Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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Replies

  • SlimmingSarah2012
    SlimmingSarah2012 Posts: 53
    I got married and kept my maiden name...problem solved :)

    But, if I had taken his name and then gotten a divorce the only way I would keep the last name is if my kids had that name. I would want the same last name as my kids for sure.

    I don't think its disrespectful to the new guy...if you were doing it for your kids and I think they would respect that. If you married said new guy you could always add his name on...the more the merrier. Jane Doe-Smith....kids Johnny Doe...old husband....John Doe...new husband...John Smith. See what i mean ;)
  • gsager
    gsager Posts: 977 Member
    I kept my ex's last name because it's my children's last name. Been divorced for ever and never remarried but never had anything to do with him again. So happy to get out of that trap I would never do that again. So it certainly had nothing to do with him or respecting anyone else, except maybe my kids.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
    I think its fine to keep the last name for as long as you want, as long as your not remarried. now, if a woman marries a different man, then i would think its a little odd, that they want to keep their ex husbands last name still. but if they are just divorced and not remarried or anything, i think the woman can keep the name for as long as she wants. personally if i ever got divorced, i would keep my husbands last name for awhile. and then eventually if i got remarried to a different guy, then i would switch it.

    ^ this
  • wareagle8706
    wareagle8706 Posts: 1,090 Member
    I know you asked guys but here's my input.

    My mother kept my fathers last name because they had children together. She wanted to remain "connected" to her children if you will. It just made everything easier for her and my brother and me.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,329 Member
    At the time my ex and I divorced, my kids were still young and in school. In order to make it easier all around, I told my ex I was keeping the name...he had no objection.

    It was kinda funny though. When my ex married his SECOND ex wife, all my kids teachers would call me, "Mrs Jones"....but they had NO idea what to call his wife. Thankfully that problem only lasted a year before she took off. :D
  • Darkskinned88
    Darkskinned88 Posts: 1,177 Member
    my mother and grandmother both kept the names for the children. As a man i wouldn't want my wife to keep the name afterwards, especially if i plan to remarry
  • Crocetti1984
    Crocetti1984 Posts: 25
    I knew someone who was married to (what she says) an abusive husband, but when she got divorced she kept the last name because this particular last name she thought made her sound like a "gift from G-d". The woman was kinda crazy.
  • Shannon2714
    Shannon2714 Posts: 843 Member
    I have never known a man that gives a *kitten* about where his woman's last name came from.

    I also think that if you share that last name with your children, it is preferable to keep it until you were to remarry.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    As an ex, I wouldn't care

    As the "new guy", I wouldn't care.
  • shani251
    shani251 Posts: 145 Member
    I still have my ex's last name for a few reasons - 1) my maiden name is Norwegian and is consistently mispronounced, 2) i built a great career while i had that last name and don't want the mess of oh-by-the-way-my-name-now-is (at least not right now), and 3) i plan on marrying my current boyfriend someday so lets just save some paperwork, shall we? :flowerforyou:
  • cinsuccess
    cinsuccess Posts: 333 Member
    Ultimately it's a personal decision that should be respected by the new person in your life. Personally, because it's such a pain, when I got divorced, I legally changed my name to a whole new name of my choice. I decided that I didn't like my maiden name so I didn't want to go back and I didn't like my ex so I didn't want to keep his - I chose a whole new name that's not attached to anyone or anything but me. If/when I meet someone new, I don't intend to take his name because this is now my name by my own choice. If he doesn't like it, then he's not the right guy for me. :drinker:
  • londaknight
    londaknight Posts: 24 Member
    Aw some men just need something to gripe about. Just like they think it's disrespectful if a woman decides not to take his last name at all. Then she's not committed to the marriage... blah, blah, etc. It's the woman's choice to keep the name, change the name, etc. The name doesn't make the woman, and it definitely does not make the relationship, actions do.
  • jessicae1aine
    jessicae1aine Posts: 885
    I have my ex's last name. I really don't want to make the effort to change everything I own back to my maiden name. Simple as that.
  • korygilliam
    korygilliam Posts: 594 Member
    I changed my last name back, but I didn't have any children. I think if I had children, I would probably keep it for them to prevent confusion. Maybe change it to maiden name after they get out of school...
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,728 Member
    I had a debate with a few guys about this subject. They believe if a woman divorces and keeps her ex's last name its disrespectful to the new guy in her life and means that she isn't truly over her ex or can't fully part with the ex. And God forbids if you were separated for a long time and started dating before the divorce was final and kept the last name - they really said that is disrespectful to the new guy. I didn't agree with this. I am sure that's the motive for "some" women, but most def. not all women. Men what's your views? Would you want your ex to go back to her maiden name? Would you think a woman you are dating isn't over the ex if she kept his last name? Women, please weigh in on this also and please do tell if you kept your last name and why. Thanks MFP

    Changing your last name takes time and money (going to Social Security, DMV, etc). Sometimes, you just don't have the time/money and who cares? Sometimes, if you've been married a while, everyone knows you by that last name, so why change it. If you have children it also makes a lot of sense to keep the same last name as them--makes life easier.

