My Husband Doesn't Understand - I Need Advice

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  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
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    have you stopped to think about what this must be like from your husbands point of view? it sounds like you are so obsessed you even seem to resent your daughters toys taking up space that you could otherwise be using. maybe he is fed up of you doing nothing but exercise, healthy eating, reading about it, doing workout dvds etc, maybe you should go and do something together instead of always doing things by yourself. i know the quest for being slim attractive and healthy can be obsessive, and it sounds like your poor husband is getting bored of it all. no point in being slim if you wake up one day and find he has moved out!! go build the relationship up and give him some attention for once, surely he deserves it?

    I didn't get that at all. Lets face it, most kids can do with a lot less toys. If they are playing with 20% of their toys 80% of the time why not donate the ones they aren't using? Nobody is saying dump the toys without permission, but why not ask the child, how about we donate some of these toys you don't play with anyone more to children that don't have enough toys. Nobody needs all that clutter in their house.
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
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    Orthorexia is just as bad as anorexia, IMHO! Two hours a day? That's a bit much and not necessary for health or fitness.
    True, but what about those of us who desire more?
    I exercise 3 hours daily because of my love for sports and the desire to win. I am an athlete - not just some guy wanting to suck in his gut and buckle those pants. Goals change as we move up the mountain.
    And consider this:
    Most Americans watch 4 or more hours of TV per day.
    Just sayin...:flowerforyou:

    I'd like to address that too. I have to work out at least or almost 2 hours a day, or I don't lose. It is a fact of life.. the rest of my day is pretty sedentary, so i don't think two hours is that outrageous.

    2 hours isn't that much and I don't think is obsessive. I will do a workout tape that is an hour and then usually go for an hour walk with a friend.
  • AllergicToExercise
    AllergicToExercise Posts: 436 Member
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    I guess it's about compromise - you're already working out 2 hours a day and from his perspective, he is now hearing that you want to spend more time on your own doing your own thing that he is not involved in. If the situation was reversed would you perhaps feel a little left out?

    I really do admire your efforts in terms of exercise and fitness. Maybe if you were thinking of doing the lifting instead of one of your other workouts though he'd not have an issue, but to add it to those AS WELL is just adding to the time you're spending apart. Maybe he just wants to spend more time with you.

    Good luck, I hope you can find a way of working things out. :smile:
  • AprilRenewed
    AprilRenewed Posts: 691 Member
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    have you stopped to think about what this must be like from your husbands point of view? it sounds like you are so obsessed you even seem to resent your daughters toys taking up space that you could otherwise be using. maybe he is fed up of you doing nothing but exercise, healthy eating, reading about it, doing workout dvds etc, maybe you should go and do something together instead of always doing things by yourself. i know the quest for being slim attractive and healthy can be obsessive, and it sounds like your poor husband is getting bored of it all. no point in being slim if you wake up one day and find he has moved out!! go build the relationship up and give him some attention for once, surely he deserves it?

    I didn't get that at all. Lets face it, most kids can do with a lot less toys. If they are playing with 20% of their toys 80% of the time why not donate the ones they aren't using? Nobody is saying dump the toys without permission, but why not ask the child, how about we donate some of these toys you don't play with anyone more to children that don't have enough toys. Nobody needs all that clutter in their house.

    Exactly what we've done in the past and exactly what we are planning to do at some point. :)
  • AprilRenewed
    AprilRenewed Posts: 691 Member
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    I guess it's about compromise - you're already working out 2 hours a day and from his perspective, he is now hearing that you want to spend more time on your own doing your own thing that he is not involved in. If the situation was reversed would you perhaps feel a little left out?

    I really do admire your efforts in terms of exercise and fitness. Maybe if you were thinking of doing the lifting instead of one of your other workouts though he'd not have an issue, but to add it to those AS WELL is just adding to the time you're spending apart. Maybe he just wants to spend more time with you.

