Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.

Chipmaniac

Been on my weight-loss journey since May 25th. Almost 2 months in I am bout 6lbs lighter, the difference in inches is minimal and it's hardly noticeable. My boyfriend and I are living 5000 miles away and I am moving back to where he lives at the end of september. My goal was to be down 15-20lbs by September 25th. So about 5 lbs a month. Not too crazy of a goal huh?

Well the BF was here at the beginning of July for 10 days. We were just on the phone and he goes "You have great features, and while I don't find myself attracted to you because of your weight, I do see potential in you and when I see old pictures of you and where you have been, I see that you can be smaller than you are"

I am sorry, but WHAT THE EFF!! I was 17 in those pictures, and while yes I may be a few pounds on the heavy side (I am about 145lbs, ex swimmer so my legs are all muscle, and I carry my weight well.) I am busting a$s, and have been frustrated with my current plateau, but not stressing it too much.

I'm just very upset at the moment. I work out 4-5 days a week, eat relatively healthy (the main change I have done in my diet is to cut out sugary drinks. All I drink is water, green tea and black coffee and also cut down on portion sizes) so I am hoping giving it some more time and upping the intensity of my workouts, I'll bust through this plateau.. but at the same time, what if I'm not able to lose the weight? I don't want to be with someone that no longer finds me attractive because he saw old pictures of me and now "realizes" how "hot" I can be compared to what I look like now.

Sorry it's so long.

Dump his *kitten*. You don't want to be with someone so superficial. Tell him to go watch "Shallow Hal". Maybe he will learn something.

Firephoenix013

I would so ditch him. One you are not that overweight. Two, if he can't love you for how you are now, he won't love you for how you are later. That's why I love my boyfriend right now he has seen how I am, and he's still going to love me when I get skinny. I always wondered if I got skinny and showed a guy my heavy pictures what he would say or do and if he looked at me in disgust I would have said buh bye. If you can't love me at my worst you will not love me at by best so get outta town.

So I'm with the majority. Get. Rid. Of. Him.

Tropical_Turtle

reading this - the word that comes to mind is NEXT!!!! He should love you for who you are now, not what you could or can be.

muffinattack

You should dump the guy, he's not worth your time, effort, and he certainly doesn't deserve you.
As for the weight loss, every body handles it differently. You said you have a lot of muscle, but you could just have less fat to lose and are losing it slowly.

Moretakitty

I know I'm in the minority here, but....

He wasn't calling names. He wasn't making fun. He was being honest. He could have chosen his words a bit more diplomatically, I concede that, but all you people that are telling the OP that she should break up with him need to chill. This is one brief moment in a relationship we know NOTHING about.

But he was being honest about the fact that he's not attracted to her. If that's the case then why are they dating?

Agreed... because he sees potential in her? That's just crazy. He should be with her for who she is today, not for who she can become, or who she used to be.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I know I'm in the minority here, but....

He wasn't calling names. He wasn't making fun. He was being honest. He could have chosen his words a bit more diplomatically, I concede that, but all you people that are telling the OP that she should break up with him need to chill. This is one brief moment in a relationship we know NOTHING about.

But he was being honest about the fact that he's not attracted to her. If that's the case then why are they dating?

Exactly. Why not break up with her is SHE isn't what he wants? Why expect her to change, especially when she's likely at a healthy weight? They both need to move on.

MSepp

Been on my weight-loss journey since May 25th. Almost 2 months in I am bout 6lbs lighter, the difference in inches is minimal and it's hardly noticeable. My boyfriend and I are living 5000 miles away and I am moving back to where he lives at the end of september. My goal was to be down 15-20lbs by September 25th. So about 5 lbs a month. Not too crazy of a goal huh?

Well the BF was here at the beginning of July for 10 days. We were just on the phone and he goes "You have great features, and while I don't find myself attracted to you because of your weight, I do see potential in you and when I see old pictures of you and where you have been, I see that you can be smaller than you are"

I am sorry, but WHAT THE EFF!! I was 17 in those pictures, and while yes I may be a few pounds on the heavy side (I am about 145lbs, ex swimmer so my legs are all muscle, and I carry my weight well.) I am busting a$s, and have been frustrated with my current plateau, but not stressing it too much.

I'm just very upset at the moment. I work out 4-5 days a week, eat relatively healthy (the main change I have done in my diet is to cut out sugary drinks. All I drink is water, green tea and black coffee and also cut down on portion sizes) so I am hoping giving it some more time and upping the intensity of my workouts, I'll bust through this plateau.. but at the same time, what if I'm not able to lose the weight? I don't want to be with someone that no longer finds me attractive because he saw old pictures of me and now "realizes" how "hot" I can be compared to what I look like now.

