Dating! EEEK!

grumpymoo

I just read the thread in total, didnt saw it before.. its soo sweet.

and a little bit like soap opera..but in a good way

good luck for date 3!!

Hi. I think it's more of a educational documentary myself. "Hey kids...This is how NOT to date in your thirties....":laugh:

I can see this being aired for such a long time over here! lol And I'm hoping for good luck and lots of it for date number 3, as it will most likely be The Kissing Date! Sounds like such a cheesey title for a bad B-list plot line doesn't it?? :bigsmile:

grumpymoo

Update number .... oops can't remember how many updates you've had, but.....

We were supposed to get the whole First Kiss thing out the way yesterday but he had work and I had the Gas Man due at 2pm so it just didn't happen. :sad:

He did phone me just to chat as he had a spare half hour, but as luck would have the Gas Man was early. :grumble: :grumble:

Hopefully we will get together after the weekend (or I may just arrange to casually be walking on the beach nearest his house and oops accidentally text him where I am and.....you get the general idea here!)

Dani did say this was like soap opera!

I just can't wait to see him again. :blushing:

Everybody have a great day out there.

jaxkipi

I'm totally following this string! Love it! I hope the best for you! Keep us posted! Good luck! :flowerforyou:

DebbsHereNow

:flowerforyou: You look adorable, so just be happy that you are so pretty.
When I left my X and started dating again, I was always worried because I was so heavy. I used to alway apologize and be nervous about my size. Then one day, on a date, the guy, ( who was very fit) said to me, I was so worried if you would like me. After that I realized we are all just human.

catlover

Before I got divorced I was working out religiously and looked pretty darned good in a pair of jeans. I got a new job (or actually three jobs---single mom sysdrome), made some new friends, bought a house, and went back to school to earn my degree in education. When I started dating, I still had the horrible self esteem issues and the guy I dated was awesome. Come to find out, he had the same kinds of issues. His life was actually on the downhill slide: First he lost his wife and had to raise his infant daughter alone, then he lost his long time girlfriend, then he dated a client that reported him when she got angry and he lost his job, then his house. At the end of the seven months of dating him I walked away with this important lesson:

I GET TO BE WHO I AM, YOU GET TO BE WHO YOU ARE AND IF IT HAPPENS THAT WE ARE IN THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME AND IT WORKS OUT FOR US TO BE TOGETHER, THEN GOOD. DON'T CHANGE FOR ME AND DON'T ASK ME TO CHANGE FOR YOU.

Anyway, I'm anxious to hear more about how this works out. :flowerforyou:

grumpymoo

Hi everyone! :bigsmile:

Haven't had date three yet or The Kiss... but I just wanted to share an insight I had yesterday, with you all.

Basically it was that all this time I have been soooo worried about how I come accross as a person... Self conscious, low self esteem, insecure etc etc.... And the fact that i get so nervous! But then it occured to me that by continuing to be like this after all the lovely things he says to me made me think how he must feel. You know, like I don't believe him, and that i don't value his opinion or whatnot.:noway:

So I decided to stop stressing over how long it takes him to reply to my messages (not because I don't think he will reply or anything but because I'm the kind of person who doesn't like to keep people hanging. I'm alway early for appointments, and always do what I say I will!) and just go with the flow, as it were! :laugh:

And now I am pretty much back to my normal sleeping patterns. Not that they are normal really, more Insomniac meets Sleepless In Seatle! :laugh: But I haven't been this keyed up for years and it has really thrown me out of balance, sleepwise. So I'm glad now to be getting more than 10 minutes. I actually got a whole 4 hours last night and 7 the night before.

Oh, and I've lost 5 pounds this week due to stress! I can nearly go down a clothes size!:bigsmile: :bigsmile:

Well, that's all I wanted to say for now, but I will keep you posted on further developments!

cmriverside

And now I am pretty much back to my normal sleeping patterns. Not that they are normal really, more Insomniac meets Sleepless In Seatle! :laugh: But I haven't been this keyed up for years and it has really thrown me out of balance, sleepwise. So I'm glad now to be getting more than 10 minutes. I actually got a whole 4 hours last night and 7 the night before.

Oh, and I've lost 5 pounds this week due to stress! I can nearly go down a clothes size!:bigsmile: :bigsmile:

Well, that's all I wanted to say for now, but I will keep you posted on further developments!

