Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.

curvyvegan

This isn't the first time he comments on my weight. We had a HUGE argument around christmas time when I was the heaviest I have ever been (155), and I wasn't happy with myself. I started putting together a plan to lose weight. The way he thought was best to "motivate" me was by being negative and I confronted him about it.

He changed significantly and was very supportive WHICH IS WHY THIS HURTS SO MUCH. Out of the blue, after 2 months of hard work (and him being supportive) he tells me this. I'm starting to think a lot of things he has said has been utter bullcrap. He is telling me now again he is not attracted to me despite the discussions we have had previously regarding this subject and how I think he should have handled things back then.

The thing that really gets me about this is...you are only 15 pounds heavier than your goal weight. That is such a small amount. If you are serious about this guy, imagine your future together...what if you get pregnant? Your weight will fluctuate more than 15 pounds...not to mention other changes that your body might go through. Do you see him being attracted to you throughout all those possibilities? If a 15-pound fluctuation is going to make or break his attraction to you, then he has a very narrow view of beautiful.

I'm not saying that he was wrong for being honest - but you have to evaluate whether you really want to be with someone who honestly is not attracted to you with such a small amount of weight gain. I know I wouldn't want to settle for that. Because I know from experience that all guys are NOT like that, despite what some have said.

Chipmaniac

let me jump into the *kitten* storm here.

As a former speak my mind type who talked before he thought, is it possible he mean in his comment that he is not attracted to you because of your weight meaning it is other things. Dazzling personality. Drive. Attitude. Ability to Kick some butt.

Maybe just a bad way to word things. You are offended, so instead of being mad and not telling him why, just tell him what you said here. maybe you will find out he is just not good at saying things right.

This is like the whole "out of context" excuse politicians use. There's no positive way to interpret what he told her. None.

Mischievous_Rascal

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

Whoa there Bob... Usually your posts are spot on, but this one is not. Different strokes, right? And there's lots of crazy websites out there to prove THAT. LMAO

Alleycat - You should really be talking to your BF about how that comment made you feel. More importantly though, no matter how this shakes down, get motivated to get healthy for you. Best of luck.

tishad58

If he is not attracted to you, why is he wasting your time and tormenting you? That's cruel.

stacymama5

Oh please re-think your 5,000 mile move to be with the jerk. You deserve so much better!!

MSepp

let me jump into the *kitten* storm here.

As a former speak my mind type who talked before he thought, is it possible he mean in his comment that he is not attracted to you because of your weight meaning it is other things. Dazzling personality. Drive. Attitude. Ability to Kick some butt.

Maybe just a bad way to word things. You are offended, so instead of being mad and not telling him why, just tell him what you said here. maybe you will find out he is just not good at saying things right.

It'd be one thing if she was actually overweight...check out her pictures! She's gorgeous and has a great body! If he's looking for more than that, that's kind of extreme.

Chipmaniac

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

I have come to learn this is correct...lol.. my hubby lied well until a few days ago.. glad he was honest though.. I chose to take it as motivation and I want for him to be as proud of his wife as I am of my husband!

I feel sorry for folks whose relationship and attraction is based on such superficiality. Maybe men are using the supposed unattractiveness of their women as an excuse as to why they can't get it up, when in reality it's just their own inadequacy.

kennethmgreen

Wait a minute... Did you go back and edit your post after initially posting it? I don't understand all the "kick him to the curb" responses.

OP, are you equating your boyfriend saying he sees potential in you with a slap in the face? Is talking about your weight not OK? Why are you talking about your weight here, then?

OK, I've read some of your follow-up posts in this thread. You don't seem to like your boyfriend very much. *THAT'S* a good reason to end the relationship.

Chipmaniac

let me jump into the *kitten* storm here.

As a former speak my mind type who talked before he thought, is it possible he mean in his comment that he is not attracted to you because of your weight meaning it is other things. Dazzling personality. Drive. Attitude. Ability to Kick some butt.

Maybe just a bad way to word things. You are offended, so instead of being mad and not telling him why, just tell him what you said here. maybe you will find out he is just not good at saying things right.

It'd be one thing if she was actually overweight...check out her pictures! She's gorgeous and has a great body! If he's looking for more than that, that's kind of extreme.

Exactly. If I were 15 years younger and lived in New Orleans her problems would be solved very quickly.

AllDIVA

Hello. IT is understandable why you are upset. No one can decide for you other than you. It is all about loving who you are no matter what size you are. My heaviest was 328. now I am 230. I personlly feel that if you cannot accept me the way I am, then you need to move on and so do I. But only you can make that decision. It is not easy when you know you are working on yourself and others are insensative and rude. What if something happened and you were disfigured in some way? Love is love. Love is challanging. A person should want to be with you. if they don't then ... Kick Rocks!

wgn4166

hope you told him to kiss ur *kitten*

HiKaren

I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?

I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.

