Dating! EEEK!

grumpymoo

:blushing: Hi Guys! How are ya all??

I'm about to go on a first date with a guy I have spoken to on the phone and texted, like, A LOT ! he is so cool! BUT..... He's only a little taller than me, and quite slender, and I am WAAAAAAY bigger than him! Does anyone know how I can get myself to stop thinking that if I sneeze at him wrong he might snap?? I really don't want to put him off, and I am sooo not used to this dating thing!

Seriously, I married my first boyfriend! About a million years ago! We have been divorced a year now and there has never been anyone else! I don't know about you guys but most people just don't fancy big girls where I live. :sad:

I so don't want to come across wrong, and risk not seeing him again.

Please help!

grumpymoo

:blushing: Hi Guys! How are ya all??

I'm about to go on a first date with a guy I have spoken to on the phone and texted, like, A LOT ! he is so cool! BUT..... He's only a little taller than me, and quite slender, and I am WAAAAAAY bigger than him! Does anyone know how I can get myself to stop thinking that if I sneeze at him wrong he might snap?? I really don't want to put him off, and I am sooo not used to this dating thing!

Seriously, I married my first boyfriend! About a million years ago! We have been divorced a year now and there has never been anyone else! I don't know about you guys but most people just don't fancy big girls where I live. :sad:

I so don't want to come across wrong, and risk not seeing him again.

Please help!

songbyrdsweet

Well he already knows you and wants to go on a date with you, so you've gotten past the hardest part! Now if he is so shallow that some extra weight (which you are losing anyway) completely puts him off, he's not worth your time anyway! I always say: Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. Just enjoy yourself; you'll have a much better time if you relax!

catlover

Here's my dating story. I was married for a year to someone I lived with for 17 years, then suddenly one day, he left. Not exactly like that, but anyway, he left. A year later I found an old school chum on the internet that I had a big crush on. We exchanged a few pictures online and chatted and I eventually got around to asking him out to dinner. My daughter was only 5 and his comment was, "I'm not ready to be a dad to a little kid again because my own daughter will be18 soon." Hmm, if dinner costs you your second born child, you're probably eating in the wrong place. I made it quite clear to him that she had a dad who was doing a great job and I simply wanted a dinner companion. We set a few ground rules ahead of time, like we ALWAYS went dutch unless the other offered to pay, neither of us could stop by unexpectedly, and, above all, we kept our children out of the relationship. As weeks went by, he said he enjoyed my independence and self assurance. While I enjoyed the time we had together, I knew it was not a long term, let's get married and live happily ever after situation. So I learned a lot about myself, became more confident, and had some good times with him.

My suggestion, take the focus off of him and put it back on you. Think about what YOU are looking for in this relationship. Don't be afraid to set limits and boundaries, don't be afraid to take some chances either. Be confident. Be beautiful. Do take this chance because too many times we sit back and say, when I get thin I'll do blah, blah, blah and then we never do anything. Remember "Life is what's happening while we sit around waiting for something to happen." Loosely quoted. :laugh:

grumpymoo

:flowerforyou:

I'm soooo glad someone out there was listening!

I know I sound like a big sook, but this whole dating thing is such a nightmare. I have always been shy and after I got married I didn't really have to try and change that, so now I am just this big ol' mess of low selfesteem and inadequacy!! Nothing much! LOL

I sometimes think I have become the size I am in order to keep people at arms length. So much easier than changing my personality, eh?:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

So....sigh.... I guess I'm just going to have to plaster over the 'cracks' in my personality and just hope for the best!

Maybe after awhile I may find the cracks have sealed themselves up and I can stop plastering?????

Well, heres hoping!
:blushing:

icandoit

:drinker: Have a great time. :flowerforyou:

grumpymoo

Thank you so much icandoit!

Perhaps that is the best advice for someone like me (yep- the persistant worrier type!!).

Just to go out and not hang so much on it!

I'll do it! No hang ups, just 2 people out for a coffee. Easy.

:sick:

.....i'll just keep telling myself that till we meet on monday......

Oh, and thank you to songbyrdsweet too, she is right on the money there! If he doesn't like me for me, he can go.... away!!! LOL

pam0206

I bet he's just as concerned about you accepting him! So, when you start worrying about what he's thinking about you, he's probably wondering what you're thinking about him.........Just try to remember that and have a good time!:flowerforyou:

grumpymoo

Thanks Pam, but it's soooo much easier to think that guys have it easy! :laugh:

I know they don't, and he has mentioned his appearance to me before but I think he looks cute! :blushing:

Must make a mental note to tell him so as soon as I see him in the flesh ( we met off of Match.Com). And who knows perhaps he will turn out to be 'the one' or even a friend! If not then.... 'nothing ventured, nothing gained'.

