Parents of teenage girls

angel4evergvng

once my son wanted to ride his bike down a busy street when he was 11 all by himself right down into the center of town....
it was a 4 lane road and about 3 miles from my house....
i told him no....
he responded with 'Cameron's mom lets him do it'....
and my response....
"I guess i care about your safety more then Cameron's mom cares about his!"

cmwhited6204

I have 13 year old boy/girl twins. As a parent I believe you have to teach your kids to act responsibly as well as learn how to take care of themselves out in the world. Yes, I have let both of them go but it is normally my daughter who goes and it is with a friend. She does not go to just hang out and I prefer it is during the day. She has to have an agenda as to why they are going. If she does not have money then she cannot go.

We also have a movie theater not far from our house and the kids go all the time in groups. Yes, danger happens. My son has some money stolen from him and the cops caught the kid and he had to go to court. Personally it let me explain again some things I have been telling him. A. do not take your money out for everyone to see B. he could have gotten hurt if they wanted to take the money more agressively. However, it turned out to be a great learning lesson.

We live very close to an Amusement Park and the kids have season passes. Groups of kids go all the time and we have never had a problem. Now there are kids that I will not let them go with to things without an adult because I do not trust the other kid.

I have very mature children and it is because I teach them to take responsibility. I no longer wash their clothes and do not manage everything they do because they need to learn to manage it themselves.

I know it is working because I hear it all the time from people who are around my children. They are smart, socialable with adults and children, caring and honest. Too many times I have kids over who cannot do anything for themselves.

The question is why do you not trust her to go with friends who I will assume you know well and trust. I assume you live in a good area or it would be a no brainer and a no to go.

The saying I tell my kids, you have my trust until you break it. Once broken, life as you know it will change.

seashman

Wow, this is kind of nuts. My parents started letting me walk in and out of town (down to the ice cream shop and such) when I was 11 or 12. By the time I was 13 I had a steady job baby-sitting two kids (5 and 9) and getting dropped off at the mall with my friends for the afternoon/evening came to be a regular occurrence. I always had a cell phone to check in with, but that was it. Did we goof off a lot? Sure. But we knew what was dangerous and how to stay out of any and all real trouble.

If you don't start teaching your kids how to be responsible, self sufficient, and independent when they're relatively young, how are they ever going to grow up to be functioning, well adjusted adults?

moonlightturk

I just turned 18 and can give a few tips on this, as can others .

First off, don't be too strict, it WILL backfire.

Secondly, don't let her go/hang out anywhere with anyone until you meet her friend. Not saying your daughter is a liar, but I know that I made excuses about going to the mall with a girlfriend, but in reality he was a boyfriend which I did not want mama to know about ...

chevy88grl

My mother was so overprotective with me it was insane. I vowed that I will be a sensible, but not overprotective parent. Kids have to be allowed to grow up, do their own thing and show you they are responsible enough to handle it.

That being said, I would let my daughter go... I would make her go during the day (the mall here is questionable later at night), make sure I know which friends are going.. I would drop her off, pick her up and insist she remain AT the mall (no wandering away to other locations - our mall is near other stores).

I would make sure she has her cell phone and let her have fun.

crisanderson27

If you don't start teaching your kids how to be responsible, self sufficient, and independent when they're relatively young, how are they ever going to grow up to be functioning, well adjusted adults?

Who said we don't? Why in your opinion does this 'education' have to involve placing them in a situation where the learning process might include being kidnapped, molested, or worse?

Here's the thing...I happen to be a functioning, well adjusted adult...and I wasn't allowed to do things like that at that age. And that was in a society that was a freaking utopia compared to todays.

Yeah, no thanks.

Oh, and by the way...my daughter babysits as well...has been since she was 12. In a home, with a door that locks. What that has to do with going to the mall at 13, I'm not sure.

MissC787

I have 3 teenage SONS.... I started letting my oldest go to the mall with his friend when he was 16. He had to take a phone so I could call, and check on him.
Before that my husband and I took the boys, and all their friends. We watched them from a safe distance. So... I think you could do the same until your comfortable with letting her go alone.
Good luck.

