Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.
Replies
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First off, your man is a jag-off (Pittsburghese for total jerk face).
Secondly: Some pointers. Perhaps the reason for your plateau is this: I looked through your diary. You are seriously UNDER eating. Some days are under 1000 calories. Total. You need to eat AT LEAST a minimum of 1200 to facilitate weight loss. You are exercising, which is great, but perhaps your body is struggling to hold on to your calories as tightly as possible that its not allowing you to lose.
Thirdly: Be patient. It took me 6 months to drop 32 pounds. But guess what? I'll keep it off because it's a slow gradual process.
Lastly: You're beautiful as you are. Don't let some jerk tell you otherwise.0 -
Wow, men are soooooooooo stupid in what they say sometimes.
Don't worry about that so much, men dont think before they speak (sorry but been married to one for over 20 years lol)
I would do anything to weigh 145 lol, actually to weigh just the 180 I weighed last year lol
Just keep plugging along and us women folk will support each other, sorry men mean well but
a majority of them dont think about what they say alot (lol)
cant live with them cant live without them
just keep your mind on the prize and hold your chin up hugs and happy losing
DIsclaimer: not all men are thoughtless in speech (but its common) lol0 -
She should dump him, continue pursuing whatever weight loss/fitness goals she wants to achieve, and find someone else who isn't so shallow.@ Kenneth. Are you reading my posts correctly?
I have not once said I do not like my boyfriend, I don't like the way he choses to negatively "motivate" me and I don't like that he sees pictures of 17 year old me. I am 23. I didn't have hips until I was 20! My figure and body-type have changed just from age alone, and while I may one day WEIGH the same, chances are I won't LOOK the same.
I have loved him and supported his choice to lose weight and he is 180 @ 5'11 and looks great in my eyes. He looked great in my eyes when he was 195-200 so please don't say I don't "like" him. I don't like the things he says some times, but I do love him.
Don't let him make you feel bad or quit, it is an improvement and change in you that you are working hard for, it's not for him. Great if he feels better about things, but the way you feel is why we are all working on this..
You can't make fundamental change for others. It doesn't work. The only real motivation is self-motivation.0 -
I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?
I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.
You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim
Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."
Me: "Okay. say it"
Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"
I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL
Sounds like he just lacks a "duh don't say something like that" filter. How long have you been dating?0 -
I agree. Ditch the man. HE'S THE ONE WHO ISN'T WORTH IT.0
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First, you should thank him for being honest. Second, you should explain to him how you can't be with someone so shallow and immature. Third, you should take your hottness and find a real man.I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?
I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.
You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim
Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."
Me: "Okay. say it"
Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"
I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL0 -
DITCH THE JERK!!! Who the hell says something like that!?!?! Oh, a jerk! gah! You're beautiful no matter your size!0
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I don't know the guy, so I don't want to assume he's an *kitten* even though he sounds like one from that one thing he said. I think that kind of statement warrants a conversation. If he isn't attracted to you, why does he want to be your boyfriend? Did he mean something positive like "I can see where your hard work is going to take you and I like it?" I mean... if he's an *kitten*... I'd think really hard about moving 5000 miles to be with him. But if he just didn't "use his words" properly, maybe a conversation about it could help both of you gain a better understanding of where you are and where you're going.0
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I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?
I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.
You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim
Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."
Me: "Okay. say it"
Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"
I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL
Sounds like he just lacks a "duh don't say something like that" filter. How long have you been dating?
a year and half, and known each other for 2 and a half.0 -
Drop the guy.
He is not worth a move. Moreover - he is not worth your time. Or energy.
What a jerk.0 -
Whether she leaves him - her business.He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:
I respectfully disagree. Did you go to her profile and view her body picture? She is not fat at AAAALLLLLL. Her boyfriend is a ****.
Over this? I doubt it.
All I am saying is strive for excellence. And when somebody says something that is hurtful, decide to use that to motivate instead of drag you down.
Life is to be lived:drinker:0 -
Don't give him the power to deplete your motivation. What a jerk!0
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He is a piece of crap. Don't waste your time on him.... Sad thing is, I have feeling you will waste your time on him. Focus on a better you.... for YOU and nobody else!
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Dump him - whether he thinks you're thin enough or not, why do you want someone who judges you by that. You are so much more than that! Jerk0
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I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?
I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.
You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim
Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."
Me: "Okay. say it"
Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"
I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL
I retract my previous statements. I misspoke.
sounds like a Jerk, move on to a decent nice guy. He is treating you like an object, not a person. 0 -
@chipmaniac - thank you. lol - definitely put a smile on my face0
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I echo almost everything that has been said.
My husband said nearly the same thing years ago. I haven't forgotten. It did deplete my motivation.
At the same time, he was honest. And while I reacted strongly at the time, I don't want him to not be honest with me.
Then again, he had been lying to me about it previously.
So now I spend my days wondering if he's lying or being honest now. And honestly, it's not fun. It sucks. I will probably not know ever. So I'm left reading his actions more than his words.
I wish you luck - I hope it works out. But do what you're doing for YOU, not anyone else. :flowerforyou:0 -
I hope he's now your ex boyfriend. What a mean thing to say to someone!0
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all i can say is what a jerk, Men and being on your journey has to be for you not some blow hard... What if the shoe were on the other foot. I understand how hard it is to look past negativity and saying that to you is negative. Tell him to get over himself0
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What a loser! You keep going, you're already making such a positive lifestyle change. Screw him... he sounds pretty shallow and insensitive. You deserve way better than a poohead like that!0
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I hope he's now your ex boyfriend. What a mean thing to say to someone!
Agreed0 -
You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.
