Judging other people's diaries

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Replies

  • kayemme
    kayemme Posts: 1,782 Member
    yeah but if it were that easy for everyone to have that easy breezy relationship with food and judgments regarding eating, then many of us on here looking to lose weight wouldnt be obese or overweight in the first place, right?

    many of us former binge eater and overeaters are still works in progress and probably will be for the rest of our lives. leaving a negative comment about something the logger might already feel guilt about eating just comes off as shaming and not very supportive.. at least it's not the type of support I need or appreciate

    i'm not really suggesting that it's easy, but it is very simple. these feelings are only mirrors of our own self-worth, so when we seek to destroy our own negative feelings about ourselves, everything becomes much easier in the end.

    i'm not saying that i never feel "bashed" or anything like that; it's all a practice, but when i feel like "hey, that person's judging me" then i look inward and say, why do i feel like that person's judging me? what am i projecting? or at least i try.
  • Isaanne
    Isaanne Posts: 41 Member
    I have my diary open to others to see. I also get a lot out of seeing other folks. I comment all the time but always a positive comment. I can always find something positive to say. If they ate something that was not going to help them reach their goals I just say - "great logging!" If they have different goals than I do, I will comment on something that was healthy or generally give them a positive reinforcement for doing what they believe will help them toward their goals. That is what we are here to do! We get all kinds of negative everything from the real world.

    If people want to explore other ways of eating they can bring it to the forums.

    In the end tho - I like to have my diary available for others to look at and set an example for others to open up theirs if they want to - but I do NOT judge. I like to get ideas. If they do not have theirs open that is fine too. I can see my friends posts that they are either reaching their goals or not but they are here! Sharing their progress, feelings and actions towards their goals. :smile:
  • Nancy_AZ60
    Nancy_AZ60 Posts: 99 Member
    I journal all my food for 'me', to be heathier, to be aware of what I need to work on etc. I like looking at others for idea's and inspiration. Sometimes when i have a day where things did not go as planned I think about not logging it.. But then I do, I need to be honest with myself. I share mine, I need advice sometimes.
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
    Honestly if i had a friend comment on my diary like that they wouldn't be my friend anymore. We are all allowed a cheat meal once in awhile
  • NBabi91
    NBabi91 Posts: 270 Member
    I judge cause I want people to judge me. I am on here not just to be told I did great when I didn't. I want help not to be told im awesome when I'm not. But that's just me I guess
  • chivalryder
    chivalryder Posts: 4,391 Member
    I've only really judged one person's diary before, but that was simply because she supposedly only ate one meal at Taco Bell all day. This happened more than once.

    I'm sorry, but if you eat like that, you're life expectancy is going to drop dramatically. Either that, or she was cheating herself by not listing all the other foods she ate.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    funny...the "bad" stuff on my diary is what excites my friends (and myself, to be honest). Bacon. Wine. Ice cream.

    I just manage to fit it within my macros. My diary may not be perfect, but it's fun.
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
    Well, when someone says "I'm not losing weight, what am I doing wrong", and I look at their diary and see McDonald's and KFC and ice cream all over the place, I don't feel out of line suggesting that maybe some changes would help. However, unsolicited advice and opinions are never ok.
  • jyuubi
    jyuubi Posts: 109
    It's awful people can be like that. I have read online constantly that you need to have the PERFECT diet and PERFECT eating habits to even lose a pound, but I've been told you don't need to cut everything out of your diet, you just need to think smarter. If you're going to eat unhealthy, plan out your day, see if you can work it in without going overboard. I'm going to have a sandwich from McDonald's for lunch, and I've made sure that my day can handle it. If you cut everything out when you're first starting out, you're going to fail. That's why I failed. People have pressured me into cutting everything, immediately change everything I eat. You have to do what works for you, even if you add a little something people wouldn't approve of every once in a while.
  • Swissmiss
    Swissmiss Posts: 8,754 Member
    I will only comment on my friends. And, if there is something that is not that healthy, I will PM them. I don't think that this sort of advice should be public.
  • jboccio90
    jboccio90 Posts: 644 Member
    I keep mine private because I do not want to hear other people opinion on what I eat. I dont view this as a diet, this is just life so chips, cookies, cake and fast food will happen.
  • guardian419
    guardian419 Posts: 391 Member
    Like a few of my friends, I 'judge' diaries of the people who say they need that kind of encouragement and support. If you say you need help eating better, I'll point out the stuff that you shouldn't have. If that hasn't been established, I typically just play cheerleader (horrible mental image) and move on with my life.