(Rerun) --

Don' t forget to eat and sleep. You may need the energy.....

jesusgrl14

I am loving this thread! Oh you are just adorable, inside and out, and I can only pray the best for you in all of this fun!!
I am 28 this month and have not dated anyone in nearly 8 years. Just haven't found anyone worth my time and is also interested in me! I am pretty sure I will be a nervous wreck when I eventually get a date again, so I can totally relate! I can't wait to here about the next date!! :flowerforyou:

southernheart

Well I think this site is really neat. I am a 63 year YOUNg woman and cant wait to have a date again. I lost my husband 12 yrs ago and believe me its not fun. Im fun, loving and caring and now just need to find that man out there that wants to meet this lady.

grumpymoo

I am loving this thread! Oh you are just adorable, inside and out, and I can only pray the best for you in all of this fun!!
I am 28 this month and have not dated anyone in nearly 8 years. Just haven't found anyone worth my time and is also interested in me! I am pretty sure I will be a nervous wreck when I eventually get a date again, so I can totally relate! I can't wait to here about the next date!! :flowerforyou:

Thank you so much ! I hope you find someone who is just right for you!

grumpymoo

Well I think this site is really neat. I am a 63 year YOUNg woman and cant wait to have a date again. I lost my husband 12 yrs ago and believe me its not fun. Im fun, loving and caring and now just need to find that man out there that wants to meet this lady.

Well, as they say... you are only as old as you feel! And by the sound of you I'm guessing you're in your thirties, right??

Just keep an open mind cos it's usually the last one you look at that fits! Like when you lose your house keys!!! :laugh:

graypink0130

Confidence in Key. Feel good about yourself and don't worry about anything else. Have a great time.:bigsmile:

grumpymoo

Hiya everyone! Yep, back again. :laugh:

Not about date 3 sadly, but on a 'needing reasurance' thing! :embarassed: I don't know whether I've got my wires crossed with this guy or not. We have a lovely time every time we meet or talk but then there are the big gaps in between meeting and texting.

Now am I just being a little over sensitive if it goes 3 days without hearing from him? Or is he trying to tell me he is no longer interested, and I'm just being too dense to see it?

He has said that he wouldn't have even met me if I hadn't 'persisted' but now I think I'm afraid to keep this up as a- it makes me appear slightly desperate and b- do I really want to be doing all the chasing?

He has a very busy life and I don't want him to feel as if I am demanding his time and attention. That is something he should be more than willing to give if he was really interested, shouldn't he?

So that is my question really, how do I keep his attention without coming across as desperate or too persistant? Or do I just give him space?

This is all so complicated. sigh. :ohwell: I'm hoping for some male perspective on this one I think!

Assilem

I've seen this dating topic on the board a few times and was curious what it was so I checked it out.

I've read a few things in the posts about your low self-esteem issue, which unfortunately a lot of men and women suffer from. I was given the best advice from a friend of mine when I was having troubles too as I've had extremely low self-esteem since having my kids. She had broken up with her boyfriend of 8 years a few months prior and seemed like she had been doing great but really she was following her own advice. This is her advice and it is so simple.

"FAKE IT UNTILL YOU MAKE IT"

Just come off as confident as best you can until it comes back itself. Easy to do and your self confidence will slowly be working its way back, especially with your new gentleman friend, health and weight loss!

Congrats on being strong enough to get back out there!

