Judging other people's diaries

ProjectTae

Last week someone commented "I don't get why people waste their time eating healthy and then put those chemicals in their body" referring to the wylers drinks, I mean a little tact is always nice...

ProjectTae

It depends. I don't usually comment on others diaries, BUT.....


one of those on my friends list had completed her diary last week, and was under her goal, and so there was the usual chorus of "well done!" "WTG!" etc etc.

I looked at her diary and she'd eaten about 800 calories. This was a typical day, having looked back over a few days.

I asked the question - any particular reason the calories were so low?

She didn't reply, just deleted me as a friend. And that's OK, its her choice, and if she can't handle concern from her friends then maybe having a private diary would be better.

I experienced something very similar last week, someone on my FL was complaining that they had no idea why they weren't losing weight and was asking for suggestions as to why...and I noticed that the post had no replies despite this user's pretty large FL, so, even though I'm no expert and I generally don't give advice I decide to take a peek at her diary. Well low and behold this girl ate 500 yes 500 cals a day with no exercise (thank god)... so I'm like "Possibly you're not eating enough" and she replies "With this goal I'm set to lose .09lbs a week... and this girl was like 5'7' 160lbs so there's no way this is true and when I expressed this I got deleted but oh well.. what can you do?

seal57

I don't comment on anyone's diary and I have mine set to private. Who am I to judge what other people eat? And I really don't need anyone telling me I need to eat more vegetables, cut back on carbs, up my protein intake, etc...I KNOW these things myself, and am trying every day to make changes. But ultimately it is MY business and no one elses what I eat.

Ditto.......:drinker:

runlaugheatpie

If you do not want the free flow of information and accountability, make your diary private.
Simple deal.
As for me, I welcome any and all comments good or bad.
Judgments are good unless an ego is so fragile that it bruises at the slightest hint of anything negative.
BUCK UP!

^^ this

though I have to say I don't think I have ever said to anyone that they "shouldn't" have done something, but if I see a trend and they have been communicative about struggles they are having, then I may just check in with them and see what's going on and ask if I can help them in any way.

I'm open. You can say whatever you want about my food choices. The OP said "no one's diary is perfect" or something like that. Actually I have a lot of damn near perfect days and I'm pretty proud of that.

I welcome feedback - my diary is open because i have nothing to hide (now if you guys could read Dutch, that would probably be even better *wink*).

If you can't take the criticism, then maybe it's time to investigate WHY. Are you feeling guilty about your food choices? Are you being honest about what is going on in your life? And if it's no big deal and you have made improvements in your life then just stand up and say it to whomever you think is criticizing you.

Stefanie7125

i have had one person do that almost daily. It was like she was looking for something "bad". Even if I came in at or under calories, she would comment "good day, except...". I wanted to delete her, but she really needed the encouragement. As negative as she was about others, she was worse on herself. My solution was not to make my diary private, but to turn off the option to have it post when you close it for the day. People don't seem to remember to look if they aren't reminded. Works well!

shanice_22

I luckily have no-one on my friends list like that and from what I've observed they don't have anyone like that either. That would just be horrible! I've had so many bad days myself I could never judge someone else for doing the same!

We're all here to encourage and support each other so it should remain that way.

brneydgrlie

If people are commenting just to be snarky, then yes, I agree with you.

However, if someone posts asking for help with their diet and exercise program because they have stalled, etc, then I think constructive criticism can be helpful. But only when it is asked for.

beachlover317

I have one friend who constantly (at least for as long as she has been on my friend's list) goes over her calorie goal by anywhere from 1000 to up to 4000 calories a day. I have resisted commenting on this. On a day when she is eating healthy, I comment on that. But after 2 weeks of overeating by thousands of calories, I wonder why she even posts. Today I just commented and asked how we could help or support her. It's frustrating to see someone constantly talk about losing and then sabatoging themselves at every turn!

msjersey73

i have my diary open to my friends so that they will look at it and comment just as if they were here at the table and to help me to STOP OVER EATING and eating the wrong stuff.

if i had more people telling me daily to stop doing bad habits, maybe i would stop.
I need people to judge my diary, that is why i have it to open and that is why i have friends on here.

