Petpeeves, what does YOUR partner do?
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1. Dishwasher Loading - he put bowls in upside down so they just collect water!
2. He uses our dining room table to store his outerwear, bags and general crap when there is a hall closet 2 feet away!
3. He gets mad at me when I get sick - like it's my fault or I did it on purpose!0 -
Last thing: he never has a friggin opinion on anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall. He's just never bothered by anything, the mellowest guy in the world. I just want to know what you're thinking sometimes!!!!
YESYES! Mines not 'mellow' but has no input, or oppinion on anything. Anything bad/exciting/ANYTHING. If I tell him ANY kind of conversation starter. Nothing. Not a word of input except 'oh ya.' Gosh give me something!
Good god, I am glad I am not alone on this. It makes me feel really disconnected. We have plenty of conversations, but for example we are looking to buy a house right now, so we've been checking out places, and I tell him what I like and don't like. I ask him his opinion in return, and I get NOTHING! I don't know whether he doesn't want to disagree with me or whatnot, but I told him that I *want* to know what he has to say, because maybe there's something I missed or didn't consider! He seemed to get that, but trying to pull an opinion out of him was like pulling teeth.
*edit* he even told me that he didn't know WHY he felt a certain way. It's like he just has no clue how to express his opinions and make sense of his emotions. :frown:
Exactly. I have tried to talk to him about it. And he telols me 'i dunno' he doesnt know why he doesnt have an input or doesnt have an oppinion. He has always been this way. and the emotions thing is dead on. He doesnt know how express positive emotins. he is currently going through therapy for anger management and things, which it has helped. but after every class i ask him about it, or what they talked about or what the subject was and its a one word answer. but never on how to express himself. So maybe need to dig deeper. Or maybe he just cant.
He can and he will. It just takes time. While it's not an anger management thing with my hubs, I think the issue is very similar. He grew up in a very "happy" home, and I don't think he ever learned how to deal with conflict. Since expressing your opinion and revealing your emotions can lead to conflict, he's probably learned to completely suppress them and as a result is totally out of touch. At least that's my theory. We're working on it together. He is a sweet, intelligent and funny man and I love him regardless though.
Sounds like you ladies want your men to relate to you like your female friends do. Men don't commiserate or empathize with each other like women do. If you stop trying to force them to 'open up' and just let them know you're there IF they want to talk, they'll be much more willing to come to you. Just my experience in life and in books.0 -
I tell myself everyday how lucky I am to have found my husband! He is so good to me! He is the one that gets upset with me for taking my socks off and leaving them all in a bunch, he gets upset with me for 'soaking' the dishes in the sink.
I think I am the luckist female alive, my husband is awesome.
Some days I wonder why he married me, I'm sure he could have found someone better...
I think my only pet peeve would be his lack of opinions on what we are going to do/what we will eat/where we want to go to dinner, I don't like to choose those things and it annoys me sometimes when he just says 'I dunno'.0 -
He will eat almost all of something (a bag of chips, a carton of ice cream) but will leave less than a bite in the package. I guess he won't feel like a huge sack of crap if he didn't eat the whole thing. But, I go to get me some ice cream (that I've budgeted for in my calorie goals) and there's like a lick left.0
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1. He constantly eats the ice out of his drinks, morning, noon and night, crunching and ice falling in a cup is all I hear from the moment he gets up until he leaves, and then onces he's home again. Drives me absolutely insane!! He will even bite ice in the middle of a sentence, chew it up and then finish his sentence ... ugghhh
2. He forgets to tell me things all the time, so I usually hear a story the same time everyone else does as well.
3. He fills coolers up on the weekends when we go out for an outing and then leaves them in my trunk - full of water and left over beer, water, pop, until I get it out and put away the drinks and dump it.... he gets on the girls for not picking up their stuff, kinda the pot calling the kettle black
But other than that, he's great, he works hard, takes care of his family, likes to have fun and makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world, so I'll deal with the ice crunching and forgetfulness in exchange for all the good stuff
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Last thing: he never has a friggin opinion on anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall. He's just never bothered by anything, the mellowest guy in the world. I just want to know what you're thinking sometimes!!!!
