Judging other people's diaries

Lobster1987

Judge away ,people. It don't hurt my feelings

kayemme

isn't the feeling of judgment simply a reflection on our own feelings of inadequacy?

so for example, say you look at my diary. i leave it open, so it's no big deal. say you make all kinds of judgments about the food i consume. why should i care? i mean, if i'm comfortable with my own diary, comfortable enough to leave it open, what does it matter what you think about it?

maybe a better way to think about it is: what do you feel when you think someone is judging you? do you think that they think you're a bad person? irresponsible? pretentious? and, what do you think about when you look at other peoples' diaries? how would you pose a concern, if you had one?

i'm not tryin' to flame, just posing a serious and genuine question. i might actually like someone to critique my diary. they may be able to see things i can't because i'm so close to it.

in the end, i feel like i make the best choices i can with the information i have available at the time of making the choice. there's no room for judgment in my mind. but if someone is offering a genuine criticism; if they've taken the time to look and consider and say, "hey, well, maybe x in context of y wasn't the best choice" or whatever, and could give reasoning to support the claim, wouldn't i be doing that person a level of disrespect by not at least listening with an open heart?

when we approach life as a learning endeavor, it's much easier to roam.

CourtneyHollinger

I love people encouraging me to do better. If I only had 5 waters today I would like for them to say good job but get more water in. Or try to substitute 1 of your 100 cal snacks for cucumbers. I sometime eat certain things bc I am way under my calories. That's why I am on here is to get support and for people to hold me accountable to stay on track!

Sarauk2sf

~ When I first started on here I had my diary set to private for the simple reason that I wasn't willing or ready to be judged by my choices ... but, I set a password and soon my inbox was overflowing with requests to see my diary. I decided one day that my choices were just that ... mine. If people want to get ideas from me, check out my habits and even question my choices ... I was ready.

My diary as of today is pretty " clean " and I get a lot of comments on my choices and how people are interested in trying them. I do throw in " IF " once or twice a week and that sometimes throws people off .... I once got a response from a girl literally yelling at everybody for telling me " good job " because I was under my calories for the day ... I just came off a 24 hr fast and had only 4 hours to consume my calories for the night. That was planned and accounted for. I sent her an inbox and told her I was appreciative of her concern, but next time she should inbox me with any questions rather than blast my friends for being supportive. She unfriended me. Darn. LOL !

My point is ... I love checking out other peoples choices ! And depending on the " relationship " I have with others ... I want my friends to say " Hey Laney, good day but careful on the sodium " ... it shows they actually looked at my diary ! As long as the comments are positive .... I'm all for it !

What I despise are the people who don't look and write a generic ... " great day ! " ... now that just makes no sense, why comment at all ????? I know ... they were under there goal ... but exactly how did they do it ???? Was it really a great day or was it an epic fail that still came in under ??? Don't know ... don't comment.

If you want feedback ... open it up to public. If you want to just go about your business and not be bothered ... keep it private ... either way at the end of the day it is your body that will reap the rewards of your choices.

:flowerforyou:

Well said.

And this goes back to having like minded friends who have the time to 'get to know' someone and their choices. I never 'tell someone off' for not eating 'clean' whatever that means, but I will encourage someone to eat more protein for example, or to eat more if appropriate. If it is something that may be taken personally, I will PM them and not comment on the feeds to keep it private. Conversely, I am happy for someone to suggest alternatives to some of my choices, but if they try to get me to 'eat clean' and keep commenting, I will just delete them.

