Parents of teenage girls
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If you don't start teaching your kids how to be responsible, self sufficient, and independent when they're relatively young, how are they ever going to grow up to be functioning, well adjusted adults?
Who said we don't? Why in your opinion does this 'education' have to involve placing them in a situation where the learning process might include being kidnapped, molested, or worse?
Because being in school, at a friends house or home babysitting with the doors locked are ALL situations where kids could be kidnapped molested or worse...
I mentioned earlier that a 13 year old girl was raped by two 14 year olds here at a local Christian community center. A million(s) dollar complex with gyms, a skate park and conseling facilities. Her parents probably thought that was the safest place on earth...
A mall during the day with drop-off and pick-up times is no more dangerous than a 13 year old sitting at home alone or in school. Bad things could happen anywhere. Keeping your kids in a bubble isn't going to protect them but teaching them to make good decisions, be aware and safe is the best thing you can do for them.0 -
My daughter is 14.5..be 15 in Dec. and probably the last 6-8 months I've let her hang at the mall with friends without me there. They are never there more than 2-3 hours anyway. It's one of the things kids do around here. I always drop them off and pick them up at the same location. She is not to leave the mall til I text or call her letting her know I'm out there waiting. At first I was a nervous wreck letting her but she's always been more mature and responsible than kids her age so I allowed it. Doesn't mean I don't worry but I try to tell myself..that part of them growing up is letting go a little. But I've been told I'm pretty overprotective..even my husband thinks so..but I don't care..my child's safety is more important than anything!
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The first time I flew by myself, I was 10. I flew from Calgary to Victoria, with a layover in Vancouver.
When I was 13, I flew from TORONTO to Vancouver Island with a layover in Vancouver - my flight out of Toronto was delayed so I missed my connection in Vancouver and ended up trapped in this massive airport for about 4 hours until they were able to get me on a later flight. (This was before cell phones, though I did manage to get ahold of my aunt who lived on the island so she'd know I was delayed.)
The summer between grade 9 and 10, I took the bus into downtown Toronto to shop and went to Wonderland with friends on a fairly regular basis.
When I was 15, my best friend and I walked downtown in our approximately 80 000 person town and rented a small theatre so we could put on a production of a short play that we had written.
When I was 16, my dad was transferred across the country and my parents left me in charge of my younger brothers for a week while they flew out to our new home to buy a house. (I still did not have a cell phone.)
Now, I was always EXTREMELY close with my mom (I'd still say she's my best friend as a 25 year old) and she always knew that I was quite mature and sensible. So, assuming I had that sort of relationship with my daughter? I would ABSOLUTELY let her go to the mall with friends at 13.
But it depends on the daughter. And I'm Canadian... so maybe things are different in the States? It certainly could depend on the city as well.0 -
It's too bad that 24hour cable news has given people the idea that the world is just teeming with child molesters, kidnappers and perverts. Crime rates for all types of crimes are much lower than they were 30 years ago. Yes, we teach our kids to be aware of their surroundings and take precautions in public, but really, I don't think my local Macy's is a dangerous place.0
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Bloody Nora, this thread has been such a culture shock. I know I'm only 22, and I don't have kids yet, but seriously... O_O
My brother and I were allowed to go on the train into town, and back again, from about the age of 13/14. Which constituted walking from our house to the station and back again. We had phones, we had a curfew, we had to check in with the parents. Then again, I live in a small countryside village in the middle of South Bucks, UK, so it must be REALLY different over there in the States.
Honestly, I really don't see why going to the mall is such a big deal, especially if she'll be with friends. You don't have to want to buy something to hang out with your friends, see a movie, grab some food or a coffee or whatever. Window shopping and trying on stuff is part of the fun.0 -
In a group....yes. If a parent is shopping at the store...yes. With some dude? HelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllltotheNo.
I have a 21yr old, 19yr old, 18 yr old, and 17 yr old, and I am very open and honest with them, and some of the stories they would tell me about people their age gave me gray hair!!!!!