MSepp

Hello. IT is understandable why you are upset. No one can decide for you other than you. It is all about loving who you are no matter what size you are. My heaviest was 328. now I am 230. I personlly feel that if you cannot accept me the way I am, then you need to move on and so do I. But only you can make that decision. It is not easy when you know you are working on yourself and others are insensative and rude. What if something happened and you were disfigured in some way? Love is love. Love is challanging. A person should want to be with you. if they don't then ... Kick Rocks!

Well put. I mean...when you get pregnant almost all women put on weight. What if you lost a leg...? I moved across the country for my fiancee...the real deal is worth it. "Love is patient and kind. It is not proud, it is not RUDE, it is not SELF SEEKING, it is not easily angered, it keeps NO RECORD OF WRONGS."...this is what you want.

alleycat88

@ Kenneth. Are you reading my posts correctly?

I have not once said I do not like my boyfriend, I don't like the way he choses to negatively "motivate" me and I don't like that he sees pictures of 17 year old me. I am 23. I didn't have hips until I was 20! My figure and body-type have changed just from age alone, and while I may one day WEIGH the same, chances are I won't LOOK the same.

I have loved him and supported his choice to lose weight and he is 180 @ 5'11 and looks great in my eyes. He looked great in my eyes when he was 195-200 so please don't say I don't "like" him. I don't like the things he says some times, but I do love him.

30forApril

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

I have come to learn this is correct...lol.. my hubby lied well until a few days ago.. glad he was honest though.. I chose to take it as motivation and I want for him to be as proud of his wife as I am of my husband!

I feel sorry for folks whose relationship and attraction is based on such superficiality. Maybe men are using the supposed unattractiveness of their women as an excuse as to why they can't get it up, when in reality it's just their own inadequacy.

For your information, my husband can get it up really well, thank you... Why should I want to look good for my husband? He takes care of himself.. and if you read one of my other posts, you will see that He never once made me feel bad about my weight ever... not even when I was 200+ lbs and he's doing his thing bodybuilding and such... Our relationship is based on so many levels that I believe someone with your mentality couldn't even begin to comprehend... Jerk.

PRMinx

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

I have come to learn this is correct...lol.. my hubby lied well until a few days ago.. glad he was honest though.. I chose to take it as motivation and I want for him to be as proud of his wife as I am of my husband!

I feel sorry for folks whose relationship and attraction is based on such superficiality. Maybe men are using the supposed unattractiveness of their women as an excuse as to why they can't get it up, when in reality it's just their own inadequacy.

Virtual hug to you for this comment. Thank you for restoring my faith in your gender.

brandilacey

What if you marry him, and some day, for reasons out of your control, you gain a lot of weight? Think about the future and if you can handle being with someone who doesn't find you attractive all of the time, simply because they love you. You shouldn't have to be perfect for the person you are with to find you attractive. You are NOT EVEN FAT! I looked at your 2 pics, you are pretty and look pretty good, if he doesn't see that now, he never will. I almost could understand him feeubg that way if you were obese, but still, nobody should say something so hurtful for any reason if they are wanting the relationship to continue. When you love somebody so much that you want to be with them, they grow on you, no matter what they look like and you start to find them attractive. I would seriously reconsider how he must feel about you. You should be with someone who encourages you to be your best, not beats you down so much that you can never reach it.

marycmeadows

woah. douche. dump him and you'll lose what, 180lbs right there?!

sofakingawesome69

let me jump into the *kitten* storm here.

As a former speak my mind type who talked before he thought, is it possible he mean in his comment that he is not attracted to you because of your weight meaning it is other things. Dazzling personality. Drive. Attitude. Ability to Kick some butt.

Maybe just a bad way to word things. You are offended, so instead of being mad and not telling him why, just tell him what you said here. maybe you will find out he is just not good at saying things right.

This is like the whole "out of context" excuse politicians use. There's no positive way to interpret what he told her. None.

Yeah, exactly like politicians. LOL. So you have never ever mis spoke? Nice. Possibly you took my response "out of context". He is attracted to her, not because of her weight but because of the other great things about her. It could have meant he was atrracted to them. Still negative, but maybe a way to speak of the positive, not negative. Done poorly, but we all can't be cassanova.

littlepinkhearts

No need to dump him cause it sounds like he already dumped you. Now you can live a long happy life without his ignorant comments about your body. Honestly, you really don't need that kinda crap in your life and ya, we all know men are sooooo bad with words. Like *kitten* they are. They know exactly what they're saying and they say it for a reason. Also, I looked at your diary and you eat well on the days I looked at, but maybe you need to up your cals a little on the days you exercise. Maybe that'll help you lose a little more? Just a thought. I wish you well :flowerforyou:

devil_in_a_blue_dress

For everyone trying to defend the boyfriend -- look at OP's pictures, keep in mind that she weighs 145 pounds (which means she's probably in a healthy weight range), and that telling her she's not attractive or thin enough is a pattern of behavior (according to OP's comments in this thread).

In this case, the people who are screaming at you to GET AWAY, are totally right.

Different strokes -- yes. But if this dude isn't attracted to her, GREAT. He needs to move on -- not expect her to change to meet his idealized expectations that she likely won't be able to meet no matter how hard she tries because he doesn't actually love her.

