VERY personal ~ TMI

135

Replies

  • CrystalT
    CrystalT Posts: 862 Member
    A man looking at porn doesn't mean that he thinks his gf or wife is unattractive. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her with all his heart. My guy HAS taken pictures of me...and uses those instead of porn now. But it's proven that men's brains are different than ours. They are visual, whether we like it or not.

    Ditto, to you, too!! :laugh:

    (Sorry sis, if you see this. I know, TMI!!)
  • CrystalT
    CrystalT Posts: 862 Member
    But again... looking at LOCAL girls? Totally different!!!

    I agree!! That's just not cool.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    A man looking at porn doesn't mean that he thinks his gf or wife is unattractive. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her with all his heart. My guy HAS taken pictures of me...and uses those instead of porn now. But it's proven that men's brains are different than ours. They are visual, whether we like it or not.

    Ditto, to you, too!! :laugh:

    (Sorry sis, if you see this. I know, TMI!!)

    But by using this argument, you are saying that women -- being more mentally stimulated -- should be allowed to heavily flirt and even have cyber s3x, because that is what does the trick for us. ? :huh:


    My mom once caught a friend's husband peeping in on her as she was changing. Mom was disgusted and informed her friend. The friend said, "I don't care who pumps up the tires as long as I get to ride the bike."

    :sick: Not my style, for sure. Maybe I'm just greedy and needy, but I need ALL his attention.
  • I struggled with that with my ex-husband. That's part of why the ex happened. He'd wait till I went to bed and would go online a look at those sites. It tore me up inside that he'd rather go online than come to me. I actually put on quite a bit of weight after that.

    Now i'm not saying leave him. The only reason I did was because he refused to change. I basically became a person to cook and clean for him. I decided I was better than that. Now i've found a husband who loves me for me.
  • April0815
    April0815 Posts: 780 Member
    The part I would have the biggest problem with is the ex-girlfriend. It's not like he is having a friendly conversation with her (not saying that's okay), he is in a porn site with her. To me that is cheating. No matter what he tries to say.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    I struggled with that with my ex-husband. That's part of why the ex happened. He'd wait till I went to bed and would go online a look at those sites. It tore me up inside that he'd rather go online than come to me. I actually put on quite a bit of weight after that.

    Now i'm not saying leave him. The only reason I did was because he refused to change. I basically became a person to cook and clean for him. I decided I was better than that. Now i've found a husband who loves me for me.

    Your story inspires me.
    I'm at the 'just left him' part of your story.
    I can't wait till I progress into the 'husband who loves me for me' part of the story. :smooched:
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    It's pretty much guaranteed that if there is a computer in the house, a man will be looking at stuff like that- very few men would be the exception. I don't get the male preoccupation with porn, but it seems to be a common thing that most of them engage in. It has nothing to do with how he feels about you, or how attractive he finds you. That being said, it's not something I would want my man doing, and I absolutely know how hard it would be on your self-esteem. It's just how we are as women- we think we should be enough- end of story.

    It can become a very strong addiction for a man that he may or may not be able to overcome. There was a man on one of the Obsessed-type shows who couldn't give up his porn addiction despite the fact that his wife, whom he seemed to love very much, kicked him out of the house. He was in therapy, and trying to break the habit, but he just couldn't. He was kind of a lost cause at that point.
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    It's pretty much guaranteed that if there is a computer in the house, a man will be looking at stuff like that- very few men would be the exception. I don't get the male preoccupation with porn, but it seems to be a common thing that most of them engage in. It has nothing to do with how he feels about you, or how attractive he finds you. That being said, it's not something I would want my man doing, and I absolutely know how hard it would be on your self-esteem. It's just how we are as women- we think we should be enough- end of story.

    It can become a very strong addiction for a man that he may or may not be able to overcome. There was a man on one of the Obsessed-type shows who couldn't give up his porn addiction despite the fact that his wife, whom he seemed to love very much, kicked him out of the house. He was in therapy, and trying to break the habit, but he just couldn't. He was kind of a lost cause at that point.

    But he tried :flowerforyou: Major points there for him.
    Reminds me of David Duchovney (sp) having to go into sex rehab after a season of Californication.
  • BrendaLee
    BrendaLee Posts: 4,463 Member
    what worries me the most is that there are LOCAL women. women he could actually meet. he and his ex GF were on a website together. this is my biggest concern. if it were videos or something i would be more understanding.

