Chuck Norris...

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Replies

  • cmcorn26
    cmcorn26 Posts: 253 Member
    We are only borrowing the Earth from Chuck Norris
  • WendyFitMomCHANGED
    WendyFitMomCHANGED Posts: 311 Member
    Chuck Norris doesn't have to pay attention, attention has to pay Chuck Norris....on the 1st and 15th of every month.
  • marthathebear
    marthathebear Posts: 498
    If Chuck Norris wants your opinion, he'll beat it out of you.
  • WendyFitMomCHANGED
    WendyFitMomCHANGED Posts: 311 Member
    Chuck Norris once ordered a steak at a restauraunt. The Steak did what it was told.
  • Daxton
    Daxton Posts: 17 Member
    Chuck Norris travelled back in time to stop the Kennedy assassination. When Oswald fired, Chuck Norris jumped in front of JFK and deflected the bullets with his beard. JFK's head exploded in sheer amazement.
  • Tiarek
    Tiarek Posts: 4
    When Chuck Norris jumps in a lake he doesn't get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris'ed!
  • OkieinMinny
    OkieinMinny Posts: 834 Member
    funny-captions-had-sex-with-chuck-norris-totally-worth-it.jpg
  • ValRAAAAY
    ValRAAAAY Posts: 270 Member
    Chuck Norris KNOWS where in the world Carmen Sandiego is...
  • nikinyx6
    nikinyx6 Posts: 772 Member
    Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s *kitten*.


    Chuck Norris doesn’t eat. Rather he kicks *kitten* until he’s full.


    Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
  • nikinyx6
    nikinyx6 Posts: 772 Member
    Also...

    Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
  • pantherkeith
    pantherkeith Posts: 19 Member
    Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

    My favorite!
  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
    bruce_lee_11_Chuck_Norris_is_scared_of_something-s658x669-50296-580.jpg
  • love2cycle
    love2cycle Posts: 448 Member
    Maybe this one is already on here, I haven't read them all, but my favorite is "Chuck Norris slams revolving doors."
  • hunter624
    hunter624 Posts: 252
    Chuck Norris puts me in the same glass as my teeth.

    :drinker:
  • Hmwarren84
    Hmwarren84 Posts: 45 Member
    I once heard that when you're typing about Chuck Norris he sneaks up behind you and bangs your head on the keyb......fdlkc;dcfddsls;pplo;p

    :laugh:
  • JPod279
    JPod279 Posts: 722 Member
    In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

    Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

    Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

    When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt
  • nbhobbes
    nbhobbes Posts: 284
    Chuck Norris doesn't read, he stares books down until they give up the information.

    Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he pushes teh world down.

    Chuck Norris doesn't tea bag the ladies.. He potato sacks them.

    The fourth wise man was Chuck Norris who brought the baby Jesus the gift of the beard which Jesus proudly wore until his death.
  • 2Bgoddess
    2Bgoddess Posts: 1,096 Member
    Justin Beiber has never been punched by Chuck Norris. wanna know why? cuz Chuck Norris doesn't hit girls.

    Chuck Norris broke the Periodic table because the only element he recognizes is...the element of surprise.
  • brentdaniels
    brentdaniels Posts: 127
    Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasn't Jesus’ birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus' birthday.

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  • lg3703
    lg3703 Posts: 190
    At bedtime, the boogyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • johnpangan
    johnpangan Posts: 47 Member
    From the Expendables 2 movie line:

    Stallone ask Chuck Norris: I heard you were bitten by a King Cobra.

    Chuck Norris replied: After 5 days of agony, the King Cobra died.
  • MikeyD1280
    MikeyD1280 Posts: 5,257
    Chuck Norris let Bruce Lee kick his *kitten*, just so he can feel pain. then sometime later, Bruce Lee died of a "mysterious health problem"
  • Beastette
    Beastette Posts: 1,497 Member
    Whats your favorite Chuck Norris line?


    I never heard about the "Chuck Norris-isms" until about 3 months ago. HEY, Why would I, I'm NOT a Nerd!

    xljtzp.jpg

    Thank you for this.
  • iWaffle
    iWaffle Posts: 2,208 Member
    12087548.jpg
  • Fockertots
    Fockertots Posts: 221
    This is just what I needed today.

    keep them coming!!!
  • FTClown
    FTClown Posts: 181
    Chuck Norris does not swim, water just likes to be around him
  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
    Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
    Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)
  • mminor77
    mminor77 Posts: 313
    Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."
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