VERY personal ~ TMI
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Yep I agree... randomly looking at pictures is one thing - looking at local girls is different. RED FLAG. But still... remember - it's NOT YOU!what worries me the most is that there are LOCAL women. women he could actually meet. he and his ex GF were on a website together. this is my biggest concern. if it were videos or something i would be more understanding.
OH.
To me, that changes the entire game.
That is a BIG DEAL.0 -
Yep I agree... randomly looking at pictures is one thing - looking at local girls is different. RED FLAG. But still... remember - it's NOT YOU!what worries me the most is that there are LOCAL women. women he could actually meet. he and his ex GF were on a website together. this is my biggest concern. if it were videos or something i would be more understanding.
OH.
To me, that changes the entire game.
That is a BIG DEAL.
Agreed. It's him. Stoopid him.
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a chocolate bar is way diff than boobs....he can have as many chocolate bars as he wishes. LOL.0
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Devil's advocate? Me? Nahhhh--
Believe me, I hate the ease with which these things can be accessed-- it's created more problems in my household than I can share-- teen sons are no day at the beach in this arena, either, ya know?
My only point is that we are all "gripped" by something that is hard to resist. No longer do men have to go physically buy a magazine to see what they see now with a simple point and click.0 -
BTW, LOVE your new av Marla. You look so much YOUNGER. I like your hair. You look BEAUTIFUL and very peaceful.
Oh my goodness-- thank you, so much-- you totally made my day!!!:flowerforyou:
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Do you look at other men? Not necessarily naked but if you see a good looking man on the street or a guy with a great body at the gym, do you look? Do you comment on actors? I know I do. My family all knows I think Shemar Moore is incredibly handsome. I have even made comments about him. I expect that my husband is going to look at beautiful women too. As a matter of fact, his job entails him looking at what other people look at on their computers at work and they look at quite a lot of skin.
My husband loves me. He was attracted to me 75 lbs heavier ( God knows why...but he was). He makes me feel adored. Both he and I have been with unfaithful spouses in the past and there is no way that either of us would put each other through that. I trust him... no secret passwords so he can't look at porn and I don't hide anything from him either. I did not trust my ex-husband and it was a life of hell. I always worried about what he was doing.
Trust is the key to any relationship. If you can't trust him... don't be with him. Eventually it will eat away at your relationship and it will be ugly
I could have writen this myself. Only difference is I've only lost 45 lbs.:laugh: My hubby look on the computer, it doesn't bother me. He makes me feel beautiful and wanted everyday and I trust him 100%. I've been in relationships where I didn't feel this way and it makes me value what I have so much more. Good luck to those of you who can't or don't trust your partners. I hope some day that changes for you.0 -
what worries me the most is that there are LOCAL women. women he could actually meet. he and his ex GF were on a website together. this is my biggest concern. if it were videos or something i would be more understanding.
ok, this is important. i would feel uncomfortable as well. here is my story:
dated and lived with 'the love of my life' (gosh i sure hope not! :noway:). he had magazines in the bathroom, ok whatever. we cleaned out the attic one day. there were FIFTEEN boxes of magazines up there.
he would look at porn online - ALL THE TIME. even at work. sometimes it would be brunettes, sometimes blonds, sometimes reds, etc. one day he was looking at the reds and i asked him if he saw someone that day that he was attracted to with red hair. he said maybe. :noway:
when we split (99% sure he cheated) i went over to pick up some things and i snooped (bad heather!). i looked at the mag stash in the bathroom and found two local 'swingers' magazines. i flipped out. i had been gone for TWO DAYS!
he lied, said he got them for free, told me he threw them out. never did.
this is just a small example...i could write a book. :sick:
anyways, he is a sex addict. there is a huge difference in my opinion of someone looking at porn from time to time compared to his antics.
hearing he was brousing local sites is upsetting. i think if you havent already, you two need to have a serious talk. just MHO.
i feel for you hun! :flowerforyou:0 -
Let me start by saying that I think pornography is wrong because it develops an insatiable lust in men that seems to only be alleviated by watching more pornography. If a man loves/enjoys his wife he has no need to seek fulfillment of a sexual nature from some other woman. Having said that -
You made your expectations for your relationship clear. He understood them, thus the relationship began. He broke your trust by looking at pornography. He has done it more than once. When someone does something wrong and they are REALLY sorry, they STOP. If he doesn't stop, then he's NOT sorry. When pornography becomes more important to him than your trust is to him you need to let him go. I'm sorry you're going through this...so sorry.:frown:
If he is ignoring your feelings/concernsthoughts :frown: about this issue he may very well ignore your feelings/concerns/thoughts about other issues:frown: . If you can't trust him you need to end your relationship with him. I wish I could say something sweet like, "it doesn't matter", but, honestly, I think it matters a LOT and for me to tell you anything else would be a lie on my part.