    So, you're not talking porn, you're talking about chatting with and looking at local girls? Well, that's a whole different story. If that's the case, I'd say you need to forget about him.
  • NOT ME (no issue). And I'll tell you "why".

    1. When he touches the screen, can he "feel her"? No.
    2. Can he smell her? No.
    3. Can he taste her? No.
    4. Say if he does this w/Playboy can he do the same when he smells her? No. All he smells is the ink used to print the pictures/magazines.
    5. When he sees her on the screen, can she see him back (eye contact)? No.
    6. When he talks to her can she hear him? No.

    My husband is deaf. He was born deaf. I have shared alot of my weight stories, tips, etc., but I don't include hubby's info until now. My husband also gets on the internet and sees his porno. Does that upset me? No. Why? Because I know the woman there is not "real". I am. Yeah, I'm tired, sleepy, and just want to conk out at night. I THANK the computer for him (and Playboy) for taking care of his needs. Girl, I have lost 16 pounds since January 2009 and he STILL goes to the computer. He also has a beautiful calendar pin-up in the computer room and garage (his domain). When he forgets to flip to the current month guess who reminds him to do so? MOI! :happy:

    Women have to be CONFIDENT with themselves and their bodies. I am not a jealous woman as that is an EVIL green eyed monster that doesn't do the body, mind, nor soul any good. (Eva stepping off her soap box now)....but one more thing...is MY hubby jealous? You bet! He has no worries at my end, it's he who has that issue...not me :wink:
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    A man looking at porn doesn't mean that he thinks his gf or wife is unattractive. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her with all his heart. My guy HAS taken pictures of me...and uses those instead of porn now. But it's proven that men's brains are different than ours. They are visual, whether we like it or not.

    Ditto, to you, too!! :laugh:

    (Sorry sis, if you see this. I know, TMI!!)

    :laugh:
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
    NOT ME (no issue). And I'll tell you "why".

    1. When he touches the screen, can he "feel her"? No.
    2. Can he smell her? No.
    3. Can he taste her? No.
    4. Say if he does this w/Playboy can he do the same when he smells her? No. All he smells is the ink used to print the pictures/magazines.
    5. When he sees her on the screen, can he see her back? No.

    So is a lap dance cheating?

    Would he be comfortable if the roles were reversed and other men, including his buddies, were seeing you naked? (And yes, some men would be comfortable.)


    (I hope no one reads "attitude" in my question. I promise there is none. I like debating points is all! :flowerforyou: )
  • I think Phoenix_Rising has hit the nail on the head. If we shrug and say "Men are more visual, we can't expect them to not look," we are basically saying ya, men are animals and can't be expected to act like civilized human beings. We're lowering the standards of what is acceptable behavior for all men. Looking at women may be "natural," in that men are born with the instinct. But that doesn't mean they have to do it. For my year old, pooping in his pants is "natural." However, I intend to train him to be a civilized human being who poops in the potty.

    But what's worse in this particular situation is that she told him from the beginning of the relationship what was not acceptable, and now 2 times he has dismissed her. It doesn't matter what the issue is. If it is important to you that your mate carry celery in his pocket at all times - if your mate is in love with you and wants a relationship with you, he will have to weigh the costs and decide which he wants: you or a pocket free from celery.

    If this were me, I would never be happy in the relationship, knowing that I was not a high priority in his life. If you are important to him, he will want to make you happy. If he does have sick compulsion or addiction to pornography, he can go get help - not continue with the excuses and behavior. The fact that he has not gotten help for his illness shows that the porn comes before you.
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    A man looking at porn doesn't mean that he thinks his gf or wife is unattractive. It doesn't mean he doesn't love her with all his heart. My guy HAS taken pictures of me...and uses those instead of porn now. But it's proven that men's brains are different than ours. They are visual, whether we like it or not.

    Ditto, to you, too!! :laugh:

    (Sorry sis, if you see this. I know, TMI!!)

    But by using this argument, you are saying that women -- being more mentally stimulated -- should be allowed to heavily flirt and even have cyber s3x, because that is what does the trick for us. ? :huh:


    My mom once caught a friend's husband peeping in on her as she was changing. Mom was disgusted and informed her friend. The friend said, "I don't care who pumps up the tires as long as I get to ride the bike."

    :sick: Not my style, for sure. Maybe I'm just greedy and needy, but I need ALL his attention.

