Judging other people's diaries
Replies
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I completely agree with you! Look, we're all on a journey here, but its a personal one. Most of us are hard enough on ourselves when we know we've eaten something we shouldn't have, or slacked off for a while on exercising. It's really none of anyone elses business if we take a little detour on our journey.
My food Diary IS public, and its staying public. I'm not going to apologize for having a bad day, and I'm not going to make excuses for it either. It's MY journey!
Keep on walking proud!0 -
I'm a firm believer of everything in moderation. You can have your fries and burgers as long as you account for it and you are honest about it. If my friends leave their diaries open for me to see I take that as a sign of honesty and trust. I comment when I see something I like myself and encourage them but I don't go off on them because they had a burger for lunch. It's their body, their choices.
No one can be perfect all of the time and no one will be able to maintain healthy choices 100% either. We all make mistakes and as long as you are honest with yourself first about what you are putting into your body you won't need anyone else to point out where you are going wrong/right.
"Do you feel bad about your lunch today? Could you have made a better choice? Is that what you think your friends might think? Would you put off eating even when you're hungry if you were to log a chicken salad with a yogurt instead? Just playing devils advocate with you."
Lastly, the above quote. Learn from your choices and see how you can curve this in the future. You could also simply ask your friends..hey I was having a bad day today and I reached for this instead of something healthier etc..any advice on how to cope? I am sure a lot of your friends would be willing to help out as much as possible. There are many people who will lose weight on bad choices-however will they be able to maintain after the weight comes off? That is the question. Life style changes is the key, in my opinion, and making the better choice now and learning from it, is what will define successful weight loss maintenance.0 -
Why so much fear? If you don't like your choices, then make choices you do like. If you are ok with your choices, then quit worrying about what some random person said about them on the internet. I'm here to learn, and I learn more from people that have a differing POV than my own than I do from glad handing comments.0
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I think for me it depends whether the diary comment is on a wall or a thread.
Sometimes people ask for advice on a thread and have their diary open, so it's logical for people to take a look and make suggestions. Sometimes folk get upset when someone suggests that eating 600 cals isn't great, or that half your calories shouldn't come from cake and alcohol... but I'm sorry it's an open forum and if you ask a question, you may get to hear responses of which a proportion you may not like to hear.
In terms of comments on my wall, it's about accountability, and I don't mind someone saying "hey less carbs, more protein" etc. It's how it's said. I've never had anyone be rude.
What I don't like is this blind support to anything people do. A diary full of rubbish and people posting "well done WTG!!"... :huh:
That's not helpful.
If I see friends diaries that are inspiring I say so. If I see stuff that makes me shake my head, then I keep my mouth shut... unless I know someone very well and may send a PM.0 -
I agree. The only time I judge in my head is when the person's entire day consists of really bad food, consisitently. Even then I say nothing, it's not my place. Same goes for people who eat nothing but health food, it's just as crazy. Again, I'm quiet. If someone wants fries or a chocolate bar, who gives a crapola? I eat at least one thing a day that's not counted as "good" food, and I've lost half my bodyweight so far. So those people can screw off.
And I don't like the "way to go"-ers who just cheer blindly. Again, I'm quiet until i have good reason not to be.0 -
^^This.
That said, if you're not comfortable with anything that may be written on your wall - why not just keep your diary closed? I have absolutely no issue with anyone pulling me up on things - in actual fact I welcome the fact that somebody cares enough to invest their time and try to point me in a better direction. Nobody I've come across has been rude, but then again I've got a good group of supportive friends on here with similar health and fitness goals to myself.
If you're worrying about what people will say about your food diary, for me that points to a bit of insecurity on your part on what you're eating... and it's unfair to take those insecurities out on other people.
Live and let live I say... it's only a food diary after all
Edit: the ^^This was for Kara's comment!0 -
I agree 100%. Sometimes I do get those comments on my wall but I normally don't have a problem with that since I know that its not about judging my food, its about a friend being concerned because he/she cares enough for me. However I have one friend who constantly PMed me before saying something about my food choices, the calorie content of that meal I just ate, I should eat this and that etc. even though its mostly ethnic food but it happened that this friend of mine knows lots of things about the foods here. In short he was acting some sort of like a nutritionist which pissed me off. One time he PMed me saying things like MFP is supposed to be for encouragement, support & helping each other but why is it that his friends all get pissed off every time he would comment something on their food. He thought that by acting like a nutritionist to his friends, he is doing a great job helping them but in reality its not.
