Parents of teenage girls

sillygoose1977

When I was a kid, we got on our bikes in the morning and didn't come home until we were hungry or the street lights came on. It's not the 50's and 60's any more.

An opinion was solicited. I gave my opinion.

I wasn't seeking approval for my child-rearing methods and I never have.

I have to agree, 10 is a little young in my opinion...
My daughter was in no way mature enough to go to the mall with her friends at 10.

I might have been too young but my parents trusted me and my friends and I never once broke that trust. Of course, my mom may have been tailing us everywhere without our knowledge, who knows.

BVannillie

I don't have a daughter but I wasn't allowed to go into town by myself until I was 16, it was incredibly embarrassing and lonely because all my friends used to go and do stuff together and I was never allowed to join in, plus I got made fun of. My mum also acted like if I stepped outside the house a murder would be waiting for me, and yea, it's not cool. I think there is a line between being protective and just ridiculous. I am not a parent, and you will probably disagree. Personally I feel like if she's with friends who can be trusted then let her go. You could always arrange some sort of deal, maybe you go into town and hang around for a while and she can be with her friends for a bit and meet up later? Or if she has a phone get her to call you to check on her?

funsteps

I'm not a parent, but as far as I recall, I was not allowed to wander the mall without one of my parents somewhere at the mall until I was 14/going into my freshman year of high school. We used to have a library branch in our mall so my dad would go and read there for an hour or so while I walked around with my friends. I was one of my only friends who was not allowed to go to the mall by myself in junior high. I thought it was "annoying" and that my parents were "over protective psychos", but I was a good kid and never ended up in any trouble and I attribute that to my parents watching over me like that.

If you do decide to let her go alone, maybe give her a small window of time and pick her up in a designated spot when her time is up. Make it clear that if she doesn't stick to that, she won't be given another opportunity. I think that's how my parents eased me into going out alone.

butterfli7o

I don't think I would. I can't talk from experience, because my daughter's only 8. But I also think this depends on where you live. Of course people in smaller towns are going to feel safer...then again, I believe some of the last horrible things I've read involved small towns...

lbetancourt

i am mom of a15 year old. Can't remember if i let her go at 13 but she does now. now, allowing her to have a facebook profile that she has easy access with her smart phone sometimes concerns me. but, i trust her. and, i cant protect her forever.

dayone987

Depends on the mall and the friends.

I would let her go but make sure she has her cellphone and remind her that she must answer my calls.

I think that part of making her safe is letting her be off on her own in a relatively safe enviroment (like I said depends on the mall).
As she gets older less restrictions and checking in. How else are young people going to learn to manage in the outside world? Putting a 16 year old in a car doesn't make them safer.

allisonjoan_42

I know you asked for parents of teens but I am only the parent of a 2 year old. However, I do think it depends on your daughter's maturity level/how you feel about it. You are the only one who knows your daughter. I don't think I ever went to the mall "alone" till I was about 16 and was able to drive myself. I do remember going to the movies though for the first time "alone" at 13. I did have my parents drop me off though, wait till I was inside the movie, and they were there waiting once the movie got out.

I think you really need to judge the situation on your own though. Do you know the friends she is going with? Do the friends parents know that they are all going to the mall alone? Etc.

LizHowerton

I'm the parent of a 22 and 21 year old daughters and a 19 year old son, and stepmom to a 13 year old and 25 year old stepdaughters.

It just simply depends.

The area you live in. Safety level. Time of day --i.e. a few hours in the afternoon--or at night till closing.

With which friend? How well do you know the friend and her parents?

The maturity level / rebelliousness of your daughter.

Does she have a cell phone?

There really isn't a "right" answer.

You are preparing her to be a responsible adult. Is she ready for this step....you know best.


Perhaps you could try her going to the mall with friends for a few hours, while you do a little shopping of your own at the mall, and then meet up with them. Set a time. See how she does with that and go from there.

rungirl1973

Jeez, I guess I'm a horrible parent. I always let my daughter go to the movies/ to the mall without me. She was dropped off and picked up, but I figured she could handle herself in public since she started babysitting for other people at age 13, too.


I guess it's a good thing my daughter survived. She's an independent, level-headed almost 19 year old now.

maxonehiphop

I vote no.

fbmandy55

I'd also like to add that there are kids under 13 who ride our city busses alone.

