Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.
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Get rid of the jerk, if he doesn't love you for who you are now, he never will! Tell him to keep those old pictures of you, because that is all that he will be seeing. I think that this would make me even more motivated to lose weight and find someone way better!
Yeah I agree. DUMP HIS *kitten*!!! If he says he is not attracted to you now how do you know he ever will be? I have total confidence in you to drop the weight and I know you can do it but what if (just saying) it doesn't happen right away or at all? You do not want to be in a relationship with someone who flat out says they are not attracted to you when you are a little heavier. What about when you have kids and gain a few lbs during the pregnancy? What if later down the road something happens where you gain a few lbs? Find someone who love you for you ALL THE TIME - not just when you are thin! You can do much better! Don't let this deplete your motivation, let it fuel the fire!!! Move on from him, focus on yourself, and find true happiness! You deserve it!0 -
WOW!!! That is a pretty nasty thing to say, especially if you care about someone!!
Makes me really, really appreciate my boyfriend and realize how awesome he is.. He has never said one negative thing to me since I've started this journey. And I don't believe he ever would.
He only tells me how beautiful and sexy I am and always how proud he is of me.0 -
I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?
I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.
You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim
Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."
Me: "Okay. say it"
Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"
I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING. I wont sugar coat it for you. Your being a fcking idiot. Get out of such a shallow, depreciating relationship. It will only end up getting worse and worse for you in the long run. THEN, lose the weight for YOU, go and find a guy who knows how to value a person for who they are and would love you at 120 lbs or 220lbs, and show this ****ty ex what real love looks like. I can tell you, its not weighed in lbs, stone or kgs.0 -
Your boyfriend sounds like my ex:/ Hmm it's good he felt like he could be honest I guess, my ex wasn't, not to me anyways. I don't know what I would've done if he had been honest and told me what he was really thinking when we were together, knowing me I would've tried to be what he wanted me to be just to please him.
Your boyfriend is being honest and yeah that's fair enough but if he loves you, he should accept you for who you are, personality wise and looks wise, the lot. You shouldn't have to change for someone else, you should only change for you.
With my ex it was more of a mental change that he expected from me. I have anorexia and he expected me to just grow up and snap out of it, not in a loving way though.
My point is, if he can't accept you for you then tell him to jog on because you are beautiful, strong and amazing just as you are. There's someone out there for everyone, and maybe he isn't the right person for you, don't let him bring you down. Thank him for being honest and walk away xxx0 -
An example of "mispoke himself" vs "Just a jerk"
My fiancee was looking at a book I made for him one night (just a collection of little notes or letters I wrote and things I love about him). he sighed and said "I wish I loved you as much as you love me".
Obviously I got irate with him and started crying.
He further clarified that what he meant was he wished he was able to SHOW just how head over heels he is for me. After further discussion he was better able to articulate what he meant...and he shows me every day that he loves me (read the 5 love languages).
In this case, it's not a matter of mis-spoke. He said quite frankly how he feels. He's honest. Ok. but it doesn't change what he said. If he wants a thin teenager, maybe that's what he should go find instead of being cruel to someone who is already a knockout and working hard to take care of herself.
And that is that. I think i got too worked up over this...it just makes me sad because shallow comments (however offhanded or unintentional they may have been) can lead to such deeper problems (like eating disorders).
I wish you the best and hope that, regardless of your choice, you are first and foremost HAPPY with who you are
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Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort.
I can barely see for all of the warning lights going off...
Do you plan on marrying this man? Having his children? What happens if you gain weight and don't take it off in a timeframe that suits him? Do you become single mom at that point? Does he treat you like shiz until you get the weight back off - make you feel unloved and insecure?
Yowch.0 -
Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.
So say you do hit your goal weight and get married, etc? What happens if you get pregnant? Or have a thyroid problem and gain weight? Or have some other problem and need to go on steroids and your face swells up?
This guy is an *kitten*.0 -
Been on my weight-loss journey since May 25th. Almost 2 months in I am bout 6lbs lighter, the difference in inches is minimal and it's hardly noticeable. My boyfriend and I are living 5000 miles away and I am moving back to where he lives at the end of september. My goal was to be down 15-20lbs by September 25th. So about 5 lbs a month. Not too crazy of a goal huh?
Well the BF was here at the beginning of July for 10 days. We were just on the phone and he goes "You have great features, and while I don't find myself attracted to you because of your weight, I do see potential in you and when I see old pictures of you and where you have been, I see that you can be smaller than you are"
I am sorry, but WHAT THE EFF!! I was 17 in those pictures, and while yes I may be a few pounds on the heavy side (I am about 145lbs, ex swimmer so my legs are all muscle, and I carry my weight well.) I am busting a$s, and have been frustrated with my current plateau, but not stressing it too much.
