Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.
Replies
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Based on your pics, I think you have a fantastic body, and any guy would be lucky to date you. What an epic douche. If my guy ever told me he wasn't attracted to me because of my weight, I'd say sweet, don't bother having any more sex with me then.... wouldn't want to put a strain on your delicate sensibilities!0
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I dated a guy for over a year who wouldn't hold my hand in public or make contact with me because of my weight. He constantly made remarks about it, etc. I have been in those shoes and I still haven't recovered from the toll he took on my self-esteem. I am now in a very happy relationship with a man who loves me for exactly the way I am, regardless... but the creep's voice and comments come back into my head and make me feel bad about myself all over again sometimes. Don't let him damage you. Drop him and find someone who loves you and makes you feel great about yourself no matter what size you are!0
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I am going to open myself up here.I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?
I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.
You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim
Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."
Me: "Okay. say it"
Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"
I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL
My wife said the same thing to me just about.
I used it as motivation to reach my fitness goals. And yes, it hurt.
She was just honest.
Should I have divorced her for that?
ABSURD!0 -
I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?
I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.
You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim
Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."
Me: "Okay. say it"
Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"
I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL
Sounds like he just lacks a "duh don't say something like that" filter. How long have you been dating?
a year and half, and known each other for 2 and a half.
Ok...so here's the thing...in every other aspect, is he supportive and loving?
My husband says some stupid things sometimes and I always take them the worst way possible. It sounds like he loved you the way you were then but I doubt he loves you less now. I mean...my husband has changed since we first met and I sometimes wish he was in the same shape as he was back then and I find myself maybe not as attracted, but all his other qualities helped me fall for him...and we wouldn't give eachother up for any reason, even if the other fell a little off the healthy wagon.
If you have a healthy relationship and sex life, and he treats you good otherwise, I'd muck this up to stupid man talk and just keep pushing to get better for yourself.0 -
Been on my weight-loss journey since May 25th. Almost 2 months in I am bout 6lbs lighter, the difference in inches is minimal and it's hardly noticeable. My boyfriend and I are living 5000 miles away and I am moving back to where he lives at the end of september. My goal was to be down 15-20lbs by September 25th. So about 5 lbs a month. Not too crazy of a goal huh?
Well the BF was here at the beginning of July for 10 days. We were just on the phone and he goes "You have great features, and while I don't find myself attracted to you because of your weight, I do see potential in you and when I see old pictures of you and where you have been, I see that you can be smaller than you are"
I am sorry, but WHAT THE EFF!! I was 17 in those pictures, and while yes I may be a few pounds on the heavy side (I am about 145lbs, ex swimmer so my legs are all muscle, and I carry my weight well.) I am busting a$s, and have been frustrated with my current plateau, but not stressing it too much.
I'm just very upset at the moment. I work out 4-5 days a week, eat relatively healthy (the main change I have done in my diet is to cut out sugary drinks. All I drink is water, green tea and black coffee and also cut down on portion sizes) so I am hoping giving it some more time and upping the intensity of my workouts, I'll bust through this plateau.. but at the same time, what if I'm not able to lose the weight? I don't want to be with someone that no longer finds me attractive because he saw old pictures of me and now "realizes" how "hot" I can be compared to what I look like now.
Sorry it's so long.0 -
I give him props for being honest, but you need to be with somebody who sees you NOW. Not how you could one day be.
As far as your weight loss is concerned, I was on a 4 month plateau and was SO frustrated. My hubs and I did some research and we began fasting twice a week for 24 hours-based on "Eat Stop Eat". So basically, we eat dinner then fast until dinner the next night. Additionally, I changed my macros to 40% protein, 30% Carbs, 30% Fat. Since doing that two weeks ago, the plateau has been broken and I feel more in control of my hunger. I have also realized that I eat out of habit...0 -
If my guy ever told me he wasn't attracted to me because of my weight, I'd say sweet, don't bother having any more sex with me then.... wouldn't want to put a strain on your delicate sensibilities!
*giggle-snort*. Well put.0 -
He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.
And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?0 -
you don't take that from your boyfriend... disgusting.0
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What a *kitten*!!! Find someone who loves you for you.
Definitely this!! How crazy is he?? He definitely needs to go bye bye!!0 -
Yeah.. Um, my advice is drop the jerk and keep doing your thing. If he is that shallow and then to to come out and say something like that to you.. To be honest, he isn't worth your time. So I say dump the guy, and keep working on yourself. It isn't a matter of Can you lose the weight because pending health issues it is only a matter of when. Tell yourself that it is inevitable, that you didn't gain the weight in 2 months so it isn't all going to come off in 2 months but that it WILL happen.
In the end it is your call but what happens if/when you have kids with this guy and your body changes? Is he going to ditch you because you don't look like your 17 year old self? Just saying, a guy like that needs to grow up and fall in love with the whole woman not just what the woman Could look like on his arm.0 -
He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.
And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?
It isn't shallow to be honest and tell your loved one when your attractiveness level has decreased. Calling her a fat cow...yeah that would be disrespectful. Seems to me what happened here is boyfriend opened his mouth and forgot tactfulness.0 -
Dump him. Period. Some day you will be old and wrinkled and not "hot" regardless of weight and if he's that type, he'll leave you for someone younger and "hotter". Better to save yourself the trouble and find a real man.0
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Were you 145 pounds (or say the male equivalent 190) at the time?
I am going to open myself up here.I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?
I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.
You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim
Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."
Me: "Okay. say it"
Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"
I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL
My wife said the same thing to me just about.
