Lying on a job application (teenager)

shanae727

what did he lie about? you ARE a friend of HIS family. Yes you're his step mom but I'm sure he sees you as a friend too (seeing that he asked you beforehand). And he only gave part of your name not your WHOLE name! My point is don't scorn him for a little white lie when possibly you've told one before. Have you not? You don't have to lie for him, tell the truth...just parts of it. For him this one time, let him know that it made you uncomfortable and you will NEVER do it again. But put yourself in his shoes for just a second! Sometimes we forget we were our kids' ages and all the silly things we did.

NewChristina

I'm with the "Don't do it!" crowd. It's your role to set an example.
For those that say to do the kid a favor, he needs a reference- NO. The supervisor that reviews applications know he's a kid and references will be hard to find. He could leave it blank or he could put you as a reference and state honestly, that you're the step-mom. If he gets questioned about it during an interview, he'll just have to 'fess up and explain he didn't know who to put down. He'll be respected for it.

References are very over-rated.

lmelangley

My nephew put me down and I found out when the prospective boss called. I told him the truth - I'm the aunt and he's never done any work for me, and he didn't even tell me that he'd done it. I then got off the phone and ratted him out to his mom. You aren't doing him any favors by lying - only teaching him that it's ok to lie.

Beastette

So my step son put me as a reference using my maiden name and listed me as a "friend of the family" on a job application. I told him I won't lie for him. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?

Is this what your husband/his father calls you?

If not, I would speak to him about it, and allow him to address it with his son.

^werd.

I wonder if it is even about the job application at all. If he has references, and wants to use you, does that mean that they'll all give him poor reviews? IS he responsible?

I wouldn't do it because he didn't clear it with you first, among other things.

nwhitley

I didn't lie for my step son ever and i don't think he ever asked. I have a 16yo looking for a job now and hell no i wouldn't lie for her either! Stand your ground!

This is how I feel (have son, not stepson). I just don't think you need to set a precedent for lying. Some posters are saying it's not a big deal and in the scheme of things its not. However, by lying you are showing what you will and won't accept, what is and is not okay. It is just one small lie, but one small lie often leads to bigger and more lies. I just wouldn't do it. To me a parent should model values, morals, and high expectations for their children at all times, not just when it's convenient or you feel like doing it or only on certain days.

AJ_Pete

I hate lying. Period. It is unnecessary anyway as he HAS references to use. So why is it a good idea to condone him lying therefore making ME have to lie as well when they call?

So why are you taking to the forums to ask if it's right or wrong? It's all relative and honestly, it wouldn't bother be. You're a reference on a job application for a teenager who is looking for work (I'd applaud him wanting to work more than reprimand him for using you as a reference). I'm in HR and I rarely check references unless the application is fishy.

If you don't agree with lying, don't lie. Easy peasy.

ExplorinLauren

Besides (as a mother of a 17 year old myself) I just want him to go out and get a dang job! Be happy he is going for it!

BlessedMomX2

You aren't a family member in the sense that you share a bloodline so there should be really no problem even if they ask, which is unlikely. Give the kid a break, the last thing he needs is for someone close to him to refuse to help him get a job, when the task is already so difficult for young people all through the world.

My opinion also

JDUR19

Right 'nuff like, justification is a way of telling yourself you're wrong. Like eating a big ol' doughnut and saying to yourself "Sure I haven't eaten that much today". that doesn't make it better. My experience is that anytime I try and justify anything it's usually because I don't think I've done the right thing. the fact that you want justification for your choice by asking other people shows that you think you've done the wrong thing, and you probably have.

foxyforce

Besides (as a mother of a 17 year old myself) I just want him to go out and get a dang job! Be happy he is going for it!

this!

HowieTwoPointZero

Best advice I ever got.

A Resume is an advertisement, not a confessional.

Whitney0919

I suppose it all depends on your morals. I say, lying is bad no matter what the reason/motivation. It's great that he's looking for a job, but I'm pretty sure he could get one without lying about your relationship. Most employers who call will ask how you met him and how long you've known him. You're going to have to outright lie, in order to cover up his lie. IMO, teaching him a lesson about being honest is more important than him getting this job.

shanae727

IF they call (and thats a big IF for a teenager & a job application) Why not say you are his step mother and since you arent blood family, he thought it would be best and not lie to list you as family?

I mean, that could very well be the truth, unless you know the child to be a lier and troublemaker. If you know the kid to "not follow the rules" then hell no, dont lie. Infact, nark his *kitten* out & teach him a damn lesson that you dont get anywhere by lying.

^^^agreed!

TinaBaily

So my step son put me as a reference using my maiden name and listed me as a "friend of the family" on a job application. I told him I won't lie for him. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?

This is a tricky one to answer. Lies are always a no-no. However, the underlying question is WHY did he put you as a "friend of the family" reference?

Are there truly no family friends who will vouch for him? No past teachers, coaches, Sunday School teachers, pastors, or something similar that he could have used rather than you? If there were others he could have used for a reference in that spot on the application, why didn't he use those people? Does he have a history that is less than desirable and he's trying to hide that from a potential employer? Did he use you because he is simply so young and inexperienced that he didn't realize the possible consequences of what is essentially lying on his application?

I would sit down and chat with him in a calm and loving manner about how it is important to not lie on job applications. (A neighbor of mine did, and after years of working for his company they discovered the lie and he lost that job due to losing his security clearance. You may use this as an example for your stepson if you wish.) If this is his first attempt to land a job in his entire life, I would cut him some slack, but make it clear that he should not make such errors like that on his applications in the future.

DaughterOfTheMostHighKing

tell him he needs to fess up to the employer. don't let him bully you into lying for him. otherwise he's learning the wrong lesson.

bluefox9er

If someone finds out he is lying, he will get terminated.

thats a bit drastic. but i guess thats how they roll in the united states. a firm telling off should suffice instead of termination!

sunnybug90

My nephew put me down and I found out when the prospective boss called. I told him the truth - I'm the aunt and he's never done any work for me, and he didn't even tell me that he'd done it. I then got off the phone and ratted him out to his mom. You aren't doing him any favors by lying - only teaching him that it's ok to lie.

I personally find what you did to be a real ****ty thing. Especially going and tattling on him to his mother afterwards. You could have just been nice and said he was a good kid and then called him afterward and told him next time he has to ask. At least he was getting off his butt and trying to get a job. There are a lot of lazy bratty teens out there who would laugh if you asked them to work.

Its not like its a position as a CEO. Its retail or fast food. He wants a job so he can be responsible. I think just this once she could tell a tiny white lie. It isn't going to turn him into some con artist liar who steals peoples money and robs banks. He isn't going to become a full blown liar.

And I call bull**** to anyone who says they've NEVER lied before. People tell lies depending on the situation, like avoiding hurting someones feelings for example.

Lisaherbalmomma

Lying is always wrong no matter what. Christians know it is wrong and atheists know it is wrong. Your gut and morals tell you it is wrong, so it is!

debussyschild

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to show the kid how the real world works and that lying on a job application will invariably screw him over. Good for you for being a good parent!

sweetchildomine

Seriously? At least he's trying to get a job! You know how many lazy, drugged out teenagers there are hanging out at the mall doing nothing? Tell him he shouldn't have lied and you won't tolerate him doing it again but just LET IT GO. For my first job I put down my sister and listed her as a baby sitting client. Technically that wasn't a lie since I had babysat for her but you get my point. With the type of jobs that teenagers get, I highly doubt they will call anyway but I really think you're making a big deal out of nothing. He's trying to get a job, not trying to cheat on his taxes.