Family is trying to sabotage my 'diet'
Replies
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It sounds very frustrating, but it also sounds like she's just trying to do what she's always done. Perhaps she thinks that "one little cookie won't hurt. You're working out and had salad for dinner, so treat yourself..." OR she has seen you diet in the past and thinks that it's only a phase you're going through, OR maybe she thinks that you're fine just the way you are (especially if you've lost some, or are already pretty close to goal, or she's heavy and thinks anyone littler than her is really thin enough), OR she's seeing her presence at your house for a meal is a special occasion and she wants to celebrate, or just feel like she's bringing something to contribute to the meal, etc.
I agree with those who said you should say thank you, beg off on eating one now, and then just freeze them into single servings, or send them/bring them into work, or tell her that you probably won't be able to finish them before they spoil or dry out and ask that she bring most of them home to share with friends, Dad, etc.
I've been guilty in the past of bringing desserts to family events because I like to cook and I like to show off with fancy desserts. My brother and sister-in-law don't really eat many desserts and do try to watch what they're eating. But they do enjoy a treat and they're not trying to lose weight. So typically, they'll have a small portion the day of the dinner at their house and then when I'm leaving, pack up the leftovers to send home with me because, "we're going to be out a lot this week and we'll never get around to finishing it."0 -
Perhaps you ought to call her about it tomorrow and have a talk? Food says love for alot of people. You could tell her to bring fruit or something else healthy for the kids. Oatmeal cookies are pretty good. Oh well, I need to go hunt down my cookie.
lol I have talked with her about it.
and to people thinking she bakes!? LOL no.. she buys things to bring over. And for the kids and for me, my point is, i don't want them having much sweets either. a huge thing of cookies and a whole cake in one day is just too much. it's all going to end up going bad
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Hey, I can totally sympathize with you. My mom would do the same thing. It is so hard to say no when I am at my mom's house too. She wants to cook me all the stuff that isn't as healthy and kind of gets offended if I don't want it. She just simply doesn't realize how strict you have to be and how hard it is to lose weight. Reading this definitely is making me mentally prepare for being at her house this weekend. I would just say you are not hungry right now and I agree...send it to work.
Good luck! It is not an easy journey!0 -
Just eat one cookie! You can't go through life never eating another one. That is not reasonable. In fact, I may just go have one right now, if I can find one. You could have one cookie every day and still work it into your calories. Abstinence is not the answer. Staying under while finding balance with things you view as treats while meeting nutrition needs will make you a happy dieter. Just tell her, I'll save the rest for a treat later.
This is the attitude that got a lot of people the way they were when they started mfp. Some people can't stop at one. Probably related to carb addiction. Also, what if you don't like the cookies? What if you'd rather save up your deficit and eat something you really enjoy?0 -
If your mum is anything like mine then I agree she is having a 'go'!! I used to get the 'you should lose weight for the sake of your family' 'you should show more self control' and then when she does bring cookies it's a 'well I worked hard to get these for all of you, the least you could do is eat them'......yep, mothers are a pain!!!! One of the posts says just eat one, I'd agree as we can burn off that one cookie BUT if you are like me one leads to another to another and then they are staring at me in the mirror ON MY HIPS!!! Good luck........0
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I recently had a similar situation but I know it's not deliberate sabotage...
A very good friend of ours is 9 months pregnant with her first due this weekend, so we went to visit them and in her typical Irish hospitality she served us scones with cream, jam & strawberries... followed by a huge Lemon Drizzle cake...
My OH and I had a scone each with a cup of coffee, said we were full for the cake. She wrapped it up for us to take home and my OH took the cake to his office next day. I didn't have to eat it, she'll never know and my OH's colleagues were delighted... Everyone wins. :bigsmile:0 -
Hi OP. Sorry you have so many jerks replying in your thread.
I, for one, can relate. My mum's a bit like this. When I lived at home she'd tell me I need to lose weight then bring home chips, cake and soft drinks.
For what it's worth, I don't think it's deliberate sabotage. In the minds of a lot of mothers, food = love and the thought process doesn't go further than that.
If it were me and this was a habit for her, I'd give her one more warning and then start throwing these offerings into the bin while she's right there. If she gets upset, remind her that you'd already told her that cookies and cake are verboten. Hopefully she will soon get the message and stop wasting her money.