Main thing is that unless I'm asking for some advice & suggestions on my nutrition, its better not to say anything because we never know the history behind that diary which only the owner knows.0 -
I hav great pals...I want them to tell me anything is off or less than especially if they c something inconsistent with me. Eg bar after bar of chocolate - but I also write food notes to say yep I was struggling etc so they know I know. I'd send message asking if someone ok just to give them the opportunity to say they r having difficulty if they want. Whether or not I c someones diary is up to them and I respect that. I also think it says something else when you open it too...I like mine open although at beginning I didn't need to. With pals I try harder and I feel responsible. But if I ever felt that I needed to hide my food choices cos people would b shocked then I would close it rather than fudge it. MFP is ultimately my weapon of choice on this journey and if I start cheating on it to please other people then it becomes useless to me. Cos ultimately this journey is really about one person ...for each of us.0
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Thank you so much
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It depends. I don't usually comment on others diaries, BUT.....
one of those on my friends list had completed her diary last week, and was under her goal, and so there was the usual chorus of "well done!" "WTG!" etc etc.
I looked at her diary and she'd eaten about 800 calories. This was a typical day, having looked back over a few days.
I asked the question - any particular reason the calories were so low?
She didn't reply, just deleted me as a friend. And that's OK, its her choice, and if she can't handle concern from her friends then maybe having a private diary would be better.0 -
Last week someone commented "I don't get why people waste their time eating healthy and then put those chemicals in their body" referring to the wylers drinks, I mean a little tact is always nice...0
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It depends. I don't usually comment on others diaries, BUT.....
one of those on my friends list had completed her diary last week, and was under her goal, and so there was the usual chorus of "well done!" "WTG!" etc etc.
I looked at her diary and she'd eaten about 800 calories. This was a typical day, having looked back over a few days.
I asked the question - any particular reason the calories were so low?
She didn't reply, just deleted me as a friend. And that's OK, its her choice, and if she can't handle concern from her friends then maybe having a private diary would be better.
I experienced something very similar last week, someone on my FL was complaining that they had no idea why they weren't losing weight and was asking for suggestions as to why...and I noticed that the post had no replies despite this user's pretty large FL, so, even though I'm no expert and I generally don't give advice I decide to take a peek at her diary. Well low and behold this girl ate 500 yes 500 cals a day with no exercise (thank god)... so I'm like "Possibly you're not eating enough" and she replies "With this goal I'm set to lose .09lbs a week... and this girl was like 5'7' 160lbs so there's no way this is true and when I expressed this I got deleted but oh well.. what can you do?0 -
I don't comment on anyone's diary and I have mine set to private. Who am I to judge what other people eat? And I really don't need anyone telling me I need to eat more vegetables, cut back on carbs, up my protein intake, etc...I KNOW these things myself, and am trying every day to make changes. But ultimately it is MY business and no one elses what I eat.
Ditto.......:drinker:0 -
If you do not want the free flow of information and accountability, make your diary private.
Simple deal.
As for me, I welcome any and all comments good or bad.
Judgments are good unless an ego is so fragile that it bruises at the slightest hint of anything negative.
BUCK UP!
^^ this
though I have to say I don't think I have ever said to anyone that they "shouldn't" have done something, but if I see a trend and they have been communicative about struggles they are having, then I may just check in with them and see what's going on and ask if I can help them in any way.
I'm open. You can say whatever you want about my food choices. The OP said "no one's diary is perfect" or something like that. Actually I have a lot of damn near perfect days and I'm pretty proud of that.
I welcome feedback - my diary is open because i have nothing to hide (now if you guys could read Dutch, that would probably be even better *wink*).
If you can't take the criticism, then maybe it's time to investigate WHY. Are you feeling guilty about your food choices? Are you being honest about what is going on in your life? And if it's no big deal and you have made improvements in your life then just stand up and say it to whomever you think is criticizing you.0 -
i have had one person do that almost daily. It was like she was looking for something "bad". Even if I came in at or under calories, she would comment "good day, except...". I wanted to delete her, but she really needed the encouragement. As negative as she was about others, she was worse on herself. My solution was not to make my diary private, but to turn off the option to have it post when you close it for the day. People don't seem to remember to look if they aren't reminded. Works well!0
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I luckily have no-one on my friends list like that and from what I've observed they don't have anyone like that either. That would just be horrible! I've had so many bad days myself I could never judge someone else for doing the same!
We're all here to encourage and support each other so it should remain that way.0 -
If people are commenting just to be snarky, then yes, I agree with you.