I'm just very upset at the moment. I work out 4-5 days a week, eat relatively healthy (the main change I have done in my diet is to cut out sugary drinks. All I drink is water, green tea and black coffee and also cut down on portion sizes) so I am hoping giving it some more time and upping the intensity of my workouts, I'll bust through this plateau.. but at the same time, what if I'm not able to lose the weight? I don't want to be with someone that no longer finds me attractive because he saw old pictures of me and now "realizes" how "hot" I can be compared to what I look like now.
Sorry it's so long.
Do you really want to waste yor time on someone so f'n shallow? My hubby loves me through thick and thin...literally. The only reason why he even cares if I lose weight / get in shape is because when I feel better about myself, I am happier...and hornier, lol! Do yourself a ginormous favor and dump that *kitten* STAT! You deserve more...love yourself!0 -
I'd like to punch this guy in the face.0
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Kick him to the curb. Don't lose weight for him. Lose weight for yourself if that is what you YOU want to do. You need a partner who adores you and finds you gorgeous and sexy nomater what your weight. Dating can lead to marriage, babies, lots of body changes...and you need someone who will support you through that.
I have had three kids, and I'm about 25 pounds heavier than I was when I met my husband. My belly has stretch marks on it from my pregnancies, my boobs are no longer perky. But you know what? My husband is crazy about me and he tells me that I'm "sexy as hell." I am here to lose weight for ME, not for him, and it feels amazing to know that he finds me beautiful nomater what. You deserve that kind of devotion, too!
^^^^
This!0 -
Yes. It's shallow but it's not harming anyone. If you are already in a relationship with a person and you can't be attracted to them how they are then you are committing a fraud. In this case, he fessed up. She should take this new information and send him packing so he can refuse to date 145 pound, healthy woman on his own time.
He's not refusing to date her. He's already dating her and f'ing with her head.so just to make sure i am not shallow how many pounds overweight does a woman have to be before before refusing to date her makes me shallow?
20? 50? 100? what if she is 200?
im asking the people in the thread saying its shallow to refuse to date an overweight person.
so if you get married and your SO gains 100 pounds you are shallow if you have a problem with it? thats not the person you married.0 -
I dumped a guy for this crap. My exact words were "If you're not happy with me now I will only disappoint you later. I'd rather reach my fitness goals for my own personal reasons than do it to gain the "prize" of a relationship".
I said those exact words, I remember because when I got to my car shaking with anger and humiliation I wrote down what I'd just said on a napkin because I was shocked I came up with that on the fly! I have no idea where the words came from but when they came out of my mouth I swear I felt taller. And about 250lbs lighter if you know what I mean. Four months later he emailed me that he was wrong and felt terrible he hopes I'm not mad blah blah blah.... I just responded that I wasn't mad and hoped he was doing well, good bye.0 -
She beat me to it...lolHe was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:
Your answer sounds very shallow and all men do NOT lie. So if your wife gains weight are you gonna come out and say "honey you're fat and I am not attracted to you right now but when you lose weight I will be again."
I am the one who was getting the walking papers.
I wouldn't want to be with a woman who enabled me to be overweight and unhealthy. LOL at the people saying to dump him....I applaud him for being honest. If it weren't for my wife being honest with me, I wouldn't have gotten the kick in the pants that I needed to start getting healthy.
The truth hurts, but sometimes that's what you need...:bigsmile:0 -
He has been honest about this before (christmas 2011), and I took it to heart, and started making these changes because I also realized I was the heaviest I had ever been (155). It's not his honesty that upsets me, it's the fact that he's attracted to someone he's never met - 17 year old alleycat.
I weigh 145 lbs and i'm NOT fat. I love my body immensely. I have a body that I rely on to do what I need it to do. I have a hot *kitten*, nice face, nice legs although a little too much muscle for my liking but all in all....I rock. Yes if I look around I will always see someone who looks hotter or what not. Who gives a flying *kitten* what other people look like. I gotta live with me and I sure as hell (nor does anyone) need someone around who is gonna be there to remind me where I fall short when being compared to some other ideal. Whether it be an old me or not. Therefore, if a boyfriend told me flat out that he was not attracted to me for whatever reason, I would see it has his problem...not mine and I would wonder what he was gonna do about it. Leave or get over it?0 -
What a jerk! You've done a great job with your weight loss, you should be really proud of the progress you've made so far! That's just such an awful thing for him to say. Ugh!0
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Just looked at your profile. You are 23 years old and have a gorgeous figure. Please do not waist any more time on this guy. DO NOT move for him.0
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Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.