And the times I see "good job" on private diaries makes me scratch my head - how do they know? The few people who are on my FL who have private diaries, get no comment from me either way.

meshashesha2012

isn't the feeling of judgment simply a reflection on our own feelings of inadequacy?

so for example, say you look at my diary. i leave it open, so it's no big deal. say you make all kinds of judgments about the food i consume. why should i care? i mean, if i'm comfortable with my own diary, comfortable enough to leave it open, what does it matter what you think about it?

maybe a better way to think about it is: what do you feel when you think someone is judging you? do you think that they think you're a bad person? irresponsible? pretentious? and, what do you think about when you look at other peoples' diaries? how would you pose a concern, if you had one?

i'm not tryin' to flame, just posing a serious and genuine question. i might actually like someone to critique my diary. they may be able to see things i can't because i'm so close to it.

in the end, i feel like i make the best choices i can with the information i have available at the time of making the choice. there's no room for judgment in my mind. but if someone is offering a genuine criticism; if they've taken the time to look and consider and say, "hey, well, maybe x in context of y wasn't the best choice" or whatever, and could give reasoning to support the claim, wouldn't i be doing that person a level of disrespect by not at least listening with an open heart?

when we approach life as a learning endeavor, it's much easier to roam.

yeah but if it were that easy for everyone to have that easy breezy relationship with food and judgments regarding eating, then many of us on here looking to lose weight wouldnt be obese or overweight in the first place, right?

many of us former binge eater and overeaters are still works in progress and probably will be for the rest of our lives. leaving a negative comment about something the logger might already feel guilt about eating just comes off as shaming and not very supportive.. at least it's not the type of support I need or appreciate

Valera0466

~ When I first started on here I had my diary set to private for the simple reason that I wasn't willing or ready to be judged by my choices ... but, I set a password and soon my inbox was overflowing with requests to see my diary. I decided one day that my choices were just that ... mine. If people want to get ideas from me, check out my habits and even question my choices ... I was ready.

My diary as of today is pretty " clean " and I get a lot of comments on my choices and how people are interested in trying them. I do throw in " IF " once or twice a week and that sometimes throws people off .... I once got a response from a girl literally yelling at everybody for telling me " good job " because I was under my calories for the day ... I just came off a 24 hr fast and had only 4 hours to consume my calories for the night. That was planned and accounted for. I sent her an inbox and told her I was appreciative of her concern, but next time she should inbox me with any questions rather than blast my friends for being supportive. She unfriended me. Darn. LOL !

My point is ... I love checking out other peoples choices ! And depending on the " relationship " I have with others ... I want my friends to say " Hey Laney, good day but careful on the sodium " ... it shows they actually looked at my diary ! As long as the comments are positive .... I'm all for it !

What I despise are the people who don't look and write a generic ... " great day ! " ... now that just makes no sense, why comment at all ????? I know ... they were under there goal ... but exactly how did they do it ???? Was it really a great day or was it an epic fail that still came in under ??? Don't know ... don't comment.

If you want feedback ... open it up to public. If you want to just go about your business and not be bothered ... keep it private ... either way at the end of the day it is your body that will reap the rewards of your choices.

:flowerforyou:

well put my friend!

Agreed. Don't be so sensitive. You may see it as criticism and they might see it as caring about you and wanting to be helpful. I have gotten great suggestions of alternatives to what I am eating and appreciate it. If you are to sensitive, close your diary.

marz42

Hmm... I agree with you for the most part. BUT, when I see a friend with some unhealthier choices in their diary, I'll typically check in with them (message or comment depending on who they are) asking about their choice. Was there some stressful event that led them to having a latte and a muffin at lunch? Did they go out with friends for fast food at dinner? I guess I think of it as being supportive because while I am technically judging their choice, I'm not attaching a negative connotation to it. Just opening the line of communication, or trying to. I want them to know that I actually look at their diary, I care what they eat, what they're putting in their body, and I support their decision to change their habits and eat healthier food.

I think there are some people for which that would be very helpful, and some people for which accountability in general is helpful.
But for others, like me, it works quite the opposite way. It would drive me quite nuts unless I very specifically asked for it. Whenever anyone starts questioning my choices or critiquing, my first reaction is to rebel, and then I just want more junk/comfort food. I think it's a had-a-controlling-parent thing.

IndigoFlowers

I had someone make a big deal about me eating two oreos one day..... I laughed and she was off my friends list asap.