However, if someone posts asking for help with their diet and exercise program because they have stalled, etc, then I think constructive criticism can be helpful. But only when it is asked for.0 -
I have one friend who constantly (at least for as long as she has been on my friend's list) goes over her calorie goal by anywhere from 1000 to up to 4000 calories a day. I have resisted commenting on this. On a day when she is eating healthy, I comment on that. But after 2 weeks of overeating by thousands of calories, I wonder why she even posts. Today I just commented and asked how we could help or support her. It's frustrating to see someone constantly talk about losing and then sabatoging themselves at every turn!0
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i have my diary open to my friends so that they will look at it and comment just as if they were here at the table and to help me to STOP OVER EATING and eating the wrong stuff.
if i had more people telling me daily to stop doing bad habits, maybe i would stop.
I need people to judge my diary, that is why i have it to open and that is why i have friends on here.
I dont think they are being 'nasty judgmental' but they are giving Constructive Criticism. Like having a food coach with you. I am not losing weight, and I need friends on here that will give me Constructive Criticism...........
...any one friend me if you want Constructive Criticism.
thanks.0 -
I have one friend who constantly (at least for as long as she has been on my friend's list) goes over her calorie goal by anywhere from 1000 to up to 4000 calories a day. I have resisted commenting on this. On a day when she is eating healthy, I comment on that. But after 2 weeks of overeating by thousands of calories, I wonder why she even posts. Today I just commented and asked how we could help or support her. It's frustrating to see someone constantly talk about losing and then sabatoging themselves at every turn!
at least she is being accountable. It's great that you asked if you could help in any way, maybe there is something going on in her life that is messing with her head and in turn what she's eating.0 -
I have one friend who constantly (at least for as long as she has been on my friend's list) goes over her calorie goal by anywhere from 1000 to up to 4000 calories a day. I have resisted commenting on this. On a day when she is eating healthy, I comment on that. But after 2 weeks of overeating by thousands of calories, I wonder why she even posts. Today I just commented and asked how we could help or support her. It's frustrating to see someone constantly talk about losing and then sabatoging themselves at every turn!
at least she is being accountable. It's great that you asked if you could help in any way, maybe there is something going on in her life that is messing with her head and in turn what she's eating.
Yes, all of her friends have been commenting "You're doing great logging in all the food!" and comments that support that she is accountable, but after 2 - 3 weeks, even that sounds trite! I think she's not ready yet. You really have to be at the place in your life where you KNOW that this is what you want, otherwise, things will always get in the way. Thanks for the comment, by the way 0 -
It depends. I don't usually comment on others diaries, BUT.....
one of those on my friends list had completed her diary last week, and was under her goal, and so there was the usual chorus of "well done!" "WTG!" etc etc.
I looked at her diary and she'd eaten about 800 calories. This was a typical day, having looked back over a few days.
I asked the question - any particular reason the calories were so low?
She didn't reply, just deleted me as a friend. And that's OK, its her choice, and if she can't handle concern from her friends then maybe having a private diary would be better.
I AGREE!0 -
I have one friend who constantly (at least for as long as she has been on my friend's list) goes over her calorie goal by anywhere from 1000 to up to 4000 calories a day. I have resisted commenting on this. On a day when she is eating healthy, I comment on that. But after 2 weeks of overeating by thousands of calories, I wonder why she even posts. Today I just commented and asked how we could help or support her. It's frustrating to see someone constantly talk about losing and then sabatoging themselves at every turn!
at least she is being accountable. It's great that you asked if you could help in any way, maybe there is something going on in her life that is messing with her head and in turn what she's eating.
Yes, all of her friends have been commenting "You're doing great logging in all the food!" and comments that support that she is accountable, but after 2 - 3 weeks, even that sounds trite! I think she's not ready yet. You really have to be at the place in your life where you KNOW that this is what you want, otherwise, things will always get in the way. Thanks for the comment, by the way
you hit the nail on the head! you have to be ready to commit and if you don't do that, you will NOT have (as much) success or at least not long-lasting. Accountability is MAJOR though. Getting the swing of that is really important. So with support and coming out and asking her, hey, what's going on, how can we get you to the next level, that's probably what she needs to make that decision for herself.0 -
I dont agree at all . My friends aren´t add to only praise what i do good. Like everything else constructive criticism is supose to help.
And i wish all people arround me judge my eating, my husband can be a pain in the *kitten* sometimes and i get really upseat when he takes my chocolates away from me, i can be really filled with rage, but i thank him for that also when i see results0 -
:flowerforyou:I have one friend who constantly (at least for as long as she has been on my friend's list) goes over her calorie goal by anywhere from 1000 to up to 4000 calories a day. I have resisted commenting on this. On a day when she is eating healthy, I comment on that. But after 2 weeks of overeating by thousands of calories, I wonder why she even posts. Today I just commented and asked how we could help or support her. It's frustrating to see someone constantly talk about losing and then sabatoging themselves at every turn!
at least she is being accountable. It's great that you asked if you could help in any way, maybe there is something going on in her life that is messing with her head and in turn what she's eating.