    No...in my experience, it's totally different for women. Once I'm with someone I love, I don't need anyone or anything else. But men are programmed, biologically programmed, to look. They just are. Women aren't. Women, generally I think, are programmed to stick with one person because we have the whole maternal thing going. That's women's natural animal instinct. To be a mother. To take care of her family. But men's natural animal instinct is to procreate. As my bf has explained it to me - it's been scientifically proven. Does it give men the right to fool around? No. It doesn't. My bf has no desire to, ever. He's with me, and he loves me and my body and what we have together and has no desire to be with anyone else. But men are genetically driven to look. Whether with someone or not. Women, as I said, seem to be more likely to stop flirting or having deep conversatio with other men once in a solid, real relationship. Or at least, that's how I am. Men and women are just different. Very, very different.

    *shrug*

    I don't want to fight with anyone (and you know I love you Lauryn, so please don't think I'm fighting or upset at all - just discussing!), but I truly believe that any guy that says he doesn't look at other women is lying. Maybe there are men out there who don't look at porn, but there isn't a man alive from the age of 10 on who doesn't check out women when they can.
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    what worries me the most is that there are LOCAL women. women he could actually meet. he and his ex GF were on a website together. this is my biggest concern. if it were videos or something i would be more understanding.

    So, you're not talking porn, you're talking about chatting with and looking at local girls? Well, that's a whole different story. If that's the case, I'd say you need to forget about him.

    Agreed.
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    Men ARE visual.

    I'm not disputing that. But we are visual, tangible objects right in front of them. We allow them to look at other women and say it's okay (as a society). They can just as easily look at the woman they are with. Just my humble opinion. :flowerforyou:

    Which brings back the point I made on page 1. I think sometimes we, as women have hangups about our own bodies and don't want our husbands/boyfriends "looking" at us. Come on... how many of us are worried that what they're really looking at is the wiggle and jiggle? I know I worry about that. Maybe part of the draw in looking at porn/pictures is that the woman in the picture is not shy about her body - she comes across as being confident. Just proof that confidence is sexy!

    I read romance novels... sometimes, really descriptive romance novels... does that mean that I'm cheating? No. Eh... if my husband wants to look at some pictures, that's ok... he's with me.

    But again... looking at LOCAL girls? Totally different!!!

    I think that's a good point, and true!!! Guys hate it when us girls are insecure because most of the time, they don't see our bodies the way we do! They see them much better!
  • April0815
    April0815 Posts: 780 Member
    Wat does he say about the EX-GIRLFRIEND? He is on the site with her, that is something way worse than the porn.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    I personally really enjoy watching adult films. That doesn't mean I expect my S/O to look/perform like the men in the films. If you have self-esteem issues, that is YOUR issue and something YOU have to deal with, and you would have them whether he was looking at naked pictures or not. That is YOU comparing yourself to those women.

    That said, it is IMO unacceptable to look at one's ex naked once you're with someone new. I really see that as the only issue here.

    If you have a problem with your SO viewing naked pictures, get a new SO. I see no reason why you should be able to control what he does in privacy as long as it's not bringing physical harm to anyone else. Plenty of people like looking at porn. I have a bachelor's degree and I'm starting my PhD soon. So am I acting like an animal because I enjoy looking at adult films? It's natural to enjoy sex and it's fun to look at other people enjoying it.
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    I struggled with that with my ex-husband. That's part of why the ex happened. He'd wait till I went to bed and would go online a look at those sites. It tore me up inside that he'd rather go online than come to me. I actually put on quite a bit of weight after that.

    Now i'm not saying leave him. The only reason I did was because he refused to change. I basically became a person to cook and clean for him. I decided I was better than that. Now i've found a husband who loves me for me.

    See, that's wrong. I think that when it ruins your relationship, when the guy is going to porn instead of you, that's definitely an issue. My bf only resorts to something like porn or the pics he took when I'm not available for sex. (Which honestly is...well...very VERY rarely)
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    I personally really enjoy watching adult films. That doesn't mean I expect my S/O to look/perform like the men in the films. If you have self-esteem issues, that is YOUR issue and something YOU have to deal with, and you would have them whether he was looking at naked pictures or not. That is YOU comparing yourself to those women.

    That said, it is IMO unacceptable to look at one's ex naked once you're with someone new. I really see that as the only issue here.