    As for what the ex thinks--who cares? He gave up his right to an opinion when you got divorced.
  • herbalkitty
    herbalkitty Posts: 185 Member
    I've been divorced for 3 years and apart 2 years before that but I still keep his name because its so much hassle contacting everyone to change it and its way easier too because its easy to spell, if I had to give anyone my maiden name they would always ask how to spell it or just guess and get it wrong lol
  • gaylynn35
    gaylynn35 Posts: 854 Member
    I have been separated from my husband for about 12 years now and living with my boyfriend for about 9 years and I just keep the name to be keeping it. I do have 3 kids with the ex, but we actually have never been divorced.
  • melann1974
    melann1974 Posts: 84
    I was married for 8 years to my ex, so when we divorced, I kept his last name. I changed it once I remarried.
  • obrendao
    obrendao Posts: 318
    Ultimately it's a personal decision that should be respected by the new person in your life. Personally, because it's such a pain, when I got divorced, I legally changed my name to a whole new name of my choice. I decided that I didn't like my maiden name so I didn't want to go back and I didn't like my ex so I didn't want to keep his - I chose a whole new name that's not attached to anyone or anything but me. If/when I meet someone new, I don't intend to take his name because this is now my name by my own choice. If he doesn't like it, then he's not the right guy for me. :drinker:

    This is exactly what my aunt and my cousin both did after they got their divorces. My aunt chose an older French name from way back on the family tree and my cousin chose her favorite author's last name. :) They have kept them since even after re-marrying. Cheers! :)
  • Beleg
    Beleg Posts: 227 Member
    My mother and father were married for 35yrs She kept his last name. The reason for this is she has made alot of new friends in her life that knows her as the married name. Plus the hassle of changing your name getting a new drivers license a new social security card. its a pain. It would totally be up to my wife if we were to divorce. If she wants to keep my last name so be it she has been a foley for 20 yrs. if she chooses to go back to carr thats fine to.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I think it is disrespectful

    Please elaborate. Keeping your ex-husband's name is disrespectful?

    Then what if the wife never changed her name in the first place, is that disrespectful?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I had a debate with a few guys about this subject. They believe if a woman divorces and keeps her ex's last name its disrespectful to the new guy in her life and means that she isn't truly over her ex or can't fully part with the ex. And God forbids if you were separated for a long time and started dating before the divorce was final and kept the last name - they really said that is disrespectful to the new guy. I didn't agree with this. I am sure that's the motive for "some" women, but most def. not all women. Men what's your views? Would you want your ex to go back to her maiden name? Would you think a woman you are dating isn't over the ex if she kept his last name? Women, please weigh in on this also and please do tell if you kept your last name and why. Thanks MFP

    I haven't been married, but do these friends of yours have any idea the time, effort and sometimes money is involved in legally changing a name???

    My best friend kept her first husband's last name, but even once she legally changed it to her second husband's name, she didn't change it on Facebook. lol Now she's getting divorced again, but she'll probably keep her current name.
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
    It is so much freaking trouble to change your name.

    This, when I got divorced it was going to cost me money to change my name (we did a quickie downloaded off the internet divorce, so they wanted extra for me to change it)

    Plus, the hassle of getting everything switched over did not appeal to me. When I got re-married, we put my maiden name on the invitations and had the pastor use my maiden name in the ceremony.

    Now I have a child with my husband so if we were ever to divorce, I would keep his name so that it would be easier for my kids.

    One thing is for certain, I did not keep it because I had any left over feelings for my ex. It was just a name at that point.
  • _Triple_S_
    _Triple_S_ Posts: 214 Member
    It is so much work to have to change your name back...filing with social security, every credit card, drivers license, etc...pain in the *kitten*...I dated a guy though who I think it bothered...

    Thing is, I hate my ex but I don't the time or the energy to deal with all that business.
  • Julzanne72
    Julzanne72 Posts: 468 Member
    I went back to my maiden name. I have kids, and they are a part of both of us, but I am no longer his wife, nor did I want to be associated as his wife. I know someone who was married, divorced, remarried, and divorced again....after 2nd divorce went back to her first married last name instead of her maiden name...odd..But I feel too each his
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
    When I was married, I kept my own last name so there wasn't ever an issue when we divorced.
  • krissyliz78
    krissyliz78 Posts: 181 Member
    Its not my ex's last name...It is my kid's last name AND if it is disrespectful to have my kid's last name then you are just not worth it!
  • kittyhasclaws
    kittyhasclaws Posts: 446 Member
    It's a pain in the *kitten* to get your name changed.
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    Thats rediculous. There are many factors that go into play. For starters, it is a lengthy process to have your name changed! everything from social security to insurance to credit cards have to go through a looooot of paperwork and not to mention time. As another person mentioned, children also can sometimes play a part in whether or not a woman changes her name back. Some people have careers with documents and papers attached to his or her name and it would quite a cconfusing pain to change it.
    It is not disrespectful to your new boyfriend or whatever. Thats stupid as s***. It just means you had a life before him.
  • kaseysospacey
    kaseysospacey Posts: 499 Member
    My mom kept it because its a pain to change it and she'd had it for so long (12 years) that everything was using her married name and it wasn't worth the hassle. When she remarried and took her new husband's name it weirded me out and I didn't like that my mom had a different name than me (don't make fun of me, I was a kid still) so I understand the logic of keeping it for your kid.

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