See, I'm already getting it all in perspective thanks to all you guys!

momathome

don't sweat it. Just go out and have a good time. Be yourself. If you talk that much on the phone and texting then he already knows you and wants to go out.

I am/was a single mom for a very long time. My now husband and I met online and we talked for a bit and then went out, had a good time and now we are married. I was so nervous the first date I couldn't believe it but I went and didn't expect to hear from him again and low and behold I did. He just kept coming around. I was always myself.
Have a good time on your date, and don't worry too much (I know it is hard not too )

cmriverside

It may be chemistry and it may not be.

You are just going for coffee, don't start thinking about sitting on the porch in rocking chairs together when you're 70.

I always remind myself of something I read (somewhere) about "rejection". Don't take it personally: There is nothing wrong with oysters or__________(insert disgusting food here). But not everyone likes oysters or_______________.

The oyster doesn't take it personally.

Maybe this man will turn out to be a friend. And who couldn't use another friend?

Have fun.

:drinker: Maybe decaf. Then you won't feel so "jittery" nervous.

:flowerforyou: Cheryl

mxkelly25

I know EXACTLY how you feel.......
My fiancee is only a bit taller than me and he is a very very slender man... When I have those "bad" days...I look at myself and feel like such a whale beside him!!
But then he tells me i'm silly for feeling that way and that I'm beautiful... and although sometimes that doesn't help how i'm feeling (cause I'll still feel like i'm a whale..hahaha) but it's nice to know that the relationship is about a bit more than just the physical appearance!!

If its gonna work out, the way you look isn't going to matter! Just go and have fun... be yourself!! if he doesn't like you, he's not worth it!! You deserve the best!!

grumpymoo

You are just going for coffee, don't start thinking about sitting on the porch in rocking chairs together when you're 70.

This is exactly the problem I seem to have!! :laugh: I am such a romantic, my poor little soft heart gets all caught up in the moment! And then....bye bye man

So now I have to do all the things you fab people have recommended.

Should I take a notepad???

Let's hope this all ends well. :smooched: :smooched:

:blushing:

debuckl

So how'd it go?

grumpymoo

Hiya Deb, he cancelled, so we're meeting 2moro instead! :sad:

It's all a bit scary really!

:bigsmile:

Cowboy

Hey, as a guy I can tell you that we sweat bullets too!
and maybe he thinks you're as "cute" as you think he is!
From your picture, you look like a beautiful lady and I'm sure he will feel the same way.
I'm with songbyrdsweet, if he doesn't, then he isn't worth your time anyway, if he does, then just being exactly who you are is what it's all about. Have a good time and remember that all of those insecurities you are feeling....he's feeling just as many of his own.
Cowboy

cmriverside

Hey, as a guy I can tell you that we sweat bullets too!
and maybe he thinks you're as "cute" as you think he is!
From your picture, you look like a beautiful lady and I'm sure he will feel the same way.
I'm with songbyrdsweet, if he doesn't, then he isn't worth your time anyway, if he does, then just being exactly who you are is what it's all about. Have a good time and remember that all of those insecurities you are feeling....he's feeling just as many of his own.
Cowboy

Thank you Cowboy, for the male point of view. I wish the other guys would get in the discussions. I know you're out there, guys. The posts get 150 hits and one sweet Cowboy posts a response??! C'mon, boys - get in the game! Then again; maybe it takes a real man to post. :glasses:

grumpymoo

Well, today is the day! If he shows up at all!

I'm not counting any chickens untill I see them running around all fluffy and yellow!!! :laugh:

Thanks heaps to everyone who's posted here, and I'll let you all know how it goes. :drinker:

emartire

So????!!!!

dhcwong

This is so exciting!

One story- I know someone who is pretty, blonde, skinny and sexy- and she's been single for a year. Her name is L.

The reason isn't because she isn't attractive enough - she gets lots of attention when she goes out- it's because she is a little mess of self esteem issues, and it's not in the nice quiet way either. She would throw tantrums to get attention, and 'doesn't speak' to people until they get the message that they've 'wronged' her, and she needs constant reassurance from her man and thinks that they all hate her when they say that they are busy (when they actually are!). She's all wound up and unrelaxed and URGH. i really don't like her.

In fact, the first time i saw her, i thought she was beautiful. Then a mutual acquaintance said she couldn't see L's beauty after a while. And yes, i don't see her beauty anymore. her personality SHINES through and it stinks!

The point is, beauty isn't skin deep.

And men (or the men you want) aren't that stupid either!