You can't protect kids from everything. A rapist could be a teacher, a pastor or a neighbor. You have to tech your kids to be responsible and aware!!

LizHowerton

My daughters babysat at 13 too. And went to the mall with friends at 13.

My stepdaughter hasn't been to the mall with friends yet. She is very sheltered.

rungirl1973

I always tried to raise my kids to be very independent. Maybe that's part of why my 19 year old still invites me to go to dinner and movies with her and her friends quite frequently.

funsteps

Jeez, I guess I'm a horrible parent. I always let my daughter go to the movies/ to the mall without me. She was dropped off and picked up, but I figured she could handle herself in public since she started babysitting for other people at age 13, too.


I guess it's a good thing my daughter survived. She's an independent, level-headed almost 19 year old now.

I didn't really think of this until you said it, but I started babysitting for families in my neighborhood (that I didn't always necessarily know very well) just before I turned 12. It's funny that I was allowed to care for people's children for a couple of years before I was allowed out in public on my own...

jeffrodgers1

Do you let your 13 year old go to the mall with her girlfriend by themselves? Am I being too paranoid saying no over and over again??

I wouldn't say you are being paranoid... But you should get all the information you can and verify it before you make a decision.

Is this a responsible 13 year old? Or one who lets you down frequently? Do you trust her?Is the mall in a good area? Or is it located one block off the seedy side of town?What plans has she made?Who will she be with?
How will she get there and back? When? Do you know the people she will be with?
How long will she be gone? (you do need to set reasonable limits and also arrange for her to call you at regular intervals or vice-versa)You should also confirm with the girlfriends parents and make sure she knows you are confirming the details. Keep it all above board and she will respect that you are doing it out of love.

Its critical you find out all the information. But also verify it. Kids grow up way too fast and communicate how to beat the system early...facebook, texting, instant messaging. Its a communications subculture that they use to exploit the parents lack of communications. Kids divide and conquer quite easily. For example: Your daughter tells you she's sleeping over at Jenny's place, Jenny tells her parents that they are sleeping at your place...but nobody checks and meanwhile in a house party across town they are both consuming large amounts of Captain Morgans and getting plastered, drunk and taken advantage of. Verify the info.

As parents, we usually say "no" for a reason and with the best of intentions. Kids don't often understand this. They don't have the wisdom to see this. Wisdom is based on life experiences. Make sure you get all the details and explain your decision calmly and rationally. If you decide "no" consider giving her a safe alternative to hang out with her friend. (i.e. I don't want you just hanging out at the mall, its not a safe area... How about I drop you two off at a movie instead?) She will respect you more for this and it will help you build a solid relationship. You are trusting her, not the environment of the mall.

If the details are all reasonable, then YES you should let her go. You do have to allow her the opportunity to grow into an adult. Part of that growth is making her own mistakes. You can safely restrict the mistakes, but if you restrict that growth, you could end up with more problems down the road.

My story is a little bit of a horror story... I wish this was the advice someone had given me early on. I was a "No" parent. I didn't trust my daughters choices or her friends. I constantly said "No" and because she felt I would say "no" , she became sneaky and did what she wanted, often lying about where she was going. She was encouraged over facebook and text messages by here friends. Because I didn't follow up with the details and verify everything... We got stung.

When my daughter was 15, she ran away several times, she got into drugs and alcohol and premarital sex. She was raped and someone tried to force her into prostitution. She now has an incurable STD and is also 36 weeks pregnant. My daughter is only 17 and while our relationship is now stronger than it ever was, had I known to get the details and verify them early on, things likely would have turned out differently.

I hope this helps. Please don't just be a "no" parent. Get and verify the details. Develop the trust and build your relationship with your daughter. Keep everything above board and she will respect you for it.

You can't stop her from becoming an adult. But You can help her reach adulthood safely.

Good Luck!

LovelyNFit

HELL NO !!! - I got a 13 yr old too. I don't let her go to the conner store alone....not to the mall alone...Hell No! I would let her walk around with her friend at the mall while I am there too. Go in different directions with her cell phone in hand of course. I am a very over protective mother. Not because I don't trust her, I don't trust other people.