YESYES! Mines not 'mellow' but has no input, or oppinion on anything. Anything bad/exciting/ANYTHING. If I tell him ANY kind of conversation starter. Nothing. Not a word of input except 'oh ya.' Gosh give me something!
Good god, I am glad I am not alone on this. It makes me feel really disconnected. We have plenty of conversations, but for example we are looking to buy a house right now, so we've been checking out places, and I tell him what I like and don't like. I ask him his opinion in return, and I get NOTHING! I don't know whether he doesn't want to disagree with me or whatnot, but I told him that I *want* to know what he has to say, because maybe there's something I missed or didn't consider! He seemed to get that, but trying to pull an opinion out of him was like pulling teeth.
*edit* he even told me that he didn't know WHY he felt a certain way. It's like he just has no clue how to express his opinions and make sense of his emotions. :frown:
Exactly. I have tried to talk to him about it. And he telols me 'i dunno' he doesnt know why he doesnt have an input or doesnt have an oppinion. He has always been this way. and the emotions thing is dead on. He doesnt know how express positive emotins. he is currently going through therapy for anger management and things, which it has helped. but after every class i ask him about it, or what they talked about or what the subject was and its a one word answer. but never on how to express himself. So maybe need to dig deeper. Or maybe he just cant.
He can and he will. It just takes time. While it's not an anger management thing with my hubs, I think the issue is very similar. He grew up in a very "happy" home, and I don't think he ever learned how to deal with conflict. Since expressing your opinion and revealing your emotions can lead to conflict, he's probably learned to completely suppress them and as a result is totally out of touch. At least that's my theory. We're working on it together. He is a sweet, intelligent and funny man and I love him regardless though.
Sounds like you ladies want your men to relate to you like your female friends do. Men don't commiserate or empathize with each other like women do. If you stop trying to force them to 'open up' and just let them know you're there IF they want to talk, they'll be much more willing to come to you. Just my experience in life and in books.
Actually that's not correct. Men have been societally conditioned to not express their emotions. That doesn't mean that they can't or don't want to. And connecting emotionally with your wife/husband is the basis of a stable and fulfilling relationship. Women shouldn't sit back to "wait" for their husband to come to them if they want to talk. Do you realize how sexist that is? We have needs. Just like our husbands have needs. The key is to try to understand EACH OTHER and try to meet each other's needs. Just my experience from therapy with someone that has a Ph.D. in psychology and has worked with couples for 40 years.0 -
He treats me really well.
Tells me I'm beautiful about a hundred times a day.
Cooks dinner every night.
Buys me sexy clothes because he loves to see me in them.
Freaking JERK!:laugh:0 -
To start it off, here's a few of what MINE does.....
*He leaves the toilet seat UP!!
*When he opens a cupboard, he forgets how to shut it I guess!
*Flushes before he is done so OF COURSE theres pee in the toilet still.
Ready, Set, GO!!!
Is operating a toilet seat THAT hard for females?0 -
He treats me really well.
Tells me I'm beautiful about a hundred times a day.
Cooks dinner every night.
Buys me sexy clothes because he loves to see me in them.
Freaking JERK!:laugh:
You should try talking to a lawyer, you need out of that bad relationship quick :laugh:0 -
Last thing: he never has a friggin opinion on anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall. He's just never bothered by anything, the mellowest guy in the world. I just want to know what you're thinking sometimes!!!!
YESYES! Mines not 'mellow' but has no input, or oppinion on anything. Anything bad/exciting/ANYTHING. If I tell him ANY kind of conversation starter. Nothing. Not a word of input except 'oh ya.' Gosh give me something!
