Lying on a job application (teenager)

macpatti

I am laughing at a couple of things here......good to know all those adopted people out there can use the people that raised them as job references simply because they aren't blood line.......and I find it even more hilarious that people say to just do it even though my dss has MANY family friends to use. Family friends don't raise my dss. I do. Big difference.

My husband and I agree. So I got my Friday afternoon fun.

Huh?

WickedBean

My step-father has been a reference on my resume for a long time -since before he married my mom actually - I was an adult before him and my mother even met, but it doesn't say family friend it lists his profession. He has NEVER been called. I have other references on my resume also.

I used to do the calls for reference checking and I can tell you right now I would call former employers before I ever called a family friend, or a teacher , or a preacher, etc. because face it you are only going to pick people who like you (Ie. Favorite teacher etc.) as references. If he has employers and they are on there chances are that is who they are going to call before they venture into friend's of the family territory.

I don't see why you needed to post this if you had already made up your mind though. Yes discourage lying, by I don't feel this was really a lie.

I did read that the OP doesn't lie... that right there is a lie because everyone at one point in time or an other has told a lie - even if just to save someones feelings from being hurt.

oregonzoo

I am laughing at a couple of things here......good to know all those adopted people out there can use the people that raised them as job references simply because they aren't blood line.......and I find it even more hilarious that people say to just do it even though my dss has MANY family friends to use. Family friends don't raise my dss. I do. Big difference.

My husband and I agree. So I got my Friday afternoon fun.

WTF I'm confused?

hailzp

I have no problem with this. It is hardly like he is putting you as an actual reference for a job he had previously. Kids need all the help they can get with jobs at the minute and telling them he has a good character will not be the reason he gets the job. They will be able to see it all for himself. I would lie for any of my friends or family trying to get a job or into a flat unless of course it was my place of work.

foxyforce

I am laughing at a couple of things here......good to know all those adopted people out there can use the people that raised them as job references simply because they aren't blood line.......and I find it even more hilarious that people say to just do it even though my dss has MANY family friends to use. Family friends don't raise my dss. I do. Big difference.

My husband and I agree. So I got my Friday afternoon fun.

WTF I'm confused?

she has taken to mfp before about her "degenerate" step son, talking about how she took him in and no one else wanted him, blahblahblah, and then won't listen to reason.

iammegs

The main issue is that he lied on the application. It's one thing to list a stepmother and SAY it's a stepmother - there are all kinds of legitimate reasons why someone would do that - though as an employer I would be leery of her recommendation if she had been in the picture a long time. But in general, it would speak a lot of the family if there was a good family dynamic between the two. Since he's lied, though - that should be the end of it.

I know it's tough to get a first job. I lived abroad in high school (so I couldn't work legally) and came back to find that many jobs required actual paid work experience. But I never had an issue with references - I asked high school teachers, professors, people who were in no way related to me, and counselors. And when I finally got that first paid job, I worked so hard because that reference would be gold.

Years later, I am a teacher of 11th and 12th grade students. Believe me when I say most teachers will strive to find something positive to say about a student. Even if I can't guarantee a positive reference (especially when it gets into punctuality), I check their grades on my computer and recommend another teacher who will.

Again, teaching high school, I know that children follow what they see others do. Please, please, please don't let your (step)-son get away with lying. He had a chance to have your reference. Please don't encourage a world of liars.

sizzle92

I am laughing at a couple of things here......good to know all those adopted people out there can use the people that raised them as job references simply because they aren't blood line.......and I find it even more hilarious that people say to just do it even though my dss has MANY family friends to use. Family friends don't raise my dss. I do. Big difference.

My husband and I agree. So I got my Friday afternoon fun.

WTF I'm confused?

she has taken to mfp before about her "degenerate" step son, talking about how she took him in and no one else wanted him, blahblahblah, and then won't listen to reason.

Seriously? Degenerate? Oh please. And who says what you say here on MFP is "reason?" LMAO!

sizzle92

The main issue is that he lied on the application. It's one thing to list a stepmother and SAY it's a stepmother - there are all kinds of legitimate reasons why someone would do that - though as an employer I would be leery of her recommendation if she had been in the picture a long time. But in general, it would speak a lot of the family if there was a good family dynamic between the two. Since he's lied, though - that should be the end of it.

I know it's tough to get a first job. I lived abroad in high school (so I couldn't work legally) and came back to find that many jobs required actual paid work experience. But I never had an issue with references - I asked high school teachers, professors, people who were in no way related to me, and counselors. And when I finally got that first paid job, I worked so hard because that reference would be gold.

