VERY personal ~ TMI
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Okay, I may be reaching, but maybe he's just browsing the local sites to see if he knows any of the people on it. (I've done that!) And been fairly surprised at people I would never think of that show up on a nudie site! lol0
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He knew I considered him looking at that stuff as cheating. (No - I don't care about anyone's opinion on my take of this -- all that is important is he knew when we began dating how I viewed it, and he agreed not to view it because I would take it as his cheating.)
I agree, and maybe that's why I don't care. He doesn't do it often, but I know when he does. And he was honest about it from the beginning. I mean from our first date. If it bothered me, that was the time to speak up. But it doesn't. I think b/c my ex pretended to be perfect - telling me I was the only woman he ever looked at, telling me he never checked out other women, never looked at porn unless we were watching it together, would never cheat on me, no other women existed...blah blah blah. And every single thing out of his mouth was a lie - he's still lying to me! So I think that's part of why it doesn't bother me. Plus, I know it isn't affecting our relationship at all. I once thought it would bother me, but it doesn't anymore b/c I get that the few times he does watch it, he might be seeing a different girl, but he's thinking about me. He told me he's too old to just use his imagination. He needs visual.
Totally rambling now. sorry!0 -
I wouldn't deal with it. He is in a relationship with you he is in love with you, and YOUR body not some random girl he's never even met. I would listen to pheonix and take this as a warning sign. Encourage him to stop but if he won't let it go and it bothers you he obviously has no respect for you or your feelings. At that point I would leave. I am so sorry and you are a beautiful woman:flowerforyou:0
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I dealt with a man who decided it was acceptable to cheat on me (the woman even had the stones to show up AT OUR HOUSE!). There was physical violence directed at me by him- he was so furious at getting caught that he came unglued on me. I've cut him out of my life and I'm doing a lot better.0
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what worries me the most is that there are LOCAL women. women he could actually meet. he and his ex GF were on a website together. this is my biggest concern. if it were videos or something i would be more understanding.
OH.
To me, that changes the entire game.
That is a BIG DEAL.0 -
Yes, the new details change things FOR SURE.
IMHO, get out of the relationship, and fast. You deserve better, and a man who respects you, and your relationship, not a man who is viewing porn with an ex-girlfriend!
:noway:0 -
Men are dogs!
It has nothing to do with what you look like or that the other girl/girls look like. It's only about his satisfaction. It wouldn't matter if you looked like a super model...most likely he's still look at other women. Look at Rebecca Romaine and John Stamos, Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie. Men are pigs...they don't think with their head or their heart...only their anatomy.
Have you confronted him? I wish you the best...remember that you are worth it even if he doesn't see it!
You must have had some bad experiances with men in your life and I'm sorry you think that way about men now but I can assure you I think with my mind and my heart before my anatomy.
Nope...the opposite. I've been with the same man since I was 16. I'm 24 now and he has never cheated or looked at porn. I work in computer programming...I can do things to our computer that he couldn't dream of. Our marriage is founded upon our individual relationship with Christ. I agree with Phoenix_Rising...looking at porn is cheating. If you covet another then it is a sin (both adultery and lust).0 -
Just MHO:
A relationship is about respect, and compromise.
If this is something the two of you have had an issue with before, and he knows how it makes you feel, yet continues to do it, I would think one of two things:
1 - He has an addiction; or
2 - He has no respect for your boundries/request.
With that being said, men and women both look at p*rn. If it's causing a disruption then something has to change. A compromise has to be made(on both sides), or a change must occur. Otherwise the cycle will just continue.
Does he make you feel good about yourself? Does he treat you the way you're supposed to be treated? Does he view this to increase his libido or does he simply like looking at naked women?
I hope you guys can work through it, and I hope you feel better about yourself. You are a beautiful gem and deserve to be treated as such. :flowerforyou:
Excellent post.0 -
Yes, the new details change things FOR SURE.
IMHO, get out of the relationship, and fast. You deserve better, and a man who respects you, and your relationship, not a man who is viewing porn with an ex-girlfriend!
:noway:
He needs his head examined, or his @ss kicked, one or the other. It sucks that so many aren't satisfied with what's right in front of them....and they don't give a rat's @ss who they steamroll over in order to get what they want.
Sorry to rant...I have an extremely sore spot for men who cheat.0 -
Do you look at other men? Not necessarily naked but if you see a good looking man on the street or a guy with a great body at the gym, do you look? Do you comment on actors? I know I do. My family all knows I think Shemar Moore is incredibly handsome. I have even made comments about him. I expect that my husband is going to look at beautiful women too. As a matter of fact, his job entails him looking at what other people look at on their computers at work and they look at quite a lot of skin.
