to...
Why haven't you...
You need to....
Why can't you just...
I just wish you would...
Yap, yap, yappity, yap. I've been there and behaved this way too. Without carrying on forever here's my bottom line. Does your partner have your best interests at heart? Do you trust him to take care of your family or relationship? Do you realize that though he may stumble, when it's all said and done his heart was in the right place? Do you trust him enough to allow him the space he needs to become the man you know he is? Can you offer support to him, even when you're afraid he's making mistakes? Can you be a soft place to fall when he needs it?
Respect is absolutely a two-way street. If I didn't trust that, bottom line, my husband had my family's best interests at heart he wouldn't be my husband. I'm not talking about having a Jerry Springer relationship and letting the fool run you into the ground.
Women are more powerful than they realize. We can create and destroy like no man ever could. We set the bar, not them. We determine the limits of the love and peace in the home, not them. We determine how much or little chaos is allowed to exist within our relationship, not them. We hold all the cards.
A good man who is respected, cherished and trusted will return it fully. And then some.
Never underestimate what a good man who is given the freedom to fully love and care for you can do.
If we're afraid of being quiet and allowing this freedom then we either have our own issues to deal with or we're with the wrong man.
Being quiet does not mean silent. All views, fears, concerns and opinions should be expressed. It just becomes difficult for them to listen thoughtfully to genuine concerns when all day, everyday, it's yap, yap, yappity, yap.
I'm sure my views will still qualify me as doormatty to an extent but I don't mind.
For me, the yappies gave me a sense of control. If I said everything, no stone was left unturned, he knew EXACTLY where I was with things and precisely how I felt about XYZ then somehow, if the ish hit the fan, I wouldn't be so hurt. I could make things work out in the way that made me the least insecure. This is the kind of "shut up" in mean. Water rises to its own level. We set the bar, not them.
TL;DR
But I'm sure it sounds good0 -
Respect in any relationship, in any direction is simple to define: Its admiring each others strengths and accepting each others weaknesses. If you want someone to feel respected, tell people about the things they do well - don't go on about the things they do badly.0
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I asked my husband and his response was simple. I don't need to show I love him, I don't need to show him I respect him. However, he feels it would help our relationship if sometimes I show up naked...........with beer
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Maybe guys would appreciate it if women didn't answer questions on their behalf.
My two cents.
I SOOOO love this answer!!! :flowerforyou:0 -
Respecting is never belittling and always having their back.
Never insult your partner on anything you know they are self conscious about (job, looks, whatever it may be) - to me that is the ultimate disrespect.0 -
Most people like to be in charge of their lives and have the final word. When they say "men want to be respected," what they usually mean is "Males think they DESERVE to be in charge and have the final word." I kinda take issue with that.
Sexist much???
Please do us guys a favor, and stop speaking for us. Your post made me nauseous. :sick:0 -
A neighbor invited my wife and I to a 6 week love and marriage course.
One of the biggest takeaway was that women need love while men need respect.
They spent over an hour discussing why men need respect more then love.
My wife and I now bring this up often and try to make sure that we are loving and respecting each other.0 -
I asked my husband and his response was simple. I don't need to show I love him, I don't need to show him I respect him. However, he feels it would help our relationship if sometimes I show up naked...........with beer
Lol! Love.0 -
Rachel! You TL;DR'd me....it was my first.
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Can you love someone you don't respect?
Absolutely. You can love them over and over again and still not respect them in the morning.0 -
Rachel! You TL;DR'd me....it was my first.
You're great, men are awesome but damn. That was like a whole 3 mintues of my life if I would have read that.0 -
Love is easy to give, ~respect is hard to earn by both sexes. (IMO) Life is too short, so I only respect myself to love many people :bigsmile:0
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It depends on the man. Some like a submissive partner, some like to be with a woman with a proverbial set of balls of her own. The key isn't to try to make a man or a woman fit one standard, it's to understand who you're with and what they need to be happy and fulfilled. I guarantee there is no one right answer that fits all.0
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Rachel! You TL;DR'd me....it was my first.
You're great, men are awesome but damn. That was like a whole 3 mintues of my life if I would have read that.
Sad thing is that I was seriously trying to keep it brief. Imagine how happy my darling husband must be that I've decided to remain quiet about certain topics.0
This discussion has been closed.
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