Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.
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He sounds like a jerk. You can drop a few pounds by getting rid of a sandbag like him.
This^ is exactly right.0 -
He sounds like a jerk. You can drop a few pounds by getting rid of a sandbag like him.
^ Totally THIS!!!!! He doesn't deserve you!0 -
OH NO!! So what happened after you broke up with him and hung up the phone???0
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RUN, don't walk. He will never treat you as you deserve to be treated.
Well said! This guy is obviously pigheaded and focuses on your outer appearance. Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who isn't kind or supportive of you? If you are like mosst people you will fluctuate in size from time to time, do you really want to be critized all the time for not being what HE thinks you should be.
Don't sell yourself short, there are amazing guys who truly will love you for you and be supportive of your goals. You were not put on this earth to please some *kitten* who is unhappy with himself.
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There's that old saying... what was it again? Oh yeah. "Goodbye and have a nice life."
Then, when you have met your goals, let him see you walking hand in hand with another guy.0 -
I know you've gotten tons of replies, but...
Don't give up just because some stupid boy said something mean. Make these changes for you, so you are happy with you. if others notice, then great, but that's not the point. You should be happy and healthy.
As for the guy- Well, is he worth it? If he's not all that special to you, I'd say drop him. If you think he just said something stupid (as all men do), then just have a chat and ask "What did you really mean by that?" If he's a good guy, he'll smother you with complements and apologies.0 -
I am SO absolutely sorry that one of the people who is supposed to treat you the best felt it okay to say something so hurtful! This makes me very fortunate to have such a wonderful, loving and supportive man in my life. I know he'll be honest, but not cruel.
Don't let his careless and caustic words deplete your motivation-you look amazing! And I'd KILL to have legs that were pure muscle! I can't say dump him or keep him-that's something you have to ponder on (though honestly, it's my first instinct). My advice: tell him the exact impact his words had. Maybe he's like many people and what he really thought didn't get from his brain to his lips correctly. If you let him know exactly how it made you feel and you don't get an "appropriate" reaction, follow your heart. You deserve support from those closest to you, and you deserve to be treated wonderfully. Don't allow anything less than that!0 -
It hurts me how much abuse women are willing to put up with from jerks.It hurts me how much women on these boards are so eager to tell a stranger to dump the douche the first time he says what they consider the wrong thing. Hen house terrorism.0 -
It hurts me how much women on these boards are so eager to tell a stranger to dump the douche the first time he says what they consider the wrong thing. Hen house terrorism.
Whatever . . . hen house terrorism or not, it's what we would do in that situation. Also, I do believe there have been more than one guy commenting on the situation, not just chicks. I dated/married my husband between 160-180 lbs. I'm now above 200 since our son was born and he STILL comments on how beautiful I am and how sexy my *kitten* is now (he did it then too). He genuinely makes me feel loved and beautiful every single effing day! I truly feel sorry and pity any woman or man who accepts less than superb treatment!!
Op, granted you can tell him that his comments hurt and depleted your motivation to continue. Tell him you need encouragement (giving examples of what specific kinds of encouragement work for you). See what he says then; it may all be a misunderstanding. But, if he truly is *that kind of douche* please, please have respect and love enough for yourself to let him go and not surround yourself with that negativity.0 -
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
It's so sickening to think that someone can work so hard to improve themselves and then someone else can come along and say something like this, making us all believe that unless we are perfect, we can never really be beautiful to anyone else.
It is very narrow minded of whoever originally posted this comment to say that someone else could not honestly be attracted to a different body than the skinny body that the commentator is attracted to.
"It is the mind which creates the world around us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours, my heart will never stir to the emotions with which yours is touched."
Loving the appearance of someone who is heavy exists. Love that transcends a persons outward appearance exists.
To the person who did post that comment, I'm sure that you believe that you are just being honest with the statement that you posted, and that you aren't trying to be malicious or do any harm, but you have the viewpoint of one singular person.
Your statement has more of an impact than you realize, so please be careful.0 -
You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.
And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?