I dont think they are being 'nasty judgmental' but they are giving Constructive Criticism. Like having a food coach with you. I am not losing weight, and I need friends on here that will give me Constructive Criticism...........
...any one friend me if you want Constructive Criticism.
thanks.

runlaugheatpie

I have one friend who constantly (at least for as long as she has been on my friend's list) goes over her calorie goal by anywhere from 1000 to up to 4000 calories a day. I have resisted commenting on this. On a day when she is eating healthy, I comment on that. But after 2 weeks of overeating by thousands of calories, I wonder why she even posts. Today I just commented and asked how we could help or support her. It's frustrating to see someone constantly talk about losing and then sabatoging themselves at every turn!

at least she is being accountable. It's great that you asked if you could help in any way, maybe there is something going on in her life that is messing with her head and in turn what she's eating.

beachlover317

I have one friend who constantly (at least for as long as she has been on my friend's list) goes over her calorie goal by anywhere from 1000 to up to 4000 calories a day. I have resisted commenting on this. On a day when she is eating healthy, I comment on that. But after 2 weeks of overeating by thousands of calories, I wonder why she even posts. Today I just commented and asked how we could help or support her. It's frustrating to see someone constantly talk about losing and then sabatoging themselves at every turn!

at least she is being accountable. It's great that you asked if you could help in any way, maybe there is something going on in her life that is messing with her head and in turn what she's eating.

Yes, all of her friends have been commenting "You're doing great logging in all the food!" and comments that support that she is accountable, but after 2 - 3 weeks, even that sounds trite! I think she's not ready yet. You really have to be at the place in your life where you KNOW that this is what you want, otherwise, things will always get in the way. Thanks for the comment, by the way

msjersey73

It depends. I don't usually comment on others diaries, BUT.....


one of those on my friends list had completed her diary last week, and was under her goal, and so there was the usual chorus of "well done!" "WTG!" etc etc.

I looked at her diary and she'd eaten about 800 calories. This was a typical day, having looked back over a few days.

I asked the question - any particular reason the calories were so low?

She didn't reply, just deleted me as a friend. And that's OK, its her choice, and if she can't handle concern from her friends then maybe having a private diary would be better.

I AGREE!

runlaugheatpie

I have one friend who constantly (at least for as long as she has been on my friend's list) goes over her calorie goal by anywhere from 1000 to up to 4000 calories a day. I have resisted commenting on this. On a day when she is eating healthy, I comment on that. But after 2 weeks of overeating by thousands of calories, I wonder why she even posts. Today I just commented and asked how we could help or support her. It's frustrating to see someone constantly talk about losing and then sabatoging themselves at every turn!

at least she is being accountable. It's great that you asked if you could help in any way, maybe there is something going on in her life that is messing with her head and in turn what she's eating.

Yes, all of her friends have been commenting "You're doing great logging in all the food!" and comments that support that she is accountable, but after 2 - 3 weeks, even that sounds trite! I think she's not ready yet. You really have to be at the place in your life where you KNOW that this is what you want, otherwise, things will always get in the way. Thanks for the comment, by the way

you hit the nail on the head! you have to be ready to commit and if you don't do that, you will NOT have (as much) success or at least not long-lasting. Accountability is MAJOR though. Getting the swing of that is really important. So with support and coming out and asking her, hey, what's going on, how can we get you to the next level, that's probably what she needs to make that decision for herself.

Guisma

I dont agree at all . My friends aren´t add to only praise what i do good. Like everything else constructive criticism is supose to help.
And i wish all people arround me judge my eating, my husband can be a pain in the *kitten* sometimes and i get really upseat when he takes my chocolates away from me, i can be really filled with rage, but i thank him for that also when i see results

beachlover317

:flowerforyou:

I have one friend who constantly (at least for as long as she has been on my friend's list) goes over her calorie goal by anywhere from 1000 to up to 4000 calories a day. I have resisted commenting on this. On a day when she is eating healthy, I comment on that. But after 2 weeks of overeating by thousands of calories, I wonder why she even posts. Today I just commented and asked how we could help or support her. It's frustrating to see someone constantly talk about losing and then sabatoging themselves at every turn!

at least she is being accountable. It's great that you asked if you could help in any way, maybe there is something going on in her life that is messing with her head and in turn what she's eating.

