When to get Married...

Options
1235

Replies

  • WarriorCupcakeBlydnsr
    WarriorCupcakeBlydnsr Posts: 2,150 Member
    Options
    I am 39 almost 40 and they used to harass me all the time about kids and marriage. So I told them, last I recall this was my life, not theirs and - yeah I will live it as I see fit. Needless to say they have not bothered me since!
    You're lucky that it's worked for you, just turned 40, still single and have to suffer through the "when are you going to find someone.... you're running out of time to have kids...." (thanks, just stick the knife in deeper) The fact that I have a really cool career, bought my own place, can take care of myself...irrelavent.
    What is apparently relavent is that I can't find "Mr. Right" (mind you, not for lack of trying on my part... don't know what's wrong with me that guys aren't interested... the ones that are afraid of me because of the above mentioned really cool career, well their loss)
  • creech6317
    creech6317 Posts: 869 Member
    Options
    N e v e r.
    This X 1000000000000000000000000
  • MalSponseller
    MalSponseller Posts: 217 Member
    Options
    My family's the exact OPPOSITE. It makes my mom uncomfortable that my boyfriend of 4+ years and I are talking about getting married; heck, we would be if a wedding wasn't so expensive. Neither my parents nor his want us married before we're done with school. Well, we've got a year left of our MA and then we're both going in for our PhDs. So that's... another 5ish years before we're 'allowed' to get married? Now, I know I'm 23 and all, but I think we're old enough to have a discussion on marriage and decide for ourselves when we're ready.
  • _the_feniks_
    _the_feniks_ Posts: 3,443 Member
    Options
    Don't do it!!!
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Options
    Remember that your twenties are just the doorway to adulthood. Everyone goes through a major personality shift somewhere between 27 and 33- regardless of their personal life circumstances. You cant truly know yourself with only a handfuls of years under your belt after highschool- you havent had enough time to make enough mistakes to learn the hard stuff about who you really are. remember that when you pick someone for life- knowing that you are both going to turn into other people.

    Hold out until you have a firm grasp on not only what you want now, but what you might possibly want later.

    Deciding when to get married is when you are supposed to be selfish. Cause if you dont leave room for your own happiness later, you may accidentally end up resenting the person you made the unknown sacrifice for.

    Tell your family to stfu and wish you happiness instead of forcing you to rush into a major life decision thats extremely difficult to change- especially if theyre going to be judging your *kitten* when you think about getting separated or if youre just not happy. They love to push but think that getting married is the end of the game.

    I was engaged several times in my twenties but realised that I needed to know who I really was before I could know what the other half of my dream team looked like.
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    Options
    I've always wanted to be married by 25/26 years old. In currently 22 years old and is single. Now I just say, "Go with the flow with things" I'm just focusing on my career and education and when the time comes, it will. But I want a child before I'm 30 lol so I do kind of hope I will be married by then first lol
  • TheFitFireman
    TheFitFireman Posts: 185 Member
    Options
    Marriage is stupid, you don't need marriage to make a commitment to someone. If you find "Mr. Right" and you plan on being with him/her forever, then what do you need to get married for right away? Settle with someone for a decade and then decide if marriage is a smart decision.
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
    Options
    Nope. I got married at 16. Been married for 7 years. I'm 23 too! ;)
  • nicehormones
    nicehormones Posts: 503 Member
    Options
    My mom and grandparents want me to get married to my boyfriend of almost two years but they aren't like harassing me about it. It would just make them both happy. I am also 23. I would say yes if he was smart enough to ask :P
  • ShazMc73
    ShazMc73 Posts: 106 Member
    Options
    I am 39 almost 40 and they used to harass me all the time about kids and marriage. So I told them, last I recall this was my life, not theirs and - yeah I will live it as I see fit. Needless to say they have not bothered me since!
    You're lucky that it's worked for you, just turned 40, still single and have to suffer through the "when are you going to find someone.... you're running out of time to have kids...." (thanks, just stick the knife in deeper) The fact that I have a really cool career, bought my own place, can take care of myself...irrelavent.
    What is apparently relavent is that I can't find "Mr. Right" (mind you, not for lack of trying on my part... don't know what's wrong with me that guys aren't interested... the ones that are afraid of me because of the above mentioned really cool career, well their loss)

    Wow, I could have written this!!!
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
    Options
    wait'll you do get maried and they start with the "when you gonna have a baby!" My wife and I were married for 15 years and everytime we went to her familys house it was endless. I fnally told them i was sterile!, lMAO

    LMAO I've been married 7 years, and I hear that ALL THE TIME. My hubby is sterile too. We do plan on trying next year (with a donor) but it still sucks :(
  • HauteP1nk
    HauteP1nk Posts: 2,139 Member
    Options
    Personal choice and depends on the person. What is right for one isn't necessarily right for another.