And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?0 -
If he gets it up, then he's attracted and it doesn't apply.
I feel sorry for folks whose relationship and attraction is based on such superficiality. Maybe men are using the supposed unattractiveness of their women as an excuse as to why they can't get it up, when in reality it's just their own inadequacy.He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:
I have come to learn this is correct...lol.. my hubby lied well until a few days ago.. glad he was honest though.. I chose to take it as motivation and I want for him to be as proud of his wife as I am of my husband!
For your information, my husband can get it up really well, thank you... Why should I want to look good for my husband? He takes care of himself.. and if you read one of my other posts, you will see that He never once made me feel bad about my weight ever... not even when I was 200+ lbs and he's doing his thing bodybuilding and such... Our relationship is based on so many levels that I believe someone with your mentality couldn't even begin to comprehend... Jerk.
This girl is 145 pounds, not 200+. He's either incurably shallow or he's playing mind games with her. At the very least he's monumentally insensitive. Either way, he should be sent packing so he can pursue his unrealistic standards.
Okay so the one thing we all agree on is that this dude's comments are not acceptable... If He isn't happy with her and the SOLE thing he cares about is her looks, then she should probably reconsider the relationship, because as many have pointed out, if he's unattracted to her now looking as good as she does, imagine when she becomes pregnant... She should thank him for being honest not because what he said in regards to her being overweight is true, but because now she knows a little more about the real him and what his real desires are... When you are in a relationship, it's important to know what makes the other happy, just because we are in a commited relationship doesn't mean you should go eat the whole bag of chips or the whole carton of icecream... keeping the other person attracted to oneself is very important in a long term relationship... His choice of words is douchey, but only she knows what he's really like and only she knows if she should dump him or not.. I just don't like telling people to dump or keep people based on 3 paragraphs of a one sided story. Sure he made a jerk *kitten* comment, apparently he usually does... up to her if she chooses to base her whole fitness journey on what he says or on what she truly wants.. my husband isn't the best motivater either, he's the kind to prove everyone wrong when they say he can't or they don't believe in him... I need uplifitng encouragment with an occasional kick in the butt to get moving sometimes... that's why I said I was glad he was honest in regards to the other day... it made me look back in retrospect and appreciate the greatness of a man that I have at my side... physically, mentally and emotionally!0 -
5,000 miles apart makes it easier to not miss him when he is your ex. Give him points for being honest, but seriously???? BYEBYE!!!!
This EXACTLY!!! You are doing good to better yourself. You can take his thoughts, but let him go. His thoughts are honest and they hurt, but better to know now, rather than after you move 5000 miles to be with him. He doesn't deserve you. (or any other woman for that matter) Channel that anger at him when you are at the gym.0 -
Wow, this turned into kind of a hot button issue.
If this many strangers are up in arms about what he said, I can only imagine how it felt for you to hear it.
I'm hoping you don't waste too much time on him. There's plenty of guys out there who'd jump at the chance to be with someone so gorgeous.0 -
That sounds like an emotionally abusive relationship. That is NOT how a man should treat you if he truely loves me. I am at least 100 pounds overweight and my husband who is "normal" sized has NEVER made me feel like that about my weight because he loves me for me.
I really hope that you don't move for that man. And I really hope you will reach out to supportive friends and family if you need help getting out of the relationship.0 -
Love is a funny thing -- so it be attracted to someone. He obviously doesn't love you to say such a horrid thing. You deserve to be supported and felt loved through whatever you endeavour. make a decision that you feel comfortable with but most of all make sure you don't feel de-valued. Be proud of yourself, don't put up with crap - life is too short.
Good luck.0 -
Here was my thought process after I read your post:
1) Maybe he's truly not attracted to heavy girls...?
a. But then why did he even start dating you at all then if you were heavy
b. Went and looked at your profile pictures.
WOW!!!
You are not heavy AT ALL!!!
I can understand that you want to drop a little weight, and that's fine. However, what's not fine is the underhanded way that he made it clear that he's not physically attracted to you now but will be if you get back to your 17-year old body.
I hope that you have enough confidence in yourself to reevaluate what is it that you gain from your relationship with him.0 -
You are exactly correct. I actually weigh slightly less than my girlfriend now. She rocks my world. She would like to lose some weight but has a mental block since she can't imagine herself thinner. It doesn't matter to me and I've made that very clear. I like her curves. I'm also not a shallow jerk. I'm a lover of women, all kinds.I think the problem here is that she isn't even big. If he sees her as so big that she is not attractive now, she will never be good enough.
If you are overweight, it's a pretty safe assumption that your spouse would find you more attractive if you were slim. You don't need to ask, and they don't need to say it. I know my husband is still attracted to me, I can tell in the way he touches and desires me and gets turned on when seeing me undressing. But I am a bit too big and I know he would find me more attractive if I lost some weight. key word is MORE...not attractive, finally. Most men would not be turned on by nude pics of me right now, they are probably gross, but he still wants them, bc he loves me, so he finds me attractive.0 -
Yep if this had happened to me I would now be single and looking for someone less shallow and worthy of my time and effort....what a douche!
^^THIS!!!
my gosh, if my fiance ever said anything like that to me(comparing me to my teenage self) He'd be on the couch if he was lucky... He will honestly give me his opinion when I ask him specific questions, but only when I ask. He's completely supportive of me, and loves me as I am, but he is excited(as I am) to see where this takes me! The past is gone, all we can be is the best us of now, not a previous version! And btw you look great already, if he's a perfectionist, you're better off without him, perfection is unobtainable and if he's saying you're not attractive now, he's 1. INSANE 2. A shallow a-hole 3. Threatened by you and wanting to keep you down. (in my opinion)0
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