Talk about a slap in the face. Motivation depleted.

RavenhairedWoman

Yeah.. Um, my advice is drop the jerk and keep doing your thing. If he is that shallow and then to to come out and say something like that to you.. To be honest, he isn't worth your time. So I say dump the guy, and keep working on yourself. It isn't a matter of Can you lose the weight because pending health issues it is only a matter of when. Tell yourself that it is inevitable, that you didn't gain the weight in 2 months so it isn't all going to come off in 2 months but that it WILL happen.

In the end it is your call but what happens if/when you have kids with this guy and your body changes? Is he going to ditch you because you don't look like your 17 year old self? Just saying, a guy like that needs to grow up and fall in love with the whole woman not just what the woman Could look like on his arm.

_Wits_

You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.

And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?

He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.

It isn't shallow to be honest and tell your loved one when your attractiveness level has decreased. Calling her a fat cow...yeah that would be disrespectful. Seems to me what happened here is boyfriend opened his mouth and forgot tactfulness.

curiouskate

Dump him. Period. Some day you will be old and wrinkled and not "hot" regardless of weight and if he's that type, he'll leave you for someone younger and "hotter". Better to save yourself the trouble and find a real man.

Chipmaniac

I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?

I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.

You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim

Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."

Me: "Okay. say it"

Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"

I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL

I am going to open myself up here.
My wife said the same thing to me just about.
I used it as motivation to reach my fitness goals. And yes, it hurt.
She was just honest.
Should I have divorced her for that?
ABSURD!

Were you 145 pounds (or say the male equivalent 190) at the time?

Jenloma

Aww that makes me so sad! Don't be with someone that can't appreciate you. You deserve better and DUMP HIM.

VogtAndrea

When a guy tells you that he likes / loves your features but doesn't find you attractive, it's a real blow. It also tells you something else. If he was the man for you, fat or thin or in between, he'd be attracted to you for all of you. If you want to lose weight, do NOT be doing it for this guy. He's not worth it. Do it for YOU.
If he turns out to be Mr. Right, you're going to be endlessly fighting with your weight because you did it for the wrong reasons.

PRMinx

[/quote]t.
And when somebody says something that is hurtful, decide to use that to motivate instead of drag you down.
Life is to be lived:drinker:
[/quote]

Hm. Normally I agree that proving haters wrong is motivating. But, at the same time, if you spend your life letting other people's hurtful comments dictate your motivation and your action, then you aren't really living your life. You're living their expectations.

Being that he's a boyfriend just magnifies this dilemma. And as much as people can say "don't let it drag you down," that's not really helpful because we can't dictate what makes us sad, mad, happy, etc. If we are sad, we can push it down. If we are mad, we can stifle the anger. But it's not really going away, is it? It's just festering. She's said it made her upset. So she has three choices: she can put this aside and then let it come out in another way down the road, she can speak up that it hurt her and it needs to stop, or she can leave. That's up to her.

And, for the record, being told that you should look the way you were when you were 17 isn't constructive because it isn't even possible for 99.9% of women.

mfoutch86

There are so many overly sensitive people on here! So perhaps he didn't word it well, but he was honest. Sometimes the truth hurts right? I'll never understand why people like to be lied too! Perhaps he isn't right for you if you are looking for somebody who sugar coats things, and if thats the case, he might have just saved you a huge move and additional heartache!

Ladyiianae

I hope he's now your ex boyfriend. What a mean thing to say to someone!

This!

fueledbychange

Break up with that b@stard. If he says he's not attracted to you just because of your weight, HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU.

MSepp

You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.

And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?

Happily engaged, thank you...wedding is in just about 2 weeks...and I am with the dump him crowd.

It's not just the words...it's what's underneath them. He's not attracted to someone who is a completely healthy weight-he's comparing her to a teenage girl version of herself...someone like that is not going to be happy with her no matter what...the type of individual that will always be looking for the next hot piece of *kitten*...

I said it before and I'll say it again...she deserves better.

Chipmaniac

You know, if my wife ditched me for every dumb thing I said, I wouldn't have made it past the first week. Politely, but firmly, point out to him that the way he approached the subject was wrong in the first place. Never, ever, ever comment on a woman's weight. Just not done. Not unless you like being single.

And for all the "Dump him now" people, do you guys honestly believe that a few words should end a relationship? And if so, how many of you are single?

He did her a favor but showing his true colors. Now she can evaluate his extreme shallowness and make a change in her life. She should thank him.