Chipmaniac

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

I have come to learn this is correct...lol.. my hubby lied well until a few days ago.. glad he was honest though.. I chose to take it as motivation and I want for him to be as proud of his wife as I am of my husband!

I feel sorry for folks whose relationship and attraction is based on such superficiality. Maybe men are using the supposed unattractiveness of their women as an excuse as to why they can't get it up, when in reality it's just their own inadequacy.

For your information, my husband can get it up really well, thank you... Why should I want to look good for my husband? He takes care of himself.. and if you read one of my other posts, you will see that He never once made me feel bad about my weight ever... not even when I was 200+ lbs and he's doing his thing bodybuilding and such... Our relationship is based on so many levels that I believe someone with your mentality couldn't even begin to comprehend... Jerk.

If he gets it up, then he's attracted and it doesn't apply.

This girl is 145 pounds, not 200+. He's either incurably shallow or he's playing mind games with her. At the very least he's monumentally insensitive. Either way, he should be sent packing so he can pursue his unrealistic standards.

MSepp

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

I have come to learn this is correct...lol.. my hubby lied well until a few days ago.. glad he was honest though.. I chose to take it as motivation and I want for him to be as proud of his wife as I am of my husband!

I feel sorry for folks whose relationship and attraction is based on such superficiality. Maybe men are using the supposed unattractiveness of their women as an excuse as to why they can't get it up, when in reality it's just their own inadequacy.

For your information, my husband can get it up really well, thank you... Why should I want to look good for my husband? He takes care of himself.. and if you read one of my other posts, you will see that He never once made me feel bad about my weight ever... not even when I was 200+ lbs and he's doing his thing bodybuilding and such... Our relationship is based on so many levels that I believe someone with your mentality couldn't even begin to comprehend... Jerk.

I think that she is a different case though...I mean...it's one thing to support the other person in their efforts. It's another to put them down and have the "if only" scenario...She's working at her weight and he's still comparing her to a younger version of herself. Let's face it, metabolism doesn't speed up with age...it just seems insensitive. Maybe you and your husband are a different story. I just know I'd have my feelings hurt if, after dieting and working like a dog in my exercise routine, my fiancee told me he thought I looked better when I was younger and he could see being attracted to me if I could lose weight...I'd be like "What the eff does it look like I'm doing?!"

sofakingawesome69

@ Kenneth. Are you reading my posts correctly?

I have not once said I do not like my boyfriend, I don't like the way he choses to negatively "motivate" me and I don't like that he sees pictures of 17 year old me. I am 23. I didn't have hips until I was 20! My figure and body-type have changed just from age alone, and while I may one day WEIGH the same, chances are I won't LOOK the same.

I have loved him and supported his choice to lose weight and he is 180 @ 5'11 and looks great in my eyes. He looked great in my eyes when he was 195-200 so please don't say I don't "like" him. I don't like the things he says some times, but I do love him.

Don't let him make you feel bad or quit, it is an improvement and change in you that you are working hard for, it's not for him. Great if he feels better about things, but the way you feel is why we are all working on this..

Chipmaniac

let me jump into the *kitten* storm here.

As a former speak my mind type who talked before he thought, is it possible he mean in his comment that he is not attracted to you because of your weight meaning it is other things. Dazzling personality. Drive. Attitude. Ability to Kick some butt.

Maybe just a bad way to word things. You are offended, so instead of being mad and not telling him why, just tell him what you said here. maybe you will find out he is just not good at saying things right.

This is like the whole "out of context" excuse politicians use. There's no positive way to interpret what he told her. None.

Yeah, exactly like politicians. LOL. So you have never ever mis spoke? Nice. Possibly you took my response "out of context". He is attracted to her, not because of her weight but because of the other great things about her. It could have meant he was atrracted to them. Still negative, but maybe a way to speak of the positive, not negative. Done poorly, but we all can't be cassanova.

Have I misspoke? Probably. However, misspeaking is when you say you visited 57 states. It's not when you tell someone you aren't attracted to them because of their weight.

alleycat88

I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?

I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.

You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim

Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."

Me: "Okay. say it"

Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"

I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL

brandilacey

I think the problem here is that she isn't even big. If he sees her as so big that she is not attractive now, she will never be good enough.

If you are overweight, it's a pretty safe assumption that your spouse would find you more attractive if you were slim. You don't need to ask, and they don't need to say it. I know my husband is still attracted to me, I can tell in the way he touches and desires me and gets turned on when seeing me undressing. But I am a bit too big and I know he would find me more attractive if I lost some weight. key word is MORE...not attractive, finally. Most men would not be turned on by nude pics of me right now, they are probably gross, but he still wants them, bc he loves me, so he finds me attractive.

juliedozier

I don't think your weight is the issue ... I think it's your boyfriend. What a jerk. The right guy will love with or without a few extra pounds and see you for your true beauty!

_Wits_

Please tell me you called him on his comment...does he realize how stupid he just made himself look? :ohwell:

marieautumn

dump him. *kitten* happens. people get fat. including him i'm sure.