Good god, I am glad I am not alone on this. It makes me feel really disconnected. We have plenty of conversations, but for example we are looking to buy a house right now, so we've been checking out places, and I tell him what I like and don't like. I ask him his opinion in return, and I get NOTHING! I don't know whether he doesn't want to disagree with me or whatnot, but I told him that I *want* to know what he has to say, because maybe there's something I missed or didn't consider! He seemed to get that, but trying to pull an opinion out of him was like pulling teeth.
*edit* he even told me that he didn't know WHY he felt a certain way. It's like he just has no clue how to express his opinions and make sense of his emotions. :frown:
Exactly. I have tried to talk to him about it. And he telols me 'i dunno' he doesnt know why he doesnt have an input or doesnt have an oppinion. He has always been this way. and the emotions thing is dead on. He doesnt know how express positive emotins. he is currently going through therapy for anger management and things, which it has helped. but after every class i ask him about it, or what they talked about or what the subject was and its a one word answer. but never on how to express himself. So maybe need to dig deeper. Or maybe he just cant.
He can and he will. It just takes time. While it's not an anger management thing with my hubs, I think the issue is very similar. He grew up in a very "happy" home, and I don't think he ever learned how to deal with conflict. Since expressing your opinion and revealing your emotions can lead to conflict, he's probably learned to completely suppress them and as a result is totally out of touch. At least that's my theory. We're working on it together. He is a sweet, intelligent and funny man and I love him regardless though.
Sounds like you ladies want your men to relate to you like your female friends do. Men don't commiserate or empathize with each other like women do. If you stop trying to force them to 'open up' and just let them know you're there IF they want to talk, they'll be much more willing to come to you. Just my experience in life and in books.
Actually that's not correct. Men have been societally conditioned to not express their emotions. That doesn't mean that they can't or don't want to. And connecting emotionally with your wife/husband is the basis of a stable and fulfilling relationship. Women shouldn't sit back to "wait" for their husband to come to them if they want to talk. Do you realize how sexist that is? We have needs. Just like our husbands have needs. The key is to try to understand EACH OTHER and try to meet each other's needs. Just my experience from therapy with someone that has a Ph.D. in psychology and has worked with couples for 40 years.
I never said they can't or don't want to. I'm just saying a constant hideous tugging of "talk to me, tell me what's on your mind, tell me what you're thinking, I want to BOND with you" is enough to piss anyone off, man or woman. It's not sexist to realize that men and women--and individuals--are different. It's called respecting someone's comfort zone. If you're trying to force a man to open up so *you* can feel closer, only *your* needs are being met.0 -
To start it off, here's a few of what MINE does.....
*He leaves the toilet seat UP!!
*When he opens a cupboard, he forgets how to shut it I guess!
*Flushes before he is done so OF COURSE theres pee in the toilet still.
Ready, Set, GO!!!
Is operating a toilet seat THAT hard for females?
I have heard this logic before, and understand where you're coming from. However the way I see it, the toilet seat is there for a reason. It is designed to be down. Not to mention that every time you flush, all that fecal material gets aerosolized (is that even a word? lol) if you don't put the lid down, and goes all over your towels, tooth brushes, etc. GROSS! Therefore, put the lid down every time you flush.0 -
My dissolution is just waiting on a court date so... I guess he did a LOT of stuff to bug me? :-)
Congrats on your fresh start
Good luck. 0 -
To start it off, here's a few of what MINE does.....
*He leaves the toilet seat UP!!
*When he opens a cupboard, he forgets how to shut it I guess!
*Flushes before he is done so OF COURSE theres pee in the toilet still.
Ready, Set, GO!!!
Is operating a toilet seat THAT hard for females?
If i'm the one that has to clean it he can put the seat down and not make a mess! common courtesy lol0 -
My biggest pet peeve with my partner is the fact that she doesn't exist.0
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My dissolution is just waiting on a court date so... I guess he did a LOT of stuff to bug me? :-)
I'm sorry but this made me laugh...Been there done it....Good luck.0 -
Last thing: he never has a friggin opinion on anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall. He's just never bothered by anything, the mellowest guy in the world. I just want to know what you're thinking sometimes!!!!