I wanted oreos, so I ate some oreos. Didn't kill me! However, her comment made me laugh, especially when she was 500 calories over her daily goal herself!

Christine1110

I don't think it's up to us to say anything negative about a persons diary. I do ask if they are ok if they have eaten like 600 calories for the day. You just can't live on that.

luvinmefirst

Thanks so much for this post. I could not have said it better. If I have nothing nice to say, I say nothing at atll cause my diet sure is not perfect and most days I am doing the best that I can for that given day!

marz42

You are logging, that is a WIN in my book. I would have to be a complete idiot not to see exactly where my problems are when I log honestly, which is all the time. I already see it, and most times I take action to not let it happen again, so I don't need a running commentary from anyone!

It also bothers me because no one else knows what kind of program another person is working. People could scream at me all day about the amount of fat and protein I eat, but I am following a (loose) version of Paleo that is working for me! So quit telling me to stop eating so many nuts!! LOL!

When people do judge me, I call them out on it. If they do it again, that is cause for an immediate unfriending, even if it was just their way of "supporting" me. I know what works for me, and judgement doesn't, it just makes me want to crawl under the covers and eat...and I am not that woman anymore!!!

..Crawl under the covers and eat..yep, that's about it. Or say f-this and dial 1800pizzanow

F__7

I think that people's observations could be helpful.. as long as you know and feel comfortable, just take the comment for what it is... just a comment...

Sometimes, you may not realize that some food could be replaced in ways that you may have not thought...

But in general, I think also, once you are comfortable with what you are doing, there is no need to keep your diary open for suggestions/comments/judgements...

Interesting post!

marpeters

I used to be one of those people who wouldn't comment on someone's diary. But after a while, once I got what they were trying to do, I felt I could encourage movement to a little healthier addition of fresh fruits and veggies. The comments were really well received and appreciated. I don't comment without really knowing what their goals and aspirations are. Some of my younger friends are big into alcohol...I can't really say that I support that, but I'm not judging unless they let me know they want to cut down.

I'd say that if someone was offending you, then either message them back and politely give them feedback, or just unfriend them.

ashleypage__

People are going to eat what they want to eat. How about we stop judging & realize we are all humans & that we all make mistakes.

lilylight

This is an interesting thread. I'm pretty new with a small number of friends, but so far I haven't noticed any comments on food diaries at all -- just exercise. If you stick to praising people for exercise, that may be safer ground!

jfan175

I can't believe the thin skinned people around here. I think it would be great (and hilarious) if I splurged on some pizza and someone posted, "way to go, lardass!" Maybe some tough love is what could put a person on the right track.

SpydrMnky27

I don't care what people eat. I don't post comments on diaries very often but I will if the person asked a question about their food intake. Everyone has a different way of eating to lose weight and I'm sure many people would scoff at my high fat intake. I would never judge someone else's choice unless they were intentionally starving themselves thin and the only way I would know about it is if they post about it. I don't go around checking diaries just because. I don't mind comments on my diary. I usually call myself out beforehand if I eat crap. I actually just made my diary private because I'm getting ready to zig zag my calories. I don't want anyone thinking my low days are an everyday thing.

slkehl

I think if people are going to be up front about criticizing others' diaries, they should let their friends know it. Or expect to be deleted. Nothing wrong with having a group of friends that will call you out, but it's definitely not for everyone!

kr1ssy23

I completely agree! I have great friends on here tho...as far as I know so I have had no judgement. When I post I feel I have had a bad day, they simply tell me that tomorrow will be better because it is a new day. I cant eat the way a health nut would eat because I eat in a house of 7...with my parents...and although my mom does try to buy good things for me, it is not always possible. I do know what I should and shouldn't eat, but sometimes its all I have...but so far I have lost 9 lbs which is always better than 0 progress. So Im gonna keep doing what Im doing. *kitten* it!