The good man goes for a good woman, and it really doesn't matter what size she is. The thin one gets rejected if she's a cow, and the large one gets accepted because she is a lovely person.

I hope your date went well.

Erica92627

I'm literally on the edge of my seat! The plot thickens...

I hope it does go well for the two of you I am guessing that he probably got scared and wanted to give it a few more hours before catching up.

Go dutch, unless he offers. That is the best way. Or maybe take him for the loop and take up his tab. If he does not expect this he will be himself.

There are people who know that the other will take up the tab and will order everything off the menu or just the opposite and order nothing.

Offer at the end, then you can see his true habbits.

But that is just a suggestion.

momathome

So????
I hope it all went well for you

Erica92627

No response? I bet she's on the date now having a great time!

cmriverside

G-moo...........

Don't leave us hanging! We are nosy.....dish..........

cm

madiposa

:happy: I hope he didnt diss you again or cancell.:frown: I will be dissapointed in him! who is he? just kidding! :laugh: Well I can tell you i have been single for four yrs :brokenheart: and i kept looking and looking and there was no man that was strong enough for me im very romantic im very outgoing I love to laugh so whats wrong with me? i asked myself that alll the time.I hated when i would go on a date and it just didnt work out!!! I felt Fat and ugly and it made me sooo insecure about myself.dont do that to yourself its not worth it!!Thats what i learned in my time with men and belive me, im a "lady"that loves a man with words gets me all the time, well I used to!:laugh: So now i stopped looking and took care of myself and me two kids i gave up. than i went out with my bestfriend that is a guy and he met up with his co worker and i ended up having a great time with him :blushing: and he is totally opposite than me he is 6 ft im only 4'11 and im thick and he is average and we do just fine he is the sweetest guy i have ever met and yes we still talk at first we had are up and downs but we had to work on them. IM jst saying you can keep looking for the perfect guy but in reality there is no perfect guy :noway: as long as he respects you and loves you or grow to love you thats all that matters!!! you need to feel good about yourself and feel happy cause if you dont you will make yourself ugly on the outside!:devil: So if he did not go on this date with you dnt call him wait to he calls you!!!!Everything will be alright as long as you want it to be and jst think of it as HIS lost not YOURS!!!!!!:bigsmile:AND if you did I hope you had a Good time!!JST take it one day at a time!!!:flowerforyou:

ohthatbambi

Good luck! I have to say that after reading this I am happy to not have to live in the dating world anymore. While marriage is not always easy...dating is even harder...until you meet the right guy! It will happen when the right one comes along! Again, good luck to you in your weight loss journey and love!:flowerforyou:

grumpymoo

I am soooooo sorry not to post yesterday! The day just flew past. Meeting him, getting kids from school etc...... BUT...

YEEEE haaaaaa! My word but he was NICE. And hot!!

I took all your wonderful advice with me and promptly forgot most of it !! Sorry!

We met up at this really posh hotel (eek!!) to have coffee and after the initial nervousness on both sides, we just got to talking (and laughing) and stayed for 2 and a half hours. He missed two meetings as he wanted to stay and talk. Ah, bless him.:smooched:

And he says I've got a cute *kitten*! He must be mad, it's about size of my house! But hey if he likes it....:laugh:

And he wants to meet up again next week, but texted me just after we left to say he couldn't wait till next week and could we meet sooner. Is this a good sign or is he just being polite? Or does he want to get the 2nd meeting out of the way quicker so he doesn't have to see me again??? :sad:

I want to say a HUGE thanks to all of you who have helped me get past this first date hurdle! I couldn't have done it without all the encouragement and butt-kicking!



:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

momathome

This is good!!!!
He missed meetings to stay and talk. If he didn't like you he would have said he had meetings and left and not to mention he wouldn't have made the second date. He would have just said he would call or something. So don't be so hard on yourself you are a beautiful person. Go out have fun and see where it takes you. :flowerforyou:

Erica92627

I agree he is just excited to meet up again, and I don't think it is to cancel out on you. If he missed meetings that is a good sign. He could have said he had meetings all week long instead of setting up another date. I'd give this guy a chance. Sounds like he's really into you.

Don't be discouraged though if a meeting does come up. As long as he keeps you posted with what is going on I don't think there is anything to worry about.

laurenk182004

Awww! yay, I'm so happy for you. I've been reading along, I'm glad you finally posted about the date! It sounds like he really likes you a lot. Who wouldn't? You're a beautiful and obviously very nice person. I'm glad it worked out so well and hopefully we'll all be hearing wedding bells soon! lol j/k

pam0206

It's good news. I hope you found a good guy.