Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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Replies

  • SPBROOKS68
    SPBROOKS68 Posts: 561 Member
    I was married 20 years ---got married when I was 21 so I have been a Brooks almost as long as a Parkerson...I kept the brooks last name because everything is in that name plus my 2 children have that last name.

    NOW if I meet Mr. Wonderful ---and get married then I will take his last name and become Stacy Wonderful:love:
  • MustBeTheRows
    MustBeTheRows Posts: 377 Member
    I don't care what other people do, but I wish my ex didn't have my last name. I don't think she deserves to breath the same oxygen as the rest of us let alone have my last name. But that's my fault for marrying her in the first place.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I went back to my maiden name when I got divorced, even though I do have a child with his last name. Personal choice. And completely worth the "pain in the *kitten*" to me.
  • ShellyKay67
    ShellyKay67 Posts: 489 Member
    kept my ex's last name.......that was my last name for 20 years, so I felt it was ok to keep it. No children, so that wasn't a factor....just a pain to change everything back and like I said, that is what I had been known as for over 20 years! I am hoping one day that another man will give me his last name! : )
  • _granola
    _granola Posts: 326
    I'm never changing my last name. Period.

    My boyfriend (or husband, if we were to get married), on the other hand, could give two fvcks what my last name is.
  • dlwyatt82
    dlwyatt82 Posts: 1,077 Member
    I expect it depends on the laws regarding changing names in the state that you're in. In some places, you legally change your name (which costs money) when you get married, and have to do the same in reverse if you want to change it back after divorce.

    In other states, (and in Ontario, where my wife and I were married), you can legally "assume" your partner's name without actually having to pay for anything or change records, and it since you can still use your maiden name legally as well, switching back is as simple as using the other name when you apply to renew your various forms of ID.
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,728 Member
    I think its fine to keep the last name for as long as you want, as long as your not remarried. now, if a woman marries a different man, then i would think its a little odd, that they want to keep their ex husbands last name still. but if they are just divorced and not remarried or anything, i think the woman can keep the name for as long as she wants. personally if i ever got divorced, i would keep my husbands last name for awhile. and then eventually if i got remarried to a different guy, then i would switch it.

    But what if she built a professional career using her ex-husband's last name, which is technically her last name. Why should she have to change it? What's the difference between keeping that and keeping your maiden name?
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I don't care what other people do, but I wish my ex didn't have my last name. I don't think she deserves to breath the same oxygen as the rest of us let alone have my last name. But that's my fault for marrying her in the first place.

    I really do wish I knew more about this situation, because you have a LOT of hate for that woman *LOL*
  • cestlafete
    cestlafete Posts: 71 Member
    I said this in another thread and I think it bears repeating.

    When it comes to keeping the name 'for the children', you have to tread lightly. If they're really young, it might be better to swap names, especially if dad is not in their lives (for whatever reason). In my case, my mother kept my father's name so we would share it, however when she had another kid with someone different, who immediately denied parentage (and was proven to be the father), she did not want to give him a different name than us, especially considering his father's absence. It ended up being quite a point of contention between my father's family and my mother, as they are all very proud of their family lineage, and my brother is unrelated to them. My father in particular was not happy that another child was running around with his name that wasn't his.

    My mother and brother both nearly changed their names to my grandfather's name (mom's maiden name), however it was deemed to be too costly for them to go through with it. My brother certainly doesn't mind, but it lead to a lot of awkward moments over the years.
  • TaraFTMVA
    TaraFTMVA Posts: 309 Member
    My boyfriends ex asked him permission bc she said it sounds better than her maiden name.....lol. He said he didnt care. She doesnt deserve the last name though IMO (and I know bc we were friends which is how I met my current bf, long story and no I am not a home wrecker :))
  • sandrinamsilva
    sandrinamsilva Posts: 651 Member
    When I married I changed my name to his happily. When I divorced I ran to Social Security office as soon as the Judge told me I was free to change it. I didn't want him or his name.
  • MsHolly731
    MsHolly731 Posts: 54 Member
    Never married, but I know a few women that kept the last name just because the paperwork on changing it EVERYWHERE is just too much of a hassle.
  • badgranola
    badgranola Posts: 67 Member
    I kept the last name after my divorce (about 7 years ago) because we have a son. If I get remarried, I'll change it then, otherwise I am NOT doing all that paperwork.
  • lilybear84
    lilybear84 Posts: 57
    Regardless if you have kids with the ex I would change back to my maiden name..
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,728 Member
    I'm never changing my last name. Period. I bet God will really hate me then.

    My boyfriend (or husband, if we were to get married), on the other hand, could give two fvcks what my last name is. I bet God hates him, too.

    Whoa, how did God get into this?
  • BSchoberg
    BSchoberg Posts: 712 Member
    If I'd known how much trouble it was to change my name, I never would have taken his in the first place! I'm certainly not going through all that again. Plus, it'll bug him - and if we're divorcing, that would probably count as gravy. LOL
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
    It is so much freaking trouble to change your name.