I used it as motivation to reach my fitness goals. And yes, it hurt.
She was just honest.
Should I have divorced her for that?
ABSURD!0 -
Aww that makes me so sad! Don't be with someone that can't appreciate you. You deserve better and DUMP HIM.0
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When a guy tells you that he likes / loves your features but doesn't find you attractive, it's a real blow. It also tells you something else. If he was the man for you, fat or thin or in between, he'd be attracted to you for all of you. If you want to lose weight, do NOT be doing it for this guy. He's not worth it. Do it for YOU.
If he turns out to be Mr. Right, you're going to be endlessly fighting with your weight because you did it for the wrong reasons.0 -
[/quote]t.
And when somebody says something that is hurtful, decide to use that to motivate instead of drag you down.
Life is to be lived:drinker:
[/quote]
Hm. Normally I agree that proving haters wrong is motivating. But, at the same time, if you spend your life letting other people's hurtful comments dictate your motivation and your action, then you aren't really living your life. You're living their expectations.
Being that he's a boyfriend just magnifies this dilemma. And as much as people can say "don't let it drag you down," that's not really helpful because we can't dictate what makes us sad, mad, happy, etc. If we are sad, we can push it down. If we are mad, we can stifle the anger. But it's not really going away, is it? It's just festering. She's said it made her upset. So she has three choices: she can put this aside and then let it come out in another way down the road, she can speak up that it hurt her and it needs to stop, or she can leave. That's up to her.
And, for the record, being told that you should look the way you were when you were 17 isn't constructive because it isn't even possible for 99.9% of women.0 -
There are so many overly sensitive people on here! So perhaps he didn't word it well, but he was honest. Sometimes the truth hurts right? I'll never understand why people like to be lied too! Perhaps he isn't right for you if you are looking for somebody who sugar coats things, and if thats the case, he might have just saved you a huge move and additional heartache!0
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I hope he's now your ex boyfriend. What a mean thing to say to someone!
This!0 -
Break up with that b@stard. If he says he's not attracted to you just because of your weight, HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU.0
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You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.
And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?
Happily engaged, thank you...wedding is in just about 2 weeks...and I am with the dump him crowd.
It's not just the words...it's what's underneath them. He's not attracted to someone who is a completely healthy weight-he's comparing her to a teenage girl version of herself...someone like that is not going to be happy with her no matter what...the type of individual that will always be looking for the next hot piece of *kitten*...
I said it before and I'll say it again...she deserves better.0 -
BS. Anyone who is not attracted to a 145-pound woman due to her weight is shallow.
He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.
And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?
It isn't shallow to be honest and tell your loved one when your attractiveness level has decreased. Calling her a fat cow...yeah that would be disrespectful. Seems to me what happened here is boyfriend opened his mouth and forgot tactfulness.0 -
First and foremost, lose the weight for you; not for anyone else. Every human being has intrinsic value, and as someone with immense worth, you should care fore your self.
As for the BF, is that really the guy you want to grow old with?0 -
Okay, my wife of 11 years has told me repeated that she was more attracted to the fat me, the one that weighed 275 lbs. She says repeated that I shouldn't have lost the weight, and that she wants me to gain it back. Should I dump her? Honestly? She's even gone so far as to point out old pictures and say how much more she liked my looks back then.0
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could understand if he had said it and you were 300lbs, but 140.... get rid! x
My boyfriend has asked me to lose weight to become more healthy, and I'm 289lbs, but he has asked me to lose 60-100lbs and he's willing to make changes in his eating patterns as well to become more healthy, and has actually joined this website. He asks what HE can do to help me, and also tells me I'm pretty even though his friends don't see it. You need someone who likes you for you and won't put conditions on your relationship. Take all the anger you feel towards him and use it to your advantage. Maybe a boxing class would help get rid of aggression! Good Luck!0 -
He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:
This could also be a failed or awkward attempt at trying to encourage and support you in your journey to lose a few pounds. You know him better than any of us on this thread so you need to make the decision on what he may have really meant with his statement.0 -
omg honey don't move for him!!! He should love you for who you are and needs to see that you are a beaufitul and sexy woman without changing a thing! He needs to be your ex boyfriend, and you need to tell him to go fly a kite.0
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WOW. What a f*cktard. You're gorgeous, and you deserve someone who thinks so too.0
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There are so many overly sensitive people on here! So perhaps he didn't word it well, but he was honest. Sometimes the truth hurts right? I'll never understand why people like to be lied too! Perhaps he isn't right for you if you are looking for somebody who sugar coats things, and if thats the case, he might have just saved you a huge move and additional heartache!
There is a good/nice/caring way to phrase things and a very insensitive way of phrasing things.
If he wanted to support her weight loss goal, he should encourage her efforts....saying you're not attracted to someone because they don't have their teenage body anymore? I think he said a mouthful there.0 -
I am going to open myself up here.I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?
I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.
You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim
Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."
Me: "Okay. say it"
Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"
I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL
My wife said the same thing to me just about.
I used it as motivation to reach my fitness goals. And yes, it hurt.
She was just honest.
Should I have divorced her for that?
ABSURD!
But were you actually overweight? This girl ISN'T. The guy has unrealistic expectations. I am sure don't expect your wife to have the SAME body she did before having your children -- just that she take of herself and is healthy. This girl has written that she didn't develop hips until she was 20 -- 3 years AFTER the picture he is comparing her to. The same thing happened to me -- I weigh the same now as I did in high school, but my body is entirely different and nothing I could do would get me back to where I was.0
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