    The way I look at things on here is like this: If you don't like the comments, don't let them make them. Either ask them (nicely) to stop, don't be their 'friend', or if you're that worried about it, make your diary private.
  • blackbeauty2011
    blackbeauty2011 Posts: 7 Member
    Good morning!!

    I just love that you posted about this topic. I just made my diary public this week for that same reason, so I am so glad I'm not the only one...lol. It is so important not to judge others, because who are we really to cast judgement on anyone? Personally, I will not go through this lifetime without enjoying a piece of chocolate again or hamburger, etc...it can be done, just in moderation. I don't think people should make negative comments because that is not what this site is about. It is to build a support system and team, not bring people down. Good for you for bringing this topic out!!
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,033 Member
    I have had my diary public ever since I joined MFP almost 2 yrs ago and have never had any negative comments about what I eat. But having it public helps to keep me accountable. Most people on here are really encouraging and motivating, but like in life you are going to run into a few that are not
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
    I only have my diary open to "friends only." It is hilarious. you can tell I am stressed by how many bowls of cocoa pebbles or colossal crunch berries I eat. You can tell it's a lazy day when most of my calories come from breakfast food. I always try though. Does making your diary public mean that somebody could look at it on a google search or does it just mean that only MFP members could see it?
  • tajmel
    tajmel Posts: 401 Member
    I'm embarrassed that my ideals about food don't match the way I eat, especially when I'm here on the forums giving advice! It's mostly an anxiety thing... maybe I should open my diary, haha. We are all flawed. In RL I prefer forthright people, and none of my friends have any problem commenting on what I eat. Yeah it's a little annoying when my super fit best friend questions my serving size or decision to have dessert... but, well, he's super fit, and I'm not. So I kind of appreciate it.
  • ItsMeRebekah
    ItsMeRebekah Posts: 909 Member
    ppffft id just hit delete if that happened!
  • Dayna154
    Dayna154 Posts: 910 Member
    I don’t take those kinds of comments as negative, I take them as my friends doing exactly as I have asked.. Keeping me on tract. I came here for the mutual support offered, and to help me stay on tract. I have some who are hard core, I have some who have overcome some great obstacles to reach their goals, some just to get started. I have some who are just getting started. I have so much respect for each and every one and I don’t take those kinds of comments as negative, I take them as my friends doing exactly as I have asked.. Keeping me on tract. I came here for the mutual support offered, and to help me stay on tract.
    I gained without expecting to a great bunch of friends ,they will be a part of the reason I complete my goals and see myself as a healthier person.
    It’s not meant as a personal attack, it’s a hey are you still on tract...
    I’m thankful for it.
  • degan2011
    degan2011 Posts: 316 Member
    Well, when someone says "I'm not losing weight, what am I doing wrong", and I look at their diary and see McDonald's and KFC and ice cream all over the place, I don't feel out of line suggesting that maybe some changes would help. However, unsolicited advice and opinions are never ok.

    ^this^

    I only comment when asked... Sometimes I want to comment on folks who are constantly under their calorie goal and everyone is cheering and I look only to see they are netting 1000 cals or less... but instead I just don't comment at all. I can't in good concience encourage under eating and they don't want my advise... so instead I encourage when they log in consistently etc.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    My friends are awesome. I never see comments like the OP said.
  • jsygurl
    jsygurl Posts: 28 Member
    I find it a bit weird that people would want to see my diary - I have no interest in seeing anyone elses - what else are you going to do but nose or judge? And I am certainly not going to judge for so many reasons -

    1. I'm not a nutritionist, so don't have enough knowledge to comment.

    2. Even if I was a nutritionalist, a good nutritionalist deals with an individual on an individual basis, so I would have to know the individual - I'm quite unlikely to know all the factors in a person's diet journey even if I know them well, so even more definitely don't have enough information to comment.