Yes, all of her friends have been commenting "You're doing great logging in all the food!" and comments that support that she is accountable, but after 2 - 3 weeks, even that sounds trite! I think she's not ready yet. You really have to be at the place in your life where you KNOW that this is what you want, otherwise, things will always get in the way. Thanks for the comment, by the way

you hit the nail on the head! you have to be ready to commit and if you don't do that, you will NOT have (as much) success or at least not long-lasting. Accountability is MAJOR though. Getting the swing of that is really important. So with support and coming out and asking her, hey, what's going on, how can we get you to the next level, that's probably what she needs to make that decision for herself.

Great advice! I'll hang back today and see if she responds to that. It's very true that accountability is the first important step. I didin't think of it in that way. Maybe she's just not as far down the road as the rest of us. Thanks!

Bobby_Clerici

It depends. I don't usually comment on others diaries, BUT.....


one of those on my friends list had completed her diary last week, and was under her goal, and so there was the usual chorus of "well done!" "WTG!" etc etc.

I looked at her diary and she'd eaten about 800 calories. This was a typical day, having looked back over a few days.

I asked the question - any particular reason the calories were so low?

She didn't reply, just deleted me as a friend. And that's OK, its her choice, and if she can't handle concern from her friends then maybe having a private diary would be better.

I'd rather be told the truth than slowly killed with kindness by a chorus of "yes-people"
A true friend holds me accountable - no need to snivel over an objective assessment.
Again, if you can't take honest feedback, only connect with dishonest, uncaring people, or just close your diary.
Simple deal.

Guisma

Why so much fear? If you don't like your choices, then make choices you do like. If you are ok with your choices, then quit worrying about what some random person said about them on the internet. I'm here to learn, and I learn more from people that have a differing POV than my own than I do from glad handing comments.

itgeekwoman

I log everything, and I know people that only log quick calories for foods they are ashamed of showing. Others put in the whole shebang and can see where they have opportunities. This is about getting healthy for me, so that means eating clean. For the most part I eat foods without nutritional value labels. This means that they are fruits/veg and or meat.

I do this so that all of my food is nutritionally stable. This helps me to lose weight faster, stay healthy and has helped with a bevy of other medical conditions. If other people choose to use their calorie count eating food that has no nutritional value and won't fuel their body for their workouts or even to make them fell good other than instant gratification.. that's fine.

I don't comment unless the person wants the comment. I want to help, but if it is discouraging, then I won't waste my time. Don't make your diary public, you don't want accountability, you want someone to say that it's ok to eat junk because it is under your calorie limit. I can't say it's ok or not ok.. that's for you to decide. I can't say.."way to go" if you eat crap, because that is fundamentally against what I am doing on here.

Good luck. If you are a friend on my list and you ask for my opinion, I'll give it.

deannakittygirl

I have my diary open now, for my first week I did not. I do look at what others eat, though not everyone everyday. I look because it is helpful to me. I like to get ideas for my own food choices. I opened mine cause I thought it would not be fair to peek at friends diary if they cant look at mine. I have not had any negative feedback. if they don't like what they see that is not my problem it is theirs. I am an adult who is going to make my own choice of what to feed my body. I let other do the same. I have commented on drinking water when I see the counter at 0. I have asked if food was eaten at one meal when I saw a friends diary and all had been logged under dinner, like a whole days food, only cause they mentioned it came back up. I suggested spacing food out to prevent being too full. I did ask if it was just easier to log under one tab though and then added my suggestion without waiting for a reply.

mightyminerva

I don't judge others' diaries, either. Their food is their food, and I'm not in change of it. Why then should I pass judgement?

However, many of my MFP friends want to be accountable for bad eating habits. If they almost entirely processed foods, have candy for breakfast, and at most eat one apple for their fruit and veggie intake, then I urge him or her to eat more produce. I'd want people to do that for me, and some MFP friends have asked not to be allowed to just skate by if they aren't eating healthily. If it seems like a particularly bad day or over time the food's gotten more and more unhealthy, I share my wishes for better days to come and congratulate him or her on logging everything.

I know everyone's different and that I don't know everything that's going on in their lives. I want to cheer people on as best I can, and so I try to be as supportive as I can (positive messages and constructive feedback!) in all ways. Others' diaries aren't my concern in the long term, so I don't see the point in getting hung up by this person's completely clean diet or that person's glaring pizza mistake.