Drkrimage2

Hello very new to this, I have read the whole thing WOW you all have it going on, If you look at my profile it says I am a female, Well I am all male 41 to be exact and at last take I was still all male. I have been married to the same woman going on 17 yrs. I have lots of kids oldes being 19 youngest being 3.
Coming from a guy I can tell you Don't panick on the not getting back to you, My wife and I text all the time and I being male get into more trouble then not for not responding. I get alot of the hello are you there texts. But in the industry I am in I work with alot of single men, who all in all have lots of GF's and the biggest thing I hear from them is I wish she would stop pestering me, Doesn't she realize I work, I have other friends. My response to them is are you wanting a relationship or a Friend. The unfortunate thing Is most men have one thing on their mind. Especailly the young guys I work with. I lay it on the line with them if you want a relationship then you have to take the pestering along with the not talking to you for one reason or another.
Have you talked to him about what he wants? Do you know what you want with him?
Now my wife is a very attractive women to me, She has gone from a size 3 to an 8-10 and now back to a 4-6. I loved her all thru the times of fluxuation. I have had many friends that were of the larger women and it made no difference to me. If anything I had more good times with them then I did at times with the boney/skinny women as some of you have put it. Thought that was preaty funny.
Be yourself, enjoy yourself. for if you can do that at anytime it doesn't matter what happens in your future you will always be happy. DON'T worry about anyone else you come first. My Grand father always said " good things come to those that wait. and if it is not meant to be then well it wasn't meant to be.
Let him do his thing if he is truely interested then he will answer and call and text you. BUT you on the other hand go and enjoy life HES out there and when your not looking BAM he will be there. ( that is the unknown man in your life.) Oh and word of advice don't let the kids set you up could be scary LOLOLOL. I wish you the best of luck and remember the more you press the further he will go. Also look at his job and evalutate his free time to be able to respond, I know in my job My patients come first for their lives depend on it. Would be sorta hard to say- I know your bleeding to death but hey give me a sec, wife needs to know if I can pick up the kids or not and what time. ( JOKING folks never has happened.) but know ing what he does and time aval. can affect the response time. AND Remember he is male and we as you all know can not multi task- so my wife says.

Best of wishes to you

Lonnie- Denver COLO.

kimber607

Hi

I would def. lay low...I think he's aware that you're interested in seeing each other again
I would let him make the next move....

GOOD LUCK
Kim

auntkaren

Have you invited him over for a home cooked meal? They say a way to a man's heart is through his stomach If you have any idea what he likes , it would be good to ask him what foods he likes and dislikes. Then you can prepare it to fit your diet. I wish you the very best and happiness and true love.:flowerforyou:

jessneill

First, I wouldn't take him not getting in touch with you for 3 days a sign of him not wanting to see you. Now, a couple weeks, yes. but not a few days. My boyfriend is the worst person in the world for answering his phone or responding to a text. I think it's a guy thing.

Second, PLAY IT COOL! I agree with the people who said, let him make the next move. He knows you are interested and will reciprocate when and if he wants to. One thing I have learned is that the more you push the more you push them away. Then, you play it cool, act like you have a busy life and lots to do and you'll work him in when you have time and before you know it, he'll be even more interested. again, I think it's a guy thing.

This is what worked for me in nabbing my guy. We dated for a while and then he went cold on me so I started going out and doing other things and seeing other people. Didn't answer his phone calls for a while and when he finally emailed me asking me to go out, I made him wait 2 weeks because "my social calendar was too full" We are now happily ever after.

Good luck and go out and have fun. If it doesn't work with him there are plenty of men out there looking for a beautiful, happy woman.

cmriverside

Hi, Coralie!

"Life is what happens when you are waiting for life to happen."

I Totally Agree with Drkimage2 who just posted before me. And THANK YOU, sir, for posting that reply :flowerforyou: Testosterone feedback is appreciated!

Time with your children will pass way too quickly, and soon they will be grown. I say .......(childless :ohwell: ) that they are your first priority. Get out there! Go do what you can afford to do, whether a picnic, or movie-night at home, take the kids for walks, whatever you like. You may have always wanted to take a water-color painting class, or join a book club, or investment club -whatever gives you Passion besides men.

Even when married, people need to have other interests and spend some time away from each other.

Fill your life with interests, you will be soooo interesting, no one will be able to resist.

And give him time. Guys want to be the chasers and are much more laid-back when it comes to communicating.

More +++positive+++ energy comin' at ya! :bigsmile:

~Cheryl

grumpymoo

:bigsmile:

Once again I am indebted to all you guys! And I'd like to second Cheryl in thanks to Drkrimage2. Right on the money- thank you so much!

:flowerforyou:

I was really hoping to get the male perspective and I think he put it across so well and eloquently too, and yes I took some of his advice......

And... Success! My guy sent me a really sweet text message after I sent him a light-hearted one just saying good morning. It is so reassuring to know that he was out there thinking of me. My big problem is that I'm in uncharted waters at this point.