Nope, nope nope nope nope nope nope......and what really sucks is the stories they would tell me....would be about their friends.....that they invite to their birthday parties....that I have to look at, and are drinking from my cups.....oh hell where's the bleach.0 -
It's too bad that 24hour cable news has given people the idea that the world is just teeming with child molesters, kidnappers and perverts. Crime rates for all types of crimes are much lower than they were 30 years ago. Yes, we teach our kids to be aware of their surroundings and take precautions in public, but really, I don't think my local Macy's is a dangerous place.
well how about the local movie theater??0 -
My parents let me go to the mall with my friends around 11+.
I was allowed to go to the movies and everything as well with my friends at that age too.
I did always have a ride there and back though.0 -
I have two teenage girls. The older one just graduated. She is a really unique, "cool" kid and well liked. She doesn't drink, hasn't done drugs, hasn't had sex. She has managed to have high morals without being a goody goody type. I am really proud of her, and of myself for producing such great kids (the other one is equally great, but 18 feels like a big milestone - raised her to adulthood unscathed).
Here's my not so secret method. I made sure she was really busy with school activities. In her case it was band. She was too busy to get into trouble. And, I participated in her activities. I wish I had a dollar for every mile I have ridden on a school bus! I kept myself close enough to know what she was doing, where she was, who her friends were. And, I was mom to a lot of those kids as well. It is a shame how little parenting goes on out there, and the kids are begging for it. I can't tell you how many times we kept an extra or two for dinner and they would say that they never sat down at the table as a family or never had home cooked meals at home.
Don't ever apologize for being a parent. It's what they need and really what they want.0 -
Depends on the group of friends your daughter hangs out with.....My mother wouldn't let me go by myself, she was always around the mall with her friends getting coffee or something and my friends never knew my mom was there either. And i also liked having my mom around because if i wanted to buy something i would just call her and ask for money haha So i say no to the whole by herself thing. I think when she gets like 16 she can start doing things by herself with out you there Another reason for me saying no is because the things kids are doing these days are insane! And if your daughter is wearing short shorts or something too revealing and is pretty she might attract the wrong kind of attention that can potential put her into a situation that no mother wants to hear happen to her daughter... 0
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It's too bad that 24hour cable news has given people the idea that the world is just teeming with child molesters, kidnappers and perverts. Crime rates for all types of crimes are much lower than they were 30 years ago. Yes, we teach our kids to be aware of their surroundings and take precautions in public, but really, I don't think my local Macy's is a dangerous place.
What are you talking about lol you obviously haven't seen the statistics on human trafficking. i wouldnt let my child go anywhere by themselves until they got older! This world is a dangerous place its unreal how unsafe it has become.0 -
My personal opinion is that it TOTALLY depends on the the type of friends she hangs out with. I deal with teenage girls seasonally for sports training and they seem to be "good" girls, and I've seen other teenage girls be venomous in remarks to other girls. Since a lot of "cliques" usually will condone accepted behavior amongst themselves, having your daughter get into a bad clique could mean bad news.
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If it is a small mall, I would allow her to go with her friends and hang out at the mall with frequent check ins. Our mall is little more than an enclosed strip mall and I would be able to keep an eye on her fairly easily (my mother did). If it is a larger mall, then I would say no... Too many crazies out there!0
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My 13 year old daughter is allowed to go to the mall with her friends. She often walks or bikes there. She is a very mature 13 year old, and we live less than a mile away. There is plenty of security at the mall, and they have a teen curfew there on the weekends so that it never gets overcrowded with teens. Besides, I couldn't possibly spend as much time at the mall as she would like!! I would be bored to death! She is also allowed to go to the beach with friends, movies, etc.0
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I let my girls go 'on their own' but I will stay and shop with one of my friends and have a meet up time and place.0
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I live in the UK so Yes,Do you let your 13 year old go to the mall with her girlfriend by themselves? Am I being too paranoid saying no over and over again??0 -
Havent read the whole thread, but when I was 13 I was going to the mall by myself... my mom or whoever dropped us off would tell us what time they were coming back and give us money for the pay phone if we needed them.
