Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.

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  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    I love how everyone is so negative on your BF.

    Here's something to think about...maybe he knows what your goals are and is not the best communicator. With that in mind, could it be that you are misinterpreting his attempt at support? Remember, that not everyone conveys what they mean in perfection, and no matter what your mindset is at the time, you will have influence upon how you read what is said.
  • Treesy72
    Treesy72 Posts: 230
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    I'm sorry but he's a total douche!
  • elle18287
    elle18287 Posts: 267 Member
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    By the way, I just looked at you profile pictures, you are hot.
    Find a new boyfriend ASAP.
  • HornsUT32
    HornsUT32 Posts: 163 Member
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    Ok, I just looked at your pictures and your boyfriend is crazy. If he is not attracted to you now..at a healthy 145 pounds, what is he going to be like if you get married and have kids someday? This is a huge red flag!

    I know someone who was 7 months pregnant, and found a condom wrapper near the bed. When she confronted her husband, he said he had the right to cheat because she was "fat." What was even worse, she took the blame and agreed! Please don't turn in to this kind of girl.
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
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    Been on my weight-loss journey since May 25th. Almost 2 months in I am bout 6lbs lighter, the difference in inches is minimal and it's hardly noticeable. My boyfriend and I are living 5000 miles away and I am moving back to where he lives at the end of september. My goal was to be down 15-20lbs by September 25th. So about 5 lbs a month. Not too crazy of a goal huh?

    Well the BF was here at the beginning of July for 10 days. We were just on the phone and he goes "You have great features, and while I don't find myself attracted to you because of your weight, I do see potential in you and when I see old pictures of you and where you have been, I see that you can be smaller than you are"

    I am sorry, but WHAT THE EFF!! I was 17 in those pictures, and while yes I may be a few pounds on the heavy side (I am about 145lbs, ex swimmer so my legs are all muscle, and I carry my weight well.) I am busting a$s, and have been frustrated with my current plateau, but not stressing it too much.

    I'm just very upset at the moment. I work out 4-5 days a week, eat relatively healthy (the main change I have done in my diet is to cut out sugary drinks. All I drink is water, green tea and black coffee and also cut down on portion sizes) so I am hoping giving it some more time and upping the intensity of my workouts, I'll bust through this plateau.. but at the same time, what if I'm not able to lose the weight? I don't want to be with someone that no longer finds me attractive because he saw old pictures of me and now "realizes" how "hot" I can be compared to what I look like now.

    Sorry it's so long.

    If you stay with your guy, you will spend your entire life trying to measure up to his expectations of you. You need someone who sees the beautiful person you are - at any size - and who will support you and enjoy you each day -- not someone who will look at you in judgement every day. Get out now before you waste any more time with this ding bat!
  • MizSaz
    MizSaz Posts: 445 Member
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    I know I'm in the minority here, but....

    He wasn't calling names. He wasn't making fun. He was being honest. He could have chosen his words a bit more diplomatically, I concede that, but all you people that are telling the OP that she should break up with him need to chill. This is one brief moment in a relationship we know NOTHING about.
  • danwood2
    danwood2 Posts: 291 Member
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    Definitely kick him to the curb...
  • themommie
    themommie Posts: 5,021 Member
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    what a mean thing to say. You need to find someone who loves you for you and finds you attractive no matter what your weight. What if you gain weight during pregnancy or a sickness. i gained over 100 lbs due to sickness and my husband still told me daily how beautiful i was, Now that i have lost the 100 + lbs he is thrilled of course, but I know if i gain a little bit back he will still tell me I am beautiful. Find someone who loves you for you and continue to get healthy for you........:smile:
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
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    I love how everyone is so negative on your BF.

    Here's something to think about...maybe he knows what your goals are and is not the best communicator. With that in mind, could it be that you are misinterpreting his attempt at support? Remember, that not everyone conveys what they mean in perfection, and no matter what your mindset is at the time, you will have influence upon how you read what is said.

    It's good to have a guys perspective......which is needed...........you'll have to decide what you feel in your gut.
  • Mel2626
    Mel2626 Posts: 342 Member
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    Wow! I don't think I could be with someone who flat out told me they aren't attracted to me! What's the point? I've gained AND lost weight while with my current bf (for about 4 years) and he tells me I was just as sexy at my highest weight and that he never lost any love for me because of it. But in all honesty~ I KNOW he's more attracted to me now (and maybe one day he'll admit it) but that's also because he sees that losing weight is so much more than that to me. I'm becoming healthier, more active and happier and he likes that and supports me because it's a change that I want to make. He knows I had a slammin' body at 17 but chances are that I'll never look like that again~ I wasn't an adult~ our bodies change! lol A partner should be supportive and not put you down like that. Please be sure that you want to lose weight and become healthier for YOU only. You're doing awesome so far~ please don't less an *kitten* like him get you down!!!! :grumble: :grumble: :grumble: :grumble:
  • Sabs_21
    Sabs_21 Posts: 65 Member
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    Plus, this sounds like a power move on his part, trying to break you down.