Sorry it's so long.

No offense...he sounds like a *kitten*.

Someone who loves you will love you the way you are and not try to change you. It's one thing if it's your goal to lose weight and he supports you...but for him to say he likes you IN SPITE of you?! Dump his butt.

Donnaakamagmid

Holy Sh#% what a tool. Leave him where he is 5000 miles away.

ItsMeRebekah

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

Your answer sounds very shallow and all men do NOT lie. So if your wife gains weight are you gonna come out and say "honey you're fat and I am not attracted to you right now but when you lose weight I will be again."

oh hes already said 978541 times that he would flat out divorce his wife if she was fat. so pretty sure he would come out and say it all kind and such!

alleycat88

I love how everyone is so negative on your BF.

Here's something to think about...maybe he knows what your goals are and is not the best communicator. With that in mind, could it be that you are misinterpreting his attempt at support? Remember, that not everyone conveys what they mean in perfection, and no matter what your mindset is at the time, you will have influence upon how you read what is said.

This isn't the first time he comments on my weight. We had a HUGE argument around christmas time when I was the heaviest I have ever been (155), and I wasn't happy with myself. I started putting together a plan to lose weight. The way he thought was best to "motivate" me was by being negative and I confronted him about it.

He changed significantly and was very supportive WHICH IS WHY THIS HURTS SO MUCH. Out of the blue, after 2 months of hard work (and him being supportive) he tells me this. I'm starting to think a lot of things he has said has been utter bullcrap. He is telling me now again he is not attracted to me despite the discussions we have had previously regarding this subject and how I think he should have handled things back then.

Jules2Be

HMPFf!

saragato

I know I'm in the minority here, but....

He wasn't calling names. He wasn't making fun. He was being honest. He could have chosen his words a bit more diplomatically, I concede that, but all you people that are telling the OP that she should break up with him need to chill. This is one brief moment in a relationship we know NOTHING about.

9 times out of 10 when you ask relationship advice from strangers, you will get the "dump them" response. Yes he was being honest, but I still have to think there's something not quite right with it. He admits to not being attracted to her as-is and then compares her to photos from her teenage years, saying that's her potential. Sure she has the potential to lose the weight but she won't look like she did at 17. That and I can't really condone a resulting "I'm losing so my boyfriend will find me attractive again" escapade.

Really I think there needs to be a long, serious talk about this whole thing between them and see if her weight really is that detrimental to the relationship and if she's comfortable with it.

yo_andi

I know I'm in the minority here, but....

He wasn't calling names. He wasn't making fun. He was being honest. He could have chosen his words a bit more diplomatically, I concede that, but all you people that are telling the OP that she should break up with him need to chill. This is one brief moment in a relationship we know NOTHING about.

I'm going to agree with this.

When I first got sick and ballooned to 250 lbs, my loving fiance had no idea what to do. Rather than fake attraction to the "new" me he was very honest about his feelings and about the impact of it on my self-esteem. Yes it hurt! Yes I was miserable! We broke things off eventually for different reasons altogether, however the lesson from that time stuck. Do what you need to do, don't necessarily write him off as a *kitten* but consider the value of his honesty, and make up your own mind. You are the only one who knows how he *truly* treats you. If his treatment of you can improve, well then, I'd help him pack his bags. But if he treats you well 99.9% of the time, then I would regard this as his attempt at honesty and encouragement, not a slap in the face.

MSepp

I love how everyone is so negative on your BF.

Here's something to think about...maybe he knows what your goals are and is not the best communicator. With that in mind, could it be that you are misinterpreting his attempt at support? Remember, that not everyone conveys what they mean in perfection, and no matter what your mindset is at the time, you will have influence upon how you read what is said.

This isn't the first time he comments on my weight. We had a HUGE argument around christmas time when I was the heaviest I have ever been (155), and I wasn't happy with myself. I started putting together a plan to lose weight. The way he thought was best to "motivate" me was by being negative and I confronted him about it.

He changed significantly and was very supportive WHICH IS WHY THIS HURTS SO MUCH. Out of the blue, after 2 months of hard work (and him being supportive) he tells me this. I'm starting to think a lot of things he has said has been utter bullcrap. He is telling me now again he is not attracted to me despite the discussions we have had previously regarding this subject and how I think he should have handled things back then.

It sounds to me like this is just who he is/how he is...he might have "behaved" for a while, but don't expect him to change. I just don't like to think of you getting your feelings hurt because he's so insensitive.

daizymay58

Don't let him drag you down and dump him now because if that is his focus it is not LOVE!!!! Relationships are not all about what you look like on the outside and as much as most of us would like to have our youth back it will never happen.. Women especially have body changes when having children and with age, that will never be like what they were, even the skinniest of women have this issue....Dump him and do what you need to do for you, there are guys out there that will love you for who you are not for what you looked like at a younger age!!!!!!