Yes, all of her friends have been commenting "You're doing great logging in all the food!" and comments that support that she is accountable, but after 2 - 3 weeks, even that sounds trite! I think she's not ready yet. You really have to be at the place in your life where you KNOW that this is what you want, otherwise, things will always get in the way. Thanks for the comment, by the way
you hit the nail on the head! you have to be ready to commit and if you don't do that, you will NOT have (as much) success or at least not long-lasting. Accountability is MAJOR though. Getting the swing of that is really important. So with support and coming out and asking her, hey, what's going on, how can we get you to the next level, that's probably what she needs to make that decision for herself.
Great advice! I'll hang back today and see if she responds to that. It's very true that accountability is the first important step. I didin't think of it in that way. Maybe she's just not as far down the road as the rest of us. Thanks!0 -
I'd rather be told the truth than slowly killed with kindness by a chorus of "yes-people"It depends. I don't usually comment on others diaries, BUT.....
one of those on my friends list had completed her diary last week, and was under her goal, and so there was the usual chorus of "well done!" "WTG!" etc etc.
I looked at her diary and she'd eaten about 800 calories. This was a typical day, having looked back over a few days.
I asked the question - any particular reason the calories were so low?
She didn't reply, just deleted me as a friend. And that's OK, its her choice, and if she can't handle concern from her friends then maybe having a private diary would be better.
A true friend holds me accountable - no need to snivel over an objective assessment.
Again, if you can't take honest feedback, only connect with dishonest, uncaring people, or just close your diary.
Simple deal.0 -
Why so much fear? If you don't like your choices, then make choices you do like. If you are ok with your choices, then quit worrying about what some random person said about them on the internet. I'm here to learn, and I learn more from people that have a differing POV than my own than I do from glad handing comments.0
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I log everything, and I know people that only log quick calories for foods they are ashamed of showing. Others put in the whole shebang and can see where they have opportunities. This is about getting healthy for me, so that means eating clean. For the most part I eat foods without nutritional value labels. This means that they are fruits/veg and or meat.
I do this so that all of my food is nutritionally stable. This helps me to lose weight faster, stay healthy and has helped with a bevy of other medical conditions. If other people choose to use their calorie count eating food that has no nutritional value and won't fuel their body for their workouts or even to make them fell good other than instant gratification.. that's fine.
I don't comment unless the person wants the comment. I want to help, but if it is discouraging, then I won't waste my time. Don't make your diary public, you don't want accountability, you want someone to say that it's ok to eat junk because it is under your calorie limit. I can't say it's ok or not ok.. that's for you to decide. I can't say.."way to go" if you eat crap, because that is fundamentally against what I am doing on here.
Good luck. If you are a friend on my list and you ask for my opinion, I'll give it.0 -
I have my diary open now, for my first week I did not. I do look at what others eat, though not everyone everyday. I look because it is helpful to me. I like to get ideas for my own food choices. I opened mine cause I thought it would not be fair to peek at friends diary if they cant look at mine. I have not had any negative feedback. if they don't like what they see that is not my problem it is theirs. I am an adult who is going to make my own choice of what to feed my body. I let other do the same. I have commented on drinking water when I see the counter at 0. I have asked if food was eaten at one meal when I saw a friends diary and all had been logged under dinner, like a whole days food, only cause they mentioned it came back up. I suggested spacing food out to prevent being too full. I did ask if it was just easier to log under one tab though and then added my suggestion without waiting for a reply.0
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I don't judge others' diaries, either. Their food is their food, and I'm not in change of it. Why then should I pass judgement?
However, many of my MFP friends want to be accountable for bad eating habits. If they almost entirely processed foods, have candy for breakfast, and at most eat one apple for their fruit and veggie intake, then I urge him or her to eat more produce. I'd want people to do that for me, and some MFP friends have asked not to be allowed to just skate by if they aren't eating healthily. If it seems like a particularly bad day or over time the food's gotten more and more unhealthy, I share my wishes for better days to come and congratulate him or her on logging everything.
I know everyone's different and that I don't know everything that's going on in their lives. I want to cheer people on as best I can, and so I try to be as supportive as I can (positive messages and constructive feedback!) in all ways. Others' diaries aren't my concern in the long term, so I don't see the point in getting hung up by this person's completely clean diet or that person's glaring pizza mistake.0
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