Hell, I was even walking to the local store by myself when I was 11/12 because my parents worked all summer and if I wanted something different then what was in the house, I had to go get it... and granted I didn't go far, but I was crossing busy roads by myself.0 -
Gosh! I'm trying to *persuade* my 15 year old to go shopping by herself with her friends. At 13 I'd expect her to walk to the local shops to run errands for me, and go to our local mall (which is tiny). But now I think she and her friends are old enough to take the bus over to the big new mall (which has just been built for the Olympics).0
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Geesh, are you people serious? My mother allowed me to go the mall / store / wherever when I was 13. I had a cellphone and she was able to contact me at any times.0
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Everyone is entitiled to their own views, but I don't see why this is such a big deal. When I was 12 my friends and I would get dropped off at the mall or ice skating rink in town, maybe even the movies. I would borrow my fathers cell phone and had a specific pick up time, and my a** was grass if I was late.0
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I don't know if I am comfortable just dropping her off there, but I would have no problem with her walking around with her friends while I did my own shopping. My plan is to start it off gradually, as I see that she is mature enough enough to handle being there by herself, she gets more freedom.0
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What are you talking about lol you obviously haven't seen the statistics on human trafficking. i wouldnt let my child go anywhere by themselves until they got older! This world is a dangerous place its unreal how unsafe it has become.
AMEN to that!!!!!!!!!0 -
i love how every one says 'when i was that age i .....'
how long ago was that? how different was the world then?
how many crazed gunmen and child molesters were roaming the streets??
i have no problem with my kids going places with friends... as long as they have their phone on them and there is an adult in the area- either me or one of the friends parents...
i'm sorry but when you get notices sent home from school saying there is a car that's been reported in the area trying to pick kids up on their walk home from school-
or that your kids school was on lock-down cause there was a domestic in the neighborhood and some guy ran off on foot with a knife-
or that a little boy was molested in a restaurant men's room cause his mom let him go in by himself and some weirdo was in there waiting-
or that the middle school is on lock down because a 14 year old brought a shotgun to school and shot his face off in the cafeteria...
or all the missing kids you see everywhere, and the ones that are found and tell their story of being held up in a basement for years or in the woods, or the ones that are just bodies found.....
my kids are too precious to me to let them be thrown in an unnecessary dangerous situation with a bunch of strangers that could be the next mass murderer! how easy would it be for someone to grab your precious mature trusted responsible kids in your utopian mall and molest or rape them or kidnap them or worse???...
if an adult was in the area they could keep an eye out- and if there was someone suspicious you could step in and protect them- or even after you all left the mall you could point out things they did or didn't do for their safety to make them more aware of everything....
its a crazy world... and as long as i am breathing i will always teach my kids to protect themselves no matter how old they get or what the situation is or how far from home they move-
and my 13 year old- at this point in time i do it by her side not from my couch!!!!0 -
Well at 13 I do let my daughter walk around the mall with friends on her own and check in with the adult accompanying them on a regular basis. Time for some independence. Not I trust my daughter and I live in a safe area. At 13 kids need some independence and freedom and not to be watched over every minute IMHO
Cell phones add a sense of security for parent and child too.....0 -
i love how every one says 'when i was that age i .....'
how long ago was that? how different was the world then?
how many crazed gunmen and child molesters were roaming the streets??
i have no problem with my kids going places with friends... as long as they have their phone on them and there is an adult in the area- either me or one of the friends parents...
i'm sorry but when you get notices sent home from school saying there is a car that's been reported in the area trying to pick kids up on their walk home from school-
or that your kids school was on lock-down cause there was a domestic in the neighborhood and some guy ran off on foot with a knife-
or that a little boy was molested in a restaurant men's room cause his mom let him go in by himself and some weirdo was in there waiting-
or that the middle school is on lock down because a 14 year old brought a shotgun to school and shot his face off in the cafeteria...
or all the missing kids you see everywhere, and the ones that are found and tell their story of being held up in a basement for years or in the woods, or the ones that are just bodies found.....
my kids are too precious to me to let them be thrown in an unnecessary dangerous situation with a bunch of strangers that could be the next mass murderer! how easy would it be for someone to grab your precious mature trusted responsible kids in your utopian mall and molest or rape them or kidnap them or worse???...
if an adult was in the area they could keep an eye out- and if there was someone suspicious you could step in and protect them- or even after you all left the mall you could point out things they did or didn't do for their safety to make them more aware of everything....
its a crazy world... and as long as i am breathing i will always teach my kids to protect themselves no matter how old they get or what the situation is or how far from home they move-
and my 13 year old- at this point in time i do it by her side not from my couch!!!!