Just remember that his shortcomings do not reflect on your beauty and value at all.0 -
I don't buy that "men are visual" line. It's the line they always feed us to get away with that crap.
If they're visual, and he loves your body, let him take pictures of you and look at those. If he needs to think they're different women, play dress up and role play.
That visual line is crap. Women like to feel connected to men and flirted with - does that mean I should go flirt with my neighbor? No, it's a different kind of cheating, just like looking at pictures of someone else is a kind of cheating. Men like to look, we like to talk - if one's okay, the other should be okay too.0 -
Do you look at other men? Not necessarily naked but if you see a good looking man on the street or a guy with a great body at the gym, do you look? Do you comment on actors? I know I do. My family all knows I think Shemar Moore is incredibly handsome. I have even made comments about him. I expect that my husband is going to look at beautiful women too. As a matter of fact, his job entails him looking at what other people look at on their computers at work and they look at quite a lot of skin.
My husband loves me. He was attracted to me 75 lbs heavier ( God knows why...but he was). He makes me feel adored. Both he and I have been with unfaithful spouses in the past and there is no way that either of us would put each other through that. I trust him... no secret passwords so he can't look at porn and I don't hide anything from him either. I did not trust my ex-husband and it was a life of hell. I always worried about what he was doing.
Trust is the key to any relationship. If you can't trust him... don't be with him. Eventually it will eat away at your relationship and it will be ugly
I love this post--
I look at Patrick Dempsey et al and drool-- and hubs does the same thing to, well, just about everything with boobs-- on the street, in television-- I notice handsome men and my standard, "wow, he's a cutie," is now legendary here in my home.0 -
Do you look at other men? Not necessarily naked but if you see a good looking man on the street or a guy with a great body at the gym, do you look? Do you comment on actors? I know I do. My family all knows I think Shemar Moore is incredibly handsome. I have even made comments about him. I expect that my husband is going to look at beautiful women too. As a matter of fact, his job entails him looking at what other people look at on their computers at work and they look at quite a lot of skin.
My husband loves me. He was attracted to me 75 lbs heavier ( God knows why...but he was). He makes me feel adored. Both he and I have been with unfaithful spouses in the past and there is no way that either of us would put each other through that. I trust him... no secret passwords so he can't look at porn and I don't hide anything from him either. I did not trust my ex-husband and it was a life of hell. I always worried about what he was doing.
Trust is the key to any relationship. If you can't trust him... don't be with him. Eventually it will eat away at your relationship and it will be ugly
I love this post--
I look at Patrick Dempsey et al and drool-- and hubs does the same thing to, well, just about everything with boobs-- on the street, in television-- I notice handsome men and my standard, "wow, he's a cutie," is now legendary here in my home.
Ok, but you are talking about "fantasies ~ STARS"....these are LOCAL WOMEN that live within our town. Totally different.0 -
Let me start by saying that I think pornography is wrong because it develops an insatiable lust in men that seems to only be alleviated by watching more pornography. If a man loves/enjoys his wife he has no need to seek fulfillment of a sexual nature from some other woman. Having said that -
You made your expectations for your relationship clear. He understood them, thus the relationship began. He broke your trust by looking at pornography. He has done it more than once. When someone does something wrong and they are REALLY sorry, they STOP. If he doesn't stop, then he's NOT sorry. When pornography becomes more important to him than your trust is to him you need to let him go. I'm sorry you're going through this...so sorry.:frown:
If he is ignoring your feelings/concernsthoughts :frown: about this issue he may very well ignore your feelings/concerns/thoughts about other issues:frown: . If you can't trust him you need to end your relationship with him. I wish I could say something sweet like, "it doesn't matter", but, honestly, I think it matters a LOT and for me to tell you anything else would be a lie on my part.
Just remember that his shortcomings do not reflect on your beauty and value at all.
That about sums up my feelings on the matter too. :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't buy that "men are visual" line. It's the line they always feed us to get away with that crap.
If they're visual, and he loves your body, let him take pictures of you and look at those. If he needs to think they're different women, play dress up and role play.
That visual line is crap. Women like to feel connected to men and flirted with - does that mean I should go flirt with my neighbor? No, it's a different kind of cheating, just like looking at pictures of someone else is a kind of cheating. Men like to look, we like to talk - if one's okay, the other should be okay too.
I agree -- we allow them to be this way, just as we allow many things in our society.0 -
I look at Patrick Dempsey et al and drool-- and hubs does the same thing to, well, just about everything with boobs-- on the street, in television-- I notice handsome men and my standard, "wow, he's a cutie," is now legendary here in my home.
Ok, but you are talking about "fantasies ~ STARS"....these are LOCAL WOMEN that live within our town. Totally different.
I also think there is a big difference in women looking at a clothed man and thinking he's hot, versus a man looking at naked women (for other 'enjoyable' purposes).
