Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.

ShanniLee

Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.

Ugh. Ok, first off, I'd be a little freaked out at the fact that he is enamored with the 17 year old you. Um, jail bait? Secondly, he divorced his first wife because she gained weight and didn't take care of herself? Either he is really *THAT* shallow, or she *REALLY* didn't take care of herself. I'll go with the first reason.

DO NOT start a life together with this man, if you can call him one. HE WILL cheat if he's doing/saying things like this. He IS a pig and a shame to the human race.

THIS!!

lynheff

keep the motivation and ditch the loser! you deserve better--someone who loves you for who you are not what he thinks you should look like. happy hunting!

Bobby_Clerici

I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?

I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.

You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim

Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."

Me: "Okay. say it"

Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"

I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL

I am going to open myself up here.
My wife said the same thing to me just about.
I used it as motivation to reach my fitness goals. And yes, it hurt.
She was just honest.
Should I have divorced her for that?
ABSURD!

Were you 145 pounds (or say the male equivalent 190) at the time?

Does it matter?
As one poster said "you're beautiful at ANY size"...lol
Seriously, does anybody really believe that?
Do we live in some dream world where love is so deep that it transcends physical beauty?
Maybe some of you folks are different.

LavaDoll

if he does not appreciate you as you are right now, he damned sure does not deserve you as you will be when you achieve YOUR goals.

love9705

Alleycat you will lose a lot of weight once you dumb him. First he should be loving you for who you are and not what you look like and for you to be making such a big move like this and this is how he is treating you I suggest you rethink this.

Second I am no expert but have gain a lot of knowledge from my wonderful pals on here. I looked at your diary and you tend to go over on your sodium so you could be retaining a lot of water and also you say you are working out alot eating 1200 is not enough it will work for a while but your body needs fuel.

Check out this group-http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/3817-eat-more-to-weigh-less

Good luck Hun!!

littlelaura

Please run and do not walk to the nearest exit, kick that man to a curb that has his name engraved on it pronto!
Total douchecanoe!

michelejoann

@ chipmaniac, I will say she was far more overweight than I have ever been. My top weight was 155. Hers was probably 205.

As for those saying it could be misunderstood, he prefaced his words with "Promise you won't get mad" so obviously something that has been on his mind.

205?!?!?! That is SO not fat.

Chipmaniac

so just to make sure i am not shallow how many pounds overweight does a woman have to be before before refusing to date her makes me shallow?

20? 50? 100? what if she is 200?

He's not refusing to date her. He's already dating her and f'ing with her head.

im asking the people in the thread saying its shallow to refuse to date an overweight person.

Yes. It's shallow but it's not harming anyone. If you are already in a relationship with a person and you can't be attracted to them how they are then you are committing a fraud. In this case, he fessed up. She should take this new information and send him packing so he can refuse to date 145 pound, healthy woman on his own time.

so if you get married and your SO gains 100 pounds you are shallow if you have a problem with it? thats not the person you married.

That's not applicable here, unless she weighed 45 pounds when they met.

alleycat88

I didn't know WHY they divorced until we had been dating for a while. All I knew was he got married at 23 and divorced at 26. All I knew at that point.

michelejoann

Alleycat you will lose a lot of weight once you dumb him. First he should be loving you for who you are and not what you look like and for you to be making such a big move like this and this is how he is treating you I suggest you rethink this.

Second I am no expert but have gain a lot of knowledge from my wonderful pals on here. I looked at your diary and you tend to go over on your sodium so you could be retaining a lot of water and also you say you are working out alot eating 1200 is not enough it will work for a while but your body needs fuel.

Check out this group-http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/3817-eat-more-to-weigh-less

Good luck Hun!!

this

SuperAmie

5,000 miles apart makes it easier to not miss him when he is your ex. Give him points for being honest, but seriously???? BYEBYE!!!!

THIS

gec1266

And exactly WHY is he your boyfriend? Anyone who says something like this doesn't deserve the right to see your transformation. He is the EX now? If not...should be..