    If you have a problem with your SO viewing naked pictures, get a new SO. I see no reason why you should be able to control what he does in privacy as long as it's not bringing physical harm to anyone else. Plenty of people like looking at porn. I have a bachelor's degree and I'm starting my PhD soon. So am I acting like an animal because I enjoy looking at adult films? It's natural to enjoy sex and it's fun to look at other people enjoying it.

    Yay! You said what I've been trying to say but better!
  • bethrs
    bethrs Posts: 664 Member
    I think a lot of people have made awesome points.

    Relationships are all unique. And the most important thing is that there is communication and boundaries. And I think to each their own. Some people (self included) construct boundaries that allow the use of visual images, others do not. ( and I would like to note not all consumers of these things are male- just sayin' ). Both of these ways of handling the situation are okay. The point is that once boundaries are set in a relationship, both parties need to abide by them, and if they cannot compromise and if one party disagrees with the other, then they need to leave the relationship.

    While I do believe that the general use of p*rn is more the norm than the exception, I believe that there are men out there who can give this up to be with a woman they love. We will never reach a consensus about this here.

    The point is that Seoid is a beautiful woman and she is unfortunately with someone who is not respecting the boundaries she has set (and is also doing much more than just looking at p*rn considering the LOCAL aspect and the ex-gf factor, both making this a very different situation). The other point is....

    I think we can all agree that we suport you right now, Seoid. This is not your fault. this is not a reflection of your short comings as a partner or your looks. This is about him, and opinions about p*rn in relationships is neither here nor there, you are hurting for very good reasons, and he is not treating you the way you deserve. Bonnie is right- he should carry the celery if it is the "price of admission" to be with you. And it sounds like you've done very well in communicating the "deal breakers" and "prices of admission".

    :flowerforyou: hugs.
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    I personally really enjoy watching adult films. That doesn't mean I expect my S/O to look/perform like the men in the films. If you have self-esteem issues, that is YOUR issue and something YOU have to deal with, and you would have them whether he was looking at naked pictures or not. That is YOU comparing yourself to those women.

    That said, it is IMO unacceptable to look at one's ex naked once you're with someone new. I really see that as the only issue here.

    If you have a problem with your SO viewing naked pictures, get a new SO. I see no reason why you should be able to control what he does in privacy as long as it's not bringing physical harm to anyone else. Plenty of people like looking at porn. I have a bachelor's degree and I'm starting my PhD soon. So am I acting like an animal because I enjoy looking at adult films? It's natural to enjoy sex and it's fun to look at other people enjoying it.

    Yay! You said what I've been trying to say but better!

    LOL Glad to voice your opinion! :drinker:

    People talk about porn like only men look at it, and men should be held to some standard not to be tempted, and so on and so on. Well shoot, none of my exes ever complained that *I* liked watching it, and I never minded that they liked it. You can either share that experience (makes for a fun 'boring' Tuesday night LOL) or turn it into a jealousy/trust/self-esteem issue. In a healthy relationship, your hubby is looking at porn because you're either unavailable or you want to watch it too. He's not looking at the screen thinking 'Ohhh, I wish my wife of 5 years was super skinny with huge fake boobs and would let me _______ her like that."
  • TaraJ16
    TaraJ16 Posts: 304
    i would be sitting down and having a serious chat with your bf if i were you. if he knows how you feel about him looking at porn, he should stay away from it. and he should def stay away from local sites!

    My boyfriend knew how i felt about porn and mags from the beginning of our relationship. When we moved in together we got the computer like a month later. i was sleeping one night and he had the screen turned away from me, when i woke up he just quickly exited the pages. not realizing that i could view the history...and i freaked on him because he lied to me about it.

    a few months later, for a week everyday he got home from work he'd bring his work bag into the bathroom with him. he left it out one day and i looked in it (bad me, i know) and sure enough there were 3 mags. he told me he'd found them that day and he was going to show them to me so we could look through them together....i told him i thought that was BS since he knows i don't like porn.

    about a year later i was going through and junking out the house, and i came across this big shoe box that was wrapped up in a bath robe and put at the bottom of a laundry hamper with a ton of stuff on top of it. i looked inside, and the box was crammed full of mags....mags he told me he'd gotten rid of when we moved in together. i knew he hadn't been looking at them at least in a while because the hamper was in the storage closet that was full of crap. i brought the box out and asked him wth this was and why he didn't get rid of it. his response "just in case i wanted to look at them" i told him then that he had a choice, he could get rid of the box full of them, or he could leave. i told him i was pissed he'd lied to me about porn for a 3rd time and that i was done, he could have me or that. and since he was faced with that decision he hasn't lied to me about it again.