    I agree with this. Some guys play on a girl's lack of self confidence so the the girl will desperately seeks the guy's approval. You are very beautiful and have a great figure! Like someone else said, I would love to look like you do already! I can't even understand that comment. If he's not "attracted" to you then why is he dating you in the first place?
  • YokoJ
    YokoJ Posts: 253
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    Kick his sorry behind out of your life!!!! For him to say such a ugly thing he BETTER be a rich gorgeous fit super model. Even then he would get cut from the team. Smh.
  • curvyvegan
    curvyvegan Posts: 80 Member
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    I would calmly explain to him that you think he has great features too, and while you don't find him attractive anymore because of what a terribly shallow person you've recently found him to be, you see potential in him if he could only be a completely different person. And then say goodbye.

    For good.

    Oh I love this! ^^^^
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    I know I'm in the minority here, but....

    He wasn't calling names. He wasn't making fun. He was being honest. He could have chosen his words a bit more diplomatically, I concede that, but all you people that are telling the OP that she should break up with him need to chill. This is one brief moment in a relationship we know NOTHING about.
    But he was being honest about the fact that he's not attracted to her. If that's the case then why are they dating?
  • Shelgirl001
    Shelgirl001 Posts: 478 Member
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    Totally rude and insensitive behavior from someone you plan to move that far for. You can do much better and deserve to do so.
  • ramgi
    ramgi Posts: 196 Member
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    I hope he's your ex boyfriend now. What a jerk!
  • Prudiddy
    Prudiddy Posts: 262 Member
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    ^this. Even if you hit your goal weight, he will always want you smaller. Trust me, I was with a guy like that who wanted me to be a certain weight and would make little digs when I wasn't. It only gets worse. You very pretty, you can do better! Find a man who appreciates your beauty!!

    No this^ I agree, when my first husband devorced me I was 240lbs, Wow) He said you can cook and all but you are too big. He left his first wife cause she couldn't cook, but was super skinny, Now he is married to someone who is a good size and can cook, and his black tall skinny behind is trying to leave her, he is never going to be satisfied. Go figure, be happy with the way you are and lose the weight to make you happy. I am re-married now and my husband which is 6years my junior married me at 230lbs. Now I am 179 he has never once made me feel bad about my weight. He loves me for me, yes he's a man and has issues, but he supports me in everything I do. You should have the same type of man! Good luck sis!
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    He was just being honest.
    Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
    Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
    When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
    Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
    The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
    Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
    Good Luck :flowerforyou:

    She weighs 145 pounds and describes her legs a muscular - unless she is under 5'2 she IS in the healthy range of the BMI and is certainly wouldn't be "fat" by too many people's standards. Unless they were unrealistic jerks. People can be attracted to whatever but her boyfriend wants something that is WAS -- and not IS. Wanting somebody to appear as they did as teenagers is unrealistic. I weigh the same as I did at 16, by body looks entirely different.
  • 3LittleMonkeyMom
    3LittleMonkeyMom Posts: 259
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    I hope he's now your ex boyfriend. What a mean thing to say to someone!


    ^^^
    This.
    Not impressed with what he said. Get fit for YOU. Find someone who loves you for exactly who you are rather than someone emotionally draining.


    Eta: I have gained, through 5 pregnancies (2 were miscarried), around 60 pounds since my husband and I first got together almost 10 years ago. He has NEVER said anything hateful to me about the way I look. He thinks I'm beautiful...gotta love that guy! He is always supportive and loving and builds me up when I feel down. He loves me no matter what I look like. His concern is my health and how I feel about myself. I may have felt bad about myself...but he was/is always right there supporting me.

    Sure your b/f was "honest"....but like others said, do you really want to live up to his expectations all of your life? Or be the best you can be for YOU with another partner who will support you and your goals.

    I want everyone to have a partner like this...and I think you can find someone who loves you JUST like you are and supports you in your endeavors. Good luck to you. You are in my thoughts.
  • weighlossforbaby
    weighlossforbaby Posts: 847 Member
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    He was just being honest.
    Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
    Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
    When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
    Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
    The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
    Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
    Good Luck :flowerforyou:

    Your answer sounds very shallow and all men do NOT lie. So if your wife gains weight are you gonna come out and say "honey you're fat and I am not attracted to you right now but when you lose weight I will be again."

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