It isn't shallow to be honest and tell your loved one when your attractiveness level has decreased. Calling her a fat cow...yeah that would be disrespectful. Seems to me what happened here is boyfriend opened his mouth and forgot tactfulness.

BS. Anyone who is not attracted to a 145-pound woman due to her weight is shallow.

davidr730

First and foremost, lose the weight for you; not for anyone else. Every human being has intrinsic value, and as someone with immense worth, you should care fore your self.

As for the BF, is that really the guy you want to grow old with?

jdploki70

Okay, my wife of 11 years has told me repeated that she was more attracted to the fat me, the one that weighed 275 lbs. She says repeated that I shouldn't have lost the weight, and that she wants me to gain it back. Should I dump her? Honestly? She's even gone so far as to point out old pictures and say how much more she liked my looks back then.

_Sara_A_

could understand if he had said it and you were 300lbs, but 140.... get rid! x

My boyfriend has asked me to lose weight to become more healthy, and I'm 289lbs, but he has asked me to lose 60-100lbs and he's willing to make changes in his eating patterns as well to become more healthy, and has actually joined this website. He asks what HE can do to help me, and also tells me I'm pretty even though his friends don't see it. You need someone who likes you for you and won't put conditions on your relationship. Take all the anger you feel towards him and use it to your advantage. Maybe a boxing class would help get rid of aggression! Good Luck!

halejr23

He was just being honest.
Most guys would never do that. Use this as a way to set goals and strive for your own ideal.
Optimal body fat for a lady is around 20%, and as for weight, just fit yourself in the BMI range.
When we are fat, and our SO says we are beautiful, they're lying.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but pain makes us stronger.
The echo chamber will tell you to ditch him but guess what?
Every other guy will feel the same way. They just lie better.
Good Luck :flowerforyou:

This could also be a failed or awkward attempt at trying to encourage and support you in your journey to lose a few pounds. You know him better than any of us on this thread so you need to make the decision on what he may have really meant with his statement.

mary190136

omg honey don't move for him!!! He should love you for who you are and needs to see that you are a beaufitul and sexy woman without changing a thing! He needs to be your ex boyfriend, and you need to tell him to go fly a kite.

jamiem1102

WOW. What a f*cktard. You're gorgeous, and you deserve someone who thinks so too.

MSepp

There are so many overly sensitive people on here! So perhaps he didn't word it well, but he was honest. Sometimes the truth hurts right? I'll never understand why people like to be lied too! Perhaps he isn't right for you if you are looking for somebody who sugar coats things, and if thats the case, he might have just saved you a huge move and additional heartache!

There is a good/nice/caring way to phrase things and a very insensitive way of phrasing things.

If he wanted to support her weight loss goal, he should encourage her efforts....saying you're not attracted to someone because they don't have their teenage body anymore? I think he said a mouthful there.

devil_in_a_blue_dress

I just read the second pargraph again.... Thats his exact wording?

I think its good to find somebody not just attracted to you by your weight. What did he say there? Read the second paragraph again. I think its good find someone who loves you for who you are, and not just your body size. Because our body sizes are just going to change over time. Thats a fact. I know its hard sometimes for our partners to word everything just right. So it doesn't hurt our feelings, because alot of us are sensitive to this subject. Do you think you have alot of potential? Were you thinner when you were younger? I might be the only one here thats not going to tell you to break up with him. Why don't you talk to him, and tell him how you took what he said. You have a few months to toss this around in your head. And maybe you can decide later if you need to upgrade the man situation.

You want his exact wording? LOL okay.. pretty much verbatim

Him: "Promise you don't get mad at me for what I am about to say."

Me: "Okay. say it"

Him: "I hope you lose the weight. I am not always that attracted to you, and when I see the american flag bikini picture in my head, I see the potential you have, and I am really attracted TO THE GIRL IN THAT PICTURE"

I capitalized the last part because there is no bolding function on here. LOL

I am going to open myself up here.
My wife said the same thing to me just about.
I used it as motivation to reach my fitness goals. And yes, it hurt.
She was just honest.
Should I have divorced her for that?
ABSURD!

But were you actually overweight? This girl ISN'T. The guy has unrealistic expectations. I am sure don't expect your wife to have the SAME body she did before having your children -- just that she take of herself and is healthy. This girl has written that she didn't develop hips until she was 20 -- 3 years AFTER the picture he is comparing her to. The same thing happened to me -- I weigh the same now as I did in high school, but my body is entirely different and nothing I could do would get me back to where I was.