    So the only reason for looking at a diary is to nose. And I might see something to make me feel that i was failing, and knock my tremulous journey to fitness. Besides, I have quite enough to take on dealing with my own food choices to be worrying about someone elses!
  • Ladyzumba
    Ladyzumba Posts: 217 Member
    I totally agree. That is why my diary is private. You don't need to see what I eat,
    to see my progress. I think it's called a DIARY for a reason.
    And if you wanna know how I've been sucsessful ask and I'll tell you.
    What works for some may not work for others. Including what
    people eat daily.
  • deaddawn
    deaddawn Posts: 42 Member
    I don't have any Zealots as friends. If I ask for advice I know I'll get it, though. Just knowing that friends can look and think to themselves "Girl you did not just eat that" without actually saying anything is enough for me.
  • Alluring72
    Alluring72 Posts: 50 Member
    I am new to mfp and need to check my diary settings - my own guilt is all I need - I write it all down - the good, the bad, and the alcohol (yes, I leave calories for an empty calorie drink at the end of the day). The diary tells you right there on the screen how you are doing, if anyone else chimed in with anything but great receipe ideas - I'd flame them - live and let live. We are all trying our best here!
  • DonniesGirl69
    DonniesGirl69 Posts: 644 Member
    Personally, I would welcome people calling me out for a candy bar or a soda on my log..........it would motivate me to not eat that very often. I'm thinking most people who comment like that aren't trying to be judgemental, only trying to support and motivate which is sort of the whole point of the site, right?

    But I can see others not liking that and if that's the case, just keep your diary private. No harm, no foul. In the end, you're really only accountable to yourself anyway. :)
  • MFPBrandy
    MFPBrandy Posts: 564 Member
    Wow -- I had no idea people did that. Probably because it never even occured to me to make my food log public, or to go look at anyone else's. They're probably INTENDING to be helpful, because perhaps that's what would work for and motivate them, but you're right, they don't know you, where you are, where you came from, and what drives you. I say blow 'em off and/or block them (if that's an option). And keep on truckin'. :-)
  • TheBraveryLover
    TheBraveryLover Posts: 1,217 Member
    Most of my friends are fine when it comes to responding to my diary. I had one friend who read my intake, and told me "good job, but include more fruits and veggies!". Um, no. I do what I want to do. I have my diary open for friends so they can get ideas (my "diet" is high protein and I eat two 700-800 cal meals a day); not for suggestions. I prefer to have friends who think like me and aren't "health" nazis.

    So I deleted her.
  • tigerlily8045
    tigerlily8045 Posts: 402 Member
    I recently asked a friend what sort of diet or fitness goal he was going for since he closed out his diary with over 800 calories left and it was too early in the day..He replied back it was the App on phone, Butt dialing diet..LOL OPPS
  • Amy_B
    Amy_B Posts: 2,317 Member
    No one has ever been negative on mine, but I kind of appreciate the awkwardness of people seeing my bad eating habits. Sometimes it keeps me from doing some terrible stuff just so people won't see it and I won't have to lie about it, LOL...
    This is exactly one of the theories I used while working on losing 100 pounds. I post my food journal on public message boards (didn't calorie count). I contribute this to part of my success.
  • woogy1956
    woogy1956 Posts: 19 Member
    I understand what you are saying but I am of a different opinion. A few days ago I opened my diary and asked for input. I was not upset by any comments because I am trying to learn how to eat right and lose weight. I can take their advice or leave it but I am struggling to get this weight off and it would be silly of me not to consider what healthy people who have accomplished their goals have to say... I consider it valuable information.

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