WendyTerry420

We drop off our kids at the mall sometimes. They are 13 and 15. I used to walk to the mall when I was that age, or ride my bike.

Janiot

To be honest I cannot remember - she has been refereeing Basketball for nearly 4 years and I am sure snuck to the local mall with "friends" in between games during the day and in the evenings on Fridays -she is now 15 and works part-time at Hoyts as well but knows I will often check up on her - I do not like her going to the mall (it is 5 mins from home and the smallest in the state) after school and I am not happy with her working until 2230 some evenings but we collect her and she is aware of the potential of groupd of lads walking around at that time of night so stays inside hoyts until we are there.

WendyTerry420

Wow, this is kind of nuts. My parents started letting me walk in and out of town (down to the ice cream shop and such) when I was 11 or 12. By the time I was 13 I had a steady job baby-sitting two kids (5 and 9) and getting dropped off at the mall with my friends for the afternoon/evening came to be a regular occurrence. I always had a cell phone to check in with, but that was it. Did we goof off a lot? Sure. But we knew what was dangerous and how to stay out of any and all real trouble.

If you don't start teaching your kids how to be responsible, self sufficient, and independent when they're relatively young, how are they ever going to grow up to be functioning, well adjusted adults?

This^^^

I never had a cell phone and did all these things, even after John Wayne Gasey was grabbing kids and killing them. There's a song that goes, "Paranoia will destroy ya!"

I think it's important to give teenagers some independence. It's at this age that they develop skills that will last a lifetime.

WendyTerry420

When I was a kid, we got on our bikes in the morning and didn't come home until we were hungry or the street lights came on. It's not the 50's and 60's any more.

An opinion was solicited. I gave my opinion.

I wasn't seeking approval for my child-rearing methods and I never have.

I have to agree, 10 is a little young in my opinion...
My daughter was in no way mature enough to go to the mall with her friends at 10.

Well take a look at crime stats. You will find that abductions and kidnaps are much lower now than they were in the 80s when I was a teen. I can't say about the 50s, but I've researched it. There were more abductions of children 30 years ago. Kids are safer now than they were in the 80s.

I wouldn't dream of telling other parents how to raise their kids, but I am glad that my parents raised me to be a strong, independent, free-thinker. My own teens are benefiting from my upbringing. The mall or an amusement park is one of the safest places a teenager can be. And now they have cell phones even.

crisanderson27

Wow, this is kind of nuts. My parents started letting me walk in and out of town (down to the ice cream shop and such) when I was 11 or 12. By the time I was 13 I had a steady job baby-sitting two kids (5 and 9) and getting dropped off at the mall with my friends for the afternoon/evening came to be a regular occurrence. I always had a cell phone to check in with, but that was it. Did we goof off a lot? Sure. But we knew what was dangerous and how to stay out of any and all real trouble.

If you don't start teaching your kids how to be responsible, self sufficient, and independent when they're relatively young, how are they ever going to grow up to be functioning, well adjusted adults?

This^^^

I never had a cell phone and did all these things, even after John Wayne Gasey was grabbing kids and killing them. There's a song that goes, "Paranoia will destroy ya!"

I think it's important to give teenagers some independence. It's at this age that they develop skills that will last a lifetime.

Wonder how your parents would have felt, had he grabbed you.

And it has nothing to do with paranoia...it has to do with common sense. But hey, since there's a song...I must be wrong, lol.

Phoenix59

I allowed my daughter to go to the mall with friends when she was 13. Sometimes I would drop them off and pick them up, other times another parent would. No big deal. She's now 25 and a responsible, mature, independent adult .

Nan_

No, no way. We have boys and we never let our boys go to the mall by themselves at that age. They weren't even allowed to go to the mall with friends at that age either. We just never felt like hanging out at the mall was a good idea. As they got older they could go shop around with several of their friends and check in with me and MY friends, but they were never allowed to just go and "hang out." There are better places to hang out at that age.

We just told our kids that it wasn't that we didn't trust them, it was just that we didn't trust their judgment at that age. We worried that they would get themselves into situations that they couldn't easily get out of. You set external barriers now, and when they're older you hope that the values you taught them and their *internal* barriers will keep them safe and making right choices.