Chipmaniac

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

Your answer sounds very shallow and all men do NOT lie. So if your wife gains weight are you gonna come out and say "honey you're fat and I am not attracted to you right now but when you lose weight I will be again."

She beat me to it...lol
I am the one who was getting the walking papers.
I wouldn't want to be with a woman who enabled me to be overweight and unhealthy. LOL at the people saying to dump him....I applaud him for being honest. If it weren't for my wife being honest with me, I wouldn't have gotten the kick in the pants that I needed to start getting healthy.
The truth hurts but sometimes that's what you need...:bigsmile:

Once again, I doubt you were 145 pounds and hot, like the OP.

alleycat88

@ chipmaniac, I will say she was far more overweight than I have ever been. My top weight was 155. Hers was probably 205.

As for those saying it could be misunderstood, he prefaced his words with "Promise you won't get mad" so obviously something that has been on his mind.

205?!?!?! That is SO not fat.

I would consider myself heavy at 205, but this is individual - again I have NO idea what she weighed, but based on pictures I've seen that is a guesstimate, which could be wayyyy off

Bobby_Clerici

You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.

And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?

He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.

It isn't shallow to be honest and tell your loved one when your attractiveness level has decreased. Calling her a fat cow...yeah that would be disrespectful. Seems to me what happened here is boyfriend opened his mouth and forgot tactfulness.

BS. Anyone who is not attracted to a 145-pound woman due to her weight is shallow.

That is their personal preference. I'd rather someone be honest. Somehow if we change the situation around to be based around other features like brown eyes or short hair or whatever it may be, I feel like many would not be so upset about it all.

And most people would rather honestly avoid people with unrealistic expectations. Different strokes is fine -- but he needs to move on, not expect her to keep her teenage body into adulthood.

^^^^^
THIS - I would HATE to feel like I was in competition with my younger self. OUCH!

PRMinx

You know what else kind of bugs me about this? He left his wife (how old was she?) and got with you and you are 10 years younger than he is. And he's finding a 17 year old's picture attractive.

I dunno, but I'm sensing a pattern....

weighlossforbaby

Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.

So say you do hit your goal weight and get married, etc? What happens if you get pregnant? Or have a thyroid problem and gain weight? Or have some other problem and need to go on steroids and your face swells up?

This guy is an *kitten*.

^^^^Exactly! My mom had ovarian cancer and had a hysterectomy and it screwed up her thyroid and she has gained weight but my dad loves her no matter what. They have been married for 26 years!!!

JMPerlin

Don't waste your time with a shallow idiot! You are very attractive so dump the bum and find someone who will love you for you!

alleycat88

Yes the second picture is me now.

chervil6

well if i was you , i'd have gotten rid of him , the insensitive git , he's not worth your time ..... 145 , whats that less then 10 and a half stone ? how dare he ,......... he should look in the mirror , i bet he's not perfect at all ....... grrrrrrr

JosieRawr

Can't remember who asked, but he's 32 and has previously divorced someone due to the fact that she gained weight while they were married and DIDN'T put in an effort. I AM working hard, I AM putting in an effort and he STILL tells me he's not attracted to me? I'd love to hear that he thinks I'm beautiful, it would be MUCH more motivation for me, because now I feel like it doesn't matter, he won't be happy with me even if I hit MY goal weight.

Do you plan on having children with him? I can give 150% every day, but I'll never work out enough to get rid of the stretch marks and the looseness of being just over 200 when I was pregnant. Yes, it's true that when my fiance/baby daddy of six years was working in construction n was buff(at 6'4 those muscles sure do look impressive) I would catch myself watching him more, n when I was skinner he probably did too, but the point is, it's not a deal breaker! I love him, and he loves me! Our bodies are going to change over the years, sometimes we slip n get a bit looser, sometimes we get toner, but we always love each other. He got a divorce because she wasn't trying hard enough? that seems really lame.. and U, you look like some of the after pictures, you're lovely n you deserve better. Everyone deserves to be loved, and if the relationship is based on how you physically look, what's it going to be like when you're older or pregnant(if u intend on having children) or after you have a baby or if something happens to your health that causes you to gain or lose too much weight? Just think about it, you can try to talk about it to him, but if he already has been divorced for this same reason, it's unlikely that he's going to be satisfied (again i.m.o.)