Btw, congrats on having the resolve to say no. :flowerforyou:0 -
My husband does this. He knows I'm on MFP, watch what I eat and go to the gym. I will have chicken in the crock pot or literally making dinner and he says "hey! wanna just order pizza?". The other day we go to our friends and I pack my food, fruit and one of Gina's pasta salads with tomato and chicken. Everyone is enjoying what I brought as well as the steamed crabs that were there. My husband actually leaves, goes to Royal Farm and buys fried chicken!!! Hey, knock yourself out but no thank you. He is one of these guys that he can eat all kinds of food and not gain one single lb but I would think he would want to support me being healthy. I know its not that he doesn't like my cooking because he does and has for 10years he just being a pain in my butt. :explode:0
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I'm just pooped.
I read that as, "I just pooped."
I was very uncomfortable for a moment.
Same. It made me laugh, though, I love a good breach of normal social boundaries.0 -
So, your mother is being wicked?Doubt she's trying to sabotage you unless she doesn't give a crap about her child and is an evil witch...which is unlikely. She just forgot.
Congrats on resisting the temptation.
LOL I JUST told her a couple hours before she came over.
If this is what you are saying, sever the relationship.
Problem solved.
That's just too harsh.
Not only harsh it is ridiculous and unrealistic.0 -
Thankfully my mother is the reason I started eating healthier and exercising. She was my inspiration as I am hers. However, when I go home to visit my father its a completely different story. He constantly tells me and everyone else that I can't be his daughter since I don't eat mayonnaise (never have liked it) or I don't scarf down chili dogs and gorge myself with sausage gravy and biscuits. Them my stepmother chimes in "oh Brandy doesn't eat". Yes I do! I just don't eat crap that you can't even pronounce the ingredients in it! Very frustrating but I'm used to it. I'm just glad there's a Subway a couple miles down the road from their house and I always bring a cooler full of groceries from home when I go.
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This is what I mean.. I've said it before, this is why I don't generally tell family I'm TRYING to lose weight. My mom comes over for dinner tonight. She brings a big bowl of cookies and a cake. It's like what the heck? She knows I don't want that junk, she knows it's hard to say no to chocolate chip cookies, but still. You'd think she'd want to help, or support me... Bleh
and NO I didn't have any!! :laugh:
Anyone else go through this too? It's driving me bonkers.
spray bleach on it and put it in the trash.0 -
I'm a vegetarian and it never fails that my mom brings and offers me meat during each of her weekly visits. I've had years to try out every kind of reminder and rejection I could think of. I've shouted, screamed, sounded patient, thankful, used logic, etc. She still does it. Maybe it's mom-brain. They have an overwhelming desire to comfort you and it overrides there common sense or something. I sometimes smother my son in kisses and am deaf to his initial screams to stop.
This^^
moms and grandmas all do it...
No, I disagree with this, totally. It is to do with control, not "making people feel better" - how could anybody think anyone would feel better by giving them something they are desperately trying to avoid or are keeping out of the way in order to maintain their own lifestyle.
All this "just have the one", "it won't hurt", "denying yourself treats all the time is not good" etc etc etc - why the hell should anybody have to "give in" just to appease others who take it upon themselves to bring stuff to somebody else's house EVEN when they have requested they do not do that - it is a total and utter attempt to control, whether subconsciously or consciously done who knows, but it is wrong.
One of my daughters is a veggie and when we had a BBQ last year, I ensured that her and her boyfriend (also a veggie) had food that was completely vegetarian and I did not allow any of their food to go anywhere near meat or fish and I also would not allow the veggie stuff to be served with utensils that had been used to dish out the meat-eaters' food, it would not be fair to do so and I would hate it if I were veggie and that happened to me. Their stuff was also cooked on a separate grid.0 -
Just do what every child does when their mother or grandmother does something that annoys them or (my favorite) gives advise and tells you how wrong you're living your life .... SMILE, TAKE IT... then do whatever YOU want! Next time say " thanks mom, that's so considerate, or lovely but I'm not hungry right now." Make her feel great for doing her motherly duties ... then trash it when she leaves. =]
This! Although easier said than done. I'm sure it is not malicious, but they do wear down your will power.