Lets see... oh 2000-2002 era... Which really wasn't that long ago if you think about it... and there were still crazed gun men and child molesters out there.. you just didn't hear about it like you do now. My parents also had some trust in me and knew that I wouldn't just go gallivanting off without telling them first.
When I went to college, we had 12(yes 12) bomb threats before the guy was caught by the FBI.
When I was in High School, We had a bomb threat and had to go on a lock down
The high school where my mom works had a kid try to bring a gun to school.. and the only reason why they found it is because it fell off on the bus
My mom also found a butcher knife in a kids backpack when she was cleaning out his locker... and his mom didn't even know it was missing!
Crazy stuff can happen at anytime and all this worrying isn't going to get you anywhere. Even with a parent there, kids are smart and if they really want to do something, they will find a way to ditch the parent and do what they want(and I work with high schoolers, so trust me when I say that).0 -
i love how every one says 'when i was that age i .....'
how long ago was that? how different was the world then?
how many crazed gunmen and child molesters were roaming the streets??
i have no problem with my kids going places with friends... as long as they have their phone on them and there is an adult in the area- either me or one of the friends parents...
i'm sorry but when you get notices sent home from school saying there is a car that's been reported in the area trying to pick kids up on their walk home from school-
or that your kids school was on lock-down cause there was a domestic in the neighborhood and some guy ran off on foot with a knife-
or that a little boy was molested in a restaurant men's room cause his mom let him go in by himself and some weirdo was in there waiting-
or that the middle school is on lock down because a 14 year old brought a shotgun to school and shot his face off in the cafeteria...
or all the missing kids you see everywhere, and the ones that are found and tell their story of being held up in a basement for years or in the woods, or the ones that are just bodies found.....
my kids are too precious to me to let them be thrown in an unnecessary dangerous situation with a bunch of strangers that could be the next mass murderer! how easy would it be for someone to grab your precious mature trusted responsible kids in your utopian mall and molest or rape them or kidnap them or worse???...
if an adult was in the area they could keep an eye out- and if there was someone suspicious you could step in and protect them- or even after you all left the mall you could point out things they did or didn't do for their safety to make them more aware of everything....
its a crazy world... and as long as i am breathing i will always teach my kids to protect themselves no matter how old they get or what the situation is or how far from home they move-
and my 13 year old- at this point in time i do it by her side not from my couch!!!!
Well I am only 19 now so it wasn't very long ago actually.
Even when we moved to the city (I was 16) and my parents let me go places on my own and go on dates with guys - I always have my phone on me.0 -
I have 5 kids - all boys.
At age 13 they do NOT go to the mall unsupervised.
They go nowhere public without an adult unless it's in my neighborhood.
And they cry "Don't you trust me?"
And I reply "No! I do NOT".
End of discussion.0 -
Well, I am a 16 year-old girl. The mall is honestly a harmless place. My parents are very attentive, very protective, yet very understanding. I have been going to the mall alone with my friends since I was 12. However, to ease my mother's early worries, we worked out a deal where she would be in the same mall doing her returns and such while we were there. Just in case something happened.
I guess it all depends on the amount of trust you have in your child.0 -
I don't have a daughter, but I did have a very protective mother. And I was allowed to go downtown and to the mall with my friend when I was that age, but we were given a ride and picked up by our parents.
Yep, it was 20-some years ago. Things have changed... but in some ways, for the better. We didn't have cell phones and gps. We did have crazed gunmen, even in the rinky-dink little town were I live. Bad things have always happened. My mom was assaulted as a little girl in the 1940s.0 -
In a pigs eye! Our girls want to do things on their own out in public and whine when they don't get to. Their dad asks them, "Did you help out around the house without being asked? Without complaining? Without expecting or asking for a monetory payment? Then NO. I don't think so, but thanks for asking!"
Not with all the wierdos in the mall these days.0
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