Sapporo

A lot of you people must live in really scary places. I was out of the house at the crack of dawn and home at dark. I would hate to be a helicopter parent. My now 16 year old daughter has always been encouraged to get the heck out of the house and hang out with friends.
Let the kid got to the mall with friends and be normal.

crisanderson27

Let the kid got to the mall with friends and be normal.

Love this. Be normal? Who gets to decide what normal is?

You?

christine24t

Depends on the maturity of the teenager in question. Only you know her maturity level.

Personally, if she was respectful, mature and took the initiative to cook, & clean at home I would let her go.

If you are still picking up after her, nagging her to do chores, then no. I wouldn't let her go.

Definitely this. And if she has a cell phone, I would say even better. At 13 and younger, my mom would drop my sister and I off for the day at the pool, and we'd walk to a coffee shop and call her on our cell phone to come get us. We were both very mature though.

SherryTeach

My daughters are now 30 and 31, but I'm pretty sure that when they were in junior high, I took them to the mall with groups of friends I trusted for a few hours of shopping and firm pick up location and time. They were sensible, level-headed girls with similar minded friends; we live in the suburbs of a large city. Our mall is well-kept and well-patrolled. I didn't see any problem with it.

I am a middle school teacher and believe that a gradual loosening of the parental reins is an important part of growing up. I certainly know which of my students I could trust at the mall for a couple of hours and which ones would probably be the ones causing the trouble.

CallMeCupcakeDammit

Wow, this is kind of nuts. My parents started letting me walk in and out of town (down to the ice cream shop and such) when I was 11 or 12. By the time I was 13 I had a steady job baby-sitting two kids (5 and 9) and getting dropped off at the mall with my friends for the afternoon/evening came to be a regular occurrence. I always had a cell phone to check in with, but that was it. Did we goof off a lot? Sure. But we knew what was dangerous and how to stay out of any and all real trouble.

If you don't start teaching your kids how to be responsible, self sufficient, and independent when they're relatively young, how are they ever going to grow up to be functioning, well adjusted adults?

This^^^

I never had a cell phone and did all these things, even after John Wayne Gasey was grabbing kids and killing them. There's a song that goes, "Paranoia will destroy ya!"

I think it's important to give teenagers some independence. It's at this age that they develop skills that will last a lifetime.

Wonder how your parents would have felt, had he grabbed you.

And it has nothing to do with paranoia...it has to do with common sense. But hey, since there's a song...I must be wrong, lol.

I ♥ you!

I have another true story. At Wheaton Plaza there was a mom waiting outside the men's bathroom for her son (this was years ago, when I was pregnant with my son, so like 17 yrs, back when it was "safe"). I want to say the boy was 10. She waited a really long time for him to come out. She finally asked someone going in if he could check for her son. Nobody ever heard or saw anything. The kid was lying on the bathroom floor. The guy who raped him walked right past her. He was just in there waiting for someone like him to come in. :frown: It's not just girls we have to worry about.

angel4evergvng

i just LOVE the way everyone is saying 'yes let them go- trust your kid- give them, responsibility- etc'.....

i trust my kids completely.... they have responsibilities and they uphold them....

it is all the FREAKS of the world i dont trust....

the mall is a very busy place... lots of people- lots of exits... it only takes a moment for some freak wacko to grab your child and molest or rape or abduct or god for bid kill..... then what?!....

and it doesnt have to even be an adult.... it could be another teen!! all you see everywhere is sex and violence... how many teens have gone into schools or public places and opened fire?? ... causing so many innocent kids and people to be hurt and killed.... how many kids disappear everyday while walking home from school or just in the neighborhood or something.... it happens!!!

and yes i know that you cant guard your kids 24/7 but to send them into a mall or other widely public crowded place at such a young age is just asking for trouble in my opinion.... turn it around.... if all they want to do is go and hang out- why cant an adult go... what is it they want to do that they dont want the parents to know about??? if it is just hang out and shop then they shouldnt mind if there was an adult there!