    For me, 28+ is a good age to get married.
  • purplegoboom
    purplegoboom Posts: 400 Member
    Options
    Does anyone else have their ENTIRE family bugging them to settle down? Just curious lol.

    BTW I'm only 23 :)

    Getting married? Nope, never got that.

    But now that I am married, I'm getting numerous hints about having children. I, however, don't want kids and hubby got a vasectomy shortly after we tied the knot. :smile:
  • BabyLeila23
    BabyLeila23 Posts: 410
    Options
    Remember that your twenties are just the doorway to adulthood. Everyone goes through a major personality shift somewhere between 27 and 33- regardless of their personal life circumstances. You cant truly know yourself with only a handfuls of years under your belt after highschool- you havent had enough time to make enough mistakes to learn the hard stuff about who you really are. remember that when you pick someone for life- knowing that you are both going to turn into other people.

    Hold out until you have a firm grasp on not only what you want now, but what you might possibly want later.

    Deciding when to get married is when you are supposed to be selfish. Cause if you dont leave room for your own happiness later, you may accidentally end up resenting the person you made the unknown sacrifice for.

    Tell your family to stfu and wish you happiness instead of forcing you to rush into a major life decision thats extremely difficult to change- especially if theyre going to be judging your *kitten* when you think about getting separated or if youre just not happy. They love to push but think that getting married is the end of the game.

    I was engaged several times in my twenties but realised that I needed to know who I really was before I could know what the other half of my dream team looked like.


    This is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you :)
  • purplegoboom
    purplegoboom Posts: 400 Member
    Options
    Remember that your twenties are just the doorway to adulthood. Everyone goes through a major personality shift somewhere between 27 and 33- regardless of their personal life circumstances. You cant truly know yourself with only a handfuls of years under your belt after highschool- you havent had enough time to make enough mistakes to learn the hard stuff about who you really are. remember that when you pick someone for life- knowing that you are both going to turn into other people.

    Hold out until you have a firm grasp on not only what you want now, but what you might possibly want later.

    Deciding when to get married is when you are supposed to be selfish. Cause if you dont leave room for your own happiness later, you may accidentally end up resenting the person you made the unknown sacrifice for.

    Tell your family to stfu and wish you happiness instead of forcing you to rush into a major life decision thats extremely difficult to change- especially if theyre going to be judging your *kitten* when you think about getting separated or if youre just not happy. They love to push but think that getting married is the end of the game.

    I was engaged several times in my twenties but realised that I needed to know who I really was before I could know what the other half of my dream team looked like.


    This is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you :)

    Yeah, this is excellent advice. Especially when you consider the number of people who get married in their teens and early 20s and then divorce in their late 20s or early 30s. It seems alot of people I know who got married shortly after high school are now divorcing.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    Options
    my greatest hope for people is that they find happiness at their own pace, and not marriage because of pressure to fit into societal norms.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    Options
    @BabyLeila-At 23, you shouldn't be getting that much pressure to marry. With that said though, don't dawdle either. If having kids is a goal, female fertility drops significantly around age 35.

    I am the oldest bachelor in my family. Everyone in my family over age 25 is married.

    The family never mentions this to me, but everyone knows it.

    I don't have pressure much because I don't see my family in person much. Most family members live more than 1,500 miles away from me. But I realize that a lot of the long distance family lives a more couple and/or child centric existence than I do.

    I think it is best to get married between 24-26 for women and 26-28 for men.
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
    Options
    my greatest hope for people is that they find happiness at their own pace, and not marriage because of pressure to fit into societal norms.