half_moon

PS your figure is MY goal... And I'm not vain, but I get a lot of positive attention from men and do NOT hate my body in the least. If any man looks at you and says you're overweight, they have a sick mind. They really do. Or their tastes are so parculiar, they will never be satisfied unless they are with a fitness coach. For those saying "..he was being honest!'

UH. Look at her profile. LOOK at her picture. Then tell me again she is overweight. She is amazing. And working hard. Ridiculous!!!

akiss4u2tam

Time to make a change.....

alleycat88

Alleycat you will lose a lot of weight once you dumb him. First he should be loving you for who you are and not what you look like and for you to be making such a big move like this and this is how he is treating you I suggest you rethink this.

Second I am no expert but have gain a lot of knowledge from my wonderful pals on here. I looked at your diary and you tend to go over on your sodium so you could be retaining a lot of water and also you say you are working out alot eating 1200 is not enough it will work for a while but your body needs fuel.

Check out this group-http://www.myfitnesspal.com/groups/home/3817-eat-more-to-weigh-less

Good luck Hun!!

yeah I looked over my diary and saw the smoked salmon for lunch is the culprit for the sodium so I will be replacing that with an avocado. I CANNOT believe there were 1400mg of sodium in that serving of smoked salmon. wowzers!

Chipmaniac

I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?

I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.

You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim

Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."

Me: "Okay. say it"

Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"

I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL

I am going to open myself up here.
My wife said the same thing to me just about.
I used it as motivation to reach my fitness goals. And yes, it hurt.
She was just honest.
Should I have divorced her for that?
ABSURD!

Were you 145 pounds (or say the male equivalent 190) at the time?

Does it matter?
As one poster said "you're beautiful at ANY size"...lol
Seriously, does anybody really believe that?
Do we live in some dream world where love is so deep that it transcends physical beauty?
Maybe some of you folks are different.

Yes. It does matter.

lizziebeth1028

OP sounds like she has very low self esteem to let a man make her feel bad about weighing 145lb. You're still not getting it, you're still trying to justify your weight in all these posts. You're not overweight. I said before the problem is not a few pounds but your boyfriends attitude...well that and some obvious self esteem issues you're having.

And for those of you who said at least he was honest. It doesn't make him any less an insensitive *kitten*!

shani251

I was married to a terrible terrible individual who said this kind of thing ALL THE TIME - 8 years of hell. Honey, trust me, ditch him now because it won't get any better. You deserve so much more - you sound like a wonderful person AND you're gorgeous.
Run. Now.

:flowerforyou: Good luck!

Lyerin

I suggest you lose an immediate 185 pounds (or whatever he weighs) by getting rid of him out of your life for good. No one should say something like that to you. NO ONE.

littlewhittles

That guy can pretty much go f**k himself. What an *kitten*. If he's not attracted to you, why is he with you? Take Dan Savage's advice and DTMFA (dump the motherf*cking @sshole).

Bobby_Clerici

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

THIS IS THE BIGGEST BUNCH OF CRAP I HAVE EVER HEARD! YOU ARE THE PROBABLY THE DOUCHE WHO SAID THAT TO THAT POOR GIRL!! IF YOU DON'T THINK YOUR WIFE IS BEAUTIFUL EVERY SINGLE DAY OF HER LIFE THEN I HOPE SHE DROPS YOU LIKE A HOT COAL AND FINDS HERSELF A REAL MAN!

careful.....:laugh:
Fanaticism is the brother of doubt.
I think you are so angry, because you know I hit a truth so hard to accept.
As usual......