Years later, I am a teacher of 11th and 12th grade students. Believe me when I say most teachers will strive to find something positive to say about a student. Even if I can't guarantee a positive reference (especially when it gets into punctuality), I check their grades on my computer and recommend another teacher who will.

Again, teaching high school, I know that children follow what they see others do. Please, please, please don't let your (step)-son get away with lying. He had a chance to have your reference. Please don't encourage a world of liars.

Love. You sound so smart and well rounded.

sizzle92

Yes nobody else wanted him. Not even his dad that I married? I wish I was a smart wordly 26 year old again!

DBiddle69

You wouldn't go and inch out of your way to help your own kid? ****ed up.

Never saw anywhere in here where she said she would not help....said she is not willing to lie.

Here is what she said...."So my step son put me as a reference using my maiden name and listed me as a "friend of the family" on a job application. I told him I won't lie for him. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?"

Based on this what I got out of it was...if they call and ask for her by her maiden name she would correct it and if they ask about being a friend of the family she would say she is now his step mom. Again, these are the only things in there that are lies and she said she would not lie for him....how is that f***ed up??

MadiRose2

I am laughing at a couple of things here......good to know all those adopted people out there can use the people that raised them as job references simply because they aren't blood line.......and I find it even more hilarious that people say to just do it even though my dss has MANY family friends to use. Family friends don't raise my dss. I do. Big difference.

My husband and I agree. So I got my Friday afternoon fun.

WTF I'm confused?

she has taken to mfp before about her "degenerate" step son, talking about how she took him in and no one else wanted him, blahblahblah, and then won't listen to reason.

Seriously? Degenerate? Oh please. And who says what you say here on MFP is "reason?" LMAO!

You are being very mean. This is not needed OP. Very rude.

Mceastes

Personally, I wouldn't do it. I have two kids and they know that wouldn't fly with me. Having said that, if someone wants to do it, it's not like it's the end of the world and I realize that, it's just a teenage job application. I just wouldn't do it, it's not the example I want to set. So if you don't want to do it, OP then don't. It's a good lesson that if you're going to lie, and that lie depends on someone else also lying for you, you might want to check with them BEFORE you tell the lie!

MadiRose2

Yes nobody else wanted him. Not even his dad that I married? I wish I was a smart wordly 26 year old again!

Wow! That was uncalled for. Why are you being rude to strangers over the internet? She stated her opinions, you attack her age. Sounds like a VERY appropriate response.

sizzle92

I am laughing at a couple of things here......good to know all those adopted people out there can use the people that raised them as job references simply because they aren't blood line.......and I find it even more hilarious that people say to just do it even though my dss has MANY family friends to use. Family friends don't raise my dss. I do. Big difference.

My husband and I agree. So I got my Friday afternoon fun.

WTF I'm confused?

she has taken to mfp before about her "degenerate" step son, talking about how she took him in and no one else wanted him, blahblahblah, and then won't listen to reason.

Seriously? Degenerate? Oh please. And who says what you say here on MFP is "reason?" LMAO!

You are being very mean. This is not needed OP. Very rude.

Please tell me how that is rude? Becaus I don't find some young, rude, non parental advice to be "reason"???

macpatti

Yes nobody else wanted him. Not even his dad that I married? I wish I was a smart wordly 26 year old again!

I'm not sure what your point is in all this. You began the topic asking for validation of what you had already decided to do. You got feedback and now claim to be laughing at other people's advice? Why?

The other question I have for you is why was it necessary to call him your stepson instead of son? Just curious about that. I never introduce or refer to my "step" children as such. I refer to them as my sons and daughter. Is that what's causing an issue for you? Would you feel differently if it was your biological son? I'm not being snarky. I'm really interested.

MadiRose2

I thought she gave good reason, granted, I am not a parent. I just got from the tone of your messages (don't take offense) that you were having some attitude, and trying to be little her.

sizzle92

Yes nobody else wanted him. Not even his dad that I married? I wish I was a smart wordly 26 year old again!

I'm not sure what your point is in all this. You began the topic asking for validation of what you had already decided to do. You got feedback and now claim to be laughing at other people's advice? Why?

The other question I have for you is why was it necessary to call him your stepson instead of son? Just curious about that. I never introduce or refer to my "step" children as such. I refer to them as my sons and daughter. Is that what's causing an issue for you? Would you feel differently if it was your biological son? I'm not being snarky. I'm really interested.

Because he is my step son. I didn't birth him and he has a mom who did her best for 10+ years. I will never take that role from her simply because she is violently ill. I am his step mom. She is his mom. Even if she can't raise him at all anymore. She is very ill. I treat my two boys the same. Equally. But they both prefer to refer to their steps as steps. They have bios.