    Great! I like this idea. I have felt the pressure of societal norms in relation to me not being married.
  • jella74
    jella74 Posts: 106 Member
    Options
    I got married at 21 to my High School sweetheart. My son has just gotten married at 18. Yes, I will be a grandfather soon (in November).

    I think the most important thing to remember about getting married is that you need to find someone who will be willing to submit to. And someone who is willing to submit to you. If you are both in a role where you are looking out for the others best interest, your marriage will flourish. If you are just getting married because society say's you MUST, then I would recommend that you don't. You'll probably just end up another divorce statistic.

    Marriage is a sacrifice of your self to include another person as a part of you. It's that whole 2 become 1 flesh thing. That's when it works best.

    It's not 'when' to marry, but 'why' to marry.


    I very much agree with this.

    Though my situation is a bit different but the values and outlook are the same.
    My 1st marriage was not a very good one.
    So I agreed to follow tradition (I did put up a little fight and argument) and went for the arranged marriage. My brothers picked out a great one for me and we have 3 little ones, we have been married for 9 years.
  • VirtuousVal
    VirtuousVal Posts: 138 Member
    Options
    Remember that your twenties are just the doorway to adulthood. Everyone goes through a major personality shift somewhere between 27 and 33- regardless of their personal life circumstances. You cant truly know yourself with only a handfuls of years under your belt after highschool- you havent had enough time to make enough mistakes to learn the hard stuff about who you really are. remember that when you pick someone for life- knowing that you are both going to turn into other people.

    Hold out until you have a firm grasp on not only what you want now, but what you might possibly want later.

    Deciding when to get married is when you are supposed to be selfish. Cause if you dont leave room for your own happiness later, you may accidentally end up resenting the person you made the unknown sacrifice for.

    Tell your family to stfu and wish you happiness instead of forcing you to rush into a major life decision thats extremely difficult to change- especially if theyre going to be judging your *kitten* when you think about getting separated or if youre just not happy. They love to push but think that getting married is the end of the game.

    I was engaged several times in my twenties but realised that I needed to know who I really was before I could know what the other half of my dream team looked like.


    This is exactly what I needed to hear, thank you :)

    Yeah, this is excellent advice. Especially when you consider the number of people who get married in their teens and early 20s and then divorce in their late 20s or early 30s. It seems alot of people I know who got married shortly after high school are now divorcing.

    @BabyLeila23...I am so glad that someone gave you the advice that you needed to hear. I second the advice that was given. Very WISE WISDOM!

    I agree with gopurpleboom stated too! I was one of those...I married my Jr. High School sweetheart after graduating High School because ever one expected that since we dated all through our teens that we should/ and every one expected us to get married right after graduating High School. We were together for 17 yrs and married for 12 yrs. I was more his mother than his wife. We grew apart especially since we were not the same individuals as young teens than who we were as we grew more mature into adult hood. Like someone stated that when you go through your late 20's and early 30's regardless of your circumstances...Everyone goes through a change in who they are and what they want in life.

    I had never dated or kissed any one else until I was 30 yrs old....I was 30 yrs old, having to figure out the whole dating/ rules & the dating scene. I also needed to figure out who I was as a woman and what I wanted for my own life and my own happiness.
    I had a been single for 14 yrs....good and bad relationships while I was single.
    After being single for 14 yrs......

    I am now in a healthy, fulfilling and loving marriage that is Christ centered. I am getting the healthy kind of love that is mutual, respectful and mature. I am NOW finally with the "MAN" who God created just for me! He exceeds my expectations!

    Even though some of those years and relationships were life lessons and difficult at times. It has made me into the woman and wife I am today. Like the wise advice that was given...I had to know who I was before finding what the other half of my dream team would look like. I think it is important that we should pray for who our wife or husband will be while we are single. I think it is also important for our parents to be in prayer as well for who are other half will be before they come across our life path.

    Now that I look back I would not have rushed into "MARRIAGE" so young. There were so many of Life opportunities and dreams that I passed by or I did not pursue because I was always in my ex's shadow and career.

    My advice, is also like what DM1983Z stated in his advice...Don't let the pressure of societal norms and family members expectations make you have made a mistake or bad decision about YOUR life, happiness and dreams.

    OP, BabyLeila23, I wish you LOVE, JOY and HAPPINESS in your Life journey. Be blessed †

Categories