All my other 'dates' have never got past the first meeting and then the odd few texts, emails, calls just after, so to find a guy who wants to keep seeing me is a little scary! And being that bit insecure doesn't help, either!:laugh: Cos I keep thinking he's gotten bored if he doesn't speak to me in while.

I am getting much better at occupying my time - my house has never been so clean, tidy and organised!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Now all I have to do is take Cheryls' advice and get lots of hobbies. Cos that is the other thing that really worries me! He has such a busy life and I , well, I don't. At all! When I say I'm a mum, I mean that is all I do! End of. School, food shopping, dentist trips etc. What if I bore him to tears? :sad:

But I am going to take some other really good advice and 'Fake it till I make it', in the confidence stakes at least.:laugh:

So a HUGE thanks to all you who are keeping me going here. You should all feel very proud of yourselves for being so supportive and generous-hearted! I am soooo grateful.:blushing:

grumpymoo

Hi guys! Hope you're all doing great out there in calorie land!!:drinker:

I have just about gotten past all my 'hang-ups' with this guy.....BUT.... :bigsmile: He dropped a very large bombshell on me the last time we spoke. Actually there were two...

The first one really bothers me and it is that he seems to have like, serious money! The kind that spends 1000's on one meal out. This totally freaks me out! I don't have money, have never had money. The kids and I are comfortable moneywise but I just feel really uncomfortable about this disparity in our incomes. Being a single mum means I've kind of stacked up all the independant and in control blocks into a nice safe wall! :laugh: Perhaps I'm just reading too much into this????

Secondly he said to me that he is separated with no intention of divorce. Does this strike anyone as odd? Also, he says that he hasn't been 'with anyone' for 6 years but he told me he's only been separated for 3 years. Is this odd also????

Am I just being overly sensitive? You guys give such great advice, and I'm hoping someone will be able to shed some light on this. I know, greedy huh??:laugh: :laugh:

I just can't get enough of all you guys and your great advice and sympathy!

kimber607

Hi

I see MAJOR red flags regarding his seperation....regardless if he hasn't been with his ex for 3 or 6 yrs....why is he against getting divorced?
Is there still an emotional connection...financial.....before getting involved, I would def want more information

Good luck, kim

cmriverside

Yikes, Coralie.

First of all, thank God he told you. Please - tell him that you won't date a married man. There is NOTHING good about him being married. The money would be a good thing were it not for that.

Let me just say from experience and many, many tears, and lots of pain: I have been on ALL sides of infidelity. And any emotional attachment will eventually become a kiss, if not more. Then you have crossed a line that can't be un-crossed. Nothing good will come of it. Separation could just mean he's living with her still (or, goes back and forth)......money may stop a divorce from EVER happening.

Save yourself and get out now. If you are waiting for him you may miss the right guy. Be available for the right guy to show up.

If you want to talk off this thread, please message me and I'll give you my email, or we could go to the chats and talk. I have Hotmail messenger if that would work for you.

Many hugs and prayers coming your way :smooched:

~Cheryl

grumpymoo

Hi

I see MAJOR red flags regarding his seperation....regardless if he hasn't been with his ex for 3 or 6 yrs....why is he against getting divorced?
Is there still an emotional connection...financial.....before getting involved, I would def want more information

Good luck, kim

Hi. Thanks, I'm guessing it's the money thing. With complicated divorce etc and not wanting her to get any of his money.

And who could blame him? I had none of these problems with my divorce as we had no property or money to split.

I admit that some things bother me a little, like not knowing his last name or the name of his son.

But then if he is a private person, this isn't surprising. Frustrating but not surprising!!

How much can I beleive of what he has told me?? I must admit that trust is a big thing with me. I don't give it very easily.

alaskagal

Hi

I see MAJOR red flags regarding his seperation....regardless if he hasn't been with his ex for 3 or 6 yrs....why is he against getting divorced?
Is there still an emotional connection...financial.....before getting involved, I would def want more information

Good luck, kim

Hi. Thanks, I'm guessing it's the money thing. With complicated divorce etc and not wanting her to get any of his money.

And who could blame him? I had none of these problems with my divorce as we had no property or money to split.

I admit that some things bother me a little, like not knowing his last name or the name of his son.

But then if he is a private person, this isn't surprising. Frustrating but not surprising!!