And local women vs. celebrities/nudie pics in general ..... big difference, yes. :frown:0 -
I could have writen this myself. Only difference is I've only lost 45 lbs.:laugh: My hubby look on the computer, it doesn't bother me. He makes me feel beautiful and wanted everyday and I trust him 100%. I've been in relationships where I didn't feel this way and it makes me value what I have so much more. Good luck to those of you who can't or don't trust your partners. I hope some day that changes for you.
Ditto.0 -
I don't buy that "men are visual" line. It's the line they always feed us to get away with that crap.
If they're visual, and he loves your body, let him take pictures of you and look at those. If he needs to think they're different women, play dress up and role play.
That visual line is crap. Women like to feel connected to men and flirted with - does that mean I should go flirt with my neighbor? No, it's a different kind of cheating, just like looking at pictures of someone else is a kind of cheating. Men like to look, we like to talk - if one's okay, the other should be okay too.
I agree -- we allow them to be this way, just as we allow many things in our society.
But the thing is that it's true. Men ARE visual. Think about it. I think my eyes are mostly closed during sex. Mostly, not the whole time. But if I do open my eyes, my guy's totally watching what's going on. His eyes are always open. Almost always.
I'm not trying to change anyone's minds or hurt anyone's feelings, but men ARE different than women. I agree 100% that he shouldn't be looking at porn with his ex girlfriend. If he's gonna look with anyone, it should be with you, and it shouldn't be women that he could go meet at the local bar. That's strange.
But porn...unless it's child porn or gay porn...I don't really have a problem with it. As long as I'm not being lied to about it. Men are different. They actually do physically need the release. As my bf described it to me - he needs that release, but it there's no meaning behind it except when he's with me. It's just like a woman getting a hot bath with a glass of wine and a good book. Or, for some women, using their toys when their man isn't around.
A man looking at porn doesn't mean that he thinks his gf or wife is unattractive. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her with all his heart. My guy HAS taken pictures of me...and uses those instead of porn now. But it's proven that men's brains are different than ours. They are visual, whether we like it or not.0 -
Do you look at other men? Not necessarily naked but if you see a good looking man on the street or a guy with a great body at the gym, do you look? Do you comment on actors? I know I do. My family all knows I think Shemar Moore is incredibly handsome. I have even made comments about him. I expect that my husband is going to look at beautiful women too. As a matter of fact, his job entails him looking at what other people look at on their computers at work and they look at quite a lot of skin.
My husband loves me. He was attracted to me 75 lbs heavier ( God knows why...but he was). He makes me feel adored. Both he and I have been with unfaithful spouses in the past and there is no way that either of us would put each other through that. I trust him... no secret passwords so he can't look at porn and I don't hide anything from him either. I did not trust my ex-husband and it was a life of hell. I always worried about what he was doing.
Trust is the key to any relationship. If you can't trust him... don't be with him. Eventually it will eat away at your relationship and it will be ugly
I love this post--
I look at Patrick Dempsey et al and drool-- and hubs does the same thing to, well, just about everything with boobs-- on the street, in television-- I notice handsome men and my standard, "wow, he's a cutie," is now legendary here in my home.
Ok, but you are talking about "fantasies ~ STARS"....these are LOCAL WOMEN that live within our town. Totally different.
Oh-- he's looking to swing? yipes.
Ohhhh-- yeah, this is different--
Proceed with caution.0 -
Men ARE visual.
I'm not disputing that. But we are visual, tangible objects right in front of them. We allow them to look at other women and say it's okay (as a society). They can just as easily look at the woman they are with. Just my humble opinion. :flowerforyou:0 -
Men ARE visual.
I'm not disputing that. But we are visual, tangible objects right in front of them. We allow them to look at other women and say it's okay (as a society). They can just as easily look at the woman they are with. Just my humble opinion. :flowerforyou:
Which brings back the point I made on page 1. I think sometimes we, as women have hangups about our own bodies and don't want our husbands/boyfriends "looking" at us. Come on... how many of us are worried that what they're really looking at is the wiggle and jiggle? I know I worry about that. Maybe part of the draw in looking at porn/pictures is that the woman in the picture is not shy about her body - she comes across as being confident. Just proof that confidence is sexy!
I read romance novels... sometimes, really descriptive romance novels... does that mean that I'm cheating? No. Eh... if my husband wants to look at some pictures, that's ok... he's with me.
But again... looking at LOCAL girls? Totally different!!!0 -
Maybe part of the draw in looking at porn/pictures is that the woman in the picture is not shy about her body - she comes across as being confident. Just proof that confidence is sexy!
Airbrushing and mega photo retouching, dear!!! (I know someone in the industry. Photoshop is a MUST! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: )
I agree that confidence is sexy. So is a man who doesn't stray. 0
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