YESYES! Mines not 'mellow' but has no input, or oppinion on anything. Anything bad/exciting/ANYTHING. If I tell him ANY kind of conversation starter. Nothing. Not a word of input except 'oh ya.' Gosh give me something!
Good god, I am glad I am not alone on this. It makes me feel really disconnected. We have plenty of conversations, but for example we are looking to buy a house right now, so we've been checking out places, and I tell him what I like and don't like. I ask him his opinion in return, and I get NOTHING! I don't know whether he doesn't want to disagree with me or whatnot, but I told him that I *want* to know what he has to say, because maybe there's something I missed or didn't consider! He seemed to get that, but trying to pull an opinion out of him was like pulling teeth.
*edit* he even told me that he didn't know WHY he felt a certain way. It's like he just has no clue how to express his opinions and make sense of his emotions. :frown:
Exactly. I have tried to talk to him about it. And he telols me 'i dunno' he doesnt know why he doesnt have an input or doesnt have an oppinion. He has always been this way. and the emotions thing is dead on. He doesnt know how express positive emotins. he is currently going through therapy for anger management and things, which it has helped. but after every class i ask him about it, or what they talked about or what the subject was and its a one word answer. but never on how to express himself. So maybe need to dig deeper. Or maybe he just cant.
He can and he will. It just takes time. While it's not an anger management thing with my hubs, I think the issue is very similar. He grew up in a very "happy" home, and I don't think he ever learned how to deal with conflict. Since expressing your opinion and revealing your emotions can lead to conflict, he's probably learned to completely suppress them and as a result is totally out of touch. At least that's my theory. We're working on it together. He is a sweet, intelligent and funny man and I love him regardless though.
Sounds like you ladies want your men to relate to you like your female friends do. Men don't commiserate or empathize with each other like women do. If you stop trying to force them to 'open up' and just let them know you're there IF they want to talk, they'll be much more willing to come to you. Just my experience in life and in books.
Actually that's not correct. Men have been societally conditioned to not express their emotions. That doesn't mean that they can't or don't want to. And connecting emotionally with your wife/husband is the basis of a stable and fulfilling relationship. Women shouldn't sit back to "wait" for their husband to come to them if they want to talk. Do you realize how sexist that is? We have needs. Just like our husbands have needs. The key is to try to understand EACH OTHER and try to meet each other's needs. Just my experience from therapy with someone that has a Ph.D. in psychology and has worked with couples for 40 years.
I never said they can't or don't want to. I'm just saying a constant hideous tugging of "talk to me, tell me what's on your mind, tell me what you're thinking, I want to BOND with you" is enough to piss anyone off, man or woman. It's not sexist to realize that men and women--and individuals--are different. It's called respecting someone's comfort zone. If you're trying to force a man to open up so *you* can feel closer, only *your* needs are being met.
Who said that we are constantly nagging? How is it unreasonable to want my husband's opinion on the PURCHASE OF OUR HOME? And it *is* sexist to tell a woman to "wait and be ready until her husband is ready to talk to her." That's not respecting each other's differences. Did you read what I said? I said that the key was to understand each other's needs. That means I understanding my husband's needs and he understanding mine, and then trying to meet those needs for each other. *That's* respecting each other.0 -
The only thing my husband does that makes me pull out my hair is this..
*hubs walks into kitchen and looks around*
"hun....do we have peanut butter?"
Me- Did you try looking in the pantry where all the other food is stored?
::crickets::
Even better when he texts me such questions when I'm at work..and he is literally at home..0 -
To start it off, here's a few of what MINE does.....
*He leaves the toilet seat UP!!
*When he opens a cupboard, he forgets how to shut it I guess!
*Flushes before he is done so OF COURSE theres pee in the toilet still.
Ready, Set, GO!!!
Is operating a toilet seat THAT hard for females?