    This is why I kept the exs name till I remarried
  • Michellereducf
    Michellereducf Posts: 168 Member
    Some keep it for personal or professional reasons. Doesn't mean its disrespectful or they aren't over an ex. (P.S.-You can tell by the responses who has never been married/divorced)
  • NicoleElen
    NicoleElen Posts: 86 Member
    First, it is a serious pain in the *kitten* to change your last name. You have no idea how many places you have to contact until you have to do it. When I divorced I kept his last name because it was my son's name. I have since remarried and now have a new last name. I don't think it's disrespectful and it's downright creepy that a woman would keep a name as a sign of some kind of ownership. When I started dating my husband it was never mentioned, he didn't care either way. It's just a name..
  • HeatherNoyes
    HeatherNoyes Posts: 114 Member
    I kept my ex husband's name for 2 reasons. One, because it is the name I have had for 10 years and two it is the same as my children. I am currently with someone and have been for a while and my last name has never been an issue. If someone finds it disrespectful I think it's their problem. When I marry again, I will take his name. I think if you remarry and keep your ex husbands name that is disrespectful.

    Either way, do what you want.
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    When I got divorced, I kept his last name only because of my daughter. I ended up remarrying (see pic) :smile: and took my new husbands last name.

    But, I don't think it's disrespectful really. And yes, it is a HUGE pain the butt to change your name.
  • KristysLosing
    KristysLosing Posts: 683
    It's not just a matter of calling yourself something different! After my father died, I had my last name changed to my mom and stepdad's. It is a legal matter. It was like $300 in 1998. It had to be in the paper for all to see for 3 weeks. And then I had to go to court. It wasn't a huge deal, but really...I'm sure many women are thinking about other things at that time. Not spending the money on getting their name changed. Also, if there are kids...I changed my name because I felt so different, just having a different name. I wouldn't change my name and be different from my kids, unless I married again. Which I don't plan on doing!
  • _Timmeh_
    _Timmeh_ Posts: 2,096 Member
    Ahhhh this hits home.
    My exwife kept my last name, we have kids together.
    Well she got remarried but didn't change her last name to his, then they had a kid together and the last name of that child is my last name hyphenated with his.

    My oldest daughter called (young at the time) confused because she saw a prescription bottle with the last name combinaton and thought when I picked them up her new little sister was coming also.

    True story
  • lilybear84
    lilybear84 Posts: 57
    To says its to difficult to change your last name is just an excuse. When I was married i changed my last name, faxed in my marriage certificate to my credit cards company, car company and so on.. Process took about 2 weeks to get new name at social security office which I admit is a pain in the butt to wait there..

    When I got divorced, did the same process
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,026 Member
    Lol, if they are going through a name change again, then make it a name that can get personal advantages. Like Rockefeller, Gates, Koch, Buffet..........................

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Ahhhh this hits home.
    My exwife kept my last name, we have kids together.
    Well she got remarried but didn't change her last name to his, then they had a kid together and the last name of that child is my last name hyphenated with his.

    My oldest daughter called (young at the time) confused because she saw a prescription bottle with the last name combinaton and thought when I picked them up her new little sister was coming also.

    True story

    I personally find that really weird.
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,978 Member
    if i ever divorced my husband, i'd keep his name. i do not want a different last name than my kids. for some reason, that's really important to me. it has nothing to do with not being over him.
  • graceleigh614
    graceleigh614 Posts: 19
    I kept it because of my kids and I knew I would remarry at some point (I did) so it would not be forever.
  • Huskeryogi
    Huskeryogi Posts: 578 Member
    I'm single, but I probably won't change my name in the first place. I've spent 30 years with this name why would I change it?
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I said this in another thread and I think it bears repeating.

    When it comes to keeping the name 'for the children', you have to tread lightly. If they're really young, it might be better to swap names, especially if dad is not in their lives (for whatever reason). In my case, my mother kept my father's name so we would share it, however when she had another kid with someone different, who immediately denied parentage (and was proven to be the father), she did not want to give him a different name than us, especially considering his father's absence. It ended up being quite a point of contention between my father's family and my mother, as they are all very proud of their family lineage, and my brother is unrelated to them. My father in particular was not happy that another child was running around with his name that wasn't his.

    My mother and brother both nearly changed their names to my grandfather's name (mom's maiden name), however it was deemed to be too costly for them to go through with it. My brother certainly doesn't mind, but it lead to a lot of awkward moments over the years.

    I get that the name in this situation originated with this family, but I doubt you'll ever find a last name that isn't shared by many people you're not related to. Are none of those people entitled to that name?

    I have an extremely rare last name. In fact, I am the only person in the city where I live to have this last name. When I lived in Buffalo, a much bigger area, there were two families with this last name, not related. But as rare as my last name is, there are MANY people (I've come across a few) who share it but are not related to me in any way.

    One is a best-selling author, though, so that's kinda cool.

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