Pedal_Pusher

What a ****................find a new guy, stat!

dayone987

I love how everyone is so negative on your BF.

Here's something to think about...maybe he knows what your goals are and is not the best communicator. With that in mind, could it be that you are misinterpreting his attempt at support? Remember, that not everyone conveys what they mean in perfection, and no matter what your mindset is at the time, you will have influence upon how you read what is said.

Sorry, telling someone you're not attracted is not being suportive not matter how you dress it up

30forApril

OH HELL NO!!! let me start by saying this: The reason to dating or being someone's girl/boyfriend is to know if they are the one... Second: if you really love hi and choose to stay with him, atleast consider he's being honest.
c) Men never treat you better than when you are dating...
d) I was 120 lbs and 16 when I married my husband... I got up to 230 lbs with my last (3rd) pregnancy ...tha's pretty much double the weight! Never once in all the 14 years that we were married did he ever make me feel the way this guy just did you... Never once did he ever criticize my weight or even hint that I should go on a diet.. My husband is one of those genetically blessed people that are naturally thin and has been into body building/weightlifting for about 7 years now, and he looks pretty damn good if I do say so myself... lol... He finally got up to 190 lbs this past month and is very proud of himself... you'd think someone like him would be the destroyer of ego's and self esteem, but he never has been. That's not to say that a year and a half ago when I started my journey to a better body and better health he wasn't thrilled! I lost the 20lbs I'd gained (which wasmostly water) within the first week or two after giving birth, that left me with 210 lbs of unhappy me... that was March of 2011... since then I have lost roughly 50 lbs and I feel great about myself. He isn't the biggest hugest support in the world, but that's only because his way of encouraging is totally different that what I need... He will definitely get on to me if i'm not eating right and will remind me that I haven't worked out how do I expect to lose weight... but I never hear how good I look or any positive feed back... I've tried to tellhim what I need as far as encouragment, but we are just too different ...lol.. (that's why i'm on MFP, people here are great! )

Your boyfriend is being honest with his feelings, no need in questioning that, you are still only going out, so no real commitment to hold you back... real love might be there, that's why he stays... my example is this... wednesday, I waslooking at my March 2011 pics I took (my before) and I compared them to my current June pics... I told my husband "OMG! you must really love me if you stayed with me when I looked like that!"and he told me " I was this close." he formed his fingers to about an inch size! I was pretty much shocked and was like what? he just smiled and hugged me and said, "of course I love you, I'm still here ain't I?" sure I wasn't sure how to feel at first but, I decided to use that as motivation and as a sign that I am doing the right thing. I mean what if the tables were turned, and he had ballooned up to 2 or 300 lbs, and I kept up my fitness level?... would I have stuck it out? would I still be attracted to him? who knows? I'd like to say yes, because we have a connection far beyond the physical level, but you just never know...

Chipmaniac

I know I'm in the minority here, but....

He wasn't calling names. He wasn't making fun. He was being honest. He could have chosen his words a bit more diplomatically, I concede that, but all you people that are telling the OP that she should break up with him need to chill. This is one brief moment in a relationship we know NOTHING about.

She should return the honesty. "I'm sorry but I can't be with someone who is so superfiicial." Both can be honest.

He's one seriously shallow dude if he thinks someone who is 145 pounds is unattractive because of their weight. I could see it if she was 300 pounds or something. Everyone has their limits, but only the most superficial would be turned off at 145.

Chipmaniac

I know I'm in the minority here, but....

He wasn't calling names. He wasn't making fun. He was being honest. He could have chosen his words a bit more diplomatically, I concede that, but all you people that are telling the OP that she should break up with him need to chill. This is one brief moment in a relationship we know NOTHING about.

I'm going to agree with this.

When I first got sick and ballooned to 250 lbs, my loving fiance had no idea what to do. Rather than fake attraction to the "new" me he was very honest about his feelings and about the impact of it on my self-esteem. Yes it hurt! Yes I was miserable! We broke things off eventually for different reasons altogether, however the lesson from that time stuck. Do what you need to do, don't necessarily write him off as a *kitten* but consider the value of his honesty, and make up your own mind. You are the only one who knows how he *truly* treats you. If his treatment of you can improve, well then, I'd help him pack his bags. But if he treats you well 99.9% of the time, then I would regard this as his attempt at honesty and encouragement, not a slap in the face.

250 <> 145

RMElliott2

What an *kitten*!! This is also called abuse. Verbal abuse often escalates to physical abuse. Don’t go back, he doesn’t deserve you.