    Good luck, I hope you can find a way of working things out. :smile:

    This is it exactly. As I've fleshed it out here, I realize that his issue is that I'm not PRESENT when I'm PRESENT with him. He has no issue with my workouts or the amount of time spent working out. That's not what it's about at all. It's about sitting there wit him while my attention and focus is elsewhere.
  • senyosmom
    senyosmom Posts: 613 Member
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    never had this problem.... but maybe you can link quality time and fitness together. Like family hikes or bike riding. Then your family isnt "neglected" but you can get in the exercise you clearly want. As for the weight bench, make a trade with him. Tell him if he makes room and sets it up for you will do something for him (Im not sure what that would be but Im sure you can come up with something).
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
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    This is it exactly. As I've fleshed it out here, I realize that his issue is that I'm not PRESENT when I'm PRESENT with him. He has no issue with my workouts or the amount of time spent working out. That's not what it's about at all. It's about sitting there wit him while my attention and focus is elsewhere.

    That's good insight :)
  • degan2011
    degan2011 Posts: 316 Member
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    He hates riding bicycles. The only sort of thing I can get him to do is hike, and the last time we did that, he was discouraged by my energy and his lack thereof. It's due mostly, I'm sure, to his years and years of smoking.
    *sigh*

    It seams to me that your husband may be afraid of being "left behind" in life. He said to you to get other interestes, but seams that he doesn't have many of his own? I could be wrong, but you mentioned he plays on the computer and watches TV and can't keep up in physical actities... so.....

    I agree with some of the other posts...

    1. if you want it, set it up yourself, enlist help of friends.
    2. for your own mental wellbeing... purge your basement of all unneeded/broken/unused items. Since I started working on my health, i truly started with my home and how I don't want to live all cluttered and boxed in, too.
    3. don't talk about fitness to your husband for a while, let him come around to you, and if he doesn't, that may be a compromise you make for your marriage.
    4. ABSOLUTELY do NOT let his negativity infect your progross. :)

    I am lucky, my husband is totally supportive, willing to help me try just about any thing I come accross because he likes to see me excited about something and happy about myself. (of course he wouldn't be my husband if he wasn't this way... :love: )

    Good luck! :)
  • AprilRenewed
    AprilRenewed Posts: 691 Member
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    This is it exactly. As I've fleshed it out here, I realize that his issue is that I'm not PRESENT when I'm PRESENT with him. He has no issue with my workouts or the amount of time spent working out. That's not what it's about at all. It's about sitting there wit him while my attention and focus is elsewhere.

    That's good insight :)

    Thank you.

    And to degan, he does have his own interests. Fishing, and woodworking, mainly. And he runs his own business and works himself to hell, physically and mentally (he runs a drywall/painting contrcting business.).
  • ndbex
    ndbex Posts: 61 Member
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    Wow, it sure seems like everyone is over thinking this. Six pages of comments? I would just lay off the talk for a while and when things settle down, have a real conversation with him about his thoughts. Maybe he's afraid you are going back to your days when you had the eating disorder. Maybe he's just tired of hearing it. I think if you were just a health nut, that is one thing. But if you have a history of eating disorders, then I would be concerned your fixation on working out so much is leading you to an unhealthy path. But it's hard to know for sure because I do not know you or your husband. I guess I'd just turn off the tv and have a real conversation about it. Then you can figure out a way to compromise.
  • AprilRenewed
    AprilRenewed Posts: 691 Member
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    Wow, it sure seems like everyone is over thinking this. Six pages of comments? I would just lay off the talk for a while and when things settle down, have a real conversation with him about his thoughts. Maybe he's afraid you are going back to your days when you had the eating disorder. Maybe he's just tired of hearing it. I think if you were just a health nut, that is one thing. But if you have a history of eating disorders, then I would be concerned your fixation on working out so much is leading you to an unhealthy path. But it's hard to know for sure because I do not know you or your husband. I guess I'd just turn off the tv and have a real conversation about it. Then you can figure out a way to compromise.

    I wasn't expecting this, that's for sure. I know what the deal is - knowing my husband as I do.

    And I'm fixing it.

    We can close down the thread now. LOL. And I want to thank those of you were supportive. Thank you. I know I've made some new friends.

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