I have heard this logic before, and understand where you're coming from. However the way I see it, the toilet seat is there for a reason. It is designed to be down. Not to mention that every time you flush, all that fecal material gets aerosolized (is that even a word? lol) if you don't put the lid down, and goes all over your towels, tooth brushes, etc. GROSS! Therefore, put the lid down every time you flush.
My roommate bought this place with the toilet seat of the main toilet missing and the toilet is such a strange shape and neither he nor I know how to fix it. So it remains open 24/7. Poop everywhere.0 -
I'm THE partner described in a lot of these posts hahah. I come home from work and I'm super tired and sticky and sweaty (I have to wear a shirt and tie in a RETAIL job) and all I can think is MUST. REMOVE. CLOTHES. So I pull them off in the kitchen/living room and I'm like aaaahhh bliss. But then I leave them there...
And I hate doing dishes, and I hate dunking my hands in scalding water so I'm like okay I'll leave this to cool and go on MFP... 5 hours later, oops I forgot lol. And I try to drink more water but can never remember where my glass was so I get a new one each time... I'm also guilty of grabbing a new roll of toilet paper but not replacing the roll lol. And forgetting to flush sometimes, guilty too. My husband does most of the laundry and cooking, but since he told me all of his pet peeves (my bad habits, plus him having to do everything, and apparently I used to leave drawers open too but never realised) I've been trying to do better.
As for my pet peeves? Probably his incessant farting (though he'll gauge my reaction and either apologise or start a contest depending on my mood). And when he takes a big gulp of water then tries to 'talk' through it, with his mouth full, lips puckered up, for some reason that really annoys me so I just say 'what? what did you say? what?' until he swallows his drink, even though I can hear/understand him just fine. But that's about it. He's a big sweetie, and I'm glad he puts up with me
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Last thing: he never has a friggin opinion on anything. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to a blank wall. He's just never bothered by anything, the mellowest guy in the world. I just want to know what you're thinking sometimes!!!!
YESYES! Mines not 'mellow' but has no input, or oppinion on anything. Anything bad/exciting/ANYTHING. If I tell him ANY kind of conversation starter. Nothing. Not a word of input except 'oh ya.' Gosh give me something!
Good god, I am glad I am not alone on this. It makes me feel really disconnected. We have plenty of conversations, but for example we are looking to buy a house right now, so we've been checking out places, and I tell him what I like and don't like. I ask him his opinion in return, and I get NOTHING! I don't know whether he doesn't want to disagree with me or whatnot, but I told him that I *want* to know what he has to say, because maybe there's something I missed or didn't consider! He seemed to get that, but trying to pull an opinion out of him was like pulling teeth.
*edit* he even told me that he didn't know WHY he felt a certain way. It's like he just has no clue how to express his opinions and make sense of his emotions. :frown:
Exactly. I have tried to talk to him about it. And he telols me 'i dunno' he doesnt know why he doesnt have an input or doesnt have an oppinion. He has always been this way. and the emotions thing is dead on. He doesnt know how express positive emotins. he is currently going through therapy for anger management and things, which it has helped. but after every class i ask him about it, or what they talked about or what the subject was and its a one word answer. but never on how to express himself. So maybe need to dig deeper. Or maybe he just cant.
He can and he will. It just takes time. While it's not an anger management thing with my hubs, I think the issue is very similar. He grew up in a very "happy" home, and I don't think he ever learned how to deal with conflict. Since expressing your opinion and revealing your emotions can lead to conflict, he's probably learned to completely suppress them and as a result is totally out of touch. At least that's my theory. We're working on it together. He is a sweet, intelligent and funny man and I love him regardless though.
Sounds like you ladies want your men to relate to you like your female friends do. Men don't commiserate or empathize with each other like women do. If you stop trying to force them to 'open up' and just let them know you're there IF they want to talk, they'll be much more willing to come to you. Just my experience in life and in books.
Unfortunately I tried that approach for 3 years. I only began trying to get more of an input about 6 months ago.0
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