CJK1959

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

Beauty comes from the light inside a person and it complements the outside physical appearance. To say that our SO's lie if they say we're beaufiful when we're fat is insulting and demeaning and (for me at least) suggests that you are superficial, banal and obsessed with how you (and those around you) look. We all know that being healthy and at a healthy weight is the best way to be, but don't fan the fires with hurtful "truths" and "lies" that only take away our confidence and ability to love ourselves.

saragato

I love how everyone is so negative on your BF.

Here's something to think about...maybe he knows what your goals are and is not the best communicator. With that in mind, could it be that you are misinterpreting his attempt at support? Remember, that not everyone conveys what they mean in perfection, and no matter what your mindset is at the time, you will have influence upon how you read what is said.

This isn't the first time he comments on my weight. We had a HUGE argument around christmas time when I was the heaviest I have ever been (155), and I wasn't happy with myself. I started putting together a plan to lose weight. The way he thought was best to "motivate" me was by being negative and I confronted him about it.

He changed significantly and was very supportive WHICH IS WHY THIS HURTS SO MUCH. Out of the blue, after 2 months of hard work (and him being supportive) he tells me this. I'm starting to think a lot of things he has said has been utter bullcrap. He is telling me now again he is not attracted to me despite the discussions we have had previously regarding this subject and how I think he should have handled things back then.

It sounds like he tried for you, for whatever reason, but went back to his ways. If this is an ongoing issue that's been discussed and obviously tried for compromise and failed, that's a huge problem. You have to figure out if you can deal with that, if you can take the emotional abuse of him telling you he's not attracted to you, and if it's all worth the money and time you're going to put being with him in person where it may actually get worse.

KeriW626

Kick him to the curb. The things he is saying and I know this is just the tip of the ice burg. He is gonna get worse, I have a way for you to loose 100+ lbs of UGLY fat in just one minute. Kick him the curb. Good luck in what ever you do. I hope you meet your goal weight. You will be happy with that, An I promise you will find someone who loves you for you.

sofakingawesome69

let me jump into the *kitten* storm here.

As a former speak my mind type who talked before he thought, is it possible he mean in his comment that he is not attracted to you because of your weight meaning it is other things. Dazzling personality. Drive. Attitude. Ability to Kick some butt.

Maybe just a bad way to word things. You are offended, so instead of being mad and not telling him why, just tell him what you said here. maybe you will find out he is just not good at saying things right.

hkevans724

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

THIS IS THE BIGGEST BUNCH OF CRAP I HAVE EVER HEARD! YOU ARE THE PROBABLY THE DOUCHE WHO SAID THAT TO THAT POOR GIRL!! IF YOU DON'T THINK YOUR WIFE IS BEAUTIFUL EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HER LIFE THEN I HOPE SHE DROPS YOU LIKE A HOT COAL AND FINDS HERSELF A REAL MAN!

Chipmaniac

I love how everyone is so negative on your BF.

Here's something to think about...maybe he knows what your goals are and is not the best communicator. With that in mind, could it be that you are misinterpreting his attempt at support? Remember, that not everyone conveys what they mean in perfection, and no matter what your mindset is at the time, you will have influence upon how you read what is said.

This isn't the first time he comments on my weight. We had a HUGE argument around christmas time when I was the heaviest I have ever been (155), and I wasn't happy with myself. I started putting together a plan to lose weight. The way he thought was best to "motivate" me was by being negative and I confronted him about it.

He changed significantly and was very supportive WHICH IS WHY THIS HURTS SO MUCH. Out of the blue, after 2 months of hard work (and him being supportive) he tells me this. I'm starting to think a lot of things he has said has been utter bullcrap. He is telling me now again he is not attracted to me despite the discussions we have had previously regarding this subject and how I think he should have handled things back then.

I just looked at your pics. He's f'ing crazy. There's nothing wrong with your body.

The only reason he wouldn't be attracted to you is if he's gay or a shallow, narcissistic a-hole. Either way, the relationship can't be healthy.

auroranflash

There's enough negativity and condescension in the world, I don't need it lying next to me at night.

MSepp

The long and short of it is that you can't live your life to make the other person happy. Changing something like, oh I don't know, putting your clothes away or washing the dishes...that's one thing. Changing how you look? I mean if you're doing it for yourself, good for you and I hope you achieve your goals...but you can't live life to make someone else happy or you'll never be truly happy.

If he's too blind to see what he already has...? He's not worth this kind of hurt.

30forApril

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

I have come to learn this is correct...lol.. my hubby lied well until a few days ago.. glad he was honest though.. I chose to take it as motivation and I want for him to be as proud of his wife as I am of my husband!