SVCat

It doesn't matter the age...it is going to worry you no matter what. When my daughter turned 13 she wanted to hang at the mall, I would take her and shop...I slowly started letting her do her "grown up" thing. I was very active in ensuring who her friends were and ensured I met her friend's parents...because these girls are professional actesses, and the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree. My daughter is now 17, she's messed up...she's done her dirt, but hey...I've done what I could, I've instilled in her a sense of pride and a sense of what's right and wrong. I hope she's learned because all I can do now and is give advice. It is so hard to see your little girl grow up...

p_e_wright

I wouldn't let my 13 yo go to the mall by herself in our town. There have been shootings there and it's pretty much where the riffraff hang out. When she was 13 yo 6 years ago, I would go and let her walk around with a friend. It wasn't bad then. But not now. I agree that it depends on the maturity of your 13 yo and the size and safety of your mall. If those factors are good, I might try letting her walk around with a friend while I'm in the mall. BUT it would also depend on whether she has a phone, too. She would definitely have to have a phone so I could get in touch with her.

tammyh72

I have a 14 year old and she will not be allowed to hang out at the mall untiil she is of dating age. This will keep any doubt that she is out meeting boys or taking off after we drop her off. My husband who was an MP, and said she can date at 16. I completely back this and think that its a good idea.

PhotogNerd

My daughter is about to be 13 and I wouldn't let her go with just a friend.

mandipandi75

I have a now 16 year old daughter and I've been in your shoes... heck, I'm still there as I have three girls. At thirteen I would take my daughter and select friend or cousin (chosen and screened by me, and knowing the parents) to the mall and I would stay in the mall and shop. She has a cell phone and I would call and text her regularly. It's been that way up until just recently. She's old enough to drive now but still only has her temporary license. Once she gets her permanent license and car, I will still be picky as to who she is with and where she goes. It's tough but necessary to be cautious yet give them some room to grow and learn. Trust your instincts, you were that age once. Good luck.

rjt1000

Do you let your 13 year old go to the mall with her girlfriend by themselves? Am I being too paranoid saying no over and over again??

I'll sit in the food court while my 12 year old and her friend wander around and shop. I won't drop her off and come back 2 hours later and get her. I'll watch one movie that starts at same time while her and friend are in different movie at same theatre. Won't drop her off and come back and pick her up. But will probably go to that next year as she's mature, gets great grades and doesn't do stupid dangerous things or try to sneak things by me.

Esther50

Never!

Owlie45

How about you both go.
She goes her way and you go your way. Have it set up that she checks in every so often.
That way shes by herself but yet shes not.


Exactly what my mom did with me.

Dr229

MY DAUGHTER IS 14 AND NO SHE CANNOT GO TO THE MALL ALONE WITH HER FRIENDS. SHE IS ALLOWED OTO WALK THE MALL WITH HER FRIENDS WITHOUT ME BEING WITH THEM BUT ALONE IN A CAR OR ON THE BUS NO NO NO! YOU ARE NOT BEING TOO STRICT AND YOU ARE CERTAINLY A GREAT RESPONSIBLE PARENT.

kdeaux1959

You are being a parent. Too often, parents like to give their kids their "space" and soon become ... Grandparents. That being said, they are testing their limits... Be firm. These are formative years and years that you have to be strong.

crisanderson27

Do you let your 13 year old go to the mall with her girlfriend by themselves? Am I being too paranoid saying no over and over again??

This is actually partly why my last girlfriend and I split up. She let her daughter (13) run rampant...and has for years, my daughter (14) has rules and is made to follow them.

Her daughter has emotional issues (and is seeing a specialist for it), stemming directly from no structure in her life, and a feeling of being overwhelmed.

Mine...well, doesn't.

Stick to your guns Mom...you're doing the right thing.

TurtleRunnerNC

Nope. Not a chance.

Nanadena

1st off, we live in the country now where near a mall. 2nd If we lived near one NO WAY!

slkehl

My mom let me go to the mall by myself when I was 13, and I turned out fine She knew my friends and their families decently well, so she trusted that we were actually going to be shopping. We only went shopping during the daytime, when there were a lot of moms and kids out and about, so it felt pretty safe. My mom and I were pretty close during my teenage years, and I really appreciated that she trusted me enough to let me hang out with friends alone.