My husband loves me. He was attracted to me 75 lbs heavier ( God knows why...but he was). He makes me feel adored. Both he and I have been with unfaithful spouses in the past and there is no way that either of us would put each other through that. I trust him... no secret passwords so he can't look at porn and I don't hide anything from him either. I did not trust my ex-husband and it was a life of hell. I always worried about what he was doing.
Trust is the key to any relationship. If you can't trust him... don't be with him. Eventually it will eat away at your relationship and it will be ugly0 -
Yes, the new details change things FOR SURE.
IMHO, get out of the relationship, and fast. You deserve better, and a man who respects you, and your relationship, not a man who is viewing porn with an ex-girlfriend!
:noway:
Yeah, that's totally different.0 -
GTO ~ you made me laugh! Thanks! :laugh:0
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Do you look at other men? Not necessarily naked but if you see a good looking man on the street or a guy with a great body at the gym, do you look? Do you comment on actors? I know I do. My family all knows I think Shemar Moore is incredibly handsome. I have even made comments about him. I expect that my husband is going to look at beautiful women too. As a matter of fact, his job entails him looking at what other people look at on their computers at work and they look at quite a lot of skin.
My husband loves me. He was attracted to me 75 lbs heavier ( God knows why...but he was). He makes me feel adored. Both he and I have been with unfaithful spouses in the past and there is no way that either of us would put each other through that. I trust him... no secret passwords so he can't look at porn and I don't hide anything from him either. I did not trust my ex-husband and it was a life of hell. I always worried about what he was doing.
Trust is the key to any relationship. If you can't trust him... don't be with him. Eventually it will eat away at your relationship and it will be ugly
You're right. You're absolutely right. No matter what you've decided works for you and your sig other, there has to be trust. Whether you think porn is ok or not, whether you think it's okay to notice other men/women or not...if you can't trust the other person or he/she can't trust you, the relationship is done for.0 -
GTO ~ you made me laugh! Thanks! :laugh:
Any time, sister. If you need someone to vent to, feel free to PM me....I know how bad stuff like that can get.0 -
Trust is the key to any relationship. If you can't trust him... don't be with him. Eventually it will eat away at your relationship and it will be ugly
I think this is what it boils down to precisely.
If he said, "I'm looking at p*rn and I don't care what you think", then you have to deal with that differently and evaluate your standards. But if he's looking at p*rn secretly and hiding it, then it boils down to a trust issue.0 -
Yes, the new details change things FOR SURE.
IMHO, get out of the relationship, and fast. You deserve better, and a man who respects you, and your relationship, not a man who is viewing porn with an ex-girlfriend!
:noway:
He needs his head examined, or his @ss kicked, one or the other. It sucks that so many aren't satisfied with what's right in front of them....and they don't give a rat's @ss who they steamroll over in order to get what they want.
Sorry to rant...I have an extremely sore spot for men who cheat.
Great post GTO!! It DOES suck when people are not happy with what is right in front of them! I think this is becoming an epidemic in our society. Many of my friends constantly lust after a bigger house, a better car, the newest Marc Jacob's hangbag, blah, blah, blah.... same thing with lusting after other women and men - put those energies into your own partner, and see how great things can be!
Geesh!
:noway:0 -
Yes, the new details change things FOR SURE.
IMHO, get out of the relationship, and fast. You deserve better, and a man who respects you, and your relationship, not a man who is viewing porn with an ex-girlfriend!
:noway:
He needs his head examined, or his @ss kicked, one or the other. It sucks that so many aren't satisfied with what's right in front of them....and they don't give a rat's @ss who they steamroll over in order to get what they want.
Sorry to rant...I have an extremely sore spot for men who cheat.
I agree. Don't look at that naked plastic woman online -- go buy me some sexy lingerie and have me be your fantasy!! DUH!0 -
I don't know ladies-- think of this--
You're at your computer, and a chocolate bar is a click away.0 -
I don't know ladies-- think of this--
You're at your computer, and a chocolate bar is a click away.
When I'm at the bank, millions of dollars are only an immoral act away too.
DOUBLE EDIT: And eating a chocolate bar doesn't hurt my significant other's feelings. If it did..... I might have to find a new significant other!!!! (hypothetically speaking
)
TRIPLE EDIT: And you are just having fun playing Devil's Advocate here, aren't you? :laugh:
BTW, LOVE your new av Marla. You look so much YOUNGER. I like your hair. You look BEAUTIFUL and very peaceful.
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When I'm at the bank, millions of dollars are only an immoral act away too.
Love it!!:flowerforyou:0
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