If my Fiance ever told me he wasn't attracted to me, I wouldn't be able to be with him. If someone isn't attracted to you, why would you stay with them? There's really no point, because if you are not attracted, you're not in love. Attraction and Love goes hand in hand.0 -
^^^ This...completely!It hurts me how much abuse women are willing to put up with from jerks.0 -
Been on my weight-loss journey since May 25th. Almost 2 months in I am bout 6lbs lighter, the difference in inches is minimal and it's hardly noticeable. My boyfriend and I are living 5000 miles away and I am moving back to where he lives at the end of september. My goal was to be down 15-20lbs by September 25th. So about 5 lbs a month. Not too crazy of a goal huh?
Well the BF was here at the beginning of July for 10 days. We were just on the phone and he goes "You have great features, and while I don't find myself attracted to you because of your weight, I do see potential in you and when I see old pictures of you and where you have been, I see that you can be smaller than you are"
I am sorry, but WHAT THE EFF!! I was 17 in those pictures, and while yes I may be a few pounds on the heavy side (I am about 145lbs, ex swimmer so my legs are all muscle, and I carry my weight well.) I am busting a$s, and have been frustrated with my current plateau, but not stressing it too much.
I'm just very upset at the moment. I work out 4-5 days a week, eat relatively healthy (the main change I have done in my diet is to cut out sugary drinks. All I drink is water, green tea and black coffee and also cut down on portion sizes) so I am hoping giving it some more time and upping the intensity of my workouts, I'll bust through this plateau.. but at the same time, what if I'm not able to lose the weight? I don't want to be with someone that no longer finds me attractive because he saw old pictures of me and now "realizes" how "hot" I can be compared to what I look like now.
Sorry it's so long.
Work out for you, not him. I lost some weight before I realized that, but it really took off after I realized it. Your motivation should be to be healthy, and do so by loving yourself (and not in a Divinlys kind of way!). I echo what many others have said ... might be time to move on. That is not support.0 -
I was married to someone like this and you cannot even begin to imagine the level of pain and agony this brings you in the long run. As most here have said... Run - don't walk- away. The damage this has the potential to bring you if you stay in this relationship is so far reaching that it will ruin your sense of self worth. Please align yourself with a partner who adores you as you are right now. Not who you might be in the future or who you were in the past. I am so sorry he talked to you this way. You deserve better than this.0
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Great. You're lucky to have that with him.
I wrote that you don't seem to like him very much, based on the posts I read:@ Kenneth. Are you reading my posts correctly?
I have not once said I do not like my boyfriend, I don't like the way he choses to negatively "motivate" me and I don't like that he sees pictures of 17 year old me. I am 23. I didn't have hips until I was 20! My figure and body-type have changed just from age alone, and while I may one day WEIGH the same, chances are I won't LOOK the same.
I have loved him and supported his choice to lose weight and he is 180 @ 5'11 and looks great in my eyes. He looked great in my eyes when he was 195-200 so please don't say I don't "like" him. I don't like the things he says some times, but I do love him.
I was seeing a lot of responses to dump him, and was confused. Then I saw some of your follow-up posts, and combined with your OP, I got the impression that you were not painting your boyfriend in a very positive light on a website that I presume he has not access to. So I assumed you were doing this behind his back. And to me, that sounds like something a person would do to someone they don't like very much.OK, I've read some of your follow-up posts in this thread. You don't seem to like your boyfriend very much. *THAT'S* a good reason to end the relationship.
I'm sorry if I've completely missed your point. I don't have the right to judge your relationship. I was going by what you posted, including a follow-up comment that included this:and honestly, I knew my BF was shallow when we met
Your original post sounded like you were frustrated with your own progress and wanted to paint your boyfriend as an insensitive jerk, and get other MFP users to rally around you disparaging him. If that was your intent, it certainly worked.
If your boyfriend were to read your posts in this thread would he feel like you like him very much?
Based on previous conversations between my BF and I, he KNOWS how it makes me feel when he says such things, so I doubt he would be surprised by anything I wrote in any of my posts. Both he and I are both honest to one another
Do you find it interesting at all how many people are posting that you should break up/leave/dump him? Where do you think those people are getting the notion that might be a good idea?0 -
Yep if this had happened to me I would now be single and looking for someone less shallow and worthy of my time and effort....what a douche!