My mum is dreadful, her own weight yo-yos - not as extreme highs as me though - and if its about health/diet then she has been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
But...she can't help herself, if I go to her house she offers some kind of food every 5 mins, wanders in to the room with a biscuit, icecream, chocolate bar, etc, etc, if she comes to my house she wants to take you out for lunch, coffee & a cake, etc 'my treat'. Then in the next breath she'll tell you how she eats like a bird and is putting weight on! *sigh*
My son described this conversation with her;
Mum: Do you want a slice of pie? There is lots.
Son: No thanks.
5 mins later
Mum: Do you want some pie? There is half left.
Son: No thanks.
5 mins later
Mum: Do you want some pie? There is a bit left.
Son: No thanks.
5 mins later
Mum: *walking through room* All that pie has gone you know...!0 -
Just eat one cookie! You can't go through life never eating another one. That is not reasonable. In fact, I may just go have one right now, if I can find one. You could have one cookie every day and still work it into your calories. Abstinence is not the answer. Staying under while finding balance with things you view as treats while meeting nutrition needs will make you a happy dieter. Just tell her, I'll save the rest for a treat later.
Yes its important to not make any food “off limmits” and to incorporate everything she likes to eat in to her new healthy living lifestyle, but it isnt right for her mother to parade a tub of cookies and whole cake in front of her face.. her mother could have just as easily provided a fruit salad or some cottage cheese with berries.
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Regarding the topic:
The sad truth is that some times when the older generations see us youngsters trying to get our weight under control or making positive changes in our lives when they havent yet had the courage or strength to make the change them self they get jealous and intentionally try to make us fail just so they can say .. “see i couldn't do it and neither can you”
Some mothers even blame there weight gain on there children “i cant work out because im busy doing stuff for my kids” ...”i cant eat healthy because i have to keep snacks in the house for the kids” ... In reality they should be active with the children and be providing the children with healthy snacks as well.
bottom line is some families just dont have your back ... My family was not supportive of me at all in any aspect of my life, as of today i havent spoken to them in a year and a bit and i have lost 44 pounds, saved a substantial amount of money and taken huge steps toward completing all of my educational goals ... being around negativity is never a good thing but if you have to then you have to .. just tell your self all you need is you, dont judge your self worth on what they think ... get healthy for you!!!0 -
The difference is that the M&Ms can't jump in the cart without your cooperation, and they don't follow you home and repeatedly shove themselves into your face saying "oh, just have one, what could it hurt?" like her mom is doing.The only person that can sabotage your diet is you. That's like saying "I went to the grocery store today and they had big bags of M&Ms on sale. Don't they know I love M&Ms but they tempt me with them anyway."
The cookies don't jump out of the bowl and into her mouth, either. Tell her Mom what it does hurt. Her pride, her diet, her well being. The truth sometimes hurts, but it is usually the best thing to say.
Like Bobby said, is she comes to the door with cookies, don't answer the door.
Good grief! How idealistic some people's lives are.
Do you live all of your life this way? Not being funny, but what you suggest is totally unrealistic and would end up causing great rifts amonst familes.0 -
So, your mother is being wicked?Doubt she's trying to sabotage you unless she doesn't give a crap about her child and is an evil witch...which is unlikely. She just forgot.
Congrats on resisting the temptation.
LOL I JUST told her a couple hours before she came over.
If this is what you are saying, sever the relationship.
Problem solved.
That's just too harsh.
Not only harsh it is ridiculous and unrealistic.
Its not unrealistic or ridiculous ... some relationships are toxic and need to end. Period0 -
So..... It bothers you when she brings cake and cookies over because you mentioned you're losing weight, but it would be perfectly OK for her to bring over cake and cookies if you don't tell her you're trying to lose weight?:huh:This is what I mean.. I've said it before, this is why I don't generally tell family I'm TRYING to lose weight. My mom comes over for dinner tonight. She brings a big bowl of cookies and a cake. It's like what the heck? She knows I don't want that junk, she knows it's hard to say no to chocolate chip cookies, but still. You'd think she'd want to help, or support me... Bleh
and NO I didn't have any!! :laugh:
Anyone else go through this too? It's driving me bonkers.