    hopefully talking to him will make him see that he needs to make a choice. i hope everything works out for you
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    I personally really enjoy watching adult films. That doesn't mean I expect my S/O to look/perform like the men in the films. If you have self-esteem issues, that is YOUR issue and something YOU have to deal with, and you would have them whether he was looking at naked pictures or not. That is YOU comparing yourself to those women.

    That said, it is IMO unacceptable to look at one's ex naked once you're with someone new. I really see that as the only issue here.

    If you have a problem with your SO viewing naked pictures, get a new SO. I see no reason why you should be able to control what he does in privacy as long as it's not bringing physical harm to anyone else. Plenty of people like looking at porn. I have a bachelor's degree and I'm starting my PhD soon. So am I acting like an animal because I enjoy looking at adult films? It's natural to enjoy sex and it's fun to look at other people enjoying it.

    Yay! You said what I've been trying to say but better!

    LOL Glad to voice your opinion! :drinker:

    People talk about porn like only men look at it, and men should be held to some standard not to be tempted, and so on and so on. Well shoot, none of my exes ever complained that *I* liked watching it, and I never minded that they liked it. You can either share that experience (makes for a fun 'boring' Tuesday night LOL) or turn it into a jealousy/trust/self-esteem issue. In a healthy relationship, your hubby is looking at porn because you're either unavailable or you want to watch it too. He's not looking at the screen thinking 'Ohhh, I wish my wife of 5 years was super skinny with huge fake boobs and would let me _______ her like that."

    Exactly. I know my bf looks at in the mornings that I leave before him. I get up last minute, and well, he always wants some in the morning! If he gets up before me, he'll wake me up. But when he doesn't need to get up right away, I basically get up and get dressed and go, so there's no time. I know that on some of those mornings, he looks at porn or pics to get off b/c he wants the release. He's wishin' I was there instead, but the porn will do what he needs for a temporary fix. He absolutely worships my body. I mean, seriously. And you're right about making Tuesdays not boring! :laugh: I don't generally watch porn without him, but I enjoy watching it with him. All I need are my toys and imagination. :wink:
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    i would be sitting down and having a serious chat with your bf if i were you. if he knows how you feel about him looking at porn, he should stay away from it. and he should def stay away from local sites!

    My boyfriend knew how i felt about porn and mags from the beginning of our relationship. When we moved in together we got the computer like a month later. i was sleeping one night and he had the screen turned away from me, when i woke up he just quickly exited the pages. not realizing that i could view the history...and i freaked on him because he lied to me about it.

    a few months later, for a week everyday he got home from work he'd bring his work bag into the bathroom with him. he left it out one day and i looked in it (bad me, i know) and sure enough there were 3 mags. he told me he'd found them that day and he was going to show them to me so we could look through them together....i told him i thought that was BS since he knows i don't like porn.

    about a year later i was going through and junking out the house, and i came across this big shoe box that was wrapped up in a bath robe and put at the bottom of a laundry hamper with a ton of stuff on top of it. i looked inside, and the box was crammed full of mags....mags he told me he'd gotten rid of when we moved in together. i knew he hadn't been looking at them at least in a while because the hamper was in the storage closet that was full of crap. i brought the box out and asked him wth this was and why he didn't get rid of it. his response "just in case i wanted to look at them" i told him then that he had a choice, he could get rid of the box full of them, or he could leave. i told him i was pissed he'd lied to me about porn for a 3rd time and that i was done, he could have me or that. and since he was faced with that decision he hasn't lied to me about it again.

    hopefully talking to him will make him see that he needs to make a choice. i hope everything works out for you

    What if you had just gotten over YOUR dislike for it and let him have HIS sexual freedom in his privacy? Then he wouldn't have to be secretive about something that shouldn't be a problem anyway, and you wouldn't have felt betrayed? It's not like you have to look at it just because he does. Just a thought.
  • I dont know if anyone else has said it, I havent read through all the pages. With that beinng said, look at it with him. Get ideas. Have him take pictures of you (whenever your ready). Make him look else where with you there of course. Its hot, its something that you two could do together. You could get soome really good sex out of this.
  • 1Corinthians13
    1Corinthians13 Posts: 5,296 Member
    I think a lot of people have made awesome points.