Jesus. Seriously? Why the hell would you even BEGIN a relationship knowing he'd treated ex's like that. Particularly the fact that he broke off a marriage, supposedly a lifelong commitment, because she didnt put enough effort into losing it? Honey, thats gonna be you in 5 years. He wont be happy, get. the. hell. out.0 -
Should we know who he is? I mean he HAS to be a famous in order to that much of a bollocks!0
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Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.
No matter if we say break up with him, stay with him... I think you've already drawn your own conclusions.
Do you want to continue to feel this way?
Good luck with whatever you choose, just remember that a woman deserves to be treated like like she is the most beautiful woman in the world, that no one compares to you, just as a man deserves to be treated in kind."I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me?"0 -
Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.
He seems like an unhappy person anyways and what you do won't matter to him but keep on continuing this journey for you! :flowerforyou:0 -
What an *kitten*-hat! You deserve soooooo much better than this guy you are describing. I hope you realize this and move on!
Good luck to you in your journey!!0 -
There is a certain danger in asking men for the truth. Especially when it regards to your figure. If you want the truth you cannot get upset about it. If you want things sugarcoated, tell him.
But don't let this deplete your motivation. This isn't about him. It's about you.0 -
Eff that *kitten*! I really hope you broke up with him. WTF?0
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Oh and btw the way if I was that way inclined I totally would!0
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Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.
Ugh. Ok, first off, I'd be a little freaked out at the fact that he is enamored with the 17 year old you. Um, jail bait? Secondly, he divorced his first wife because she gained weight and didn't take care of herself? Either he is really *THAT* shallow, or she *REALLY* didn't take care of herself. I'll go with the first reason.
DO NOT start a life together with this man, if you can call him one. HE WILL cheat if he's doing/saying things like this. He IS a pig and a shame to the human race.0 -
WHAT THE HELL DUMP HIS SORRY *kitten* YOU ARE SUPER SEXY0
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5,000 miles apart makes it easier to not miss him when he is your ex. Give him points for being honest, but seriously???? BYEBYE!!!!
I sooo agree with this. I appreciate the 'positve' with him being honest but really? now you know where his core is, you deserve better.0 -
A man shouldn't be treating you that way. Mean thing to say, for sure :-( Hope you can pick up and move on soon.0
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That's a great example. I've been guilty a few times saying one thing and have it taken the wrong way. This case is different, as you said.An example of "mispoke himself" vs "Just a jerk"
My fiancee was looking at a book I made for him one night (just a collection of little notes or letters I wrote and things I love about him). he sighed and said "I wish I loved you as much as you love me".0 -
Been on my weight-loss journey since May 25th. Almost 2 months in I am bout 6lbs lighter, the difference in inches is minimal and it's hardly noticeable. My boyfriend and I are living 5000 miles away and I am moving back to where he lives at the end of september. My goal was to be down 15-20lbs by September 25th. So about 5 lbs a month. Not too crazy of a goal huh?
Well the BF was here at the beginning of July for 10 days. We were just on the phone and he goes "You have great features, and while I don't find myself attracted to you because of your weight, I do see potential in you and when I see old pictures of you and where you have been, I see that you can be smaller than you are"
I am sorry, but WHAT THE EFF!! I was 17 in those pictures, and while yes I may be a few pounds on the heavy side (I am about 145lbs, ex swimmer so my legs are all muscle, and I carry my weight well.) I am busting a$s, and have been frustrated with my current plateau, but not stressing it too much.
I'm just very upset at the moment. I work out 4-5 days a week, eat relatively healthy (the main change I have done in my diet is to cut out sugary drinks. All I drink is water, green tea and black coffee and also cut down on portion sizes) so I am hoping giving it some more time and upping the intensity of my workouts, I'll bust through this plateau.. but at the same time, what if I'm not able to lose the weight? I don't want to be with someone that no longer finds me attractive because he saw old pictures of me and now "realizes" how "hot" I can be compared to what I look like now.
Sorry it's so long.
Question for you: That second pic of you? The split screen with you in a bikini top, etc. Is that how you look now? Because, if it is? You might want to re-think uprooting your life for this dude. You are NEVER going to be good enough for him--he will always find something wrong with you.
I think you look fantastic just as you are. A lot of women would LOVE to look like that!!! You want to lose some weight real quick? LOSE HIM!0
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