What are you on about LOL0 -
I had a friend that would do this. She would want the treat (let's say cookies). She'd take one bite and keep pushing the package onto me. I think she was ok if I lost weight as long as I was bigger than her. Once I realized what she was doing I noticed she did it ALL the time. Constantly trying to get me to eat more than her. Eventually I just started to take a bite and when she wasn't looking toss the rest. That way we were both happy.0
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So, your mother is being wicked?Doubt she's trying to sabotage you unless she doesn't give a crap about her child and is an evil witch...which is unlikely. She just forgot.
Congrats on resisting the temptation.
LOL I JUST told her a couple hours before she came over.
If this is what you are saying, sever the relationship.
Problem solved.
That's just too harsh.
Not only harsh it is ridiculous and unrealistic.
Its not unrealistic or ridiculous ... some relationships are toxic and need to end. Period
i agree. people suck. if they're not on your side, why are they in your life?0 -
Yeah kind of.
I go to my sisters house, she says shall we have chinese for dinner, I say no its okay, she says come onnnnn once wont hurt, I say no I cant afford it anyway. She then goes ahead and orders it and pays for me. Really sweet but I DIDDNT WANT CHINESE and I am not strong enough to resist when its paid for infront of me. lol. Then last night I went over my friends house and he ordered pizza and paid for it, so yeah I'm getting free food but I really don't want it. Theyre all fattening me up lol. I only had two small slices and left it at that but still... -.-0 -
It was a legit question to see if anyone else goes through it as well, I wasn't exactly sniveling? Just saying. She knows it's hard for me, and I asked her to stop doing this all the time, I don't want my kids eating so much sweets either.
Don't worry, I've noticed that Bobby seems pretty snippy on other posts too, so it's not just you. About the just eating 1 cookie, I can't eat just one. That's how I got to be overweight in the first place, that and 4 kids anyway! But yeah, it's better to avoid the that first one and start the sugar frenzy! 0 -
Oh well, then have your cake and eat it too.
So, your mother is being wicked?Doubt she's trying to sabotage you unless she doesn't give a crap about her child and is an evil witch...which is unlikely. She just forgot.
Congrats on resisting the temptation.
LOL I JUST told her a couple hours before she came over.
If this is what you are saying, sever the relationship.
Problem solved.
That's just too harsh.
Not only harsh it is ridiculous and unrealistic.
Remember, the one in any relationship who cares the least gets to make the rules.
And you won't here this from the "echo chamber".0 -
it happens.
with hubs family, i tell them things like diet or gluten intolerant, but they never really LISTEN. they guilt trip big time into stuffing you, and my family is obsessed with cooking too. So between the two and birthdays falling around the holidays, I gain 20lbs every year in holiday crap everyone hounds me on. my lil sis is a very touchy ex anne so I have to not make a big deal around her or it could set her off. Its stressful. I gained soooo much quitting smoking from this too. But I have realized, I got to be mean with it. hubs supports me and this year....i'm being strict for the holidays.
almost tempting to take a cruise or island vacay for the holidays to avoid both feeding frenzy sides.
be strong girl. get fierce to look fierce.0 -
Just eat one cookie! You can't go through life never eating another one. That is not reasonable. In fact, I may just go have one right now, if I can find one. You could have one cookie every day and still work it into your calories. Abstinence is not the answer. Staying under while finding balance with things you view as treats while meeting nutrition needs will make you a happy dieter. Just tell her, I'll save the rest for a treat later.
Yeah, amazing advice, 'go eat a cookie'
Dont go eat a cookie,you can, if you WANT, go through life without eating another one. Theyre not a life sustaining force, its a cookie. Seriously.0 -
So, your mother is being wicked?Doubt she's trying to sabotage you unless she doesn't give a crap about her child and is an evil witch...which is unlikely. She just forgot.
Congrats on resisting the temptation.
LOL I JUST told her a couple hours before she came over.
If this is what you are saying, sever the relationship.
Problem solved.
That's just too harsh.
Not only harsh it is ridiculous and unrealistic.
Its not unrealistic or ridiculous ... some relationships are toxic and need to end. Period
You actually consider the OP and her month's whole relationship as toxic??? There is nothing toxic there, except her mother's ability to understand not to take certain food to the OP's house, it does not require a whole severance of the bloody relationship.