How much can I beleive of what he has told me?? I must admit that trust is a big thing with me. I don't give it very easily.

I've been following this since day one and cheering for you (silently, as I haven't posted) but please listen to Cheryl and others warning of MAJOR RED FLAGS. He's not the one if he's not truly single and also if he's withholding simple information like last name, etc. Something is WAY OFF here.

Please save yourself a lot of grief and heartache -- move on now while it will be so much easier.

You deserve a man that can focus completely on you.

Best of luck -
:flowerforyou:

pam0206

I'm with the other posts. Tons of red flags. You've already been out several times and don't know his last name. Does he know yours? I think it's time to move on...................

It doesn't seem like he's in the same place as you right now as far as what he wants from a relationship. If he doesn't plan to divorce his wife then, he's never planning to marry again? That wouldn't be good enough for me to play second fiddle to a wife, even if he seems to be a nice guy.

sophialittle

um, yeah, what alaskagal said. . . lol

honestly though, i agree with her. "the one" shouldn't be that complicated and come with all those concerns right off the bat. i'm sure that you want this to work because it would be great to be with someone fabulous! but i think you are really not treating yourself with enough deserved respect and you are heading down a road for hurt if you continue to pursue anything other than a friendship with him.

there's a difference between being a "private person" and flat out hiding stuff. i hate to say it, but i'm certain it's the second option here. :ohwell: being a private person is not spilling every detail of your life on the first date. hiding stuff is not being willing to share "getting to know you" info like children's names and last names.

i'm sorry to tell you these things. i almost didn't post because i don't want to hurt your feelings or offend you but i decided to post because i wanted you to know what i feel is the truth. it sounds like you are making positive steps forward in your life, overall right now, so please don't take a step backwards. :flowerforyou:

hope that helps and wasn't mean :happy:

catlover

I logged on today looking for an update and I only have this one thing to say: RUN as far and as fast as you can to the nearest exit and never look back. As much as we want to believe that people are honest with us, I don't believe any of this and it's not even me he's talking to. And even if he was honest, how he treats his ex will be how he treats you, so if you don't want him someday hiding things from you, then get out now, and consider it a lesson for you.

grumpymoo

Hi everyone! :flowerforyou:

Sorry to be so long in replying, but it's all a little busy in my house just now!

Firstly I'd like to say a big THANKS to all the comments! I'm hearing you all loud and clear.

I too see the red flags and hear the warning bells going off in my head. When I stop making excuses that is!! lol

So now how do I have the 'conversation' that gives me all the answers that I need? Do I just plow straight in and ask why he doesn't want to get divorced (which is what I should've done at the time)?:sick: Or do I just cut him off completely and not risk it?? :ohwell:

And depending on either his response or my not doing anything at all do I then give up on this guy entirely? I am in a position where my instincts tell me one thing but all the advice I'm given is telling me another??

One thing I DO know is that I will NOT be 'the other woman' even if he has no feelings for his ex and they don't live together. I have figured out that much at least!! Yay go me!!:laugh:

Is there any way of having a relationship with someone in this position? He did after all put himself on the dating website.... BUT ...Does this mean he only wants 'one thing' or is he just mixed up emotionally? I can't seem to make this all make sense.:grumble:

I know good relationships require effort to maintain but should it be this hard?

Sigh. And I thought I'd found myself a good one....:sad:

You all take care out there.

MFS27

I have to agree with all the previous posters. You don't need to have any kind of convo with him - it is obvious that, yes, he is only out for one thing, and, no, he is not going to commit to any kind of serious, monagamous relationship. Glad he was honest about that, however I think he is testing the waters to see if you are willing to accept a no-strings-tied relationship (I have a different word in mind, but won't use it.) Don't settle - he won't change.

Listen to what the rest of us are saying - close the book on this guy, period. If you really feel like you want closure, then write him an e-mail letting him know you aren't interested (really not necessary - I think he will get it when you don't call/text him, and he won't be surprised.)

The right guy is out there waiting for you; don't waste time with this one.

BTW - I'm speaking from experience (as I'm sure many of us are). So I know how hard it is to hear the voice(s) of reason when your heart speaks so loudly. But, you gotta trusts us on this - I wish I had listened to my voices of reason way back when.

Hugs.