I agree ^^ Drop that jerk right now!!!!! Oh no 145lbs! Imagine if you were to become pregnant and gain weight. Would he just abandon you? Would he cheat on you with thin girls bc he is so judgemental? uGH!0 -
Yikes. He's a major loser girl! You look great now, and you'll look great when you reach your goal. You need to find someone that thinks you look great all the time!0
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Definitely sounds like someone who is not worthy of being your boyfriend! Find someone who will cherish you for you and if you want to change for you and to be more healthier more power to you. Don't ever change for a man because most won't change for you!0
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I had an ex who hinted to that being a problem after I finished grad school and got up to 160. Note that he is my ex. Please make this *kitten* your ex. If you're going to do this, do it for YOU and no one else.0
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He sounds like a jerk. You can drop a few pounds by getting rid of a sandbag like him.
I couldn't agree more with this comment! Please ditch this jerk....he certainly doesn't respect you.0 -
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
It's so sickening to think that someone can work so hard to improve themselves and then someone else can come along and say something like this, making us all believe that unless we are perfect, we can never really be beautiful to anyone else.
It is very narrow minded of whoever originally posted this comment to say that someone else could not honestly be attracted to a different body than the skinny body that the commentator is attracted to.
"It is the mind which creates the world around us, and even though we stand side by side in the same meadow, my eyes will never see what is beheld by yours, my heart will never stir to the emotions with which yours is touched."
Loving the appearance of someone who is heavy exists. Love that transcends a persons outward appearance exists.
To the person who did post that comment, I'm sure that you believe that you are just being honest with the statement that you posted, and that you aren't trying to be malicious or do any harm, but you have the viewpoint of one singular person.
Your statement has more of an impact than you realize, so please be careful.
^^^^THIS x100
I couldn't have said it better myself.....or said it with as much grace. In fact, I have a few choice words...but I'll refrain. <thinking happy thoughts>0 -
I had to watch my mom date (and almost marry) a guy who constantly threw in her face that she wasn't attractive enough for him, because she wasn't as skinny as she used to be. He wasn't so upfront about it like your boyfriend, but he bought expensive clothing like Armani and Ralph Lauren in a size 6. She's a size 16. This man was manipulative and treated her like *kitten*. No one deserves that.
I've read a lot of comments in this thread saying that your boyfriend isn't shallow. He's just telling you the truth as a way to push you to your goals. Here's the thing, you cannot lose weight for anybody but yourself. Your intention may have been to please your husband or to "wow" your high school friends at a reunion, but at the end of the day, it's all about you. You can't please everybody.
My father did this to my mother when they were still married. Disgusting.0 -
People will reveal to you their true nature when you let them. Often times being quiet and letting them talk, reveals a lot. The truth of the matter is that if you were heavier when you started dating him like you stated, than what was his motivation in the first place to date you? If he isn't attracted to you, why date you? Was it to have the upper hand in the relationship? To keep you down so that he felt superior?
I feel as though if you lost weight, he would just find something else that he wasn't "attracted" too. If you complete X he then will suddenly be attracted to you, what about if you get heavy again, then what? When people reveal what their true character is. BELIEVE THEM.0 -
Skinny =/= beautiful and fat =/= ugly. Anyone who says only skinny people can be attractive is shallow. If they only find skinny people attractive that's fine. That's their preference. But to insinuate or even outright state that no one can find a heavier person attractive unless they are some sort of chubby chaser is completely assinine. Plus, you are 145 lbs. Depending on your hight and build that might be slightly overweight, perfectly ideal, or even slightly underweight.0
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Sounds like something I went through. I had an ex best friend (that I still miss) I knew him for more than 2 years. At some point we were getting extremely close. One day he was just too quiet, I got him to tell me and he was starting to get teary. He said, "I see you, and I look inside you and I see the perfect you...sometimes I think that we could be together, but you're too big." We had a big argument and by the end of it I tell him that he had to say something nice to me. He said, "You really are beautiful, I really do like you. You're perfect for me."
By the end of it I was confused, How can someone like you and tell you that you are the most beautiful person in the world to them -even then perfect but not enough because you're too big?
By the middle of the next year he was already starting to imply that he wanted me to lose weight because he wanted to be with me. It hurt so much. We slowly stopped talking to each other.0
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