LMAO never heard such an over-the-top "solution" in all my life!0 -
You keep getting solutions that work, but to you, it's all so "unrealistic"...:laugh: :laugh:
The difference is that the M&Ms can't jump in the cart without your cooperation, and they don't follow you home and repeatedly shove themselves into your face saying "oh, just have one, what could it hurt?" like her mom is doing.The only person that can sabotage your diet is you. That's like saying "I went to the grocery store today and they had big bags of M&Ms on sale. Don't they know I love M&Ms but they tempt me with them anyway."
The cookies don't jump out of the bowl and into her mouth, either. Tell her Mom what it does hurt. Her pride, her diet, her well being. The truth sometimes hurts, but it is usually the best thing to say.
Like Bobby said, is she comes to the door with cookies, don't answer the door.
Good grief! How idealistic some people's lives are.
Do you live all of your life this way? Not being funny, but what you suggest is totally unrealistic and would end up causing great rifts amonst familes.
Is it such a stretch that not everybody is willing to pander to the absurd notions of other daft people?
Here's the deal.
I have lots of supportive people in my life.
And those who are NOT supportive, I cut off, and that includes family and life-long friends.
OFF WITH THEIR HEADS
And some have gone their way while others have come back, hat in hand, totally willing to respect my boundaries.
That is how it works for self-empowered people.
I make the rules.
You follow my rules, or get out of my life.:drinker:0 -
Oh well, then have your cake and eat it too.
So, your mother is being wicked?Doubt she's trying to sabotage you unless she doesn't give a crap about her child and is an evil witch...which is unlikely. She just forgot.
Congrats on resisting the temptation.
LOL I JUST told her a couple hours before she came over.
If this is what you are saying, sever the relationship.
Problem solved.
That's just too harsh.
Not only harsh it is ridiculous and unrealistic.
Remember, the one in any relationship who cares the least gets to make the rules.
And you won't here this from the "echo chamber".
No, that is just how you experience things, it is not how everybody lives.
I think you need to review your current situation.0 -
My son described this conversation with her;
Mum: Do you want a slice of pie? There is lots.
Son: No thanks.
5 mins later
Mum: Do you want some pie? There is half left.
Son: No thanks.
5 mins later
Mum: Do you want some pie? There is a bit left.
Son: No thanks.
5 mins later
Mum: *walking through room* All that pie has gone you know...!
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
You keep getting solutions that work, but to you, it's all so "unrealistic"...:laugh: :laugh:
The difference is that the M&Ms can't jump in the cart without your cooperation, and they don't follow you home and repeatedly shove themselves into your face saying "oh, just have one, what could it hurt?" like her mom is doing.The only person that can sabotage your diet is you. That's like saying "I went to the grocery store today and they had big bags of M&Ms on sale. Don't they know I love M&Ms but they tempt me with them anyway."
The cookies don't jump out of the bowl and into her mouth, either. Tell her Mom what it does hurt. Her pride, her diet, her well being. The truth sometimes hurts, but it is usually the best thing to say.
Like Bobby said, is she comes to the door with cookies, don't answer the door.
Good grief! How idealistic some people's lives are.
Do you live all of your life this way? Not being funny, but what you suggest is totally unrealistic and would end up causing great rifts amonst familes.
Is it such a stretch that not everybody is willing to pander to the absurd notions of other daft people?
Here's the deal.
I have lots of supportive people in my life.
And those who are NOT supportive, I cut off, and that includes family and life-long friends.
OFF WITH THEIR HEADS
And some have gone their way while others have come back, hat in hand, totally willing to respect my boundaries.
That is how it works for self-empowered people.
I make the rules.
You follow my rules, or get out of my life.:drinker:
Blimey BC calm down, you'll burst a blood vessel!!!!
Just got one thing to say, I would never be in your life, you are too rigid for my liking and too controlling. What's with all the shouting? Are you ok?
You are not as self-empowered as you like to think you are actually, you are actually controlled by your emotions and everytime it comes across in your postings. You think you are in control but you react in the same way everytime.
You call other people daft and yet your ideas are the daftest of all to some other people.
Continue cutting and culling in the end everybody you had close will be gone because there is only far you can push people as the OP is finding when continually trying to tell her mother not to bring crap into the house. I do think, however, it is highly unlikely she will just cut her mother out of her life because of some crap food, that would be very "over-the-top" and unwarranted.0
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