soulynyc

people come on here for losing weight, making friends and getting support. I don't think that that telling someone they had a lot of sodium today or maybe you can skip the fries is negative... it's an opinion on the matter which i think is meant to be helpful. lets say they know the friend is on low carb diet.. so to say skip the fries would be a reminder to help the person get focused or stay focused. lets face it for many of us 1 small fries can lead to a super sized frenzy. instead of looking at it like negative criticism look at it as positive feed back and then do with it what you like.

i was afraid of opening my diary when i first came on but then i realized that without opening it i can't really get the help or support i really need.. which is HELP with the FOOD portion and exercise.. and i welcome however that help comes.

sharleengc

I log pretty regularly and am usually within my goal. If I have my cheat meal, I usually don't add it and don't complete my diary. People can think what they want...that I forgot or wasn't near a computer. I think most of my friends would be nice or just say that tomorrow is another day but I don't even go there on my cheat days haha

funkyspunky872

I dislike seeing people write "Good job, except for that soda" or "You could have gone without those fries."

Who says that? If someone commented that on my diary I would LMFAO.

I used to have comments like that one my diary with my old account, so I understand where the OP is coming from. Most of the time I said screw you and moved on, but... there was one time I had an MFP pal make me cry for eating cake.

BR3ANDA

Personally, I dont think anyone should comment on someones diary unless they have been asked. Some people are very new to nutrition and have no idea what to eat, so they ask for opinions, then its okay to jump in and offer advice. I do think its okay to ask questions, like "do you have the recipe for those low cal muffins you're always logging?", btw, theres a BIG difference between questions and comments. Then you have "those" people, you know, the ones who need to make themselves feel better by putting someone else down, like Gramma always said, "If you dont have anything nice to say, then keep your mouth shut!". My diary is open, and to those who like to judge: if you dont like what I eat, oh well, too bad, I'm not going to lose any sleep over it, but I just might burn some extra calories having a good laugh at your expense!

mrgphillips

Do you feel bad about your lunch today? Could you have made a better choice? Is that what you think your friends might think? Would you put off eating even when you're hungry if you were to log a chicken salad with a yogurt instead? Just playing devils advocate with you.

On the other hand, a calorie is a calorie. If you are eating at a deficit, then you're still ahead of the game.

Perfect point! Helps me make better choices everyday. I'm a fast food'er also but WE have to find alternatives, its hard it know.
Like someone else noted if you are see progress no worries, if not then maybe a change should be made.

One last note - the truth can hurt but I personally don't like being lied to. Just cause someone point out an alternative does not mean they are judging you or your diet.

Keep and open mind, try not to let everything be personal.

Keep working at it, we in this fight together.

:-)

SoulsGirl

How do i make sure my diary is open? I'm pretty new here and i just want to make sure it is. Or maybe it's already open? I'm just not sure


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mrgphillips

instead of looking at it like negative criticism look at it as positive feed back and then do with it what you like.

Like Button.

Could not have said it better.

AbzRocks

I like to give positive comments. I think people know what they eat which is wrong and being negative won't make them change.

HollyRutledge

I once saw where someone was trying to alert authorities over an eating disorder they thought someone else had. REDICULOUSNESS....this is why mine is private. I have a hard time eating all my calories most of the time, but I come as close as I can. I'm definitely not starving or I wouldn't be here..lol. I am 5'4" and weigh 185, I don't think that screams anorexia, but I know when I am hungry and when I am not better than anyone and same goes for everyone here. Each person knows their body better than anybody else. But because of rediculousness I am also afraid to make mine public. I don't want the 'diet police' showing up at my door...lmao:laugh:

mrgphillips

I like to give positive comments. I think people know what they eat which is wrong and being negative won't make them change.

There is a point at which comments can be negative, but suggesting one thing over another i would not consider negative.

Everyone is different.

Sarauk2sf

How do i make sure my diary is open? I'm pretty new here and i just want to make sure it is. Or maybe it's already open? I'm just not sure


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Go to MyHome click on Setting in the menu below and then click on Diary Settings. At the bottom you can select whether you want it viewable by everyone on MFP, only your friends, keep it totally private or viewable by a password.