I was asking for view points. Doesn't mean it will make my decision. I can do that on my own. I was bored......looking for a friendly debate. It didn't have to get personal. But as always on mfp.............

smtillman2

You probably will not have to lie for him. Most employers prefer references from previous employers, teachers, guidance counselors, , coaches, etc

sizzle92

Personally, I wouldn't do it. I have two kids and they know that wouldn't fly with me. Having said that, if someone wants to do it, it's not like it's the end of the world and I realize that, it's just a teenage job application. I just wouldn't do it, it's not the example I want to set. So if you don't want to do it, OP then don't. It's a good lesson that if you're going to lie, and that lie depends on someone else also lying for you, you might want to check with them BEFORE you tell the lie!

Yep!

noogie98

So my step son put me as a reference using my maiden name and listed me as a "friend of the family" on a job application. I told him I won't lie for him. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?

I wouldn't do it ~ first, he lied using your maiden name and unless that is your legal name, that would be strike one in my book. Strike two would be that he listed his stepmother as a 'friend of the family'. Doesn't matter that you are not blood relatives, you are his step mom & should be regarded as such. It sounds like he didn't ask before doing this, that would be strike 3 and therefore, he's out. Doesn't matter what kind of job he is applying for ~ lying is lying and no excuses make that right.

Stand your ground. He has to learn values sometime and there is no time like the present. You are not being unreasonable, just a parent. That is not an easy job, and sometimes we aren't the most popular people on the planet. :flowerforyou:

DBiddle69

So I am confused by all those that are saying...DO IT THEY PROBABLY WILL NOT CALL YOU ANYWAY.

So if you are encouraging him to lie why not tell him to put down someone else e.g., Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, etc..they are not going to call anyway...besides continue the lie and provide a wrong number and just tell them "I think they moved this week."

Again, I saw nothing in her opening statement that said she was not going to help him she just did not want him lying. And as someone else said teenagers have others they can use outside of family e.g., teachers, counselors, people from church, and friends who may be working.

smtillman2

I don't think she should lie for him. It sounds like he already listed her as a reference. I was just stating that she may not even get a call since she was listed as a friend of the family.

sizzle92

So my step son put me as a reference using my maiden name and listed me as a "friend of the family" on a job application. I told him I won't lie for him. Thoughts? Am I being unreasonable?

I wouldn't do it ~ first, he lied using your maiden name and unless that is your legal name, that would be strike one in my book. Strike two would be that he listed his stepmother as a 'friend of the family'. Doesn't matter that you are not blood relatives, you are his step mom & should be regarded as such. It sounds like he didn't ask before doing this, that would be strike 3 and therefore, he's out. Doesn't matter what kind of job he is applying for ~ lying is lying and no excuses make that right.

Stand your ground. He has to learn values sometime and there is no time like the present. You are not being unreasonable, just a parent. That is not an easy job, and sometimes we aren't the most popular people on the planet. :flowerforyou:

:flowerforyou:

sizzle92

I don't think she should lie for him. It sounds like he already listed her as a reference. I was just stating that she may not even get a call since she was listed as a friend of the family.

True. And as a parent who desperately wants her child to get a job and start experiencing responsibilty and independance, I will give a "he's a great boy!" reference if needed. He knows now after our talk at dinner our expectations for future references.

smtillman2

I don't think she should lie for him. It sounds like he already listed her as a reference. I was just stating that she may not even get a call since she was listed as a friend of the family.

True. And as a parent who desperately wants her child to get a job and start experiencing responsibilty and independance, I will give a "he's a great boy!" reference if needed. He knows now after our talk at dinner our expectations for future references.

Sounds like you handled it well.

sizzle92

I don't think she should lie for him. It sounds like he already listed her as a reference. I was just stating that she may not even get a call since she was listed as a friend of the family.

True. And as a parent who desperately wants her child to get a job and start experiencing responsibilty and independance, I will give a "he's a great boy!" reference if needed. He knows now after our talk at dinner our expectations for future references.

Sounds like you handled it well.

Thank you. We can only hope! He's a good kid.

RainHoward

These forums cause me to weep for humanity.

missworld95

Who cares? Be happy he's not a prude. Always doing the right thing is so generic and boring (seriously)

smtillman2

These forums cause me to weep for humanity.

I don't think weeping if a good look for flaming skulls.

gauchogirl

It's clear from the original post that you already believe it's wrong. But you asking here just makes it appear that you want everyone to agree with you so you don't feel like the "bad guy" for not helping him out. Which means you actually aren't comfortable with the decision, or you wouldn't be seeking validation. If you were completely and totally solid in your belief that it was wrong to lie for him, you wouldn't be asking strangers their opinion.