    Relationships are all unique. And the most important thing is that there is communication and boundaries. And I think to each their own. Some people (self included) construct boundaries that allow the use of visual images, others do not. ( and I would like to note not all consumers of these things are male- just sayin' ). Both of these ways of handling the situation are okay. The point is that once boundaries are set in a relationship, both parties need to abide by them, and if they cannot compromise and if one party disagrees with the other, then they need to leave the relationship.

    While I do believe that the general use of p*rn is more the norm than the exception, I believe that there are men out there who can give this up to be with a woman they love. We will never reach a consensus about this here.

    The point is that Seoid is a beautiful woman and she is unfortunately with someone who is not respecting the boundaries she has set (and is also doing much more than just looking at p*rn considering the LOCAL aspect and the ex-gf factor, both making this a very different situation). The other point is....

    I think we can all agree that we suport you right now, Seoid. This is not your fault. this is not a reflection of your short comings as a partner or your looks. This is about him, and opinions about p*rn in relationships is neither here nor there, you are hurting for very good reasons, and he is not treating you the way you deserve. Bonnie is right- he should carry the celery if it is the "price of admission" to be with you. And it sounds like you've done very well in communicating the "deal breakers" and "prices of admission".

    :flowerforyou: hugs.

    Good post. And you're absolutely right. Everyone is different. Everyone has different boundaries. But those boundaries need to be abided by.

    And yes, Seoid, we all support you. *hugs*
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    I personally really enjoy watching adult films. That doesn't mean I expect my S/O to look/perform like the men in the films. If you have self-esteem issues, that is YOUR issue and something YOU have to deal with, and you would have them whether he was looking at naked pictures or not. That is YOU comparing yourself to those women.

    That said, it is IMO unacceptable to look at one's ex naked once you're with someone new. I really see that as the only issue here.

    If you have a problem with your SO viewing naked pictures, get a new SO. I see no reason why you should be able to control what he does in privacy as long as it's not bringing physical harm to anyone else. Plenty of people like looking at porn. I have a bachelor's degree and I'm starting my PhD soon. So am I acting like an animal because I enjoy looking at adult films? It's natural to enjoy sex and it's fun to look at other people enjoying it.

    Yay! You said what I've been trying to say but better!

    LOL Glad to voice your opinion! :drinker:

    People talk about porn like only men look at it, and men should be held to some standard not to be tempted, and so on and so on. Well shoot, none of my exes ever complained that *I* liked watching it, and I never minded that they liked it. You can either share that experience (makes for a fun 'boring' Tuesday night LOL) or turn it into a jealousy/trust/self-esteem issue. In a healthy relationship, your hubby is looking at porn because you're either unavailable or you want to watch it too. He's not looking at the screen thinking 'Ohhh, I wish my wife of 5 years was super skinny with huge fake boobs and would let me _______ her like that."

    Exactly. I know my bf looks at in the mornings that I leave before him. I get up last minute, and well, he always wants some in the morning! If he gets up before me, he'll wake me up. But when he doesn't need to get up right away, I basically get up and get dressed and go, so there's no time. I know that on some of those mornings, he looks at porn or pics to get off b/c he wants the release. He's wishin' I was there instead, but the porn will do what he needs for a temporary fix. He absolutely worships my body. I mean, seriously. And you're right about making Tuesdays not boring! :laugh: I don't generally watch porn without him, but I enjoy watching it with him. All I need are my toys and imagination. :wink:

    Hear, hear! :drinker: People have been making porn since the beginning of motion picture. We all make porn, just not all of us record it! :wink: :laugh:
  • thanks all for your input and advice. we will talk about it tonight, he and i.

    :ohwell:
  • SkinnyJess
    SkinnyJess Posts: 123 Member
    My heart goes out to you. I have not personally gone through this, but know people who have. My opinion, as a Christian, is that it is adultery. The reason I say that is found in the Bible, Matthew 5:28.
    "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a women lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." NIV I don't know if this helps or not, but I find great comfort in the Bible. There is another verse that just came to me. It's in Proverbs 5:19. "...may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love." This is a verse talking about wives. My prayers are sure with you and I know the Lord will get you through this. Be blessed today and always! :flowerforyou:
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